finding yourself in a field of broken glass

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 17, 2021

When you have PTSD it is like finding yourself in a field of broken glass. It hurts, but you think if you don't move, you won't inflict more pain than you already have. That is true as long as nothing else happens in your life, you never talk to anyone, see anyone else, close your ears and shut your eyes. But sooner or later, you will not be able to stand up. You'll fall down and the pain hits your whole body.

You know how far you are into the field and think you can figure out how far it is to get out of it, but you're not sure. If you go back, you inflict more pain, reach the beginning of the field and then have to go through all of it all over again. 

If you got right or left, Lord only knows where that choice will lead you to.

If you go forward, you know there will be more pain. It will not be easy to get through that field but the further you go, there is less broken glass under your feet.

You will come a place you can heal your cuts in a safer place and open your life to all kinds of possibilities.

And that is what it is like to make the choice to start the journey to heal PTSD!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Walking on, walking on broken glass

Walking on, walking on broken glass

You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew

But I don't care for sugar honey if I can't have you

Since you've abandoned me

My whole life has crashed

Won't you pick the pieces up

'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass

Walking on, walking on broken glass

Walking on, walking on broken glass

The sun's still shining in the big blue sky

But it don't mean nothing to me

O-o-oh let the rain come down

Let the wind blow through me

I'm living in an empty room

With all the windows smashed

And I've got so little left to lose

That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass

Walking on, walking on broken glass

And if you're trying to cut me down

You know that I might bleed

'Cause if you're trying to cut me down

I know that you'll succeed

And if you want to hurt me

There's nothing left to fear

'Cause if you want to hurt me

You do it really well my dear

Now everyone of us was made to suffer

Everyone of us is made to weep

We've been hurting one another

Now the pain has cut too deep

So take me from the wreckage

Save me from the blast

Lift me up and take me back

Don't let me keep on walking (don't let me keep on walking)

I kept on walking on

Keep on walking on broken glass

Walking on, walking on broken glass

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Annie Lennox

Walking on Broken Glass lyrics © La Lennoxa Music Co. Ltd., Universal Music Mgb Songs Obo La Lennoxa Ltd., Lennoxa Music Co. Ltd., La Web results 

And then you'll be walking on sunshine!

I used to think maybe you loved me

Now, baby, I'm sure

And I just can't wait 'til the day

When you knock on my door

Now every time I go for the mailbox

Gotta hold myself down

'Cause I just can't wait 'til you write me

You're coming around

Now I'm walking on sunshine

I'm walking on sunshine

I'm walking on sunshine

And it's starting to feel good, hey

All right now

And it's starting to feel good

I used to think maybe you loved me

Now I know that it's true

And I don't wanna spend my whole life

Just a waiting for you

Now I don't want you back for the weekend

Not back for a day, no, no, no

I said, baby, I just want you back

And I want you to stay

I'm walking on sunshine

I'm walking on sunshine

I'm walking on sunshine

And it's starting to feel good, hey

All right now

And it's starting to feel good

Yeah, oh, yeah

And it's starting to feel good

Walking on sunshine

Walking on sunshine

I feel alive, I feel a love

I feel a love that's really real

I feel alive, I feel a love

I feel a love that's really real

I'm on sunshine, baby

I'm on sunshine, baby

I'm walking on sunshine

I'm walking on sunshine

I'm walking on sunshine

And it's starting to feel good, hey

All right now

And it's starting to feel good

I say it, I say it, I say it again, now

And it's starting to feel good

Oh, yeah

And it's starting to feel good

Starting to feel good

I say it, I say it, I say it again, now

And it's starting to feel good

And it's starting to feel good

Now tell me, tell me tell me again now

And it's starting to feel good

Oh, yeah

And it's starting to feel good

Starting to feel good

Starting to feel good

Now it's starting to feel good

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Kimberley Rew

Walking on Sunshine lyrics © Cooper Rew, Kyboside Ltd., Emi Music Publishing France, Wixen Music Publishing Obo Kyboside Music Ltd, Kyboside Music Ltd, Kyboside Ltd 

Just the music on this one so that you can make your own video in your mind by thinking of what would make you feel like you're walking on sunshine too!

the person you need to love first

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 16, 2021

Yesterday we were talking about how if you want to have somebody to love, you need to start with yourself. Too many relationships fall apart. Even without PTSD, successful relationships require a lot of work. They also require you to know what love really is first. The only way to know that, is to start with yourself.

Over the years, I've talked to a lot of people who are lonely and they want someone in their life again. The problem was, they just kept looking before they ever started working on what the problem was....THEM! Veterans would complain they were on their 4th, 5th or 6th marriage but none of their wives ever understood them. Wow, if you're thinking head smack moment, it was.

How could they expect anyone to understand them if they didn't understand themselves? The truth is, none of them did what they needed to do to actually be ready for a relationship with anyone if they didn't have one with themselves.

If you do not work on healing, then you are dooming the next relationship. You won't have what they need you to give them. The rush of a new beginning will feel wonderful until you are no longer able to hide what you brought as baggage moving into their life.

"All healing is first a healing of the heart." - Carl Townsend

find more quotes here 

Why keep looking for love when the person you need to love first...is you?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I spent a lifetime lookin' for you

Single bars and good time lovers were never true

Playing a fools game, hopin' to win

Tellin' those sweet lies and losin' again

I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places

Lookin' for love in too many faces

Searchin' their eyes

Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of

Hoping to find a friend and lover

I'll bless the day I discover

Another heart lookin' for love

I was alone then, no love in sight

I did everything I could to get me through the night

I don't know where it started or where it might end

I turned to a stranger just like a friend

I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places

Lookin' for love in too many faces

Searchin' their eyes

Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of

Hoping to find a friend and lover

I'll bless the day I discover

Another heart lookin' for love

You came knockin' on my heart's door

You're everything I've been looking for

No more lookin' for love in all the wrong places

Lookin' for love in too many faces

Searchin' their eyes

Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of

Now that I found a friend and lover

God bless the day I discover

You, oh you, lookin' for love

Lookin' for love in all the wrong places

Lookin' for love in too many faces

Searchin' their eyes

Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of

Now that I found a friend and lover

God bless the day I discover

You, oh you, lookin' for love

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Bob Morrison / Patti Ryan / Wanda Mallette

Lookin' For Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Bluewater Music Corp. 

Gloria

You're always on the run now

Runnin' after somebody

You've gotta get him somehow

I think you've got to slow down

Before you start to blow it

I think you're headin' for a breakdown

So be careful not to show it

You really don't remember

Was it somethin' that he said?

All the voices in your head

Calling Gloria

Gloria

Don't you think you're fallin'?

If everybody wants you

Why isn't anybody callin'?

You don't have to answer

Leave 'em hangin' on the line, ohh

Calling Gloria

Gloria

(Gloria)

I think they got your number

(Gloria)

I think they got the alias

(Gloria)

That you've been livin' under

(Gloria)

But you really don't remember

Was it something that they said?

All the voices in your head

Calling Gloria

Gloria

How's it gonna go down?

Will you meet him on the main line?

Or will you catch him on the rebound?

Will you marry for the money?

Take a lover in the afternoon?

Feel your innocence slippin' away

Don't believe it's comin' back soon

And you really don't remember

Was it somethin' that he said?

All the voices in your head

Calling Gloria

Gloria

Don't you think you're fallin'?

If everybody wants you

Why isn't anybody callin'?

You don't have to answer

Leave them hangin' on the line, ohh

Calling Gloria

Gloria

(Gloria)

I think they got your number

(Gloria)

I think they got the alias

(Gloria)

That you've been livin' under

(Gloria)

But you really don't remember

Was it something that they said?

All the voices in your head

Calling Gloria

Gloria

Gloria

Gloria

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Giancarlo Bigazzi Eng. Lyrics: Trevor Veitch / Orig. Lyrics Music: Umberto Tozzi

Gloria lyrics © Melodi Casa Ed. Srl., Melodi Casa Editrice Srl 

Finding somebody to love starts with the mirror

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 15, 2021

And now back to the original programming! Yesterday I needed to let some stuff out to get it out of the way of positive thinking. Humans do need to do that and I'd be really lousy at my job if I told everyone else to honor their feelings, if I didn't. No one can give what they do not know.

That is why today the featured video is Queen Somebody To Love! The words are so true.

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little

Can barely stand on my feet

(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)

Lord, what you're doing to me (yeah yeah)

I have spent all my years in believing you

But I just can't get no relief, Lord!

Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Take a look in the mirror if you want to find somebody to love and start there! You cannot give what you do not have for yourself.

Find what you love about yourself and hug it. Find what you don't like about yourself and either change it, or just deal with it after you acknowledge it. For me, I had to learn to love myself with all my qualities and yes, all my flaws.

I do have a lot to give, because I learned how to give it to myself first. One of the biggest flaws I have is my temper. I learned to control it because I cannot get rid of it. 

My husband and I have been married for what feels like forever. When he knows I am angry, he always asks, "Do you love me?" I always reply with "yes" because he knows no matter how angry I am, or hurt, I love him. The next question is, "Do you like me?" That always leads to a sarcastic answer, "So far."

Love doesn't mean you are always approving of the other person, or you like everything about them. No one perfect and neither are you.

When you have PTSD, it makes it harder to find what is lovable about you but it is all still there. Take a look in the mirror and start loving yourself. Understand where your pain comes from and then do what you can to get that pain out of the way of positive stuff coming in.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Somebody To Love

George Michael and Queen

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little

Can barely stand on my feet

(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)

Lord, what you're doing to me (yeah yeah)

I have spent all my years in believing you

But I just can't get no relief, Lord!

Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life

I work 'til I ache in my bones

At the end (at the end of the day)

I take home my hard earned pay all on my own

I get down (down) on my knees (knees)

And I start to pray

'Til the tears run down from my eyes

Lord, somebody (somebody), ooh somebody

(Please) can anybody find me somebody to love?

Everyday (everyday) I try and I try and I try

But everybody wants to put me down

They say I'm going crazy

They say I got a lot of water in my brain

Ah, got no common sense

I got nobody left to believe in

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oh, Lord

Ooh somebody, ooh somebody

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

(Can anybody find me someone to love)

Got no feel, I got no rhythm

I just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing)

I'm OK, I'm alright (he's alright, he's alright)

I ain't gonna face no defeat (yeah yeah)

I just gotta get out of this prison cell

One day (someday) I'm gonna be free, Lord!

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love love love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Somebody somebody somebody somebody

Somebody find me

Somebody find me somebody to love

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

(Find me somebody to love)

Ooh

(Find me somebody to love)

Find me somebody, somebody (find me somebody to love) somebody, somebody to love

Find me, find me, find me, find me, find me

Ooh, somebody to love (Find me somebody to love)

Ooh (find me somebody to love)

Find me, find me, find me somebody to love (find me somebody to love)

Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!

Somebody find me, find me love

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Freddie Mercury

Somebody To Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Struggling to forgive?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 14, 2021

I have been struggling with this one all day. I thought it would be good to do a message on forgiveness, especially after what happened last week in Washington when the Congress was attacked. After several attempts to do the video, I realized the Impeachment hearing yesterday troubled me more than I thought it did. 

As I listened to some people defend the president, pretend it didn't happen, or say it was time to move on because he would be out of office next week, I was sick to my stomach. It was almost as if they were saying it was no big deal at all.

I was about to change the message of the day so that I could do a positive one, until it made more sense to just do it from where I am emotionally right now. After all, there are a lot of people going through the same thing and all of us will have to reach the point where we are able to forgive those who betrayed the rest of us. Considering that 53% thought he should be impeached, there are a lot of us.

We are seeing many of the images of the people online. Their anger was on full display, but so was their pride. One man who was carrying the Confederate flag, was arrested along with his son. The FBI found him because he went back to work and was bragging about what he did. That is something that most of them did...because they were proud of themselves. Will they be so proud when the next picture taken of them is their mugshot? Will they be so proud when they lose everything they built in their lives up until they decided to violate the People's House? How are they feeling right now as they face charges tide to insurrection after the president came out and condemned what they did, after he encouraged them to do it?

What will they do now that he no longer has any use for them? Who will they believe when he is no longer able to lie to them and betray the trust they placed in him to the point where they were willing to pay any price to serve him? 

So yes, even they are struggling. One of them committed suicide.

They will be arrested and charged and we will begin to heal, but the damage they did will change the way we look at each other for a long time. 

If you are struggling with this, then, reach out to God for help to forgive them. I know that is what I will be doing because I do not want to allow what they did to hold any more place inside of me than it has already taken up.

O God Forgive Us

KING and COUNTRY 

We've prayed the prayer with no reply

Words float off into the night

Couldn't cut our doubt with the sharpest knife

Oh, oh God forgive us

Silence isn't comfortable

We want drive through peace and instant hope

Our shallow faith it has left us broke

Oh, oh God forgive us

Oh, oh God forgive us

Enslaved to our uncertainty

Help us with our unbelief

Oh God forgive us

Young and old, black and white

We're rich and poor, there's no divide

Hear the mighty, hear the powerless, singing

Oh, oh God forgive us

Oh, oh God forgive us

Forgive us

Yes, we have ignored You

So busy doing Your work that we forgot that this was for You

Arms wide to our homeless Savior

But arms crossed to our homeless neighbor

On bended knee, unite us all

Set us free

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hand up and open wide, open wide

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hands up and open wide, open wide
With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hand up and open wide, open wide

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hands up and open wide, open wide

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hand up and open wide, open wide

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky
Hands up and open wide, open wide

Oh, oh God forgive us

Oh, oh God forgive us

Enslaved to our uncertainty

Help us with our unbelief

Oh God forgive us

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Mosley Seth David / Smallbone Joel David / Smallbone Luke James

O God Forgive Us lyrics © Wb Music Corp., Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Shankel Songs, Method To The Madness, Kilns Music, Word Music, Llc, Dayspring Music, Llc 

tell PTSD YOU DON'T OWN ME!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 13, 2021

There is so much anger in this country right now that I started to think a lot about the Salem Witchcraft Trials. That was about people being afraid of what was happening, and they were afraid because they couldn't understand it. The next move, was to find people to blame. Maybe that made them feel as if they have some power over it. It was all based on false accusations with no proof of anything.

Finally, the wrong person was blamed, which caused questions to be asked and answered, because it had just gone too far. Justice was  provided for those who had not been tried and put to death, but it did not change what happened, or bring them back and all indications are, the townspeople were forever changed.

The same thing happens when you have PTSD and people cannot understand it. If you cannot explain it to them, they fear it. Then they put you on a mock trial where they want to blame you for the changes they see. Aside from the anger inside of you that comes with having PTSD, you have that added anger built onto all of that.

The first thing I suggest you do is, honor your anger. Not by harming someone else but by writing it down. Get it our of your system. Then take that piece of paper, and burn it. If you don't burn it, then stick it in a shredder, or cut it up into millions of pieces with scissors.

Then think about ways for you to explain it to them. If they do, wonderful. If they don't, then don't give up on the people you know do care about you, and understand their fears. Keep trying.

And then, tell PTSD YOU DON'T OWN ME!

It doesn't get to be in your life and it sure as hell doesn't deserve to control your life. When I was a first wife, to my ex-husband, the tried to kill me and then stalked me for a long time. He didn't own me! He didn't deserve a place in my life. My current husband and I have been together for 38 years and married for 36. That only happened because I took my power back over my own life.

That is why the feature video today is from The First Wives Club, You Don't Own Me. Treat it like you would a bad relationship....tell PTSD YOU DON'T OWN ME!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

You don't own me

I'm not just one of your many toys

You don't own me

Don't say I can't go with other boys

Bette Midler and Goldie Hawn:

Bababababababaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Hmmm

Hmmm

And don't tell me what to do

And don't tell me what to say

And when i go out with you

Don't put me on display

Pretty good

I'm impressed!

You don't own me

Don't try to change me in any way

You don't own me

Don't tie me down,

Cuz I'll never stay

I don't tell you what to say

I don't tell you what to do

So just let me be myself

That's all I ask of you

Im young

And I love to be young

Im free

And I love to be free

To live my life the way that I want

To say and do whatever I please

I'm young

I'm young

And I love to be young

I'm free

I'm free

And I love to be free

To live my life the way that I want

To say and do whatever I please

No, no

You don't own me

No, no

You don't own me

No, no

You don't own me

Forever, young and free,

Darling you don't own me

You don't own me

You don't own me

Forever, young and free,

Darling you don't own me

You don't own me

You don't own me

Forever, young and free,

Darling you don't own me

You don't own me

You don't own me

Forever, young and free,

Darling you don't own me

You don't own me

You don't own me

Forever, young and free,

Darling you don't own me

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: John Madara / David White

You Don’t Own Me lyrics © Unichappell Music Inc.

Artists: Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Bette Midler

Album: The First Wives Club: Music From the Motion Picture... And Then Some

Released: 1996