Missing someone you love is hard.

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 23, 2021

I just got my second COVID-19 shot and I am glad I did. I want to make sure that I am not responsible for passing it onto someone who may not survive it. We're lost so many people over the last year, when their deaths didn't need to happen. It is hard enough to lose someone as it is.

As of today, we've lost 567,352 to COVID-19 accordong to the CDC and some were old, some were young. We miss them and it hurts. It always hurts when someone you love dies. The thing is, they will always be a part of you and your life, but just in a different way.

Yesterday I did a post about my Dad and how he is responsible for the work I do on PTSD. In a way, he is a part of changing the lives of many and he never knew it. He is a part of me always. The thing is, I grieved for him in my own way and for as long as it took. He was the first person I lost that I was close to and he was just 58 years old. He passed away before my daughter was born. It was that long ago and still, I miss him. I miss everyone in my family who died too.

Missing someone you love is hard. Here is some advice I hope will give you comfort. Heal in your own time and grieve until you don't need to anymore. Don't let someone else tell you that you should be over it on a time they think it should happen. It is your life the person was in, and your heart that misses them.

When holidays or anniversary dates come, do something different than what you did when they were here. They are now in your life as memories, so do something that they would have enjoyed. Mother's Day is coming. Eat their favorite meal. Buy their favorite flowers, not the ones you used to buy because you thought they were pretty. Go through photo albums, or through the boxes you have been meaning to sort through. Bring them into the day when you miss them the most and they will be there with you.

Remember that with this terrible time, things will change, as they always do, for the better. Until that day comes, hold onto the memories of them and take comfort from what they put inside of you while they were here.

Today the featured video is Bruce Springsteen Ghosts.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Ghosts

Bruce Springsteen

I hear the sound of your guitar

Comin' from the mystic far

Stone and the gravel in your voice

Come in my dreams and I rejoice

It's your ghost moving through the night

Your spirit filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Old buckskin jacket you always wore

Hangs on the back of my bedroom door

Boots and the spurs you used to ride

Click down the hall but never arrive

It's just your ghost moving through the night

Your spirit filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Your old Fender Twin from Johnny's Music downtown

Still set on ten to burn this house down

Count the band in, then kick into overdrive

By the end of the set we leave no one alive

Ghosts runnin' through the night

Our spirits filled with light

I need, need you by my side

Your love and I'm alive

I shoulder your Les Paul and finger the fretboard

I make my vows to those who've come before

I turn up the volume, let the spirits be my guide

Meet you, brother and sister, on the other side

I'm alive, I can feel the blood shiver in my bones

I'm alive and I'm out here on my own

I'm alive and I'm comin' home

Yeah, I'm comin' home

La-la-la-la, la-la, la, la, la...

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Bruce Springsteen

Ghosts lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

When we grieve, we heal

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos
March 11, 2021 

A year ago, our lives changed. In the last year we have lost over 520,000 people. Almost 29 million citizens have been diagnosed with COVID-19 according to the CDC. Millions have lost their jobs. Millions of people have had to seek out food distribution locations to be able to eat. The thing is, we may never know the true numbers of people who have suffered significant mental health conditions.

The UK has been doing research on the mental health of hospital workers.

The 'Frontline-COVID study', published today in the peer-reviewed European Journal of Psychotraumatology, surveyed 1,194 HSCWs, who worked in UK hospitals, nursing or care homes and other community settings, to identify and compare the rates of mental health disorder across different job roles and places of work.

The research, carried out just after the UK's first wave of COVID between 27 May and 23 July, 2020, found that:

58% of HSCWs met the threshold for any mental health disorder
22% met criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
47% had clinically significant anxiety
47% had depression.

With so many months from then to now, it is easy to understand that the numbers are higher and even easier to understand that the numbers here in the US are much higher.

Health care workers facing a mental health crisis, 60 Minutes

Nurses, doctors and others on the frontlines of the pandemic are facing a health crisis of their own, many feeling depressed, some considering therapy. Lowery spoke with health care workers across the country, including in Georgia's rural northeast, where one hospital is still grappling with the deadliest wave of COVID-19 they've ever seen.

Erine Raybon-Rojas, a critical care doctor at Northeast Georgia Medical Center, said her workload is still more than double what it was pre-pandemic -- with no relief in sight.

"Have there been moments that have felt like you're reaching a breaking point or have been difficult – where you have been overwhelmed?" Lowery asked Raybon-Rojas in an excerpt from the story that aired on "CBS This Morning."

"Every day," Raybon-Rojas said. "It's not uncommon for us to take a minute to go cry, I mean, I cry in my office all the time… Everything you do is about getting people better. And a lot of times it just doesn't happen. The lack of being able to help someone in their most vulnerable moments is the injury. The fact that it happens over and over and over again is what I think really causes the-- the damage."

Most of us know what it is like to lose someone we love. It feels like a part of us has been taken away. Some people may give you time to grieve but then end up telling you to get over it. They don't know what you are going through and they do not deserve the right to tell you when it is time to stop grieving. There is no timeline on healing. Everyone does it in their own time, and some people, never really get over the loss, but they do recover to a certain point. 

Do not fight your feelings. Don't judge yourself by thinking you should be stronger than what your heart is telling you that you need to do. If you need to cry, then cry. Honor your feelings. Talk about what you need to talk about. If it is how much you miss them, then do it. If you need to talk about how much you loved them or how much they suffered, then do it. If you don't have someone to talk to, then write it down, or find a support group. The more you honor your feelings, the more room you have inside your heart to let in warmer memories of them.

If you are a healthcare worker, you have been through things most of us will never understand. You have been a blessing. You were there to help save those you could. You were also there to comfort those you could not save, especially when their families could not be there in their final moments. You need to honor your feelings too. If you are angry because too many people did not take this seriously and only thought about themselves, then honor your anger too. You have no control over what other people do but only about what you do with your own life.

Hopefully, this time next year, we'll all be back to whatever normal was to us and we will remember all the goodness, all those we loved and those we miss, with warmer memories to comfort us.

Today the featured song is Peter Gabriel I Grieve because he put into words what most people cannot find to express their own pain. I hope it comforts you and lets you know that it is OK to grieve.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I did this one in 2008 for National Guard troops with the song I Grieve.

I Grieve

Peter Gabriel

It was only one hour ago

It was all so different then

Nothing yet has really sunk in

Looks like it always did

This flesh and bone

Is just the way that we are tied in

But there's no one home

I grieve, for you

You leave, me

So hard to move on

Still loving what's gone

They say life carries on

Carries on and on and on and on

The news that truly shocks

Is the empty, empty page

While the final rattle rocks

It's empty, empty cage

And I can't handle this

I grieve, for you

You leave, me

Let it out and move on

Missing what's gone

They say life carries on

They say life carries on and on and on

Life carries on in the people I meet

In everyone that's out on the street

In all the dogs and cats

In the flies and rats

In the rot and the rust

In the ashes and the dust

Life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Just the car that we ride in

The home we reside in

The face that we hide in

The way we are tied in

As life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Did I dream this belief

Or did I believe this dream?

Now I will find relief

I grieve

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Peter Gabriel

I Grieve lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

healing the broken hearted

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 26, 2021

Honoring your feelings is sometimes really hard. It is especially hard if you had someone in your life, who is now out of your life. It is hard when they pass away, just as it is hard when they walk away. When they leave, they take a piece of your with them.

Honor that loss and let out all the bad emotions, so good ones can move in. A day will come when you stop thinking about the loss and remember the good they put into your life.

Today the featured video is What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted.

"I'll be looking everyday, I know I'm gonna find a way

Nothing's gonna stop me now

I'll find a way somehow

And I'll be searching everywhere

I know I gotta find a way

I'll be looking"

There are so many reasons people leave us. When you have PTSD, that loss hits harder. Maybe they passed away during the event that caused PTSD. Maybe they left you because of PTSD in them, or you. Maybe you reached out and they walked away. Maybe you were hurting so much you pushed them away. 

Honor the grief and loss. Honor whatever you are going through so you can heal. When you are ready, someone else may come into your life and you'll find a reason to trust them. Someone will help you heal your broken heart and fill the space the other one left empty.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

Jimmy Ruffin 

As I walk this land with broken dreams

I have visions of many things

But happiness is just an illusion

Filled with sadness and confusion

What becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find 

Some kind of peace of mind

Maybe

The roots of love grow all around

But for me they come a-tumblin' down

Every day heartaches grow a little stronger

I can't stand this pain much longer

I walk in shadows searching for light

Cold and alone, no comfort in sight

Hoping and praying for someone to care

Always moving and goin' nowhere

What becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find 

Some kind of peace of mind

Help me

I'm searching, though I don't succeed

But someone look, there's a growing need

Oh, he is lost, there's no place for beginning

All that's left is an unhappy ending

Now, becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find

Some kind of peace of mind

I'll be searching everywhere

Just to find someone to care

I'll be looking everyday, I know I'm gonna find a way

Nothing's gonna stop me now

I'll find a way somehow

And I'll be searching everywhere

I know I gotta find a way

I'll be looking

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: James Anthony Dean / Paul Riser / William Henry Witherspoonn

What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Robson and Jerome - What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted?

Grieving Christmas

UPDATE

Dr. Saumya Dave was just on MSNBC talking about this and offering advice on how to get through this holiday. The first thing is to honor what you are feeling....

Here is a good video from Dr. Dave Campbell on mental health during COVID-19

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 14, 2020

Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, when we're all getting gifts, writing cards and planning parties. That is what it is supposed to be like but for many people, it is a sad time. When you've lost people to send  cards to, have no money to buy gifts because you don't have enough money to simply survive, and there is a pandemic keeping people apart, it seems worse than normal days.

Right now there are over 300,000 lives lost because of COVID-19, and many more will follow. Over 16 million people have been hit by this killer, and many of them will have the illnesses linger for years. There are thousands and thousands in the hospitals fighting for their lives, and their families cannot see them.

Losing people in your life makes it worse. After my Dad died, at the age of 58, it was hard. It was hard when one of my brothers died at 43. It was hard when my Mom passed away at 85. When my oldest brother died, it was the hardest loss for me. I stopped sending Christmas cards. I kept thinking in time, this time of year I used to love, would once again be something I felt good about. I am still waiting for that year.

The thing is, people like us need to be comforted too. That is why today, I picked a couple of videos about loss. If you have PTSD, it could have come with loss too. But you are not alone. 

The best advice I can give is, don't put needless pressure on yourself. Do not try to act happy when you need some space. Try to push any negative memories out of your head and take comfort with the good ones you have. Above all, take care of yourself and do what you can honor your feelings of loss. Include the people who are still in your life in doing something that you need as a gift from them.

Go to the cemetery. Make cards for those you lost. Watch a movie that was their favorite. Paint pictures of them, or collect pictures of things that mattered to them and make a collage. Pick something that will help you remember what this time of year is supposed to be all about.....a season of love.

The Sweetest Gift

Song by The Piano Guys

I'm not gonna lie

Christmas really hurts this time

Cause you're not here to celebrate with me

Tears fill my eyes

The memories flood my mind

As I place your ornament upon our tree

Although this year I have a broken heart

It gives me hope and joy as I remember where you are

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

You're with the Son of God

Got your picture in the frame

And a stocking with your name

Oh God knows it's been hard letting go

And I can't bring you back but I'll see you again

And all that thought is healing to my soul

I'll miss making angels with you in the snow

I guess instead you will be singing with them all around God's throne

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Cause you're with the Son of God

And I know the Christmas season was your favorite time of year

You loved to help us decorate our tree

But now that you're with Jesus

Can't imagine how you feel

'Cause he's the one who bleed and died

Upon the tree for you and me

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Yes, the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Yes, the sweetest gift is knowing you're in his arms

You're with the Son of God

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Craig Aven 

Phil Collins - Since I Lost You 

It seems in a moment your whole world can shatter

Like morning dreams they just disappear

Like dust in your hand falling to the floor

Oh, how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since you've been gone

It's all too easy to take so much for granted

But it's so hard to find the words to say

Like a castle in the sand the water takes away

But how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since I've lost you

Oh, now you'll never see

Oh, you'll never know

All the things I planned for you

Things for you and me, oh

I held your hand so tightly

That I couldn't let it go

Now how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since I've lost you

My heart girl, is broken in pieces

Oh, my heart is broken in pieces

Since you've been gone

My heart, I know, broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Anthony Banks / Phil Collins / Michael Rutherford

Longfellow grieve too!

Brake pads for vehicles when we get bad breaks

Break Pads

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 14, 2019

When you are grieving, sometimes you need to apply the brakes...so that you can #BreakTheSilence of what you are going through. 

Most of the time people do not know what to expect from themselves. You may judge yourself, or expect more from your core.

Instead of dismissing your own emotions, honor what you are feeling so you can being the healing.

If you are angry, then honor it. I yelled at my Dad at the cemetery a few days after his funeral. I chewed out my brother at the funeral home before everyone else got there. I was angry because I wanted them to still be here.

If you are sad, then honor that. They were a part of your life and they still can be in your memories of them. There comes a time when those memories will stop being painful reminders they are gone. The memories become fond ones of times when they were here.

Do not judge yourself or let anyone else judge you for not grieving enough or too much, or taking too long to "get over it" because they did it another way.

Brake pads on vehicles stop us from moving forward. Breaks in our lives can do the same if we let them.

Brake pads also release when needed so that we can move forward. So to breaks in our lives. They release us so that we can move on.