But the fighter still remains

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 3, 2021

"Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest." Those words are from today's featured video, Simon and Garfunkel, The Boxer. It is a song about not giving up, no matter how many times you get knocked down.

What is it you want to hear? You probably want to hear that life can get better. That you are a fighter too.

"In the clearing stands a boxer

And a fighter by his trade

And he carries the reminders

Of every glove that laid him down

And cut him till he cried out

In his anger and his shame

"I am leaving, I am leaving"

But the fighter still remains, he's still remains"

What you should disregard is anything telling you to "deal with it" or "give up" or "get over it" because if you survived whatever cause PTSD, then you did because you fought to do it. You didn't give up then and don't have to give up now. You didn't survive whatever it was on your own and you don't have to fight against it by yourself now.

This song always reminds me of people fighting PTSD. You carry the reminder of what caused PTSD and tried to knock you down. It is time to kick its ass!

"After changes upon changes

We are more or less the same"

Most of "who" you were before PTSD, is still all there. PTSD is change and you can change again for the better if you fight to take back your life.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The Boxer

Simon and Garfunkel 

The Concert in Central Park 

I am just a poor boy

Though my story's seldom told

I have squandered my resistance

For a pocketful of mumbles

Such are promises

All lies and jest

Still, a man hears what he wants to hear

And disregards the rest

When I left my home and my family

I was no more than a boy

In the company of strangers

In the quiet of the railway station

Running scared

Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters

Where the ragged people go

Looking for the places only they would know

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Asking only workman's wages

I come looking for a job

But I get no offers

Just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue

I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome

I took some comfort there

La-la-la-la-la-la-la

Now the years are rolling by me

They are rocking evenly

And I am older than I once was

And younger than I'll be

But that's not unusual

No, it isn't strange

After changes upon changes

We are more or less the same

After changes we are

More or less the same

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Then I'm laying out my winter clothes

Wishing I was gone

Going home

Where the New York City winters aren't bleeding me

Leading me

To going home

In the clearing stands a boxer

And a fighter by his trade

And he carries the reminders

Of every glove that laid him down

And cut him till he cried out

In his anger and his shame

"I am leaving, I am leaving"

But the fighter still remains, he's still remains

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Thank you, good night

Thank you, thanks

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Edmund John Simons / Thomas Owen Mostyn Rowlands / Timothy Allan Burgess

The Boxer lyrics © Paul Simon Music, Warner/chappell Music Ltd 

We seem to have a habit of forgetting even Jesus needed suppor

Today is Eastern Orthodox Easter. I am spending it with my family and there will not be a video for today. I was going through some older posts and came across this from 2017. It was posted on my older site, but still applies to today.

This time, you have to start with saving your own life
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
April 15, 2017

Tomorrow is Easter for Christians around the world. The day Jesus defeated death after everyone thought He had failed to deliver on the promises He made. Think about that for a second. Think of those who knew Him best believing it was all for nothing.

Did they think He should have killed off the Roman soldiers and saved Himself to prove the power of His Father? Did they think they just wasted three years of their lives, enduring hardships as homeless travelers seeking the kindness of strangers as they tried to deliver the messages of hope, love and the promise of redemption?

Doing the right things for the right reasons is never easy. Jesus struggled with what He knew He had to do in the Garden but even as He accepted the decision of God to fulfill His mission, He was torn between what He had to do and what He wanted to do. Yet He was willing to pay that price.

Gethsemane 36Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them,“Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled.38Then he said to them,“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” Matthew 26:36-46New International Version (NIV)

We seem to have a habit of forgetting even Jesus needed support. He was filled with sorrow.

There is a quote that has always bothered me because it seems so unfair.
What does the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished" mean?

Hyun Kim, former . at U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

Written 18 Feb
For Christians, being punished or persecuted by others — even by friends and family — for doing the right thing is just par for the course. It is the epitome of martyrdom and reminds me of the Beatitudes in Matthew 5: 10–12~

“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and celebrate, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you…” (Matt. 5:10–12)

I also like the verse from James 1: 2–4~

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “

But just as God had magnificent plans for Jesus and He completed the mission, God also had a mission for you. 

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

If you are risking your life for the sake of others, you need to be reminded that ability came as a package deal. Everything you needed to pull you into that direction, was within your spirit. You wouldn't have been happy doing something selfish or for the sake of money. Still there is one more thing that was also in you from the beginning. The ability to heal from doing what was asked of you.

"It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life."  John 6:63

There is a passage that speaks directly to you if you are among those chosen to spend your life dedicated toward saving the lives of others.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

That great love is why you feel so much pain within your spirit. You feel it all more than others. It is not "weakness" that consumes you, but the strength of your emotional core.

How is it that you can understand a regular person being stuck by PTSD from one event when you are enduring them over and over again but cannot understand your own pain?

The spirit within you is equipped to defeat the worst your mission did to you. You trusted the guidance of your spirit when you decided to choose the jobs as serving, protecting and defending strangers and you need to trust it now to heal.

As the followers of Jesus spent these three days in darkness, forgetting all He said would happen, so have you lived in the darkness of doubting the fact that those you served with were willing to die for you. As you did for them, but if you do not trust them enough to ask them for help to stay alive, then you need to ask yourself why you are above asking for help now when you spent your life helping others.

Do you think you are supposed to be stronger than Jesus?

38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

It is true that "no good deed goes unpunished" and no good do'er is ever left to pay that price by themselves.



Let this night be the start of your own resurrection and you awake to the promises being fulfilled in your own life so you can continue to do the mission you were sent here to do. There are many more lives you can save now, but this time, you have to start with saving your own life.

The Beatitudes

He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

"Sometimes darkness can show you the light" Disturbed

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 1, 2021

"Sometimes darkness can show you the light" is one of the most powerful things to say. It gives hope that the dark days will not last forever. You will not always feel trapped by the pain of your memories. As long as you open your eyes, you will be shown the way out of the darkness and into the light.

Disturbed, The Light is the featured video today. If you want to save lives, this is how you do it. You give people hope that it can get better. You don't remind them of how many others have given up, but you do remind the of how many have, not only survived, but healed. Too many give up because they do not know what is possible. They do not not know how much power they have to fight against the darkness that surrounds them. 

I don't like being around negative people. I worked in a lot of offices over the years. I hung around with happy people but did not avoid negative ones. I usually tried to find out why they were the way they were. I didn't ask a thousand questions but I listened to them a thousand times, trying to figure out what they need. Sometimes they had a hard life. Knowing what that felt like, I knew what they needed to hear from me because I made it out of that darkness. Sometimes they lost a lot of people in their life. Knowing what that was like, I knew what they needed to hear.

That is what people do when they make it out of misery and into happiness.

There is not much I can say that will come close to the power of the lyrics of this song, so I am keeping this short. When you listen to it, you will feel the power of it too and then, find hope that you can not just make it out of darkness too, but pull someone else out of afterwards.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The Light

Disturbed

Like an unsung melody

The truth is waiting there for you to find it

It's not a blight, but a remedy

A clear reminder of how it began

Deep inside your memory

Turned away as you struggled to find it

You heard the call as you walked away

A voice of calm from within the silence

And for what seemed an eternity

You're waiting, hoping it would call out again

You heard the shadow reckoning

Then your fears seemed to keep you blinded

You held your guard as you walked away

When you think all is forsaken

Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)

You need never feel broken again

Sometimes darkness can show you the light

An unforgivable tragedy

The answer isn't' where you think you'd find it

Prepare yourself for the reckoning

For when your world seems to crumble again

Don't be afraid, don't turn away

You're the one who can redefine it

Don't let hope become a memory

Let the shadow permeate your mind and

Reveal the thoughts that were tucked away

So that the door can be opened again

Within your darkest memories

Lies the answer if you dare to find it

Don't let hope become a memory

When you think all is forsaken

Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)

You need never feel broken again

Sometimes darkness can show you the light

Sickening, weakening

Don't let another somber pariah consume your soul

You need strengthening, toughening

It takes an inner dark to rekindle the fire burning in you

Ignite the fire within you

When you think all is forsaken

Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)

You need never feel broken again

Sometimes darkness can show you the light

Don't ignore, listen to me now (all is not forsaken)

You need never feel broken again

Sometimes darkness

Can show you the light

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dan Donegan / David Draiman / Kevin Churko / Mike Wengren

The Light lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

head is a mess and need time to just decompress

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 30, 2021

Sometimes you just have to take a day when you need to take care of you. Days when you don't want to do anything other than rest. We all have those days, with or without PTSD. This is why today the featured video is Five Finger Death Punch I'm A Bit Little Off Today. 

Part of the lyrics is telling people to just F-off. Obviously when you are having those off days, the last thing you want is for someone to be expecting you to do something you just don't have in you to do. On those days, I want a pajama day! I want to take care of me and I don't want to do the video or the post for the day. Finding anything inspirational to say when I don't even want to brush my hair or teeth just seems futile..and torturous for me.

I don't want to be the go to person, or the one who gets things done, fixes anything, takes care of anything or anyone but myself. My head is a mess and I need time to just decompress, so I do. I give into it once in a while. Then I regain strength and come out stronger.

I had to discover that after many attempts to just push through it and recovery back to my usual self took longer. Now I know better. My head and my body, just like my spirit, know when rest is needed. So does yours. Give into it but don't make it a habit.

The other thing is, if you have been healing and, like most, you turn around trying to help someone else, you need to know that everyone is not willing to do the work. They just want someone to listen to them and not willing to change or fix a damn thing in their life.

I had that happen a few times over the years. I remember working with a civilian at the time I was just working with veterans and their families. He had PTSD from a fatal car accident, but I agreed to help him anyway. I got him to understand what PTSD was and then he agreed to get professional help but he only did it for a little while. The only time he contacted me was when he was in crisis and I'd spend hours on the phone with him. He'd agree to do what I suggested but by the next time he called in crisis, it was clear he didn't do a damn thing.

I felt sorry for him because everyone in his life walked away, and then I understood why they did. By the 30th phone call, I told him I couldn't help him anymore. I was just an average person and he was ripping my heart out. There is only so much help I could give him and only so much I am capable of doing. The only thing he really followed through with was going to get the financial help I sent him to. He got pissed off at me, but the last time I heard from him, he did get help from a professional... finally.

That was how I learned to just say enough is enough. When I saw the video from this song, that was what I related to. Just taking some time for myself for the rest of the day, doing take-out for dinner and putting my PJ's back on! You need to do that too for yourself once in a while.

 

So, yes, you do need to take some time to take care of you when you are "a little bit off" and need to.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I'm a little bit off today

Five Finger Death Punch

I'm a little bit off today, something down inside me's different

Woke up a little off today, I can tell that something's wrong

I'm a little thrown off today, there's something going on inside me

I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off today

(I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off)

See, I'm a little bit off today, I cannot put my finger on it

Got up a little off today, just to play that same old song

I don't really wanna try today, I see nothing in my reflection

I'm a little bit dry today, feel like I could die today

Feel like I could die today

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)

I'm a little pissed off today and there ain't nothing you can do about it

I'm a little put off today and I could not tell you why

Got a really short fuse today, everyone around me's fucking crazy

I'm a little ticked off today, a little pissed off today

(I'm a little bit off today)

I told a little white lie today, I smiled and told someone I loved them

I had to say goodbye today to someone that I love

I couldn't even cry today, I think my heart is finally broken

Didn't need a reason why today, I don't need a reason why today

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)

I got a little too high today, got lost inside a sea of madness

Crashed a little bit hard today, crashed a little too hard today

Everybody sing

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)

Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)

I'm a little bit off today

Something down inside me feels so different

Just a little bit off today

You can all fuck off today

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Jason Hook / Kevin Churko / Zoltan Bathory

A Little Bit Off lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

when you have PTSD some songs have wrong message for you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 29, 2021

Someone suggested Wilson Phillips Hold On. The only thing I could think, was they didn't listen to the lyrics. If they did, then they'd know this song is not helpful, even though it is popular. The song was perfect for the movie Brides Maids because the main character messed up her own life but when you have PTSD it is the wrong message for you.

The song is a good song and I like listening to it but mission of PTSD Patrol is to help you understand what PTSD is and how much power you have over it. The songs are carefully chosen to deliver the message of the day. I read the lyrics and search to find an offical video for the post. Sometimes it is about helping you hear what you feel when you cannot find the words to express them. Other times it is to change your mood. Other times it is to offer comfort and let you know that no one is happy all the time. Mostly it is about making it feel a lot better living your life as a survivor of whatever caused PTSD.

I really appreciate song suggestions. The only music I listen to are from the 70's, 80's and 90's. I'm old and I don't really listen to new music. When people send suggestions, I end up with great songs like the ones from Disturbed Sound of Silence and Five Finger Death Punch Wrong Side of Heaven. Please keep them coming if they help you with PTSD.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Hold On

Wilson Phillips

I know there's pain (I know there's pain)

Why do you lock yourself up in these chains? (These chains)

No one can change your life except for you

Don't ever let anyone step all over you

Just open your heart and your mind (Mmm)

Is it really fair to feel, this way inside? (Woah)

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye

Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change

Things'll go your way

If you Hold On for one more day

Can you Hold On for one more day?

Things'll go your way

Hold On for one more day

You could sustain (You could sustain)

Hm, or are you comfortable with the pain?

You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness (No, baby)

You got yourself into your own mess (Ooh)

Lettin' your worries pass you by (Lettin' your worries pass you by)

Baby, don't you think it's worth your time

To change your mind? (No, no)

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye

Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change

Things'll go your way

If you Hold On for one more day

Can you Hold On for one more day?

Things'll go your way (Oh, things'll go your way)

Hold On for one more day

I know that there is pain, but you

Hold On for one more day, and ya

Break free from the chains

Yeah I know that there is pain, but you

Hold On for one more day, and ya

Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye (and say goodbye)

Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change (Know)

Things'll go your way

If you Hold On for one more day, yeah

If you Hold On

Don't you know, things could change

Things could go your way

If you Hold On for one more day

Can you Hold On

Can you Hold On

Mmm, can you Hold On, baby

Won't you tell me now

Hold On for one more day, 'cause

It's gonna go your way

Don't you know, things could change

Things could go your way

If you Hold On for one more day, yeah

Can't you change it this time

Make up your mind

Hold On, Hold On

Baby Hold On

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Ballard Glen / Phillips Chynna / Wilson Carnie

Hold On lyrics © Universal Music Corp., Duchess Music Corp., Arlovol Music, Mca Music Publishing, A.d.o. Universal Studios