Missing someone you love is hard.

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 23, 2021

I just got my second COVID-19 shot and I am glad I did. I want to make sure that I am not responsible for passing it onto someone who may not survive it. We're lost so many people over the last year, when their deaths didn't need to happen. It is hard enough to lose someone as it is.

As of today, we've lost 567,352 to COVID-19 accordong to the CDC and some were old, some were young. We miss them and it hurts. It always hurts when someone you love dies. The thing is, they will always be a part of you and your life, but just in a different way.

Yesterday I did a post about my Dad and how he is responsible for the work I do on PTSD. In a way, he is a part of changing the lives of many and he never knew it. He is a part of me always. The thing is, I grieved for him in my own way and for as long as it took. He was the first person I lost that I was close to and he was just 58 years old. He passed away before my daughter was born. It was that long ago and still, I miss him. I miss everyone in my family who died too.

Missing someone you love is hard. Here is some advice I hope will give you comfort. Heal in your own time and grieve until you don't need to anymore. Don't let someone else tell you that you should be over it on a time they think it should happen. It is your life the person was in, and your heart that misses them.

When holidays or anniversary dates come, do something different than what you did when they were here. They are now in your life as memories, so do something that they would have enjoyed. Mother's Day is coming. Eat their favorite meal. Buy their favorite flowers, not the ones you used to buy because you thought they were pretty. Go through photo albums, or through the boxes you have been meaning to sort through. Bring them into the day when you miss them the most and they will be there with you.

Remember that with this terrible time, things will change, as they always do, for the better. Until that day comes, hold onto the memories of them and take comfort from what they put inside of you while they were here.

Today the featured video is Bruce Springsteen Ghosts.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Ghosts

Bruce Springsteen

I hear the sound of your guitar

Comin' from the mystic far

Stone and the gravel in your voice

Come in my dreams and I rejoice

It's your ghost moving through the night

Your spirit filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Old buckskin jacket you always wore

Hangs on the back of my bedroom door

Boots and the spurs you used to ride

Click down the hall but never arrive

It's just your ghost moving through the night

Your spirit filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Your old Fender Twin from Johnny's Music downtown

Still set on ten to burn this house down

Count the band in, then kick into overdrive

By the end of the set we leave no one alive

Ghosts runnin' through the night

Our spirits filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I shoulder your Les Paul and finger the fretboard

I make my vows to those who've come before

I turn up the volume, let the spirits be my guide

Meet you, brother and sister, on the other side

I'm alive, I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Yeah, I'm comin' home

La-la-la-la, la-la, la, la, la...

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Bruce Springsteen

Ghosts lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

When we grieve, we heal

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos
March 11, 2021 

A year ago, our lives changed. In the last year we have lost over 520,000 people. Almost 29 million citizens have been diagnosed with COVID-19 according to the CDC. Millions have lost their jobs. Millions of people have had to seek out food distribution locations to be able to eat. The thing is, we may never know the true numbers of people who have suffered significant mental health conditions.

The UK has been doing research on the mental health of hospital workers.

The 'Frontline-COVID study', published today in the peer-reviewed European Journal of Psychotraumatology, surveyed 1,194 HSCWs, who worked in UK hospitals, nursing or care homes and other community settings, to identify and compare the rates of mental health disorder across different job roles and places of work.

The research, carried out just after the UK's first wave of COVID between 27 May and 23 July, 2020, found that:

58% of HSCWs met the threshold for any mental health disorder
22% met criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
47% had clinically significant anxiety
47% had depression.

With so many months from then to now, it is easy to understand that the numbers are higher and even easier to understand that the numbers here in the US are much higher.

Health care workers facing a mental health crisis, 60 Minutes

Nurses, doctors and others on the frontlines of the pandemic are facing a health crisis of their own, many feeling depressed, some considering therapy. Lowery spoke with health care workers across the country, including in Georgia's rural northeast, where one hospital is still grappling with the deadliest wave of COVID-19 they've ever seen.

Erine Raybon-Rojas, a critical care doctor at Northeast Georgia Medical Center, said her workload is still more than double what it was pre-pandemic -- with no relief in sight.

"Have there been moments that have felt like you're reaching a breaking point or have been difficult – where you have been overwhelmed?" Lowery asked Raybon-Rojas in an excerpt from the story that aired on "CBS This Morning."

"Every day," Raybon-Rojas said. "It's not uncommon for us to take a minute to go cry, I mean, I cry in my office all the time… Everything you do is about getting people better. And a lot of times it just doesn't happen. The lack of being able to help someone in their most vulnerable moments is the injury. The fact that it happens over and over and over again is what I think really causes the-- the damage."

Most of us know what it is like to lose someone we love. It feels like a part of us has been taken away. Some people may give you time to grieve but then end up telling you to get over it. They don't know what you are going through and they do not deserve the right to tell you when it is time to stop grieving. There is no timeline on healing. Everyone does it in their own time, and some people, never really get over the loss, but they do recover to a certain point. 

Do not fight your feelings. Don't judge yourself by thinking you should be stronger than what your heart is telling you that you need to do. If you need to cry, then cry. Honor your feelings. Talk about what you need to talk about. If it is how much you miss them, then do it. If you need to talk about how much you loved them or how much they suffered, then do it. If you don't have someone to talk to, then write it down, or find a support group. The more you honor your feelings, the more room you have inside your heart to let in warmer memories of them.

If you are a healthcare worker, you have been through things most of us will never understand. You have been a blessing. You were there to help save those you could. You were also there to comfort those you could not save, especially when their families could not be there in their final moments. You need to honor your feelings too. If you are angry because too many people did not take this seriously and only thought about themselves, then honor your anger too. You have no control over what other people do but only about what you do with your own life.

Hopefully, this time next year, we'll all be back to whatever normal was to us and we will remember all the goodness, all those we loved and those we miss, with warmer memories to comfort us.

Today the featured song is Peter Gabriel I Grieve because he put into words what most people cannot find to express their own pain. I hope it comforts you and lets you know that it is OK to grieve.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I did this one in 2008 for National Guard troops with the song I Grieve.

I Grieve

Peter Gabriel

It was only one hour ago

It was all so different then

Nothing yet has really sunk in

Looks like it always did

This flesh and bone

Is just the way that we are tied in

But there's no one home

I grieve, for you

You leave, me

So hard to move on

Still loving what's gone

They say life carries on

Carries on and on and on and on

The news that truly shocks

Is the empty, empty page

While the final rattle rocks

It's empty, empty cage

And I can't handle this

I grieve, for you

You leave, me

Let it out and move on

Missing what's gone

They say life carries on

They say life carries on and on and on

Life carries on in the people I meet

In everyone that's out on the street

In all the dogs and cats

In the flies and rats

In the rot and the rust

In the ashes and the dust

Life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Just the car that we ride in

The home we reside in

The face that we hide in

The way we are tied in

As life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Did I dream this belief

Or did I believe this dream?

Now I will find relief

I grieve

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Peter Gabriel

I Grieve lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

healing the broken hearted

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 26, 2021

Honoring your feelings is sometimes really hard. It is especially hard if you had someone in your life, who is now out of your life. It is hard when they pass away, just as it is hard when they walk away. When they leave, they take a piece of your with them.

Honor that loss and let out all the bad emotions, so good ones can move in. A day will come when you stop thinking about the loss and remember the good they put into your life.

Today the featured video is What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted.

"I'll be looking everyday, I know I'm gonna find a way

Nothing's gonna stop me now

I'll find a way somehow

And I'll be searching everywhere

I know I gotta find a way

I'll be looking"

There are so many reasons people leave us. When you have PTSD, that loss hits harder. Maybe they passed away during the event that caused PTSD. Maybe they left you because of PTSD in them, or you. Maybe you reached out and they walked away. Maybe you were hurting so much you pushed them away. 

Honor the grief and loss. Honor whatever you are going through so you can heal. When you are ready, someone else may come into your life and you'll find a reason to trust them. Someone will help you heal your broken heart and fill the space the other one left empty.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

Jimmy Ruffin 

As I walk this land with broken dreams

I have visions of many things

But happiness is just an illusion

Filled with sadness and confusion

What becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find 

Some kind of peace of mind

Maybe

The roots of love grow all around

But for me they come a-tumblin' down

Every day heartaches grow a little stronger

I can't stand this pain much longer

I walk in shadows searching for light

Cold and alone, no comfort in sight

Hoping and praying for someone to care

Always moving and goin' nowhere

What becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find 

Some kind of peace of mind

Help me

I'm searching, though I don't succeed

But someone look, there's a growing need

Oh, he is lost, there's no place for beginning

All that's left is an unhappy ending

Now, becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find

Some kind of peace of mind

I'll be searching everywhere

Just to find someone to care

I'll be looking everyday, I know I'm gonna find a way

Nothing's gonna stop me now

I'll find a way somehow

And I'll be searching everywhere

I know I gotta find a way

I'll be looking

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: James Anthony Dean / Paul Riser / William Henry Witherspoonn

What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Robson and Jerome - What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted?