Clearing the road to heal PTSD

PTSD Patrol Changing the Conversation
PTSD Patrol and Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
June 9, 2018

We have got to change the conversation from Suicide Awareness to Healing Awareness! Suicides increase in Florida, country but we have failed at wondering what the hell we got wrong. 

Considering there has been this massive "effort" to change the outcome, no one seems to thinking about changing the FUBAR attempt of "raising awareness" that people were committing suicide. 

I've spent almost my entire life fighting against oblivious fools because I was also one of those who lost hope to the point where death seemed better than one more day on this earth.

No, I didn't try to commit suicide. I prayed I would get out the hospital bed in a body bag. Yes, I was that lost that I wanted the infection trying to kill me, to actually win.

I know what trauma is. I've been facing it since the age of 5, when a doctor not only told my parents I could have died, but used the word "should" have died. He was talking about how two things that happened, should have killed me. There was no earthly reason for surviving the push from the slide that caused me to fall onto the earth...on my head, and no earthly reason the first doctor missing the crack in my scull and the concussion. She told my Mom to take me home to get a good nights sleep.

One thing after another and every time should have caused PTSD in me, but it didn't for a very earthly reason. Nothing was left for me to "get over" on my own. My family had a habit of talking everything to death. It brought me out of the abnormality of what could have killed me, the normality of a safer existence. They never treated me like a victim. They comforted me for a while and then it was full swing into survivor mode.

I got into all this because of my Vietnam veteran husband in 1982 and have not stopped because while I do not know what combat did to him, I know what trauma did to me. I also know what it did not do and why it didn't. It is one of the reasons I spent years training in Crisis Intervention and becoming a Chaplain. 

Taking back my life from "it" was a challenge I was not about to lose and I am not about to let anyone else suffer in silence and fall into hopelessness without one hell of a fight!

I'm trying my best to get people to understand that their lives can get better. After over 29,000 post on this site, hundreds of videos, books and...you get the idea, I started PTSD Patrol because while I have seen the worst outcome too many times, I am a living example of the best outcome of all! I took back my life from the thing that tried to kill me.

Everything on PTSD Patrol is tied to driving. Yes, driving. Everyone can understand how we control where we go, how we get there but few understand how their vehicle works. This ends up with it breaking down! 

We are in our own vehicles! We are not our bodies but we are in them. The goal is simple and that is to make something as complicated as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder into something that if we do not know how to fix it, we go to a mechanic for our minds instead of our vehicles.

If you want to change the outcome, change the conversation! We do not want your money! I've done this work for over 3 decades and lose money every year because it does not cost much to talk or make people aware they can heal. Plus I have a regular job that covers the expenses.

We want your time so if you want to be part of the Road Crew, contact me. On Facebook, I am scoutpreacher and by email woundedtimes@aol.com. For videos on YouTube PTSD Patrol Sunday Morning Empowerment Zone

Kathie Costos DiCesare
Published on Feb 25, 2018
Starting today, we're going to be changing the conversation from suicide to empowerment. The only way to change the outcome, is to help veterans find hope again. They need to know what PTSD is, why they have it, but more than that, they need to know they can take back control of their lives. Lot better than taking their live isn't it?

Check back on Sunday mornings for more.

If you have one of those groups "raising awareness" then please stop talking about what veterans already know how to do and start helping them learn what they need to know, how to #TakeBackYourLife

Understanding the Powertrain

Female Warriors: Train Your Power
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 3, 2018

Earlier this week NPR had a heartbreaking report on female veterans and suicide.

"The suicide rate for female veterans has soared 85 percent in recent years, leading the military, VA and advocacy groups to try new ways to improve women's mental health care during and after service."

That caused me to write about how it was time to put "suicide awareness groups" out of business. Most of them do not know the facts, few focus on the majority of known veterans committing suicide and even less focus on female veterans.

I thought about all the female veterans I've met over the years. Some were suffering but even with that suffering came this survivor attitude that kept them moving forward, doing all they could for others. They trained the power within them so that giving up, settling for what their life was like, was not an option.

Think about what would have happened if these women had given up.
Primer Magazine, Adam Brewton wrote about the powertrain.

Shop Talk: Understanding the Powertrain

"Your car is an integral part of your life and a large investment item. Knowing some basic information will help you better understand what needs fixing when you have to take your car to the shop, and allows you to have a chance at holding your own when your..."

Powertrain

"Also known as the drivetrain, this is the collection of parts that make your vehicle move. It consists of your engine, transmission or transaxle, and drive axle. Notice I said drive axle? You can have an axle that doesn’t power the vehicle, but I’ll cover that in the suspension article."

When you consider that your "vehicle" is your body, then you know, there are also many parts to what helps you move from one place to another.

When your mind (engine) is clogged by contaminates, it is easy to stay stuck right where you are. It is better to clear out the gunk and then use everything that makes up your powertrain.

First, consider why you feel stuck. If it is because you feel as if no one will understand you? A good way to fix that, is to understand yourself first!

Why did you want to serve? Why did you want to put your life on the line for a bunch of strangers? Why did you want to subject yourself to everything that goes with your job, plus all the BS you knew you'd get as a female in a mostly male profession?

You trained your body because you had it in your mind/soul that you were meant to do that job. Courage was fueled by compassion and it was the only road you wanted to be on.

Nope, nothing weak there. You endured your deployments, your missions were completed with little rest and you did not allow yourself to yield to the pain you were in, until it was done. So, nope, nothing weak there either.

You faced bullets, bombs, fires, and betrayal in a lot of cases, but contrary to popular belief, not all cases of PTSD in females were sexual in nature. Some dismiss causes by the same events males went through as "your problem" but you've already proven you were stronger than all of that.

You already proved you are a survivor! So why are you sitting there alone now thinking like a victim? 

Did you know that no one has power over you other what you give them? If they are negative, telling you what is wrong with you, instead of what is strong within you, ignore them. Treat them like a bad driver! Pass them and wave bye as they fade from your rearview mirror. They are part of your past.

Out Here on My Own

Sometimes I wonder where I've been,

Who I am,

Do I fit in.

Make believein' is hard alone,

Out here on my own.

We're always provin' who we are,

Always reachin'

For that risin' star

To guide me far

And shine me home,

Out here on my own.

When I'm down and feelin' blue,

I close my eyes so I can be with you.

Oh, baby be strong for me;

Baby belong to me.

Help me through.

Help me need you.

Until the morning sun appears

Making light

Of all my fears,

I dry the tears

I've never shown,

Out here on my own.

But when I'm down and feelin' blue,

I close my eyes so I can be with you.

Oh, baby be strong for me;

Baby, belong to me.

Help me through.

Help me need you.

Sometimes I wonder where I've been,

Who I am,

Do I fit in.

I may not win,

But I can't be thrown,

Out here on my own,

Out here on my own.

Songwriters: Lesley Gore / Michael Gore

Out Here on My Own lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

You do not have to be out there on your own considering there are over 2 million other female veterans in this country. Plus, consider the number of female police officers, firefighters, members of the National Guards, Reserves, Coast Guard, Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force.

Still think you are out here on your own? You are not using your power to train yourself to heal. It is a journey and there are others who have cleared the road for you. You won't know where they will lead you to until you decide to get on the road.

PTSD Patrol Empowerment Zone Memorial Day

Leaving Pain Behind You
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 27, 2018 

Commuter: Drives down same road without change.

Sightseer: Just looking at what others found.

Adventurer: Drives down new road to see where it goes.

Pioneer: Makes the roads everyone else takes.

What type of driver are you? Do you look forward to the next part of your journey, or do you constantly look in the rear view mirror?

If you escaped death in the service of others, why wonder where it is now? Why think that the others were worth saving, but you are not? Why look at things through the darkness surrounding you as if there is all there is?

It depends on where your light source is.

These pictures were taken at Glen Haven Memorial Park, at the same time, with the same camera and the same settings. 

There are things we see, then, there are things we just imagine. You may imagine that the pain you feel right now is all there is. Do you want to see things with a different light source?

Then look at the reasons you were willing to die for others to find the reason to live for yourself.

Time to leave the cemetery in the rear view mirror and take back your life from the pain you feel right now.

PTSD Patrol:Where did you leave your keys?

Lost key ring
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 20, 2018

You are ready to go on a journey. You gather up everything you need. Ready to head out the door, you discover your keys are not where you thought they were. Frantically, you search the clothes you had on the day before. You look all over, and then as your heart begins to race, you look again.

When you do not find them, you start to wonder if you left them someplace else. Well, considering you got back home with them, they have to be where you are, but must be hiding.

Sooner or later, you decide it is best to retrace your steps. Best place for that to start is at the beginning...in your car.

You soon discover your keys are still in the ignition.

It is the same as with your life. All too often, we forget to turn the key and turn our imagination on.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)

If you spent your time risking your life for others, that desire had to have come from somewhere. Right? After all, it is not "normal" for humans to rush toward danger instead of running from it. It is not what the majority of the other humans do. It is what the people we call heroes do.

Thinking about what it takes to do that, you should also understand that other than courage and a fast thinking brain, you are also equipped with what it takes to heal from doing it.

This weeks empowerment message comes from OEF-OIF veteran helicopter pilot Bob Roebuck served seven full tours. He spent time showing me around to see the huge vehicles at Spikes Tactical  earlier this week. 

As big and tough as these vehicles are, they will not go anywhere unless the driver finds the keys~

 Keep in mind that Bob is over 6 feet tall!

Among other helicopters, he flew Apaches.

How Stuff Works explains Apaches them like this.

The Apache helicopter is a revolutionary development in the history of war. It is essentially a flying tank -- a helicopter designed to survive heavy attack and inflict massive damage. It can zero in on specific targets, day or night, even in terrible weather. As you might expect, it is a terrifying machine to ground forces.

In this article, we'll look at the Apache's amazing flight systems, weapons systems, sensor systems and armor systems. Individually, these components are remarkable pieces of technology. Combined together, they make up an unbelievable fighting machine -- the most lethal helicopter ever created.

Knowing how much courage that took to fly these helicopters for that long, you have a better idea of how important it was for him to share his experiences. Why? Because just like in combat, Bob is watching out for the men and women he calls family!

Part Two

If you have not found your keys yet, they right where you left them. Isn't it time to find them for the drive of your life? You won't heal PTSD just sitting in the driver's seat. 

Let them know to #TakeBackYourLife

Let them know to #TakeBackYourLife
Combat PTSD and PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 13, 2018

Judging just the outcome, it is obvious that those who risk their lives, in the military, law enforcement, as firefighters and emergency responders, have not really mattered. How could anyone pretend they matter when the one simple thing that could help them want to live, is ignored? The one simple message they have been getting has been shared millions of times but that message has been death, not about reasons to stay here.

I was furious earlier when a "friend" on Facebook has joined forces with a group I consider the enemy. They are famous for quoting a number without knowing what was truth and what was a headline.

This is the message I left.

 (clarified now that my temper has cooled down)

I have started to "unfriend" people who have not paid attention to the work I do, and have done for 36 years! Spreading a rumor on a number has only reinforced the fact these veterans believe they do not matter. If they did not even matter enough for you to read the damn reports, then they really don't matter. If you do nothing for the majority of the veterans committing suicide, the known ones anyway, then you are a fake. 65% are over the age of 50, so tell me how anyone is supposed to believe you actually care if you ignore them?

If you support or push the "22 a day" or even "20 a day" groups of people running around the country, you are part of the problem and that, that makes you no friend of mine.

I had this designed because a plow clears the road so others can move forward. In this case, it is the crap that others have put in the way that leaves veterans trapped~ So if you get out of the way of them being able to heal, let me know. Otherwise, stay out of my lane! 

They want to make it easy and fun for them? They want to make money off them? For what? Pretending they give a shit? If their "job" depends on veterans committing suicide then hell, why bother to do anything to change the outcome?

We are talking about men and women who valued life so much, they were willing to die to save someone else. Even if they died for just one other person, they would have considered them worth it. These same people cannot find a reason to save their own!

How can they when all they hear is a message that is nothing more than a slogan of a dead end? I am so sick and tired or all these people screaming about what they are doing when the ones needing to be saved suffer silently!

I ask you, what are you doing to make a difference? What are you doing to put the "awareness" groups out of business? That can only happen one of two ways. Veterans stop killing themselves or the donations stop going to them and start going to groups actually doing the work for ALL VETERANS to stay alive. Either way, veterans win and all these groups get out of the way!

Did it ever once dawn on any of them that a lot of veterans end up risking their lives as responders?

This is about firefighters committing suicide. You know, the ones who rush into burning buildings when everyone else is running away. The same ones who have to get through the traffic jam you complain about so they can recover bodies and save the survivors who inconvenienced you.

Firefighters from around the area gathered for the Elgin Area Firefighters’ Memorial Service at the Elgin Fire Barn No. 5 Museum on Saturday. 

(Gloria Casas / Courier-News)

“In 2017, there were 103 documented firefighter suicides in America, whereas there were 93 line-of-duty deaths,” Schilling said. “This statistic is staggering. The fire service and firefighters alike are known for their resilience in the face of adversity. The fire service is known for problem recognition and determining solutions to save lives. I ask you, ‘What if you can make a difference? If not you, then who?’”

This is about police officers committing suicide. You know, the ones being attacked all over social media for responding to save lives, including the ones who blame all of them for what a few do. 

Officer Grijalva reportedly took his own life while off duty. He had been with the department for three years. Prior to that, he served in the United States Marine Corps. The family says they believed Officer Grijalva was displaying signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They say they informed the police department about the PTSD, that the officer had threatened suicide, and that they'd found a handwritten suicide note before his death, but the department "did nothing."

If you want to help clear the crap out of their way, then join the road crew!

Go to PTSD Patrol where this post is and leave your email so that we can get this out of their way!