guide to take back our life

June 26, 2021

The new site for PTSD Patrol is up and running. New blog posts will begin there on June 27, 2021. This site will remain up.

trauma in the night

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 25, 2021

Right now, most people are talking about the missing in Surfside Florida. The ten year old boy rescued has just discovered his mother is one of the people who died. First Surfside condo collapse victim identified as Stacie Fang, mother of rescued boy reported by the Miami Herald.

SURVIVORS RECOUNT HARROWING ESCAPE FROM COLLAPSED CONDO
1 p.m.: Alfredo and Marian Lopez were sound asleep around 1:30 a.m. Thursday when they heard the first boom, like a crash of thunder from a Florida squall. Only louder.

“I woke up and thought we’re just having a bad thunderstorm,” Alfredo, 61, later told the Miami Herald. The noise jolted him from sleep in his sixth-floor apartment at the northwest corner of Champlain Towers South in Surfside.

So did Bruno Treptow, 62, who was sleeping in his unit exactly two floors above, in the same corner of the 40-year-old, 12-story condo tower. (read more on above link)

If you survived, or still searching for one of the 159 still missing, now is the time to get help.

If you think you need to stay strong for everyone else, you are partially correct. The only way to do that is to open up and ask for help now, so that you can be a strong example of what to do. If you are thinking that you need to hold in your emotions, then they will begin to take over until they have so much power over you, that PTSD will most likely take hold too.

Right now you can break the chain from trauma to suffering a life altering change. Surviving a traumatic event like this was hard enough. Don't make it harder than it should be.

Chaplains and crisis intervention teams have already been deployed. Turn to them. Turn to each other and lean on one another. Give and receive strength together.

Not Alone

RED

Slowly fading away

You're lost and so afraid

Where is the hope in a world so cold?

Looking for a distant light

Someone who can save a life

Living in fear that no one will hear your cry

(Can you save me now?)

I am with you

I will carry you through it all

I won't leave you, I will catch you

When you feel like letting go

'Cause you're not, you're not alone

Your heart is full of broken dreams

Just a fading memory

And everything's gone but the pain carries on

Lost in the rain again

When will it ever end?

The arms of relief seem so out of reach

But I, I am here

I am with you

I will carry you through it all

I won't leave you, I will catch you

When you feel like letting go

'Cause you're not, you're not alone

And I will be your hope when you feel like it's over

And I will pick you up when your whole world shatters

And when you're finally in my arms

You'll look up and see, love has a face

I am with you

I will carry you through it all

I won't leave you, I will catch you

When you feel like letting go

'Cause you're not, you're not alone

And I will be your hope (you're not alone)

And I will pick you up

And I will be your hope

And I will be your hope

Slowly fading away

You're lost and so afraid

Where is the hope in a world so cold?

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jasen Rauch / Mark L Holman / Robert Douglas Iii Graves

Not Alone lyrics © Emi Blackwood Music Inc., Logansong Music

Wednesday night the people living in the Champlain Towers, Surfside Florida, went to sleep with plans for the next day. Early Thursday morning, that was all destroyed. As of Friday morning, there were 4 dead and 159 remain missing.

Now is the time to reach out for help because the days will be harder for a while. Chaplains have been deployed there and they are trained to help you.

If you are thinking you need to be strong to help others, then let that motivate you to be an example by asking for help because you need it. That will allow them to feel free to ask for it too. #BreakTheSilence

Why is focusing on the spiritual needs of people with PTSD is important?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 24, 2021

There seems to be a lot of confusion out there about what faith is in America is now. This shows in the drop of people attending buildings of worship and the rise in suicides.

Why is focusing on the spiritual needs of people with PTSD is important? PTSD hits the emotional part of our brains. That is where our souls live.

Considering how many groups popped up all over the country because of the report from the Department of Veterans Affairs about veterans committing suicide, the fact that more Americans commit suicide without much attention at all.

A lot of them had PTSD but did not find the hope and help they needed to heal. We know this by all the reports of military, veterans and first responders with PTSD committing suicide. What we are not reminded of as often, is how many civilians give up too.

Suicide is a Leading Cause of Death in the United States
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) WISQARS Leading Causes of Death Reports, in 2019:

Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of over 47,500 people.
Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 44.
There were nearly two and a half times as many suicides (47,511) in the United States as there were homicides (19,141).

That was the last report they have listed. Right now no one is sure how many with all the turmoil this country has gone through over the last couple of years, but one thing is clear, there is only one reason people commit suicide. They lost hope that life could get better. Losing the ability to believe in that, even just for a little while, takes away hope.

If they cannot find hope that the next day can be better, and no one gives it to them, it is a battle they lose. This is why suicide awareness does not work. It robs them of hope, putting a spotlight on all those who gave up on their own lives...and everyone else.

Less than half of Americans attend worship service now according to Gallop

People leave the building when they do not find what they need inside of it. Usually there are many reasons but the basic one is, they had a problem big enough they felt drained instead of filled as they walked out the door.

People also confuse the building with God Himself. They tend to believe that God wants nothing to do with them, or turned away from them, and they abandon that relationship entirely. Once that link to what they believe in has been severed, a piece of them is empty.

If this has been the case for you, then please know that you do not have to be in a building, or a group, or pledge anything to anyone for the privilege of praying. You can talk to God wherever you are, wearing whatever you are wearing and speak in your own words.

If you doubt this, remember, Jesus prayed outside most of the time. When He delivered the Sermon On The Mount, it was not in a building. It was on top of a hill.

Introduction to the Sermon on the Mount

5 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them.
The Beatitudes
He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

If you read the rest of it, then you'll see how much else we get wrong all the time. Notice the difference between what He was preaching when the leaders of the Hebrew people were were saying something totally different.

Don't blame God for what people do. Don't think He turned away from you, just because some people made you feel as if you didn't belong with them.

Today's feature video is Kris Kristofferson, Why Me.

Kris Kristofferson Biography

He believed that songwriting is a spiritual communion of mind, body, and soul, and he believed that William Blake was correct in asserting that anyone divinely ordered for spiritual communion but buries his talent will be pursued by sorrow and desperation through life and by shame and confusion for eternity.

“(Blake) is telling you that you’ll be miserable if you don’t do what you’re supposed to do,” Kristofferson said in the Ken Burns’ documentary Country Music.

Kristofferson’s devotion to spiritual communion brought much in the way of sorrow, desperation, and misery, but it led to triumph.

Maybe it is time to fill yourself back up with hope by discovering what you can still hope for?

Years ago, I did a video because a lot of veterans thought that they were being punished by God because of PTSD. It is called PTSD Is Not God's Judgment. I have no idea why it is age restricted but that is the link to it.

I hope it helps. That is the video today because I don't think I can explain it any better today than I did in that video.

Why Me

Kris Kristofferson

Why me Lord, what have I ever done

To deserve even one

Of the pleasures I've known

Tell me Lord, what did I ever do

That was worth loving you

Or the kindness you've shown.

Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so

Help me Jesus I know what I am

Now that I know that I've need you so

Help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.

Tell me Lord, if you think there's a way

I can try to repay

All I've taken from you

Maybe Lord, I can show someone else

What I've been through myself

On my way back to you.

Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so

Help me Jesus I know what I am

Now that I know that I've need you so

Help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Kris Kristofferson

Why Me lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

 

Bonus from A Star Is Born

why I always do the videos from my garage

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 23, 2021

(This is for the new PTSD Patrol site to explain things the new readers may not know. If you already know all this, then please just enjoy The Beatles video)

My name is Kathie Costos. For decades I was known as Namguardianangel. I couldn't afford the website anymore, so I had to let it go. In 2007 I started Wounded Times and in 2017 PTSD Patrol began as a way to change the conversation from doom and gloom to hope and healing.

You may wonder why I always do the videos from my garage. That is because that is where my vehicle rests. We know so much more about the vehicles we drive, than the one we live in. This is a way to explain it.

(Today's video is a long one to explain it to people who discover this on the new site. You may learn something too.)

The only thing I didn't cover in the video was why I use music. It changes our moods. It puts words to what we feel but cannot communicate. The other reason is, it reminds us that other people felt the same way too or they wouldn't have been able to write the lyrics. Another reason is, I never drive without the radio on!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

HELP

The Beatles

(Help!) I need somebody

(Help!) Not just anybody

(Help!) You know I need someone

(Help!)

When I was younger so much younger than today

I never needed anybody's help in any way

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured

Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being 'round

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Won't you please, please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways

My independence seems to vanish in the haze

But every now and then I feel so insecure

I know that I just need you like I've never done before

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being 'round

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Won't you please, please help me?

When I was younger, so much younger than today

I never needed anybody's help in any way

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured

Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being 'round

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Won't you please, please help me?

Help me? Help me? Ooh

Genius.com

I went from zero, to my own hero

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 16, 2021

If someone you know needs help, do you help them? If someone you know needs to talk, do you listen? Why don't you when the person you know better than anyone else, needs that from you? That would be YOU and the best way to help yourself is to ask for help from someone else, the same way you'd help them.

How many times do you need to be reminded of that? If you are the type of person who always rushed to help someone, your emotions paid a price for that. What if you did it multiple times? Did you take care of yourself afterwards or did you just decide to "get over it" and forget about it? Not dealing with it and addressing what you needed to give yourself in return, did not help you recover what you gave away. All it did was zap away more of your strength. If you kept giving more and more of yourself away, it only makes sense that you get to a point where your strength is gone.

With nothing left to give, it is depressing because you still want to help but have nothing to give away anymore. Time to fill yourself up so you can be able to do what you love to do....be a hero to yourself and then you can.

Today the featured video is Katy Perry ROAR!

If you made your living helping others, sooner or later, you run empty. Is it your pride, ego, or arrogance that is getting in your way? Thinking you shouldn't ask for help somehow made sense to you? Seriously? What kind of a message does that send when you are telling everyone else to ask for help and you'll be there if you are never willing to ask for it for yourself?

When you have nothing left to give and cannot help anyone, it is a depressing hell you trapped yourself in. Helping others is a part of you and if you cannot do it, then you are probably making people around you miserable too because they are wondering why you won't help them.

Isn't it time you asked and then set a better example? Then you can tell them to ask for help because you did. Tell them that there is nothing to be ashamed of, because you were not ashamed to ask for help when you needed it. You can also explain to them what it was like when you went from feeling like a zero to hero again.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Roar

Katy Perry

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess

So I sat quietly, agreed politely

I guess that I forgot I had a choice

I let you push me past the breaking point

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (hey)

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up (hey)

Get ready 'cause I've had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter

Dancing through the fire

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than a lion

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

You're gonna hear me roar

Now I'm floatin' like a butterfly

Stinging like a bee, I earned my stripes

I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (hey)

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up (hey)

Get ready 'cause I've had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter

Dancing through the fire

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than a lion

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

You're gonna hear me roar

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (you'll hear me roar)

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

You're gonna hear me roar

Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter

Dancing through the fire

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than a lion

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (yeah)

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

You're gonna hear me roar

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (you'll hear me roar)

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

You're gonna hear me roar

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Lukasz Gottwald / Max Martin / Bonnie Leigh McKee / Katy Perry / Henry Walter

Roar lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Concord Music Publishing LLC 

"Can you imagine how I feel today?"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 15, 2021

"Can you imagine how I feel today?" is a question no one would have to ask if they talked...and someone listened. No relationship can last if they do not talk to each other about a hell of a lot more than dinner or who does what chores.

How many times have you been out to eat and look around, seeing most of the people looking at their cell phones instead of talking to the people they are with? The social media people are getting all their attention but not the person they are with. It is really bad when young parents are on their cellphones while their young child is throwing french fries at other tables. (Yes I saw that a time or two.)

A lot of relationships end with just regular problems. Add PTSD to the trouble list along with refusing to talk about what is going on and you end up causing a lot of imagination overload for your partner. They know you're hiding something, but since you won't tell them, they start assuming it has something to do with them.

If you are pushing them away at the same time you are not talking, which happens a lot, then you may get it sooner than you think when you push them too far away...and they walk away,

Can you imagine how they feel today? Today the featured video is Cliff Richard, We Don't Talk Anymore. 

There must have been a time when you did talk and actually acted like you wanted to spend time with them, not with distractions. There must have been a time when you actually looked into their eyes when they talked to you as if they deserved your attention. Above all, there must have been a time when you trusted them enough to share what was on your mind.

How about you try to do all that again before they walk away from you?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

We Don't Talk Anymore (2001 Remaster)

Cliff Richard

Used to think that life was sweet

Used to think we were so complete

I can't believe you'd throw it away

Used to feel we had it made

Used to feel we could sail away

Can you imagine how I feel today?

Well, it seems a long time ago

You were the lonely one

Now it comes to letting go

You are the only one

Do you know what you've done?

It's so funny how we don't talk anymore

It's so funny, why we don't talk anymore

But I ain't losing sleep and I ain't counting sheep

It's so funny how we don't talk anymore

Oh, we don't talk, ooh

Well, it really doesn't matter to me

I guess your leaving was meant to be

It's down to you now, you wanna be free

Well, I hope you know which way to go

You're on your own again

Don't come crying to me when you're the lonely one

Remember what you've done

Oh, it's so funny how we don't talk anymore

It's so funny, why we don't talk anymore

But I ain't losing sleep and I ain't counting sheep

No, no, no

It's so funny how we don't talk anymore, anymore

Oh, we don't talk anymore

Ooh, we don't talk anymore

But I ain't, no, losing sleep

No, I ain't counting sheep

No, no, no, no

It's so funny how we don't talk anymore, anymore

Oh, we don't talk, oh, we don't talk

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: A Tarney

We Don't Talk Anymore (2001 Remaster) lyrics © Sony/atv Music Publishing (uk) Limited 

When you feel your life's too hard

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

June 14, 2021

I was searching for a video on the need to talk when I heard Stevie Wonder, Have A Talk With God. The line, "Never communicating with the One who lives within," really got me. I was thinking about all the times someone told me they have a hard time asking for help. I'm not sure if they are ashamed they need it, or ashamed of not having anyone to ask for it.

In my case, I have no problem asking for help but no one I know can help me with what I need help with, so I talk to God. Who am I kidding? Pretty much I talk to Him about everything! He has been in my life all my life and the only one I have trusted all my life. It is hard to not trust Him considering He already knows everything about me. Sometimes I trust Him more than I trust myself.

He won't blab to someone else about what you told Him in secret. He won't laugh at you. He will comfort you. He will forgive you if that is what you need or guide you if you are lost and don't know what to do, but most of all, He will help you forgive others and find peace with letting go of things you have no control over.

If you have PTSD, the cause of it was out of your control. You need to let go of the "would" "could" and "should" thoughts filling your brain with self blame. You are haunted by the past and need to peace to move forward without being stuck looking in the rearview mirror.

The other thing is, if you ask to be shown the way toward healing, He will guide you there. Consider the directions from the Heavenly GPS, God Plain and Simple!

Stay away from anyone who tells you something like, "God only gives us what we can handle," because that giving you the thought that He did it to you. They actually expect you to pray to Him after they just told you He did it on purpose? God will give you what you need to get through it!

Think about it this way, others went through things that you are going through and their hearts were tugged to help others get through their own struggles, knowing they are not alone. Who do you think tugged their hearts? He did and they were willing to listen. Are you willing to ask?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Have a Talk With God

Stevie Wonder

There are people who have let the problems of today

Lead them to conclude that for them life is not the way

But every problem has an answer, and if yours you cannot find

You should talk it over to Him

He'll give you peace of mind

When you feel your life's too hard

Just go have a talk with God

Many of us feel we walk alone without a friend

Never communicating with the One who lives within

Forgetting all about the One who never, ever lets you down

And you can talk to Him anytime, He's always around

When you feel your life's too hard

Just go have a talk with God

Well, He's the only free psychiatrist

That's known throughout the world

For solving the problems of all men

Women, little boys, and girls

When you feel your life's too hard

Just go have a talk with God

When you feel your life's too hard

Just go have a talk with God

When your load's too much to bear

Just go talk to God, He cares

(I know He does)

When you feel your life's too hard

Just go have a talk with God

Thank you

Thank you very much

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Wonder Stevie / Hardaway Calvin

Have a Talk With God lyrics © Jobete Music Co., Inc.

when we are no longer remembered

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 13,2021

Everyone will die one day. Famous people become part of history. For most people, someone will remember them, for as long as they live, but a day will come, when we are no longer remembered.

Conversely, to blot out a person’s name was to destroy that individual for all eternity, to eliminate him from the historical record.
Death Ancient Egypt

The thing is, what you do here on earth, never dies. Your name may be forgotten, but every life you touch, passes that on to others. They touch more lives and it spreads far beyond what you can see, beyond people you know, far more than you realize and much longer than you breathe.

Today's featured video is Casting Crowns, Scars In Heaven.

Matthew McConaughey Reads 1 Corinthians 12 12 27

We are all part of one body and each part of the "body" has a job to do, while we live. When someone we love dies, according to the Bible, there is no pain, sadness, or any bad memories. They will take all the good with them and it will live on. All the love they receive, joy, happiness and wonderful memories live on. There are no scars in Heaven. Maybe our job, instead of wanting to be remembered, is to have what we do remembered long after we are gone?

When we do something for someone else, it changes them. When you have PTSD, most of the time, it was caused by someone else. You know what that pain is like and how it changed you. Hopefully by now, you also know what it is like to have those scars healed because someone did something for you. They showed you that you do matter, and helped you heal the scars.

You can turn around and pass that on for them and they will change the other people in their lives by living a happier life. That gets passed on and on and on, long after they are gone too, but the number of lives you changed will never stop being changed.

Look at what happened because people decided to spread the messages of love that Jesus delivered. The 12 Disciples names are written in the Bible but there were 72 others also sent. No one knows their names but they had spread the messages to many more than the 12 did. What they delivered spread across the world and to generations of the generation they preached to. What you do when you live spreads too.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Scars in Heaven

Casting Crowns

If I had only known the last time

Would be the last time

I would have put off all the things I had to do

I would have stayed a little longer

Held on a little tighter

Now what I'd give for one more day with you

'Cause there's a wound here in my heart

Where something's missing

And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time

But I know you're in a place

Where all your wounds have been erased

And knowing yours are healed is healing mine

The only scars in Heaven

They won't belong to me and you

There'll be no such thing as broken

And all the old will be made new

And the thought that makes me smile now

Even as the tears fall down

Is that the only scars in Heaven

Are on the Hands that hold you now

I know the road you walked was anything but easy

You picked up your share of scars along the way

Oh, but now you're standing in the sun

You've fought your fight and your race is run

The pain is all a million miles away

The only scars in Heaven

They won't belong to me and you

There'll be no such thing as broken

And all the old will be made new

And the thought that makes me smile now

Even as the tears fall down

Is that the only scars in Heaven, yeah

Are on the Hands that hold you now

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

For the Hands that hold you now

There's not a day goes by that I don't see you

You live on in all the better parts of me

Until I'm standing with you in the sun

I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run

Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh

The only scars in Heaven

They won't belong to me and you

There'll be no such thing as broken

And all the old will be made new

And the thought that makes me smile now

Even as the tears fall down

Is that the only scars in Heaven

Are on the Hands that hold you now

Source: Musixmatch 

Wish them well and then tell them to go to hell

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 10, 2021

Yesterday I had some personal things to do. To tell the truth, I needed a mental health day too. I am glad I did. I was looking for music to use today when I came across Disturbed Stronger On Your Own. As I listened to it, I started to think how I am stronger, and happier on my own.

When I lived in Florida, I was involved with a lot of veterans groups. I really cared about them, but there was something that was in the way of getting close to them. Politics! I listened to them say how much they hated things I believed, without them knowing what I thought. Some people on the other side, were OK and didn't seem to put it first above all else and we stayed friends. I kept my mouth shut with the others as they went on and on about their views, anger, bitterness and hatred. I still cared about them but it hurt.

I kept thinking that if they knew what I thought, they'd hate me too. I was right. When I moved to New Hampshire, it was lonely. We had a few friends and our daughter was here, we were also closer to other family members. Then the pandemic hit and things got shut down. It got even lonelier.

I got stronger! I looked back at how I hid what I thought as if I had anything to be ashamed of, when I didn't. 

This has gone way beyond simple political differences. I used to really enjoy a good debate but it did not cause as much hatred as it has the last ten years or so. Now it is as if we are so filled with it, nothing else matters to far too many.

If you have PTSD and you are dealing with this political BS, walk away. We've all heard crap over the years, especially about what people want to believe. There were decades when people thought PTSD was not real and if you are a veteran, you probably heard someone say that you were only out for a free ride, a government paycheck and it was all BS. I'd love to hear one of them say that to a civilian with PTSD, especially when the percentage of people denying it is still higher than those who admit it. The stigma and crappy attitude is alive and well because facts are still damned and people like to hear what they already believe.

If you are surrounded by people who do not think the way you do, then walk away. Listening to them will rob you of healing and get in the way. You should not have to change what you believe to fit in with someone who has shown you they already hate you, even though they never heard it from you.

It is a hinderance to your recovery. Wish them well and then tell them to go to hell. It is better to be on your own until you find others who do think like you, believe what you do, or, at least accept you as you are. 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Stronger on Your Own

Disturbed

Everybody has a story to tell

Listen closely now and you can hear mine as well

I was addicted to breaking my heart

I couldn't get enough of feeling it torn apart

So conflicted, in feeling the pain

I say I've had enough but still want it all again

I won't deny

I tried to hide it

But it was killing me inside

And now I

Feel un-whole

So if you're able to survive

And still you find yourself alone

You will begin to realize

That you are stronger on your

Stronger on your own

I've created my own personal hell

Come inside with me and you can be mine as well

This affliction will blacken your heart

I keep believing as it's tearing my soul apart

Self-destruction is the name of the game

I say I've had enough but still want it all again

I won't deny

I tried to hide it

But now it's killing me inside

And now I

Feel so cold

So if you're able to survive

And still you find yourself alone

You will begin to realize

That you are stronger on your own

And when you're able to decide

Then you don't want this anymore

You'll be the one to turn the tide

For you are stronger on your

Stronger on your

Stronger on your own

Leave it alone

Bury it, bury it

Leave it alone

Bury the dead

Leave it alone

Bury it, bury it

Leave it alone

Bury the dead

Leave it alone

Bury it, bury it

Leave it alone

Bury the dead

So if you're able to survive

And still you find yourself alone

You will begin to realize

That you are stronger on your own

And when you're able to decide

Then you don't want this anymore

You'll be the one to turn the tide

For you are stronger on your

Stronger on your

Stronger on your own

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dan Donegan / David Draiman / Kevin Churko / Mike Wengren

Stronger on Your Own lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

why should you join a support group

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 8, 2021

Today I posted about how Wounded Times (my other site) reached over 5 million page views. I wrote that All that work was worth it because it was but for a long time, I didn't feel that way. I was getting less and less comments, hardly no feedback, and I started to think that it just didn't matter anymore. It hurt.

Now I know better but believe it or not, that is one of the reasons why you should join a support group. I know it sounds like a strange leap, but hear me out.

It was lonely and it got harder to find a reason to keep doing something that was healing for me. Knowing I was making a difference, was like a gift I gave myself. When you have PTSD and are doing the work alone, it is great but there comes a time when you need the positive feedback from others. Face it! We all have an ego. Feed your ego!

Think about it this way. If you were really overweight and put in a lot of work to lose it, but moved to a new town where no one knew you, they wouldn't know what you did or how hard you worked at it. Yet, if you went back to where people knew you, they would let you know how proud they were of you, congratulate you on it, and yes, feed your ego. It is like a gift you give yourself.

Being in a support group, gives you that positive feedback, support and inspires you to keep doing the work of healing. When you are healed, you can give that to others too, because you know what it was like when you did it, just as much as you remember what it was like to do it alone. That is a gift you give to others, but also, a gift you give to yourself.

On a personal note, I want to thank the people who stuck with me on Wounded Times, even if I don't know who you are. I am also grateful for the people passing on the work for PTSD Patrol. Reaching over 100,000 page views was because of you being willing to do that.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Make Your Own Kind of Music

The Mamas and the Papas

Nobody can tell you

There's only one song worth singing

They may try and sell you

Cause it hangs them up

To see someone like you

But you gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own special song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

You're gonna be nowhere

The loneliest kind of lonely

It may be rough going

Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do

But you gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own special song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

So if you cannot take my hand

And if you must be going, I will understand

You gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own special song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

You gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own kind of song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

You gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own kind of song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

No no no no

Even if nobody else sings along

If nobody else sings along

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil

Make Your Own Kind of Music lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

All that work was worth it

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
June 15, 2021 

(From my other site)

"The loneliest kind of lonely" is when there is no one else like you. I know that feeling because when I started working on PTSD, I didn't know anyone like me. It was lonely because we didn't have the internet and the only information I could find was at the library reading clinical books. Nothing strange about that since it was in 1982.

In 1993, I finally got a computer and then I found other people talking about PTSD. I started my first site on AOL, then it was on a website where I went by NamGuardianAngel. Back then, since I was unique, I had a lot of emails and phone calls. There were even more when I wrote my first book in 2002.

In 2006 I started making videos on PTSD on YouTube and in 2007, I started Wounded Times.

All that work was worth it even though it was never to make money. Sure I wanted to at least break even but the thing was, the work itself kept me going. Getting feed back and reading messages let me know, it mattered to the people I was trying to help.

In 2007 I posted a massive post about suicides hoping that someone with the power to do something would. Once all the groups started to pop up all over the internet and social media, the emails and messages started to go down. I was reading more and more about veterans suffering and very little being done to help them. The problem was, they were doing something about it by using them to make money.

I didn't give up and made more videos, posted more and tried to reach out as much as possible. It got lonelier and lonelier. In 2017 I started PTSD Patrol hoping that with PTSD in the title, I could gain control over the conversation again, and give veterans hope and families understanding.

Last year, it was too much for me, reading the reports of suicides going up in the veterans' community and within the military itself. My heart was breaking. I decided to stop focusing on them and started to open the work up to anyone with PTSD. PTSD Patrol passed 100,000 page views recently.

read more on Wounded Times

What else can I be but what I am

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 6, 2021

Ever since I posted the video yesterday from Sly And The Family Stone, I've been thinking about a song my parents used to play. Sammie Davis Jr. I Got To Be Me. There was a line in it I didn't remember, "That far away prize, a world of success."

Did you know that you may measure success your own way, for yourself, as you see what it is for you? Do you measure it by what money you make or things you buy? Do you measure it by how popular you are? Or do you measure it by what you do for others, how much you love and care about others?

Who are you to you?

I measure success by doing what I can do with what I have to do it with. Not interested in fitting into what others think I should be or do what others think I should do. I am just "me" and happy that way. I know my qualities, as well as I know my flaws. I worked on the ones I could actually do something about, like my temper, but I learned to accept things I cannot change, like the fact I am a total klutz!

Don't try to go against who you are because that will make you miserable. Don't try to change to fit in, but try to fit in with people who accept you as you are and value you.  My husband and I have been married as long as we have been because we accept each other. I get over his flaws and he gets over mine, because the qualities outweigh the flaws.

Success, when you are on the journey to healing PTSD, is taking "you" all of you with you. Your flaws, that are ones you can change, can be worked on. Your flaws that make you just human, should be understood and accepted. Healing is the "prize" you should reach for and all else will follow that path.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I've Gotta Be Me

Sammy Davis Jr.

Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong

Whether I find a place in this world or never belong

I gotta be me, I've gotta be me

What else can I be but what I am

I want to live, not merely survive

And I won't give up this dream

Of life that keeps me alive 

I gotta be me, I gotta be me

The dream that I see makes me what I am

That far away prize, a world of success

Is waiting for me if I heed the call 

I won't settle down, won't settle for less

As long as there's a chance that I can have it all

I'll go it alone, that's how it must be

I can't be right for somebody else

If I'm not right for me

I gotta be free, I've gotta be free

Daring to try, to do it or die

I've gotta be me

I'll go it alone, that's how it must be

I can't be right for somebody else

If I'm not right for me 

I gotta be free, I just gotta be free

Daring to try, to do it or die 

I gotta be me

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Walter Marks

I've Gotta Be Me lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Sammy Davis Jr - I've Gotta Be Me (Live in Germany 1985)

Healing to me be myself again

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 5, 2021

Keeping with the theme of the last few days, it is a good time to talk about being thankful. Today's featured video is Sly And The Family Stone, Thank You.

If you only focus on what was done to you that caused PTSD, that is all you'll see and it will contribute to feeling miserable. It is better to focus on what was done for you and then you end up healing, being happier and the people around you will be happier too.

I am thankful for God and for all the people who came to help me after each time something horrible happened. Right now, I am also thankful for the therapist I had many years ago for being myself again.

I knew I needed help because I was walking around feeling angry most of the time and frustrated. That isn't me. While I do have a temper, I am a typical Greek on that one. It takes a lot to get me angry, I explode and then I want to hug. It was always over and done with.

That is how I knew this was not "me" so I asked my primary care physician to recommend someone I could see. I called a few of them but when I asked if they knew about PTSD, the first few did not. Then I ended up with a woman who was an expert at the time. She was a family therapist. I told her that I was not interested in saving my marriage. I was more interested in not killing my husband. She laughed and I knew she knew exactly what I was talking about.

Little by little I started to feel the angry leave and I felt more like myself again. We talked about my husband and the work I did, all the people I was helping, but I didn't focus on me. I wish I had and then maybe she would have seen I had PTSD too. It was because of my ex-husband but I didn't have time to focus on that or what he put me though.

Anyway, in between appointments, she wanted me to write about what I needed to say. At first it was a page, then a couple, then more, until one appointment I handed her 35 pages. She took it and said, "Well obviously I'm not reading this right now."

During the next appointment, she handed it back to me and told me I needed to turn it into a book. I did and that was For The Love Of Jack. She really helped me be myself again.

If you focus on you, and get the help you need to heal, then you'll be thankful too for being yourself again. The people in your life will be happier too!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Thank You

Sly And The Family Stone

Lookin' at the devil, grinnin' at his gun

Fingers start shakin', I begin to run

Bullets start chasin', I begin to stop

We begin to wrestle I was on the top

I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Stiff all in the collar, fluffy in the face

Chit chat chatter tryin', stuffy in the place

Thank you for the party but I could never stay

Many things on my mind, words in the way

I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Dance to the music

All night long

Everyday people

Sing a simple song

Mama's so happy

Mama start to cry

Papa still singin'

You can make it if you try

I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again (oh yeah)

Thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Flamin' eyes of people fear, burnin' into you

Many men are missin' much, hatin' what they do

Youth and truth are makin' love

Dig it for a starter

Dyin' young is hard to take

Sellin' out is harder

Thank you for lettin' me be myself again

I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Thank you for lettin' me be myself again

I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Sylvester Stewart

Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin) lyrics © Mijac Music 

God is closer than you think

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 3, 2021

This is going up on Wounded Times and PTSD Patrol. Wounded Times is close to hitting 5 million page views. It still gets a lot of traffic no matter if I post on it or not. That tells me that the need is still there. I am retiring from work, but not this work. I am no longer under constraints from non-profits and their rules, so from now on, I will be posting on what I feel needs to be said. Some people will like it, but others won't. While I hope you like it, if you don't, there are plenty of other sites for you. From now on, I'll be posting on both sites, as I feel the need to say something and as always, I hope what I say helps someone.

There are many times we have conversations with someone, and we never forget them. Every once in a while I'll read something or listen to someone, and instantly be reminded of "that" conversation. Today was one of those days.

Years ago I was confronted by an angry veteran. I was at an event, enjoying the music, when he came over to me, glaring at the Chaplain patch on my vest. Pure hatred shot out of his eyes. Once he started to speak it was easy to figure out he had way too much to drink. To this day, I am not sure why I had so much patience with him instead of telling him to go away.

He wanted to know why I was wasting my time on something that didn't exist. Yes, he meant that in his mind, God wasn't real. Like a lot of veterans who had seen way too much horror in the world, he said, "If there was a God, He wouldn't let all that happen. He wouldn't just sit back, let us destroy each other." At one point the thing that haunted him the most popped out. "Little kids starving and getting blown up while that so called God sits back and watches!"

I asked him why he joined the military. He said to serve his country. I asked him if he loved the country or hated it. Naturally he got ticked off then snapped, "I love it." I asked him if he still did and he said he did. I asked him why he still loved it. He responded with, "Because of what this country tries to be. They sent us to defend the people of Kuwait. We did."

I asked him if that was a good reason or a bad one. He said it was a good one.

When people see so much evil, it is hard to understand how a loving God could allow all of it to happen. They forget that He allows freewill from all humans, to make their own choices, to listen to what He says or not, to believe in Him or not and to follow where He leads, or walk away.

We also miss the fact that if they can still care, then God was there all along. It is easy to not be bothered by something if you do not have the heart to feel anything. It is not easy if your soul is being crushed by it. The very fact that veteran still cared about total strangers proved that. God was closer than he thought.

He was inside his soul. Goodness does not come out of evil. Caring about others does not come out of evil.

When we talked a little longer, I tried to get him to understand that. Over and over again he came back with blaming God. I told him that God was there, because people like him risked their lives to save others and would have dropped their weapons if the enemy dropped theirs. I told him that God was there because he was. He cried and walked away. I decided to not try to follow him because I knew he was drinking too much and I never saw him again.

When all you see is evil, that is all you think is there, but when you change what you focus on, you are able to see so much more. I remember the terrible things that happened to me, but I remember those who came to help me more. I remember feeling lost and alone, but I remember what it felt like when I was "found" and knew I wasn't alone in this world. So instead of only seeing what evil thing someone did to me, I focused on what others did for me because God was there.

Today the featured video is Bette Midler, From A Distance. God is watching us, but not from a distance. He lives in all of us and has an active part in all of our lives. When we listen, miracles happen.

If you have PTSD, I am always talking about taking care of your mind, body and spirit...your soul. I hope this fed your soul so that the next time God is trying to get through to you, you will listen.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! 

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

From a Distance

Bette Midler

From a distance the world looks blue and green

And the snow capped mountains white

From a distance the ocean meets the stream

And the eagle takes to flight

From a distance

There is harmony

And it echoes through the land

It's the voice of hope

It's the voice of peace

It's the voice of every man

From a distance

We all have enough

And no one is in need

And there are no guns, no bombs and no disease

No hungry mouths to feed

From a distance

We are instruments

Marching in a common band

Playing songs of hope

Playing songs of peace

They are the songs of every man

God is watching us

God is watching us

God is watching us

From a distance

From a distance

You look like my friend

Even though we are at war

From a distance

I just cannot comprehend

What all this fightings for

From a distance

There is harmony

And it echoes through the land

And it's the hope of hopes

It's the love of loves

It's the heart of every man

It's the hope of hopes

It's the love of loves

This is the song for every man

God is watching us

God is watching us

God is watching us

From a distance

Oh, God is watching us

God is watching

God is watching us

From a distance

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Julie Gold

From a Distance lyrics © Wing And Wheel Music, Julie Gold Music

Everytime you stand by someone else, do something for someone else out of love...God is there!
Northwell Health Nurse Choir: Gets the GOLDEN BUZZER with their EMOTIONAL Performance!

make good times even better

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 2, 2021

Happiness sneaks up on you! All of a sudden, all the things you used to enjoy seem even better than before. "Good times never seemed so good!"

That is what it is like when you come out of the darkest hell and heal PTSD. No longer trapped by misery, doubt, paranoia, feeling as if you have something to hide and realize that life can be better than before. Maybe it is because even though you wouldn't admit it, you missed feeling happy, being with friends, doing fun things and yes, smiling without feeling as if you had to force it.

You end up with strange reactions to things you thought you'd never care about again. When we lived in Florida, there were some spatular sunrises and sunsets. Once in a while my husband would go out to the pool deck and scream my name. I'd go running to him and he'd be pointing up at the sky, with the amazed look of a child seeing it for the first time.

Right now, for me, I feel like a kid when I get to do something as simple as get my hair cut, hug people again and see smiling faces.

The entire world got a lesson on what trauma is by living through their own trauma and it was different for everyone. Some people lost all they owned, others lost everyone they loved. Some people were forced to work from home, others lost their jobs. That is what the darkness of PTSD is like. 

When more people go vaccinated, like us, things started to look more hopeful. People started to do the right thing. Instead of just complaining about what they couldn't do, more and more people decided they could do their part so they would be able to do what they wanted to do safely. We've seen the numbers go down on the sickness and death counts, just as we've seen the numbers go up on the vaccinated side.

That is what healing is! It is what it is like to heal PTSD too. You can make good times even better because now you know what you missed. You won't take it for granted anymore and when it sneaks up on you, you get back hope of more good times and good feelings.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Sweet Caroline

Neil Diamond

Where it began, I can't begin to knowing

But then I know it's growing strong

Was in the spring

And spring became the summer

Who'd have believed you'd come along

Hands, touching hands

Reaching out, touching me, touching you

Sweet Caroline

Good times never seemed so good

I've been inclined

To believe they never would

But now I

Look at the night and it don't seem so lonely

We filled it up with only two

And when I hurt

Hurting runs off my shoulders

How can I hurt when holding you

One, touching one

Reaching out, touching me, touching you

Sweet Caroline

Good times never seemed so good

I've been inclined

To believe they never would

Oh no, no

Sweet Caroline

Good times never seemed so good

Sweet Caroline

I believe they never could

Sweet Caroline

Good times never seemed so good

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Neil Diamond

Sweet Caroline lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, DistroKid