Who did you run away from?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 18, 2021

Who did you run away from? If you have PTSD, leaving the people in your life is common. It is also common that you never gave them a chance to know what you were going through, and all too likely, left them without ever telling them the real reason that made you leave. If you did, then your biggest problem is not having PTSD. Your biggest problem is having it but not knowing what it is. If you did, then you'd know there is nothing to be ashamed of. You're a survivor of something that could have killed you and that is the only reason you got hit by PTSD.

If you didn't give the people you shared your life with a chance, then you pre-judged them. You didn't give them a chance to support you, comfort you, help you, or yes, decide they didn't want to stay with you. You just assumed it would end badly.

Today the featured videos are Carole King, So Far Away and The 5th Dimension One Less Bell To Answer. More than likely the people you walked away from have no idea why you did. You'll never know until you try to communicate with them and explain it to them. First learn what you need to know and then give them a chance. If you think the next relationship will be any different, it won't be because they will not really know you and you will prove you really don't trust them.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

So Far Away

Carole King

So far away

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn't help to know

You're just time away

Long ago, I reached for you and there you stood

Holding you again could only do me good

How I wish I could

But you're so far away

One more song about movin' along the highway

Can't say much of anything that's new

If I could only work this life out my way

I'd rather spend it bein' close to you

But, you're so far away

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn't help to know

You're so far away

Yeah, you're so far away

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely

Nothing else to do but close my mind

I sure hope the road don't come to own me

There's so many dreams I've yet to find

But you're so far away

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

And it doesn't help to know

You're so far away

Yeah, you're so far away

Hey, you're so far away

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: King Carole

So Far Away lyrics © Straitjacket Songs Ltd. 

One Less Bell To Answer

5th Dimension 

One less bell to answer...

One less egg to fry

One less man to pick up after

I should be happy

But all I do is cry

(Cry cry no more laughter)

Oh, I should be happy

(Oh, why did he go?)

I only know that since he left

My life's so empty

Though I try to forget

It just can't be done

Each time the doorbell rings

I still run (I still run)

I don't know how in the world

To stop thinking of him

'Cause I still love him so

(Love him so)

I end each day the way I start out

Crying my heart out

Oh...

One less man to pick up after...

No more laughter...

No more love... (no more love)

Since he went

Oh, he went away

(He went away)

(One less bell to answer)

Why did he leave me?

(Oh why why did he leave?)

Now I've got one less egg to fry (one less bell to answer)

One less egg to fry

(Oh why why did he leave?) And all I do is cry

(One less bell to answer) Because my man told me goodbye

(Oh why why did he leave?)

(One less bell to answer) Somebody tell me please where did he go? why did he go?

(Oh, why?) Tell me how could he leave me

(Why did he leave?)

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: David Hal / Bacharach Burt F

One Less Bell To Answer lyrics © New Hidden Valley Music Co., New Hidden Valley Music Company, Casa David Music, Songs Of Fujimusic, New Hidden Valley Music Co, Bmg Rights Management (uk) Ltd (hal David) 

PTSD Make Everyday A Better Bonus Day

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 17, 2021

When you survive something, there is an expression, "Everyday is a bonus."

BONUS: something in addition to what is expected or strictly due

If you have PTSD, and are suffering, it can be hard to think of your following days that way. But you can make a #BetterBonusDay everyday from this point on.

You do change after you survive. I did every time an "it" happened. I changed after the first two it happened in one night, along with all the other times. You go through the grieving process. Something died inside you and something else replaced it. The person you were before, is not 100% of the person you become the day afterwards and all the days to follow that day.

"But now friends are acting strange, and they shake their heads, they say I've changed." Maybe you thought that way a time or two...or more, after you survived whatever caused PTSD to hit you. In my case, friends would be worried if I wasn't acting strange, because they'd know I changed, without a doubt.

I've seen PTSD from both sides now and I know that the better side of it is a lot happier than the side of darkness. This is why today the featured song in Joni Mitchell, Both Sides Now.

So what do you want to do with your bonus day? I wanted to change the world. I wanted to make a difference being alive. Maybe because I was so young when I was introduced to having my life on the line, I had a head start on healing. (Excuse the pun because it was head trauma at the age of 5.) All the other times, were added onto the scars that were already there. 

What do you want to do? Do you want to be better in your own life? Then it is time to heal the scars in your life so you can come closer to whatever you want your bonus days to be.

Get help to heal, in whatever way you need it to be. Therapy, support groups, educating yourself, talking to friends, or whatever will help you that isn't drugs or alcohol. 

That takes care of your mind healing, but you also have to heal your body. Every part of your was involved in whatever "it" was. Go for a walk, do Yoga, meditation, play music, write, create art, anything that will help your body to find calmness enough so it gets used to not being fed by adrenaline rushes.

Now for your spirit. If you are struggling wondering why you survived, listen to your soul and find out what you were put here on this earth to do with your life. Want to be a better person, then start there. As you get stronger, help others understand how much power they have to heal too. 

People will notice the change in you from that side of your life's better bonus day!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Both Sides Now

Joni Mitchell

Rows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons every where

Looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down and still somehow

It's cloud's illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and ferries wheels

The dizzy dancing way that you feel

As every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show

And you leave 'em laughing when you go

And if you care, don't let them know

Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now

From give and take and still somehow

It's love's illusions that I recall

I really don't know love 

Really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say, "I love you" right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way

Oh, but now old friends they're acting strange

And they shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well something's lost, but something's gained

In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

It's life's illusions that I recall

I really don't know life

I really don't know life at all

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Joni Mitchell

Both Sides, Now lyrics © Crazy Crow Music / Siquomb Music Publishing 

Then you can tell someone, you'll stand by them to get there too!

I'll Stand by You ( LIVE )

Chrissie Hynde 

Oh, why you look so sad?

Tears are in your eyes

Come on and come to me now

Don't be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

'Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you

You don't know what to do

Nothing you confess

Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad

Don't hold it all inside

Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide?

I get angry too

Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads

And don't know which path to choose

Let me come along

'Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

And when

When the night falls on you, baby

You're feeling all alone

You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Thomas Kelly / Christine Hynde / Billy Steinberg

I'll Stand by You lyrics © BMG Rights Management 

better days with better ways

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 16, 2021

Are you fighting people who are trying to help you? Are you fighting God? Are you fighting yourself? You know you are not the way you want to be, not the way you used to be and nothing looks the way it did before. What are you doing about it? Are you trying to find someone to blame for the way your life is? Then maybe you should start with yourself because for whatever reason, you ended up believing you are a lost cause.

Time to start believing you are a worthy of better days.

Most of the time, survivors left the church because they did not find what they needed there. At least that is what some say but the truth is, what you needed was the foundation the faith was built on. That foundation is Jesus. Personally I don't attend church anymore and became a Chaplain so that I could care for the needs of fellow churchless souls, much like Jesus and His disciples did. They went to where the people were and tended to their needs, giving them reason to hope for better days, learning a better way to live and know they were loved.

Look at His life! He was raised poor, spent His ministry homeless and had no possessions. He was treated like a rock star one minute and hated the next by the same people who ended up shouting for Him to be Crucified. He knew what it was like to feel abandoned, betrayed, tested, and He knew what it was like to feel the emotional pain of someone else so deeply, He cried for them. He got angry.

There is no way of knowing why you survived and others did not. The only thing you can be sure of, is you did and it is up to you to define what you will do for the rest of your life. If you are blaming God that is because you think He judged you and wanted you to suffer...but those are your thoughts and not His.

PTSD strikes the emotional part of your brain and that is where your soul lives. If your soul has a strong emotional core, then you feel things more deeply. That means you love more deeply and feel pain stronger than others. What you may not be aware of is how powerful that soul of yours is. Everything you need to heal is already there. The purpose of getting help is to help you find it within yourself. One more thing you may not be aware of is that Jesus, the Son of God, had no problem asking for help when He needed it. He couldn't have done what He was sent here to do, alone.

This is why today the featured video is Goo Goo Dolls, Better Days. You may think it is about Christmas but if you remember what church services were like, it was all about that one day when He came into this world, and the day He left all His love behind for all of our days!

Better Days

Goo Goo Dolls

And you asked me what I want this year

And I try to make this kind and clear

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings

And designer love and empty things

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need some place simple where we could live

And something only you can give

And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive

And the one poor child who saved this world

And there's ten million more who probably could

If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight

And somehow stop this endless fight

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: John Rzeznik

Better Days lyrics © Songtrust Ave, BMG Rights Management

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

And if you are among those who suffered because you were willing to risk your life for the sake of others, understand that PTSD Is Not God's Judgment.

Sunday will never be the same

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 15, 2021

Has your memory played tricks on you? Did you ever remember something that wasn't true, or at least not entirely true?

This morning an example of that happened to me. Usually I pick out the music for the featured video during the day depending on what the message is, if I already thought of it. Sometimes I'll hear a song on the radio and it changes my mood, or takes me back to a different time in my life. Other times, like this morning, a song will pop into my head. An old song I hadn't heard in a long time popped in and I was happy thinking about it. The beat was uplifting and I thought great day to feature it. That was until I looked up the lyrics to Spanky and Our Gang Sunday Will Never Be The Same. It wasn't a happy song.

Sunday Will Never Be the Same

Spanky and Our Gang

I remember Sunday morning

I would meet him at the park

We'd walk together hand in hand

Till it was almost dark

Now I wake up Sunday morning

Walk along the lane to find

Nobody waiting for me

Sunday's just another day

Sunday will never be the same

(Sunday will never be the same)

I lost my baby's heart

I must be back again

Sunny afternoons that made me feel so warm inside

Have turned as cold and gray as ashes

As I feel the embers die

No longer can I walk these paths for they have changed

I must be home the sun is gone and I think it's gonna rain

I remember children

Feeding flocks of pigeons

I remember sunshine and you were mine

Sunday will never be the same

Sunday will never be the same

Sunday will never be the same

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Terry Cashman / Gene Pistilli

Sunday Will Never Be the Same lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 

That came out in 1967. I was really young. I've heard it a lot over the years, but it has been a long time. My mind focused on the music, which is really upbeat, but since the lyrics were forgotten, I didn't remember the sadness. So why is it so hard to remember things the other way around?

Sometimes when you remember the event or events that caused PTSD, all you can remember is the horrible parts. There were other parts that were a lot better, but the strongest memory is the one that took hold. You had some good things happen too. You could have had someone save you. Someone may have come to help you afterwards. More than likely, people you know showed up to see if they could help, to visit you, call you, or offer comfort in whatever way they could. The memories are all still there and you can make the better memories stronger than the bad ones.

Our minds also play tricks because every part of us is involved in the event. Our mind, body and spirit are all hit. Every sense we have absorbs whatever is there just as our eyes take it all in, even though we don't notice what is being recorded in our brains. That is why a smell can be a trigger of the event, or a sound (like with me) and even an anniversary date we do not consciously remember pops up and we are not connecting "then" to our life now.

You need to find some peace with the bad by going back to look at the good that came with it. Keep focusing on that. Those memories will get stronger than the bad ones.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

"there is a better life for me and you."

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 14, 2021

Are you letting PTSD make you miserable? (In this dirty old part of the city where the sun refused to shine) Do you think it is pointless to try to live a happier life? (People tell me there ain't no use in tryin') Why the hell would you believe them?

If you are sick and tired of hearing doom and gloom from people without a single clue about what is possible, then it is time to get out of that place of doubt and into a place of hope because "there is a better life for me and you."

Sometimes over the years, I tried to help someone who seemed to like being miserable. Never could understand someone actually wanting others to feel sorry for them. They treated PTSD like a contest, trying to beat someone else's story of what caused their PTSD. They were sucking all the oxygen out of the room. Other people, who had a hard time talking about their lives, ended up looking at the floor and remained silent. Most people don't want to talk about it even though they know they need to in order to begin to heal.

The worst part was, when people did try to talk, they were shut down. The "patients" in a lot of therapy sessions were forced to tell the their story over and over again and they relieved all the horrible moments, over and over again. The thing was, they were already doing that during flashbacks and nightmares. There was no closure in that type of treatment. Most groups worked a lot better if they were run by someone who did not let one dominate the entire session. Feeling safe to talk, starts to take power away from PTSD. The sooner you start, the sooner is loses power and the sooner you get happier!

Understanding that surviving caused PTSD, is half the battle. There should be no shame in surviving what happened to you. And there is certainly no reason to believe you have to suffer for surviving.

 
Today the featured video is The Animals We Got To Get Out Of This Place

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

We Got To Get Out Of This Place

The Animals

In this dirty old part of the city

Where the sun refused to shine

People tell me there ain't no use in tryin'

Now my girl, you're so young and pretty

And one thing I know is true

You'll be dead before your time is due, I know

Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'

Watched his hair been turnin' grey

He's been workin' and slavin' his life away, oh yes I know it

And I've been workin' too, baby (yeah!)

Every night and day (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)

We gotta get out of this place

If it's the last thing we ever do

We gotta get out of this place

'Cause girl, there's a better life for me and you

Now my girl you're so young and pretty

And one thing I know is true, yeah

You'll be dead before your time is due, I know it

Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'

Watched his hair been turnin' grey, yeah

He's been workin' and slavin' his life away

I know he's been workin' so hard

Every day baby (yeah!)

Whoa!

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)

We gotta get out of this place

If it's the last thing we ever do

We gotta get out of this place

Girl, there's a better life for me and you

Somewhere baby

Somehow I know it, baby

We gotta get out of this place

If it's the last thing we ever do

We gotta get out of this place

Girl, there's a better life for me and you

Believe me baby

I know it baby

You know it too

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil

We Gotta Get out of This Place lyrics © EMI Music Publishing 

bonus
House Of The Rising Sun

It's My Life