make good times even better

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 2, 2021

Happiness sneaks up on you! All of a sudden, all the things you used to enjoy seem even better than before. "Good times never seemed so good!"

That is what it is like when you come out of the darkest hell and heal PTSD. No longer trapped by misery, doubt, paranoia, feeling as if you have something to hide and realize that life can be better than before. Maybe it is because even though you wouldn't admit it, you missed feeling happy, being with friends, doing fun things and yes, smiling without feeling as if you had to force it.

You end up with strange reactions to things you thought you'd never care about again. When we lived in Florida, there were some spatular sunrises and sunsets. Once in a while my husband would go out to the pool deck and scream my name. I'd go running to him and he'd be pointing up at the sky, with the amazed look of a child seeing it for the first time.

Right now, for me, I feel like a kid when I get to do something as simple as get my hair cut, hug people again and see smiling faces.

The entire world got a lesson on what trauma is by living through their own trauma and it was different for everyone. Some people lost all they owned, others lost everyone they loved. Some people were forced to work from home, others lost their jobs. That is what the darkness of PTSD is like. 

When more people go vaccinated, like us, things started to look more hopeful. People started to do the right thing. Instead of just complaining about what they couldn't do, more and more people decided they could do their part so they would be able to do what they wanted to do safely. We've seen the numbers go down on the sickness and death counts, just as we've seen the numbers go up on the vaccinated side.

That is what healing is! It is what it is like to heal PTSD too. You can make good times even better because now you know what you missed. You won't take it for granted anymore and when it sneaks up on you, you get back hope of more good times and good feelings.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Sweet Caroline

Neil Diamond

Where it began, I can't begin to knowing

But then I know it's growing strong

Was in the spring

And spring became the summer

Who'd have believed you'd come along

Hands, touching hands

Reaching out, touching me, touching you

Sweet Caroline

Good times never seemed so good

I've been inclined

To believe they never would

But now I

Look at the night and it don't seem so lonely

We filled it up with only two

And when I hurt

Hurting runs off my shoulders

How can I hurt when holding you

One, touching one

Reaching out, touching me, touching you

Sweet Caroline

Good times never seemed so good

I've been inclined

To believe they never would

Oh no, no

Sweet Caroline

Good times never seemed so good

Sweet Caroline

I believe they never could

Sweet Caroline

Good times never seemed so good

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Neil Diamond

Sweet Caroline lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, DistroKid 

I see myself in a brand new way

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 26, 2021

No one can change a damn thing that has already happened. The only thing in our power is to change what we do about it afterwards. There are many things that can eat away at us, but not being able to predict the future should not be one of them.

I was reading about Bernie and Phyl's daughter Pepe blaming herself for Bernie dying of COVID-19 last year. She stayed with her parents to look after them when things started shutting down. Pepe is going through what a lot of people are, blaming themselves for something they had very little control over.

None of us are super humans. Whatever you think you could have done, or how many scenarios you come up with in your own mind, none of them are humanly possible.

Pepe, like most of the world, was just learning about what the pandemic could do and how it would do it. Nothing can take away the guilt she feels until she forgives herself for doing the best she could, with what she knew, at the time she knew it. Researchers and people were just trying to figure out this new pandemic, so most people knew very little about it.

If you have PTSD, a lot of the time you are also dealing with survivor guilt. That is a heavy load to carry. Much too heavy for anyone and it is time you put it down. That burden is one that should have never been laid upon your shoulders. Besides, you have things to do with the rest of your life to be the best person you can be after surviving.

Stop trying to figure out why you lived but others didn't. That is a question that you'll never be able to answer and was not something that you had control over. You do control what you do with your life.

Heal and be better. Be happier and then pass it all onto someone else who feels just as beaten down as you do. Lift them up. Spend the rest of your life making this world a little better than it would have been without you.

Pepe is doing that. She is speaking out so that other families who lost someone to COVID-19, can find support and gain strength knowing they are not alone. With almost 600,000 lives lost, that is a lot of families who need to know that message!

Today the featured video is Boston Don't Look Back. It is time to see yourself in a brand new way!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

‘A living nightmare’: Daughter of Bernie and Phyllis Rubin struggling with guilt after unwittingly exposing parents to coronavirus
WHDH 7 News
BY KIMBERLY BOOKMAN
MAY 25, 2021

It was March of last year and the entire family was in south Florida for Phyls 80th birthday party. Pepe said she decided to stay and care for her parents as the country started to shut down. She said she believes she contracted the virus at a grocery store and then spread it to her parents.

Her 82-year old father — who in life was surrounded by people — died in a hospital bed by himself.

“Knowing what a tragic ending he had alone – and us not being there – it was just a living nightmare,” said Pepe.

She met 7NEWS at the company’s headquarters in Norton — where sports memorabilia line the walls.

Bernie’s office is just how he left it, filled with photos of his wife, three kids, 10 grandchildren, and one great-grandchild.

Pepe said his death had her walking around in a fog for the last year.

“One of my daughters said to me ‘We know we lost our grandfather but we didn’t realize we lost you too because I deal with a lot of anxiety…and guilt,” she said.  

Now that the country is reopening and life is resuming for so many, Pepe said she is forever changed. read more here

Don't Look Back

Boston

Don't look back, ooh, a new day is breakin'

It's been too long since I felt this way

I don't mind, ooh, where I get taken

The road is callin', today is the day

I can see, it took so long just to realize

I'm much too strong not to compromise

Now I see what I am is holding me down

I'll turn it around

Oh, yes, I will

I finally see the dawn arrivin'

I see beyond the road I'm drivin'

It's a bright horizon, ooh, and I'm awaken

I see myself in a brand new way

The sun is shinin', ooh, the clouds are breakin'

'Cause I can't lose now, there's no game to play

I can tell there's no more time left to criticize

I've seen what I could not recognize

Everything in my life was leading me on

But I can be strong

Oh, yes I can

I finally see the dawn arrivin'

I see beyond the road I'm drivin'

Ooh, far away, I'm left behind, left behind

Oh, the sun is shining

And I'm on that road

Don't look back, ooh, a new day is breakin'

It's been so long since I felt this way

I don't mind, ooh, where I get taken

The road is callin', today is the day

I can see, it took so long just to realize

I'm much too strong not to compromise

Now I see what I am is holding me down

I'll turn it around

Oh, yes I will

I finally see the dawn arrivin'

I see beyond the road I'm drivin'

I'm far away and left behind

Don't look back

Don't look back

Don't look back

Don't look back

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Scholz Tom

Don’t Look Back lyrics © Pure Songs, Hideaway Hits

Vaccinated Get Freedom!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 14, 2021

The video for today is not a chair dancing type of song. It is the kind you need to get up and dance to. This morning I woke up feeling really happy. The news from the CDC about not having to wear masks anymore was wonderful! I'm fully vacinated, and so is my husband, our daughter, family and friends. It means we can go back to the lives we were accustomed to. I won't use the word "normal" because that never really existed. What was normal to someone wasn't normal to someone else.

The word freedom was stuck in my head. The next thing I knew, I was thinking about the Blues Brothers and Aretha Franklin singing Think. Watching the video I cracked up laughing, bounced off my chair and started dancing. It is time to rejoice! We've all been through hell but because so many people are choosing to use their freedom to get vaccinated, we can start to enjoy ourselves again. I will probably wear a mask when I am inside with strangers because this pandemic taught us too many people don't care about anyone else. 

If I end up with COVID the experts say I can have it but have no symptoms. If I do get sick, it won't be like it was with ending up in the hospital or dying. The thing is, I don't want to be a threat to anyone else.

If you have PTSD or not, rejoice! You earned it!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Think

The Blues Brothers

(Aretha Franklin) 

Think (think)

Think (think)

Think (think)

Think (think)

You think (think)

Think (think)

Think about it (think)

You better think (think)

Think about what you're trying to do to me

Yeah think (think, think)

Let your mind go, let yourself be free

Let's go back, let's go back

Let's go way on back when

I didn't even know you

You couldn't have been too much more than ten

I ain't no psychiatrist

I ain't no doctor with a degree

It don't take too much IQ

To see what you're doing to me

You better think (think)

Think about what you're trying to do to me

Yeah think (think, think)

Let your mind go, let yourself be free

Oh freedom (freedom)

Freedom (freedom)

Freedom

Yeah freedom

Freedom (freedom)

Freedom (freedom)

Freedom

Oh freedom

Hey, think about it!

You, think about it!

There ain't nothing you could ask

I could answer you but I won't (i won't)

I was gonna change but I'm not

To keep doing things I don't (don't)

Hey (think), think about what you're trying to do to me (what you trynna do)

Baby, think, let your mind go, let yourself be free

People walking around everyday

Playing games that they can score

Trying to make other people lose their minds

Well be careful you don't lose yours

Yeah think (think)

Think about what you're trying to do to me

Yeah, yeah-yeah yeah (think, think)

Let your mind go, let yourself be free

You need me (need me)

And I need you (don't you know)

Without each other

There ain't nothing people can do

Yeah yeah, think about me (what you're trying to do to me)

'Till the fall of the night

Think about it right now

Oh freedom (freedom)

Freedom (freedom)

Freedom

Yeah freedom

Freedom (freedom)

Freedom (freedom)

Freedom

Freedom!

Hey! You, think about it!

There ain't nothing you could ask

I could answer you but I won't (i won't)

I was gonna change but I'm not

If you keep doing things I don't

Yeah think (think)

Think about what you're trying to do to me (what you're trying to do)

Baby, think, let your mind go, let yourself be free

You need me (need me)

And I need you (don't you know)

Without each other

There ain't nothing people can do

Yeah yeah, think about me (what you're trying to do to me)

'Till the fall of the night

Think about it baby

Yeah ah-ah-ah (think about) (forgive me)

Forgive me (think about)(forgive me)

Yeah ah (think about) (forgive me) (think about)

Baby (think about) (forgive me)

Right now! (Think about) (forgive me)

Think about yeah, yeah, yeah

(Think about) yeah (forgive me) (think about) (forgive me)

(Think about) (forgive me)

Think about (think about)

Think about (think about) (forgive me)

This evening (think about) (forgive me)

This evening (think about) (forgive me)

Dont (?) The Blues brothers hey!

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Aretha Franklin / Ted White

Think lyrics © Springtime Music Inc 

truth changes how you use your power

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 24, 2021

Truth can give you power. That is what the message of PTSD Patrol has been all about. All of us have a lot more power to change things than we think. It is time to turn "Truth To Power" and that is why the featured video today is from One Republic. The thing is, truth changes how you use your power.

Yesterday I received the second COVID-19 vaccine. Today I feel like I have a really bad cold, achy and tired, but sure is a lot better than having COVID. I know I won't have to worry so much about my husband, since he's full vaccinated too. I won't have to worry about passing it on to someone else. I am also thrilled with knowing I can finally get a hair cut in a couple of weeks. Little by little I'll be able to do a lot of things I didn't want to do over the last year.

The thing is, as a Christian and a Chaplain, I tend to want to do more for others than I want to do for myself. It makes me happy to do what I can, when I can, with whatever I have to give. That is why I am so confused how many people refuse to think about others, including the people in their own families.

When they say that they don't want to give up their freedom, they are not looking at the truth that no one has an absolute right to do what they want. There are rules and laws applied to everyone. You have to wear clothes, but you can decide what you want to wear as long as things are covered up. You have to wear shirts and shoes in many businesses for public health reasons. (OK, some of it is because most people don't want to see a lot of people without a shirt on no matter where they are.) The thing is, the rules are laws were put into place for the greater good.

How did this become a battle over freedom? You have the right to decide if you do not want to wear a mask, but you do not have the right to make everyone else cave into you. A store has the right to tell you that if you want to shop there, you have to wear one. You have the freedom to comply or shop somewhere else. Governments have the right to tell you that if you want to go out in public, you have to wear one. You have the right to not go out in public.

You are not forced to get the vaccine but while you want to go back to doing the things you want to do, what you are doing now, is preventing that from happening for everyone else.

There are some people who believe the earth is flat. No matter how many facts you can give them, they need to see it for themselves. Elon Musk needs to give them a ride on one of his SpaceX ships so they can see how round and beautiful this world is. Then they would know that we are all connected.

If you really believe that COVID isn't as bad as you think, then the only way for you to know the truth is to use your power and find out for yourself. Go to a hospital and talk to a nurse who has held the hands of far too many while they take their final breaths because their families couldn't be there. Go to India and see the bodies being burned every day because they cannot control it there. Go online and find family members who once thought that it was some kind of overblown rumor, until they lost someone they loved.

I doubt you are evil. Please take an honest look at the people you love and ask yourself how you would feel if you were the cause of them getting COVID, suffering and either facing a lifetime of health problems, or passing away. Once that happens, then it will be too late to use your power and prevent all that.

Until all of us understand we should use our freedom to choose the power for the sake of others, we will all be weakened standing by ourselves. This pandemic is also spreading PTSD across the world, which is yet another price being paid.

Trauma and the COVID Pandemic

COVID-19 has quickly become a global health emergency resulting in not only physical health concerns but also psychological concerns as people are exposed to unexpected deaths or threats of death. For example, healthcare workers who have close contact with COVID patients are not only exposed to the virus on a regular basis, but they may also be witnessing increased illnesses, deaths, and supply shortages. In addition, patients admitted to the hospital with COVID-19 experience social isolation, physical discomfort, and fear for survival. These exposures increase the risk of developing PTSD. In addition, the risk may further be enhanced during the subsequent weeks when these individuals may lack immediate social support due to the need to self-quarantine. (University of Michigan)

Truth to Power

OneRepublic

I could tell you I was fragile

I could tell you I was weak

I could write you out a letter

To tell you anything you need

I've seen minutes turn to hours

Hours turn to years

And I've seen truth turn to power

If you could see me the way I see you

If you could feel me the way I feel you

You'd be a believer

You'd be a believer

Minutes turn to hours

Hours turn to years

And I've seen truth turn to power

I could tell you I was ageless

But I know you see the light

I could tell you I'm immune to everything

But that's a lie

Dust don't turn to flowers

Skies don't disappear

But I've seen truth to power

Oh, if you could see me the way I see you

If you could feel me the way I feel you

You'd be a believer (believer)

You'd be a believer (believer)

You'd be a believer (believer)

You'd be a believer (believer)

Hard to keep goin' on (hard to keep goin' on)

I said it's hard to keep goin' on (hard to keep goin' on)

It's hard to keep goin' on (hard to keep goin' on)

If you could see me the way I see you

If you could feel me the way I feel you

You'd be a believer

You'd be a believer

You'd be a believer

Be a believer

Be a believer (believer)

You'd be (be a believer)

Minutes turn to hours

Hours turn to years

And I've seen truth turn to power

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Ryan B Tedder / T Bone Burnett

Truth to Power lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing 

Missing someone you love is hard.

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 23, 2021

I just got my second COVID-19 shot and I am glad I did. I want to make sure that I am not responsible for passing it onto someone who may not survive it. We're lost so many people over the last year, when their deaths didn't need to happen. It is hard enough to lose someone as it is.

As of today, we've lost 567,352 to COVID-19 accordong to the CDC and some were old, some were young. We miss them and it hurts. It always hurts when someone you love dies. The thing is, they will always be a part of you and your life, but just in a different way.

Yesterday I did a post about my Dad and how he is responsible for the work I do on PTSD. In a way, he is a part of changing the lives of many and he never knew it. He is a part of me always. The thing is, I grieved for him in my own way and for as long as it took. He was the first person I lost that I was close to and he was just 58 years old. He passed away before my daughter was born. It was that long ago and still, I miss him. I miss everyone in my family who died too.

Missing someone you love is hard. Here is some advice I hope will give you comfort. Heal in your own time and grieve until you don't need to anymore. Don't let someone else tell you that you should be over it on a time they think it should happen. It is your life the person was in, and your heart that misses them.

When holidays or anniversary dates come, do something different than what you did when they were here. They are now in your life as memories, so do something that they would have enjoyed. Mother's Day is coming. Eat their favorite meal. Buy their favorite flowers, not the ones you used to buy because you thought they were pretty. Go through photo albums, or through the boxes you have been meaning to sort through. Bring them into the day when you miss them the most and they will be there with you.

Remember that with this terrible time, things will change, as they always do, for the better. Until that day comes, hold onto the memories of them and take comfort from what they put inside of you while they were here.

Today the featured video is Bruce Springsteen Ghosts.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Ghosts

Bruce Springsteen

I hear the sound of your guitar

Comin' from the mystic far

Stone and the gravel in your voice

Come in my dreams and I rejoice

It's your ghost moving through the night

Your spirit filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Old buckskin jacket you always wore

Hangs on the back of my bedroom door

Boots and the spurs you used to ride

Click down the hall but never arrive

It's just your ghost moving through the night

Your spirit filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Your old Fender Twin from Johnny's Music downtown

Still set on ten to burn this house down

Count the band in, then kick into overdrive

By the end of the set we leave no one alive

Ghosts runnin' through the night

Our spirits filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I shoulder your Les Paul and finger the fretboard

I make my vows to those who've come before

I turn up the volume, let the spirits be my guide

Meet you, brother and sister, on the other side

I'm alive, I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Yeah, I'm comin' home

La-la-la-la, la-la, la, la, la...

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Bruce Springsteen

Ghosts lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

When we grieve, we heal

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos
March 11, 2021 

A year ago, our lives changed. In the last year we have lost over 520,000 people. Almost 29 million citizens have been diagnosed with COVID-19 according to the CDC. Millions have lost their jobs. Millions of people have had to seek out food distribution locations to be able to eat. The thing is, we may never know the true numbers of people who have suffered significant mental health conditions.

The UK has been doing research on the mental health of hospital workers.

The 'Frontline-COVID study', published today in the peer-reviewed European Journal of Psychotraumatology, surveyed 1,194 HSCWs, who worked in UK hospitals, nursing or care homes and other community settings, to identify and compare the rates of mental health disorder across different job roles and places of work.

The research, carried out just after the UK's first wave of COVID between 27 May and 23 July, 2020, found that:

58% of HSCWs met the threshold for any mental health disorder
22% met criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
47% had clinically significant anxiety
47% had depression.

With so many months from then to now, it is easy to understand that the numbers are higher and even easier to understand that the numbers here in the US are much higher.

Health care workers facing a mental health crisis, 60 Minutes

Nurses, doctors and others on the frontlines of the pandemic are facing a health crisis of their own, many feeling depressed, some considering therapy. Lowery spoke with health care workers across the country, including in Georgia's rural northeast, where one hospital is still grappling with the deadliest wave of COVID-19 they've ever seen.

Erine Raybon-Rojas, a critical care doctor at Northeast Georgia Medical Center, said her workload is still more than double what it was pre-pandemic -- with no relief in sight.

"Have there been moments that have felt like you're reaching a breaking point or have been difficult – where you have been overwhelmed?" Lowery asked Raybon-Rojas in an excerpt from the story that aired on "CBS This Morning."

"Every day," Raybon-Rojas said. "It's not uncommon for us to take a minute to go cry, I mean, I cry in my office all the time… Everything you do is about getting people better. And a lot of times it just doesn't happen. The lack of being able to help someone in their most vulnerable moments is the injury. The fact that it happens over and over and over again is what I think really causes the-- the damage."

Most of us know what it is like to lose someone we love. It feels like a part of us has been taken away. Some people may give you time to grieve but then end up telling you to get over it. They don't know what you are going through and they do not deserve the right to tell you when it is time to stop grieving. There is no timeline on healing. Everyone does it in their own time, and some people, never really get over the loss, but they do recover to a certain point. 

Do not fight your feelings. Don't judge yourself by thinking you should be stronger than what your heart is telling you that you need to do. If you need to cry, then cry. Honor your feelings. Talk about what you need to talk about. If it is how much you miss them, then do it. If you need to talk about how much you loved them or how much they suffered, then do it. If you don't have someone to talk to, then write it down, or find a support group. The more you honor your feelings, the more room you have inside your heart to let in warmer memories of them.

If you are a healthcare worker, you have been through things most of us will never understand. You have been a blessing. You were there to help save those you could. You were also there to comfort those you could not save, especially when their families could not be there in their final moments. You need to honor your feelings too. If you are angry because too many people did not take this seriously and only thought about themselves, then honor your anger too. You have no control over what other people do but only about what you do with your own life.

Hopefully, this time next year, we'll all be back to whatever normal was to us and we will remember all the goodness, all those we loved and those we miss, with warmer memories to comfort us.

Today the featured song is Peter Gabriel I Grieve because he put into words what most people cannot find to express their own pain. I hope it comforts you and lets you know that it is OK to grieve.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I did this one in 2008 for National Guard troops with the song I Grieve.

I Grieve

Peter Gabriel

It was only one hour ago

It was all so different then

Nothing yet has really sunk in

Looks like it always did

This flesh and bone

Is just the way that we are tied in

But there's no one home

I grieve, for you

You leave, me

So hard to move on

Still loving what's gone

They say life carries on

Carries on and on and on and on

The news that truly shocks

Is the empty, empty page

While the final rattle rocks

It's empty, empty cage

And I can't handle this

I grieve, for you

You leave, me

Let it out and move on

Missing what's gone

They say life carries on

They say life carries on and on and on

Life carries on in the people I meet

In everyone that's out on the street

In all the dogs and cats

In the flies and rats

In the rot and the rust

In the ashes and the dust

Life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Just the car that we ride in

The home we reside in

The face that we hide in

The way we are tied in

As life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Did I dream this belief

Or did I believe this dream?

Now I will find relief

I grieve

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Peter Gabriel

I Grieve lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

with their memories along for the ride

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 3, 2021

People we love die. Most of us have lost someone, and for some, many people. My husband and I have been to too many funerals. It is hard. Right now there are over 400,000 lives gone to COVID-19, leaving behind countless numbers of people grieving for them. Even more will die in the coming months, leaving more to grieve. No matter how they die, the way we keep their lives alive is to hold onto the memories of them.

This is why today the featured video is Disturbed, Hold On To Memories.

When the new year rolls around, I start to mark dates on the calendar. Birthdays and anniersaries I don't want to forget, but the number of times is less all the time. I want to remember when they were born and not the date they died. I want to remember what was important to them and the good memories we had.

I want to make the most of my life so that I take them with me in all the good I do and hope they are not ashamed of me when I do something wrong.

If you lost someone, honor the loss and grieve for however long you need to. Don't let someone else tell you it is time to stop. This person was in your life and you alone know how much a part of your life they were in.

When anniversary dates or holidays come around, it can be hard without them. Do something to honor them so it will feel as if they are there with you. Have a memory book you write in and put in things that were important to them. Do something they liked to do and call it their day.

"Make the most of the rest of your life" with their memories along for the ride.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Hold Onto Memories

Disturbed 

Listen, everyone

The time will come when all of us say goodbye

Feel that aching in your heart

Leaving you broken inside

But we're never really gone

As long as there's a memory in your mind

So now go do the best things in life

Take a bite of this world while you can

Make the most of the rest of your life

Make a ride of this world while you can

Take the ones you love

And hold them close because there is little time

And don't let it break your heart

I know it feels hopeless sometimes

But they're never really gone

As long as there's a memory in your mind

So now go do the best things in life

Take a bite of this world while you can

Make the most of the rest of your life

Make a ride of this world while you can

And hold on to memories

Hold on to every moment

To keep them alive

The world's greatest tragedy

Souls who are not remembered

Cannot survive

So now go do the best things in life

Bring the fight to this world while you can

Make the most of the rest of your life

Shine your light on this world while you can

And hold on to memories

Hold on to every moment

To keep them alive

The world's greatest tragedy

Souls who are not remembered

Cannot survive

And hold on to memories

Hold on to every moment

To keep them alive

The world's greatest tragedy

Souls who are not remembered

Cannot survive (cannot survive)

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Churko Kevin Gregory / Donegan Dan J

Hold On to Memories lyrics © Mother Culture Publishing 

Grieving Christmas

UPDATE

Dr. Saumya Dave was just on MSNBC talking about this and offering advice on how to get through this holiday. The first thing is to honor what you are feeling....

Here is a good video from Dr. Dave Campbell on mental health during COVID-19

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 14, 2020

Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, when we're all getting gifts, writing cards and planning parties. That is what it is supposed to be like but for many people, it is a sad time. When you've lost people to send  cards to, have no money to buy gifts because you don't have enough money to simply survive, and there is a pandemic keeping people apart, it seems worse than normal days.

Right now there are over 300,000 lives lost because of COVID-19, and many more will follow. Over 16 million people have been hit by this killer, and many of them will have the illnesses linger for years. There are thousands and thousands in the hospitals fighting for their lives, and their families cannot see them.

Losing people in your life makes it worse. After my Dad died, at the age of 58, it was hard. It was hard when one of my brothers died at 43. It was hard when my Mom passed away at 85. When my oldest brother died, it was the hardest loss for me. I stopped sending Christmas cards. I kept thinking in time, this time of year I used to love, would once again be something I felt good about. I am still waiting for that year.

The thing is, people like us need to be comforted too. That is why today, I picked a couple of videos about loss. If you have PTSD, it could have come with loss too. But you are not alone. 

The best advice I can give is, don't put needless pressure on yourself. Do not try to act happy when you need some space. Try to push any negative memories out of your head and take comfort with the good ones you have. Above all, take care of yourself and do what you can honor your feelings of loss. Include the people who are still in your life in doing something that you need as a gift from them.

Go to the cemetery. Make cards for those you lost. Watch a movie that was their favorite. Paint pictures of them, or collect pictures of things that mattered to them and make a collage. Pick something that will help you remember what this time of year is supposed to be all about.....a season of love.

The Sweetest Gift

Song by The Piano Guys

I'm not gonna lie

Christmas really hurts this time

Cause you're not here to celebrate with me

Tears fill my eyes

The memories flood my mind

As I place your ornament upon our tree

Although this year I have a broken heart

It gives me hope and joy as I remember where you are

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

You're with the Son of God

Got your picture in the frame

And a stocking with your name

Oh God knows it's been hard letting go

And I can't bring you back but I'll see you again

And all that thought is healing to my soul

I'll miss making angels with you in the snow

I guess instead you will be singing with them all around God's throne

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Cause you're with the Son of God

And I know the Christmas season was your favorite time of year

You loved to help us decorate our tree

But now that you're with Jesus

Can't imagine how you feel

'Cause he's the one who bleed and died

Upon the tree for you and me

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Yes, the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Yes, the sweetest gift is knowing you're in his arms

You're with the Son of God

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Craig Aven 

Phil Collins - Since I Lost You 

It seems in a moment your whole world can shatter

Like morning dreams they just disappear

Like dust in your hand falling to the floor

Oh, how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since you've been gone

It's all too easy to take so much for granted

But it's so hard to find the words to say

Like a castle in the sand the water takes away

But how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since I've lost you

Oh, now you'll never see

Oh, you'll never know

All the things I planned for you

Things for you and me, oh

I held your hand so tightly

That I couldn't let it go

Now how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since I've lost you

My heart girl, is broken in pieces

Oh, my heart is broken in pieces

Since you've been gone

My heart, I know, broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Anthony Banks / Phil Collins / Michael Rutherford

Longfellow grieve too!

PTSD in COVID spreader survivors

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 3, 2020

There are a lot of people recovering from COVID-19, and some will carry the lingering effects of it for many years. While most people are doing whatever they can to protect themselves and their families, there are many more, who have been made to believe it isn't real. How do they deal with that after it is too late to prevent getting it and spreading it? How do they live with that guilt? They do the right thing and speak out to wake other people up so they can begin to heal their souls.

If you think that there are no emotional/spiritual prices being paid at the same time there are physical ones, consider this from Hartford Healthcare.

Even once physically recovered, these people may experience lingering effects due to:
A fear of dying.
Social isolation from the time spent hospitalized or in quarantine.
Anxiety at the thought of getting sick again.
Guilt over infecting or harming others.

PTSD, long associated with deployed members of the military or those who have endured extreme trauma and violence, is anticipated to be a challenging aftereffects of the lingering pandemic and even trigger a mental health crisis, according to Patricia Rehmer, president of the Behavioral Health Network and vice president of Hartford HealthCare.  

Signs that PTSD may be affecting you can include:
Overwhelming sadness, fear or anger.
Having flashbacks or nightmares.
Feeling detached from your life and loved ones.
Avoiding memories of the illness.

30-year-old dies after attending 'COVID party' thinking virus was a 'hoax'The man told nurses, "I think I made a mistake." 

“Before I contracted it I thought, ‘It’s just made up, it’s all fabricated’,” Mata told NBC News “Global Hangout” this week, adding that he figured his six-day-a-week gym habit and healthy eating regimen would spare him even if it did exist. “That’s what prevented me from getting help sooner, when it went really bad.” “The bubble I was in online made me think it didn’t add up. To think that I went down that rabbit hole, it’s embarrassing.” Tony Green

From the BBC

Man who believed virus was hoax loses wife to Covid-19

"Many people still think that the Coronavirus is a fake crisis which at one time I did too and not that I thought it wasn't a real virus going around but at one time I felt that it was blown out of proportion and it wasn't that serious. We kept on watching the news and kept on hearing about the spreading of the Coronavirus and to be honest I didn't really think nothing of it I still thought it was being blown out of proportion until about 4 and 1/2 weeks ago when I started to feel sick and once I started to feel sick I stopped working and stayed home yes I came down with the Coronavirus and a couple days later after I started to not feel good my wife started to not feel good and we stayed at home quarantined and my wife did go to the hospital to get tested and they told her yeah you probably have the coronavirus so go home and quarantine yourself well a few days went by and we both started feeling worse and worse and worse to the point where we barely had any energy left to do anything and all we want to do is sleep. So three weeks ago Sunday we decided not to play around with this anymore and I had just enough energy to drive us to the hospital Palm Beach Gardens Medical Center and we both got confirmed that we had the Coronavirus. They admitted us right away and we both went to ICU. I started feeling better within a few days but my wife got worse to the point where they sedated her and put her on the ventilator. I was never put ventilator and started feeling better feeling stronger never had terrible aches and pains just weak and exhausted. Even now I am feeling better A lot better then a few weeks ago I still have covid-19 and some pneumonia in my lungs and we've been here 3 weeks as of yesterday. As of today my wife is still sedated and on the ventilator with no signs of improving. There were a couple times were they tried to start weaning her off the ventilator but as soon as they've done that her oxygen level dropped and they had to put her back on the ventilator full time. My wife has been sick before in the past quite a few times and she always fought through to get better but now after 3 weeks I have come to accept that my wife may pass away and the peace I have about it is that I know without a shadow of a doubt that she will be going home to be with the Lord but I also do believe in miracles and I'm holding on to the chance that she may get healed but if not I am thankful for her I know we've been married for 8 years. So think about what I wrote and think about if this thing is a fake crisis. This Coronavirus affects people differently. My wife has suffered from different physical ailments which she has overcome before but she sure is struggling and the doctors have said they have had a tough time on getting her better. This thing is nothing to be messed with please listen to the authorities and heed the advice of the experts. We don't have to fear this and by heeding the advice doesn't mean that you fear it that means you're showing wisdom during this epidemic time. Looking back I should have wore a mask in the beginning but I didn't and perhaps I'm paying the price for it now but I know that if it was me that gave it to my wife I know that she forgives me and I know that God forgives me. Whether man forgives me or not that's out of my control but as long as I have the assurance that God forgives me and my wife forgives me I am good. So just think about what I said and if you have to go out please use wisdom and don't be foolish like I was so the same so the same thing won't happen to you like it happened to me and my wife."

and then came the realization, it would get worse.

Brian told BBC News that he "wished [he'd] listened from the beginning" and hoped his wife would forgive him.

"This is a real virus that affects people differently. I can't change the past. I can only live in today and make better choices for the future," Brian explained.

"She's no longer suffering, but in peace. I go through times missing her, but I know she's in a better place."

If you were among those who believed liars and did not protect yourself, your family or others in your community, you may have guilt ontop of everything else that COVID-19 did. You need to forgive yourself. Asking God for forgiveness is only part of it because if you do nothing to stop others from spreading the plague then are you doing anything to deserve being forgiven? Right now, there are far too many people who need to hear the painful truth so they have a chance to avoid going through what you did. The people in the articles above are doing what they can to save lives.

Doctors and nurses who put their lives ont the line to take care of them only ask one thing in return...that is wear a mask and stop spreading the germs that will kill people. The vaccine will come lomg after far too many more die.

Time to "come out of the dark" and forgive yourself, and those who lied to you. They were lied to by someone else they believed. Tell them the truth and what they do with it, is up to them. It is out of your control, but you can put your mind at ease knowing you did everything possible to tell the truth. 

Remember, it is your life...get in an drive it! #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD.

Healthcare workers vs wusses

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
November 15, 2020

This is not going to be one of those happy, uplifting messages. I am pissed off! I am so tired of people running around the country, so selfish and filled with hate that those who take care of others out of love, are suffering and wondering when the day will come for them to have some time to rest. 

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day....  Harder than it has to be because these wussy babies whine about not wanting to wear a fricken mask! So you have to suffer, people have to spend months in ICU units and others have to wait for the call to let them know someone they loved, will never come home.

A four year old lost both of his parents because of COVID 19 and his family is pleading with people to put a mask on. Thinking about what this child will grow up carrying with him, knowing that selfish people didn't care they spread this killer and let his parents be taken away from him, we just too much for me today!

SAN ANTONIO (KXAN/NBC) — A four-year-old in San Antonio has lost both his mother and his father to COVID-19.

Raiden Gonzalez’s mother Mariah died from COVID-19 in October, just a few months after the disease killed his father Adan.

Raidan’s relatives say the deaths have been devastating to the boy who is supposed to celebrate his fifth birthday in just a few days.

Raiden’s great-aunt says, “We’ve lost two people now to COVID-19 and I can’t emphasize enough the severity, the seriousness and the hurt that this pandemic can cause, so wear your mask, be safe.”

Healers and protectors in isolation right now need to help each other is a post I put up a while ago and have not done one about what you are going through. I am sorry and on behalf of the people who do appreciate everything you are willing to do, we also know that there is no need of you going through most of this crap right now if people would stop whining about what they want to do! The rest of us are waiting to do what we want to do because they refuse to stop putting themselves first~

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh, beautiful release

Memories seep from my veins

Let me be empty

Oh, and weightless, and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here

From this dark, cold, hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back

The storm keeps on twisting

That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness

Oh, this glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here

From this dark, cold, hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Sarah McLachlan

Angel lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, BMG Rights Management, Universal Music Publishing Group 

PTSD Patrol nights with snakes on the road

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
August 21, 2020 

With the pandemic raging across the country, mental health professionals have been seeing a spike in patients reporting vivid dreams. To tell you the truth, until I started to read about it, I thought I may have been in need of a mental health visit too. For me, my vivid dreams are always about snakes!

Python

You don't have to have PTSD for this to happen but if you don't then you may be able to understand how trauma survivors have a hard time sleeping most of the time.

PTSD Patrol: Breaking the silence “For me, it is #therapy in itself"

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos 

August 1, 2020

Of all the things we've talked about, there are a lot of people facing trauma that does not seem to end. 

COVID-19 pandemic is sweeping across this country, citizens are watching people they love with their lives on the line and spending weeks or months in hospitals, fighting for their lives when no one can go to be with them. Doctors and nurses are struggling to keep as many alive as possible, and begging for people to take this seriously enough so they do what they can to stop spreading it. 

Other jobs are done by those willing to subject themselves to trauma. And then there is domestic violence. 

We can understand that this level of trauma is far beyond what humans are designed to endure and that is when they need help to heal from it.

PTSD Patrol repeat highway in hell 

Of all the things we've covered we have not talked about repeatedly facing trauma that does not end. Domestic violence, trauma from your job, deployment in war or facing natural disaster recovery, are non-stop. You are up against things you need more help getting through. #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Today's featured video is about a police officer who is doing what he can to encourage other officers to get help to heal too.

Detective Rob Davis' candid discussion about his journey as a #policeofficer who lives with #trauma and #PTSD are an invaluable contribution to the conversation surrounding mental health and public service.

From the Abington Police Department in Abington, PA, Rob uses his #recovery story to help other #officers who have similar symptoms. “I’m not a big public speaker. But in this case, I don’t mind sharing,” he says. “For me, it is #therapy in itself . . . To be able to tell somebody that it is possible to get through this. That’s the story that I want to share.”

PTSD Patrol: special for hospital staff facing PTSD

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

July 21, 2020

With the debate about the virus and too many thinking it is a hoax, think of it this way. If you are wrong and discover it is real, then you may come to regret what you believed. If you are a good person, as most of you are, that will be really hard to take.

If I am wrong wearing one, then the worst that can happen is, I will look foolish thinking I did something for the right reason. In the end I won't feel bad about being wrong...I'll get a good laugh out of it. 

As you know, I have no problem laughing at myself!

So many nurses and doctors are pleading for citizens to wear a mask and stop spreading the virus. They are under tremendous stress because some people will not take this seriously. Cases of PTSD are rising for them and you can make it better for them. #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD