What will life be like when it is good again?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 4,2021

Dolly Parton wrote When Life Is Good Again offering hope for when the pandemic is over, and life is good again. When I listen to her beautiful song, I can't help but think it is also what life can be like when you heal PTSD. Too many don't know what it can be good again, and I'm living proof. My husband is living proof. Thousands of others are living proof that life as a survivor of whatever caused PTSD can actually be good again.

No matter how hard people try to understand, they can't if they didn't live with it. I know what the darkness is like and I also know what denial is like.

The PTSD I had in me was different than what my husband was going through. Mine only centered on my ex-husband, even though I had survived a lifetime of events. It stayed with me because first he tired to kill me and then he stalked me for a long time. I know I've told this story hundreds of times, so I'll keep it short. The nightmares and flashbacks, panic attacks and mood swings, paranoia, doubt in myself and sense of self worth suffered but in fleeting moments. All it took was the sound of a muscle car to set it all off. For decades, while I knew all the events I survived changed me. I did not notice that I had PTSD until my daughter pointed it out one day when we were talking about my ex-husband. That was hard to take for me because even as an "expert" and decades invested in helping people heal, I didn't even see it in myself. Just goes to show that people never stop learning. 

The thing is, I also know what it is like when life got good again. I healed. I got into a great relationship with myself so that I was ready to have one with the man I've been married to for over 36 years now. Life does get good again.

His life got good again too, even though he will be working on his mental health for the rest of  his life, it is a much better life than he would have had if he did not seek recovery over suffering.

If you want life to be good again for you as a survivor of whatever cause PTSD in you, then go for it. Work at it and you will have it. Did you know PTSD stops getting worse as soon as you talk about it and then you take power away from it?

Recovery is not perfect and is not a cure for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it is healing it the same way all wounds heal. You may end up with some battle scars, but they are only part of your past so you can rejoice in where you arrived!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

When Life Is Good Again

Dolly Parton

When life is good again

I'll be a better friend

A bigger person when

Life is good again

More thoughtful than I've been

I'll be so different then

More in the moment when

Life is good again

I'll open up my heart

And let the whole world in

I'll try to make amends

When life is good again

We've been brought to our knees

We've been so ill at ease

There are no guarantees

But you know life goes on

This too shall pass away

Bring new and different days

We need to change our ways

And right our wrongs

Let's open up our hearts

And let the whole world in

Let's try to make amends

When life is good again

I'll open up my doors again

And hear the message in the wind

Repent of all my sins (Hallelujah)

When life is good again

I'll try to be someone

On which you can depend

A helping hand to lend

Let's open up our eyes

And see what's goin' on

If we're to move along

From where we've been

Let's open up our hearts

And let the love shine in (shine in)

We've all got knees to bend

And we'll just pray 'til then

Ask God's forgiveness when

Life is good again

And it's gonna be good again

(It's gonna be, it's gonna be)

It's gonna be good again

It'll be alright (it'll be alright)

God's the reason for all things

You want rainbows, you get rain

We'll all be forever changed (forever changed)

I'll sail my boat and fly my kite

Walk in the park, go out at night

And hold my loved ones extra tight

When everything is on the mend

I'll even drink with my old friends

Sing and play my mandolin

We'll make it through this long dark night

Darkness fades when faced with light

But everything's gonna be alright

When life is good again

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dolly Parton / Kent Wells

When Life Is Good Again lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Bonus Video

what kind of signs are you giving

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

March 3, 2021

When you are on the road there are all kinds of signs. If you have PTSD, you may not be aware that you are showing signs to people in your life. There is no clarity about them at all. You may be fine one minute but a trigger sets you off. Someone says the wrong thing and you overreact to it. That rollercoaster ride of emotions is too hard to interpret. You need to do a hell of a lot more than expect them to understand you when you don't understand yourself. Imagine what it would be like if you were driving and there were no road signs at all. Everyone would have to guess and that would be very dangerous.

Leaving people in your life to guess is dangerous too. They will usually get it wrong. You need to make sure they can read the signs you are showing clearly. They don't need to know the details if you don't want to tell them. They just need to know that it isn't about how you feel about them but more about what you have going on within you.

Today the featured video is Neil Diamond, Signs
 

When you are getting help to heal, you start to understand where the mood swings are coming from and are able to control them better. Until then, don't let your silence make it worse for the people in your life. 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Signs

Words and Music by Neil Diamond

Signs that burn like shooting stars

That pass across the nighttime skies,

They reach out in their mystic language

For us to read between the lines.

Some are born who would defy them,

Others still who would deny them, signs.

Signs like moments hung suspended,

Echoes just beneath the heart

Speak in voices half remembered

And half forgotten play their part.

Signs that come as we lay sleeping

Left behind for our keeping, signs.

Sail along, sail along the reefs and the coves inside your soul.

Sail along, sail along in search of a star that you can hold.

And we journey far to where that star may lead to (lead to).

Signs that whisper in the dreams of sailors

And of river queens of paupers and of men with means,

It all depends on how it reads.

Some are born who never need them,

Others still who never read them, signs.

Sail along, sail along the reefs and the coves inside your soul.

Sail along, sail along in search of a star that you can hold.

And we journey far to where that star may lead to (lead to).

Signs, signs.

Some are born who never need them,

Others still who never read them, signs

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Les Emmerso

Signs lyrics © Sony/atv Acuff Rose Music, Unichappell Music Inc., Sony/atv Melody, Stonebridge Music, Galeneye Music, Sony Atv Music Publishing France, Sony Atv Acuff Rose Music, Stonebridge-music Inc., Sony/atv Melody Obo Aguila Publishing, Unichappell Music Inc Obo Galeneye Music 

Just another heart in need of rescue

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 2, 2021

All too often people with PTSD will go from one relationship to another, without ever discovering what went wrong. They end up blaming the other person and move on. The trouble is, they never developed a strong relationship with themselves.

How can you think you can give something to someone else, you are unable to give to yourself? If you have PTSD, there is a rush of good feelings coming to you with the start of something new with someone else. That rush wears off and you are left alone again, just as sad and in even more pain.

Stop! Stop starting something you are not willing to succeed at. Get to know yourself enough to like yourself again and to love whatever is lovable about you. Be happy to be by yourself and then you can be happy being with someone else.

When you heal and you are ready, you'll be able to give the new person in your life, the best parts of you and then it can work. If not, you'll just keep "waiting on love's sweet charity" to make it work.

In case you didn't guess by now, the featured video is Whitesnake Here I Go Again!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Here I Go Again

Whitesnake

I don't know where I'm goin'

But I sure know where I've been

Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday

An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time

Here I go again, here I go again

Tho' I keep searching for an answer

I never seem to find what I'm looking for

Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on

'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams

Here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time

Just another heart in need of rescue

Waiting on love's sweet charity

An' I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days

'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams

And here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time

But here I go again, here I go again,

Here I go again, here I go

'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams

Here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time

Here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams

Here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: David Coverdale / Bernie Marsden

Here I Go Again lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc 

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 1, 2021

If you are lucky, you have someone who cares about you. They see how you are changing, even they don't know the cause. They just know enough to try to convince you to do something about it.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

Listen to their advice and know they are doing it because they care about you.

Today I am not feeling well, and that will happen from time to time. To make up for it, there is a special Desperado video that I did not know existed until today. Don Henley was on the Howard Stern Show and he talked about recording the iconic song...and then he sang it his way.

Stop pushing people out of your life because you are afraid they will see you are not made of stone. Knowing you need help, like everyone else, especially if you help others, makes you human. It is a lot better than leaving them to think you are a jerk they don't really want to know anymore.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

"Desperado"

Eagles 

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

You've been out ridin' fences for so long now

Oh, you're a hard one

I know that you got your reasons

These things that are pleasin' you

Can hurt you somehow 

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy

She'll beat you if she's able

You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things

Have been laid upon your table

But you only want the ones that you can't get 

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger

Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home

And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'

Your prison is walking through this world all alone 

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?

The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

It's hard to tell the night time from the day

You're losin' all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away? 

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

Come down from your fences, open the gate

It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you

You better let somebody love you

(Let somebody love you)

You better let somebody love you before it's too late

AZ Lyrics 

Don Henley recalled for Howard Stern how members of the London Philharmonic were actually playing chess behind him while he was trying to record his vocals for the Eagles hit “Desperado.”

sometimes the most powerful thing is what you believe

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 28, 2021

Today's feature video has me very confused. The first video I saw was a lyric video and gave me great comfort. The other one was a video where actors had me thinking a totally different way.

That is what life is like. If you don't know what the message of PTSD is, then you think from your imagination. Often that is not a good place to spend your time. If you know what the message is telling you, then you can imagine yourself healing and life getting better. Sometimes it is not just a matter of what you know, or what you just think you know, but sometimes the most powerful thing is what you believe.

If you believe there is no hope for you, then you are trapped. If you believe in something that offers hope, then you have enough fuel to seek it out. 

For me, I am sustained by faith and hope. I take comfort from what I know and even more from what I believe. When I heard Don't Deserve You, all I could think about was Jesus and how no one really deserves Him or what He did for us.

You never give up

When I'm falling apart

Your arms are always open wide

And You're quick to forgive

When I make a mistake

You love me in the blink of an eye

I don't deserve Your love

But You give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

But what if you do not believe Jesus was real? You can still understand because you could have been involved in an accident where someone else did not survive. You could have survived combat. You could have survived one of the mass shootings where you lost a friend. You may have thought they deserved to live more than you did. That can haunt you. Sometimes, what we imagine, is what determines the rest of our lives as survivors.

I am Greek Orthodox and believe in the Holy Trinity. For me, that was constantly part of my life. My parents passed away. My brothers passed away. People came into and out of my life, all my life. Each one became a part of me, for sadly for worse sometimes, but mostly for better. What I believe plays a huge part in how I think about music and the message I take from it.

This is the video I took great comfort from.

If the message you receive is one of comfort, then it changes your mood for the better. It fills you up with hope and reminds you that you do matter. It tells you that you are not alone believing you don't deserve someone loving you but when they do, you understand that someone believes you are worth loving.

When we understand that we cannot change what has been, helps us know, we have something to build what we want become.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Don't Deserve You 

Plumb 

You're the first face that I see

And the last thing I think about

You're the reason that I'm alive

You're what I can't live without

You're what I can't live without

You never give up

When I'm falling apart

Your arms are always open wide

And You're quick to forgive

When I make a mistake

You love me in the blink of an eye

I don't deserve Your love

But You give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

It's what You do

And I don't deserve You

You're the light inside my eyes

You give me a reason to keep trying

You give me more than I could dream

And You bring me to my knees

You bring me to my knees

Your heart is gold and how am I the one

That You've chosen to love

I still can't believe that You're right next to me

After all that I've done

I don't deserve Your love

But You give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

It's what You do

And I don't deserve You

I don't deserve a chance like this

I don't deserve a love that gives me everything

You're everything I want

I don't deserve Your love

But You give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

It's what You do

And I don't deserve You

And I don't deserve You

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Matt Bronleewe / Tiffany Arbuckle / Paul Van Dyke

Don't Deserve You lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Essential Music Publishing

This is the video that got me confused!