But everyone just runs away

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 6, 2021

Cross posted on Wounded Times

No matter how many times people walked away from you, one day someone will help you. One day someone will show you the way and stand by your side until you get to where you need to be. Then you will become that "someone" for someone else. Don't give up. Don't give in. Fight like hell because you are worth it!

If you were not, then I wouldn't have been doing this work for almost 40 years with all the crap I have to go through to do the right thing. No matter what I faced, you were worth it!

Today there almost wasn't a video. I didn't have it in me to do one. I was actually online looking for something for myself. I discovered my work stolen again. It happens to me all the time and I am powerless to stop them from doing it. Sometimes they will put my name on it, other times they won't but for some reason they think they can just take it without my knowledge or permission.

I found the video that put into words exactly what I was feeling and it helped. It is from Five Finger Death Punch, Darkness Settles In. When I heard these lines, I cried. The thing is, it just got uploaded 15 hours ago!

It's like I'm holding all the aces

But I know I'll never win

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

The people I know who would help me, cannot help me on this. The ones who can help, I reach out to but they are not interested in helping me at all. The thing is, I am on the right side of this, doing the work for the right reasons and nothing is going to stop me. Screw the bastards. I know one day will come and they will be seen for who and what they truly are. I may not be alive to see it but I know I have the power over what I do and no one can take that way.

If you have PTSD then you know what it is like to tell death "screw you" and you lived because your life was worth it to you. You had no control over what happened but have the power to change what comes now. I'll be damned if I let the darkness settle in on my life. Don't let it settle in on your life either.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Darkness Settles In

Five Finger Death Punch 

Another sun sets down behind me

Another day comes crashing in

There's a whispering wind that's blowing

There's a storm that's closing in

I can hear the trains, they're rolling

To a place I've never been

And I can feel her breath beside me

With an empty glass of gin

As the darkness settles in

I can hear her voice again

I can hear your voice again

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

All the ghosts that live inside me

Always waiting in the wind

I can see through my reflection

What I've become and what I've been

You see, your Heaven doesn't want me

And your Hell won't let me in

It's like I'm holding all the aces

But I know I'll never win

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

You can take it away, tear it all down

Spit in my face, pushed to the ground

Look what I've become

I've fallen from grace, bloodied and bound

Taking up space, lost and I'm found

Look what I've become

I can hear the snakes, they're winding

Singing songs of pain and sin

There's an anger overflowing

From this empty glass of gin

As the darkness settles in

And the darkness settles in

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

And the darkness settles in

(You can take it away)

And the darkness settles in

(You can take it away)

As the darkness settles in

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Zoltan Bathory / Kevin Churko / Jason Hook

Darkness Settles In lyrics © Gumpofwump 

What is your reason to fight?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 5, 2021

What is your reason to fight for something? Are you willing to fight for a cause you believe in? How much do you believe in it? Do you give it all of your free time or do you just do it once in a while? Are you invested in the cause enough to learn everything you can about it? Does that include what others have done, what they did that worked along with what didn't work they knew enough to drop?

The thing is, when you have a reason to fight for something, then you do give it everything you have. All the time you have to spare is committed to it. How about you decide to be committed to fighting for yourself? Aren't you worth fighting for?

There are PTSD advocates fighting for other people to get help, but they never fought for themselves. It isn't that they don't care about other people. It is more about them being the type of person everyone goes to for help, that prevents them from asking for it from themselves. It is almost as if they admit they need help, it will make them look weaker in the eyes of everyone else.

There are PTSD advocates who are fighting, not just because they care, but because they also had the same pain in their lives. The best advocates are those who have all that in their lives, but also know what it is like to need help, ask for it, and receive it. Then they can honestly share their lives with those they are trying to help. They are an example of what is possible to those who feel as lost as they did before.

I am in that category. The reason why people like me do it is because we remember what life was like when we were just suffering. We remember what it was like when we were healing and someone helped us do it. The biggest blessing comes is when we healed and helped others get through the hell so they could be happier. Watching them pass on that healing, being an example of not being afraid to ask for help, is a gift beyond words. We know it does not stop with them, but moves on from them and spreads out. We will never know how many lives changed because we did. I hope those who helped me so long ago know that too because even I do not know how many lives changed because they helped me first!

This is why the featured video today is Disturbed, A Reason To Fight.

Don't let it take your soul

Look at me take control

When knowing to fight this war

This is nothing worth dying for

Are you ready to begin?

Are you ready to begin? Do you finally believe you are worth fighting for too? Then become the example of what you want others to do by doing it for yourself.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

A Reason to Fight

Disturbed

The image in your eyes

Reflecting the pain that has taken you

I hear it in your voice, so ridden with shame

From what's hailing you

I won't give up so don't give in

You've fallen down but you can rise again

So don't give up

When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin

And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win

When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin

When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight

Lost in your world of lies

I find it so hard to believe in you

Can it be real this time?

Or just a part of this game that we're playing through

I won't give up so don't give in

You've fallen down but you will rise again

I won't give up

When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin

And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win

When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin

When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight

Don't let it take your soul

Look at me take control

When knowing to fight this war

This is nothing worth dying for

Are you ready to begin?

This is a battle that we are gonna win

When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin

When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason

When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin

And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win

When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin

When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight

I'll be your reason to fight

Give you a reason to fight

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dan J Donegan / David Michael Draiman / Kevin Gregory Churko / Michael Wengren

A Reason to Fight lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

Yes, I have faith in you that you will ask for help because you have invested too much of your heart in getting others to do it. #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Bonus video from Disturbed If I Ever Lose My Faith

This is Mental Health Awareness Month. When it comes to PTSD, it was because Vietnam veterans fought for all the reseach and funding on what trauma does. If you are a veteran...consider what you have to fight for, after you fought for those you served with.

Show me the way

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 4, 2021

When you are alone and lost, what do you do? You pray to be shown the way out. If you are with someone, and they can figure it out, that is wonderful. What if they are just as lost as you are? Then both of you need to be shown the way out.

There are things I pray for, that only God can do. There are things I pray for, that I know I have to do. When that is my job, I pray God shows me the way. The fact is, I am not smart enough to do or say a lot of things that come out of me. The only place they can come from is God. That is why the featured song is Styx, Show Me The Way. I found it on YouTube this morning.

Show Me The Way

Styx 

Every night I say a prayer in the hope that there's a heaven

And every day I'm more confused as the saints turn into sinners

All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay

And I feel this empty place inside so afraid that I've lost my faith

Show me the way, show me the way

Take me tonight to the river

And wash my illusions away

Show me the way

And as I slowly drift to sleep, for a moment dreams are sacred

I close my eyes and know there's peace in a world so filled with hatred

That I wake up each morning and turn on the news to find we've so far to go

And I keep on hoping for a sign, so afraid that I just won't know

Show me the way, Show me the way

Bring me tonight to the mountain

And take my confusion away

And show me the way

And if I see your light, should I believe

Tell me how will I know

Show me the way, show me the way

Take me tonight to the river

And wash my illusions away

Show me the way, show me the way

Give me the strength and the courage

To believe that I'll get there someday

And please show me the way

Every night I say a prayer

In the hope that there's a heaven

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dennis Deyoung

Show Me the Way lyrics © Wixen Music Publishing

When I listened to the lyrics, it was as if God hit the play button. I have no doubt there is a Heaven. I've seen too many miracles in my lifetime to think otherwise. I have seen average people, step up over and over again, changing lives and healing the sick. That drive inside of them, to even contemplate some of those jobs, was in there from the start and was carried within their souls. God showed them the way.

I know there are times when someone needs help and I don't have a clue what I should say to comfort them. All of a sudden, the words come and they know things will get better for them. I know the answer came from God. Does He speak to my soul? I don't know but I do know I am not smart enough to figure it would on my own.

PTSD Patrol started out to show you the way out of hopelessness and how to get to the help you need. To give you comfort so you know that you are not alone and don't have to stay feeling like you are lost. To let you know that you do have the power within you to #TakeBackYourLife from PTSD. 

I knew a long time ago it had to be done by taking care of your mind, body and your spirit. That is how miracles happen. I also learned a long time ago, that when we ask to be shown the way out of whatever mess we're in, we need to get our egos out of the way. I get lost a lot of times too and I don't know what to do. I need Him to guide me, especially, as my daughter says, I get lost getting out of a paper bag.

Pray for the big things you do not have the power to do, like what evil and horrible people do. You will know God is real when they either lose their power to do more harm, or they are changed. Pray for what you need inside of you, and it will be delivered. Pray for God to show you the way and be willing to follow where He leads you.

Remember, it is your life...get and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

But the fighter still remains

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 3, 2021

"Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest." Those words are from today's featured video, Simon and Garfunkel, The Boxer. It is a song about not giving up, no matter how many times you get knocked down.

What is it you want to hear? You probably want to hear that life can get better. That you are a fighter too.

"In the clearing stands a boxer

And a fighter by his trade

And he carries the reminders

Of every glove that laid him down

And cut him till he cried out

In his anger and his shame

"I am leaving, I am leaving"

But the fighter still remains, he's still remains"

What you should disregard is anything telling you to "deal with it" or "give up" or "get over it" because if you survived whatever cause PTSD, then you did because you fought to do it. You didn't give up then and don't have to give up now. You didn't survive whatever it was on your own and you don't have to fight against it by yourself now.

This song always reminds me of people fighting PTSD. You carry the reminder of what caused PTSD and tried to knock you down. It is time to kick its ass!

"After changes upon changes

We are more or less the same"

Most of "who" you were before PTSD, is still all there. PTSD is change and you can change again for the better if you fight to take back your life.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The Boxer

Simon and Garfunkel 

The Concert in Central Park 

I am just a poor boy

Though my story's seldom told

I have squandered my resistance

For a pocketful of mumbles

Such are promises

All lies and jest

Still, a man hears what he wants to hear

And disregards the rest

When I left my home and my family

I was no more than a boy

In the company of strangers

In the quiet of the railway station

Running scared

Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters

Where the ragged people go

Looking for the places only they would know

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Asking only workman's wages

I come looking for a job

But I get no offers

Just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue

I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome

I took some comfort there

La-la-la-la-la-la-la

Now the years are rolling by me

They are rocking evenly

And I am older than I once was

And younger than I'll be

But that's not unusual

No, it isn't strange

After changes upon changes

We are more or less the same

After changes we are

More or less the same

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Then I'm laying out my winter clothes

Wishing I was gone

Going home

Where the New York City winters aren't bleeding me

Leading me

To going home

In the clearing stands a boxer

And a fighter by his trade

And he carries the reminders

Of every glove that laid him down

And cut him till he cried out

In his anger and his shame

"I am leaving, I am leaving"

But the fighter still remains, he's still remains

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Thank you, good night

Thank you, thanks

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Edmund John Simons / Thomas Owen Mostyn Rowlands / Timothy Allan Burgess

The Boxer lyrics © Paul Simon Music, Warner/chappell Music Ltd 

We seem to have a habit of forgetting even Jesus needed suppor

Today is Eastern Orthodox Easter. I am spending it with my family and there will not be a video for today. I was going through some older posts and came across this from 2017. It was posted on my older site, but still applies to today.

This time, you have to start with saving your own life
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
April 15, 2017

Tomorrow is Easter for Christians around the world. The day Jesus defeated death after everyone thought He had failed to deliver on the promises He made. Think about that for a second. Think of those who knew Him best believing it was all for nothing.

Did they think He should have killed off the Roman soldiers and saved Himself to prove the power of His Father? Did they think they just wasted three years of their lives, enduring hardships as homeless travelers seeking the kindness of strangers as they tried to deliver the messages of hope, love and the promise of redemption?

Doing the right things for the right reasons is never easy. Jesus struggled with what He knew He had to do in the Garden but even as He accepted the decision of God to fulfill His mission, He was torn between what He had to do and what He wanted to do. Yet He was willing to pay that price.

Gethsemane 36Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them,“Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled.38Then he said to them,“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” Matthew 26:36-46New International Version (NIV)

We seem to have a habit of forgetting even Jesus needed support. He was filled with sorrow.

There is a quote that has always bothered me because it seems so unfair.
What does the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished" mean?

Hyun Kim, former . at U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

Written 18 Feb
For Christians, being punished or persecuted by others — even by friends and family — for doing the right thing is just par for the course. It is the epitome of martyrdom and reminds me of the Beatitudes in Matthew 5: 10–12~

“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and celebrate, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you…” (Matt. 5:10–12)

I also like the verse from James 1: 2–4~

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “

But just as God had magnificent plans for Jesus and He completed the mission, God also had a mission for you. 

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

If you are risking your life for the sake of others, you need to be reminded that ability came as a package deal. Everything you needed to pull you into that direction, was within your spirit. You wouldn't have been happy doing something selfish or for the sake of money. Still there is one more thing that was also in you from the beginning. The ability to heal from doing what was asked of you.

"It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life."  John 6:63

There is a passage that speaks directly to you if you are among those chosen to spend your life dedicated toward saving the lives of others.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

That great love is why you feel so much pain within your spirit. You feel it all more than others. It is not "weakness" that consumes you, but the strength of your emotional core.

How is it that you can understand a regular person being stuck by PTSD from one event when you are enduring them over and over again but cannot understand your own pain?

The spirit within you is equipped to defeat the worst your mission did to you. You trusted the guidance of your spirit when you decided to choose the jobs as serving, protecting and defending strangers and you need to trust it now to heal.

As the followers of Jesus spent these three days in darkness, forgetting all He said would happen, so have you lived in the darkness of doubting the fact that those you served with were willing to die for you. As you did for them, but if you do not trust them enough to ask them for help to stay alive, then you need to ask yourself why you are above asking for help now when you spent your life helping others.

Do you think you are supposed to be stronger than Jesus?

38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

It is true that "no good deed goes unpunished" and no good do'er is ever left to pay that price by themselves.



Let this night be the start of your own resurrection and you awake to the promises being fulfilled in your own life so you can continue to do the mission you were sent here to do. There are many more lives you can save now, but this time, you have to start with saving your own life.

The Beatitudes

He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.