Tuesday, February 9, 2021

Don't be a ghost of yourself to them....

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 9, 2021

If you have PTSD, and are afraid of letting the people in your life know what is on your mind...you are making a big mistake. While they cannot read your mind, in their own mind, they are making up their own stories about how you are acting. You gave them no other choice because you won't tell them what they need to know.

The see the changes in you, but they don't know where those changes are coming from. They end up wondering what they did wrong. Kids wonder why Mom or Dad is acting that way again. If you don't want to hurt them by opening up, then you already are.

You don't have to tell them everything that is going on inside of you if you are afraid they will judge you or won't be able to handle it. They won't know what to do with too much information and that is what a therapist is for. All you need to do is share the basics with them so they won't blame themselves or jump to a conclusion about you that is wrong.

Hiding it won't help you heal. It will only make your family more distant. Pushing them away so they won't see your pain, won't help you heal. Letting them know will make all the difference especially if you are carrying a ghost they can't see.
This is why today the featured video is Gordon Lightfoot, If You Could Read My Mind. He wrote it after getting divorced.

"If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong,
With chains upon my feet.
You know that ghost is me.
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see." 
Don't be a ghost of yourself to them....



Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it1
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

If You Could Read My Mind
©1969 by Gordon Lightfoot

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong,
With chains upon my feet.
You know that ghost is me.
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see. 

If I could read your mind, love,
What a tale your thoughts could tell.
Just like a paperback novel,
The kind the drugstores sell.
Then you reached the part where the heartaches come,
The hero would be me.
But heroes often fail,
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take! 

I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script.
Enter number two:
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me.
But for now, love, let's be real;
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it back. 

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong.
With chains upon my feet.
But stories always end,
And if you read between the lines,
You'd know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back!

Song: If You Could Read My Mind 


Gordon Lightfoot: If You Could Read My Mind | Official Trailer

Monday, February 8, 2021

PTSD and more changes for seniors

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 8, 2021 

Cross Posted on Wounded Times

I am writing my 4th book and needed address something in the first chapter so that I could move onto the rest of the book, based on PTSD Patrol. The thing I needed to address was the "strange changes" I had gone through, from survivor, to advocate, to expert and all the way back to denial. I wasn't denying the reality of PTSD. I was denying I had it. You can read it on I didn't really escape surviving unscarred.

That is why today the featured video is, David Bowie, Changes. This is going up on PTSD and Wounded Times because most of the time when you have mild PTSD, you can stuff it, push it out of the way, ignore it by keeping busy, but it is still there. When you reach retirement age, it can hit you like a ton of bricks because while you convinced yourself that you were unscarred, it turns out you just let the scar fester.

It is OK to be surprised it happened, especially if no one told you it could. It is not OK to be ashamed of it, because there is nothing wrong with being a survivor. I'm OK with admitting it and you should be too.

So it is our turn to face the strange changes in us. To use all our knowledge to do what we always did without noticing...surviving this change too. We know that life comes with many changes and challenges. You don't get to reach retirement age without them. Let's face it. Just considering all the changes our bodies go through...this is just one more change.

The good news is, we have plenty of time to do something about it. Our kids are grown. We don't have to get up early and go to work and then come home exhausted after trying to keep up with younger workers and traffic jams. This is supposed to be our time to "enjoy the fruits of our labor" and not pay for having survived this long.

Spend time learning the rules of this road the same way you leaned how to drive your vehicle back in the early days. Remember what it was like to feel that sense of freedom when you were in the car for the first time by yourself? It was great...mixed with some nervousness. This is like that too but just as you became more confident in control of that vehicle...you'll be more confident in control of the vehicle you life on.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Changes
David Bowie

Oh, yeah
Mmm
Still don't know what I was waitin' for
And my time was runnin' wild
A million dead end streets and
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
How the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
There's gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
Mmm, yeah
I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
And so the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're goin' through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Where's your shame?
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time
Strange fascinations fascinate me 
Ah, changes are taking
The pace I'm goin' through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Ooh, look out, you rock 'n' rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you're gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: David Bowie
Changes lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, BMG Rights Management, DistroKid, Tintoretto Music 

Sunday, February 7, 2021

Get Undivided with yourself

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 7, 2021

I have been reading a lot about how a many of the people who attacked the Capitol were veterans. I can't help but wonder what would make them do such an evil thing after being ready to die for this country...they just attacked. Good time to discuss something we haven't before, becoming evil.

One of the things we don't talk enough about is feeling like you are suddenly evil because you have PTSD. It is very common, but few talk about it.

When you survive, and PTSD hits, it is part of the package, along with paranoia and rage. When these things collide, they feed all the negative things that were already in you. Face it, we are all capable of all the terrible things that are in everyone else. It doesn't have to be permanently part of the deal. The truth is, most of us, have stronger feelings based on what is best about humanity.

Being exposed to evil events can feed the thoughts that you are becoming that because it takes hold of you. You tend to forget about all the good inside of you, and then you think it is all gone because the bad feelings grow stronger. You are basically at war with yourself.
All the good that was there all along is still there, but you cannot feel it. You don't try to find those emotions again, because you stopped looking for them. They are all still there but while you may say you want to go back to the way you were before, you have to realize that is impossible. You changed the you became a survivor of whatever caused PTSD to strike you. The other truth is that once you get it all connected again, you make peace within yourself and the good feelings you had, can be even stronger.
"I think it's time to come together
You and I can make a change
Maybe we can make a difference
Make the world a better place
Look around and love somebody
We've been hateful long enough
Let the Good Lord reunite us
'Til this country that we love's
Undivided (yeah)" 
Today the featured video is Undivided by Tim McGraw and Tyler Hubbard. It is time to stop being divided within yourself. Stop being at war with what you really believe is the right way to live and start living it. Letting evil grow more powerful inside of you, is a betrayal of your core beliefs. 

It is the only way to stop treating people in your life like the enemy. Stop destroying one relationship, starting another and then destroying that one too. Until you figure out what should actually have power over your life, you will be miserable in all you do.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Undivided
Tim McGraw and Tyler Hubbard 

You see, Billy got picked on at school
For things he couldn't change
He tried his best to play it cool
But in the seventh grade
You either fit right in or you don't fit
That's just the cold hard truth
I wish that I'd have been the friend
That Billy never knew
I think it's time to come together
You and I can make a change
Maybe we can make a difference
Make the world a better place
Look around and love somebody
We've been hateful long enough
Let the Good Lord reunite us
'Til this country that we love's
Undivided (yeah)
You either go to church or you gonna go to Hell
Get a job and work or you gonna go to jail
I just kinda wish we didn't think like that
Why's it gotta be all white or all black?
And when we gon' learn to try on someone's shoes sometimes? (That's right)
When we gon' start to see from someone else's eyes?
I think it's time to come together
You and I can make a change
Maybe we can make a difference
Make the world a better place
Look around and love somebody
We've been hateful long enough
Let the Good Lord reunite us
'Til this country that we love's
Undivided (oh, yeah, ay)
Undivided, oh yeah
We're all the same to God
No matter what we get His love
I'm tired of lookin' left or right
So I'm just lookin' up
I think it's time to come together
You and I can make a change
Maybe we can make a difference
Make the world a better place
Look around and love somebody
We've been hateful long enough (hateful long enough)
Let the Good Lord reunite us
'Til this country that we love's
Undivided (come on)
Oh yeah, ayy
Undivided, oh yeah
Oh yeah
(Get a job and work or you gonna go to jail)
Undivided
(I just kinda wish we didn't think like that)
Yep
Why's it gotta be all white or all black?

Source: Musixmatch 
Official music video for Tim McGraw and Tyler Hubbard's "Undivided" 

Saturday, February 6, 2021

no time left for you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 6, 2021 

Did you read the title and think I was done with you? How did it feel? Do you think that maybe it is time you made PTSD feel that way? Go on and hurt its feelings since that is all it has been interested in doing to you!

"Seasons change and so did I...you need not wonder why." People change after surviving trauma, but just like the seasons change, you can change again too.  After all, you already did several times without noticing.

One day you woke up like normal. Later that day, you became a victim of whatever caused PTSD to hit you. Then you changed again the next second when you changed from victim to being a survivor. It happened that fast.

The thing is, you need to notice that you beat "it" the first time because you survived what it tried to do to you. Don't let "it" beat you down now. Tell PTSD you have no more time left for it....this is your time to heal and live a happier life!

No time left for you
On my way to better things
(No time left for you)
I'll find myself some wings (No time left for you)
Distant roads are calling me
(No time left for you)



Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


No Time Left For You
The Guess Who

No time left for you
On my way to better things
(No time left for you)
I'll find myself some wings
(No time left for you)
Distant roads are calling me (No time left for you)
Mm-da, mm-da, mm-da, mm-da, mm-da
No time for a summer friend
No time for the love you send
Seasons change and so did I
You need not wonder why
You need not wonder why
There's no time left for you
No time left for you
No time left for you
On my way to better things
(No time left for you)
I'll find myself some wings (No time left for you)
Distant roads are calling me
(No time left for you)
Mm-da, mm-ga, mm-da, mm-ga, mm-da
No time for a gentle rain
No time for my watch and chain
No time for revolving doors
No time for the killing floor
No time for the killing floor
There's no time left for you
No time left for you
No time for a summer friend
No time for the love you send
Seasons change and so did I
You need not wonder why
You need not wonder why
There's no time left for you
No time left for you
No time, no time, no time, no time
No time, no time, no time, no time
I got, got, got, got no time
I got, got, got, got no time
I got, got, got, got no time
No, no, no, no, no, no, no time
No, no, no, no, no, no, no time
I got, got, got, got no time
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no time
I got no time, got no time, got no time, got no time
Got no time, got no time, got no time

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Burton Cummings / Bachman
No Time lyrics © Shillelagh Music 

No Time (1992) Ringo Starr, Burton Cummings, Joe Walsh and Todd Rundgren at Montreux 

Friday, February 5, 2021

don't regret what you did for love

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 5, 2021

There is something we haven't really covered enough on these daily videos. When you do something out of love, you should never regret it.
There are things in my life I do regret...usually it was about anger. When I acted out of anger, like we all do, it takes up a place in our soul until we ask for forgiveness and then, forgive ourselves. When we do things out of love, and then end up being hurt, that is hard to take.

When my ex-husband tried to kill me, I had to address a long list of things before I could heal. I thought I had to forgive myself for being a fool, loving the wrong person. I worked through that, but I still needed to do more. After a lot of work, I managed to forgive him.

I still wasn't right with it, so I tried to forgive myself all over again. Then it dawned on me that what I did, everything I did for my ex-husband, was the right thing to do. It was his fault he decided to betray that love and me, but it was not wrong for me to love.

After a lot of work, I was able to be ready for my current husband. We've been married over 36 years now. Had I not taken the steps to heal, I wouldn't have been able to love him as much as I do..

That is a lesson most people have to learn. Doing things based on love are never things to regret. Other people make the choices they do to use you or betray you. The thing is, if you don't act on love, then you will have regrets the rest of our life for not trying to do the right thing for the right reason.

Healing PTSD is a lot of work but once you understand how to live with your past and make peace with yourself, then you can move forward to "tomorrow" and be ready to live for love again.

Two videos featured today. One is Shirley Bassey, What I Did For Love and Alive Day with Donna Summer's Song I Will Live For Love.

I opened the garage door today so that you could see the snow coming down and a man stopped to ask me where an address was. Really funny considering I am always giving driving directions on PTSD Patrol. 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD



What I Did For Love
Shirley Bassey

Kiss today goodbye
The sweetness and the sorrow
Wish me luck, the same to you
But I can't regret
What I did for love, what I did for love
Look, my eyes are dry
The gift was ours to borrow
It's as if we always knew
And I won't forget what I did for love
What I did for love
Gone
Love is never gone
As we travel on
Love's what we'll remember
Kiss today goodbye
And point me toward tomorrow
We did what we had to do
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love
What I did for love
What I did for love
And I won't forget
What I did for love
Gone
Love is never gone
As we travel on
Love's what we'll remember
Kiss today goodbye
And point me toward tomorrow
We did what we had to do
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love
What I did for love
What I did for love
What I did for love

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Marvin Hamlisch / Edward Kleban
What I Did for Love lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Concord Music Publishing LLC 
And for those who served this country they loved!

Alive Day
Kathie Costos
January 2, 2012
Coming home after combat should not be more dangerous but it is. Too many veterans committed suicide today. Be alive today to heal tomorrow. You served because you loved this country and those you served with. Live for love now!

guide to take back our life

June 26, 2021 The new site for PTSD Patrol  is up and running. New blog posts will begin there on June 27, 2021. This site will remain up...

PTSD Patrol

PTSD Patrol
It is your life, get in and drive it