When I don't fit in

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 28, 2021

I don't fit in anywhere. I never did. When I was young, it didn't matter to me at all. I just wanted to be myself. When I got older, I wanted to fit in but I still wanted to be me. When I got a lot older, I didn't care if I fit in again. That is not always a bad thing. 

People who do not fit in are the ones who change the world. If everyone thought the same, settled for the way things were, then nothing would ever change. They are the creators of change. The dreamers, poets and writers, artist, musicians, scientists and misfits create things that were never done before.

If you have PTSD, then you may not really fit in with people who never survived anything like you did. It is OK. You do fit in with others who are trying to heal, but you can also do something different because you know things have to change to make lives better.

Today is Palm Sunday for most Christians, but not Greeks like me. It is the day Jesus road in on the donkey and the people shouted "hosanna" as he went by them. In other words, they wanted this One who did not "fit in" to save them. Jesus did not fit in with the other Hebrews and came to change the world. It is why today the featured video is Sanctus Real, Forgiven. 

Part of the lyrics is about not fitting in. 

And I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been

'Cause I'm forgiven

When I don't fit in

And I don't feel like I belong anywhere

When I don't measure up to much in this life

Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ

'Cause I'm forgiven

The rest of the world may tell you that you should hold onto anger and blaming others. It tells you to hate those who hurt you or didn't care what happened to you. The world tells you a lot of things but deep inside, it is destroying you. It is taking room in your soul where goodness belongs. Where hope should be and where dreams begin. Don't let all that negative stuff take up that much room in you.

Isn't it time to be "you" with all your flaws and gifts? Isn't it time for you to do more than settle for what "is" because people are telling you that you should, or far worse, tell you to just get over it? Be a misfit and then show others how to be happier being them!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Forgiven

Sanctus Real

Well, the past is playing with my head

And failure knocks me down again

I'm reminded of the wrong that I have said and done

And that devil just won't let me forget

In this life, I know what I've been

But here in Your arms, I know what I am

I'm forgiven

I'm forgiven

And I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been

'Cause I'm forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind

And I relive my days in the middle of the night

And I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride

Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

And in this life, I know what I've been

But here in Your arms, I know what I am

I'm forgiven

I'm forgiven

And I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been

'Cause I'm forgiven

When I don't fit in

And I don't feel like I belong anywhere

When I don't measure up to much in this life

Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ

'Cause I'm forgiven

I'm forgiven

And I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been

'Cause I'm forgiven

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Graalman Mark Steven / Hammitt Matthew D / Rohman Christopher James / Prevost Peter Thomas / Gartley Daniel David

Forgiven lyrics © Birdwing Music, River Oaks Music Co., 1012 Rosedale Music, Toledo Tomorrow Music, Stonebrook Music Co., Eventho Publishing, Olde Irish Publishing, Look At My Beard 

As I said, not fitting in, is not always a bad thing.

I made it through the rain and so can you!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 27, 2021

Think of PTSD this way. It was a storm. You survivied. Then came the rain. You can survive that too! If you know that, that is half the battle. The other half is trying to figure out how to do it. That is why there is so much information on exactly how things can get cleared up "by others who got rained on too." This is why today the featured video is Barry Manilow, I Made It Through The Rain.

If you Google Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, there are over 78 million results. If you Google PTSD, there are almost 77 million results. That is because there are over 8 million Americans with PTSD. Canada has the highest rate of PTSD, but it is helpful to consider the fact, no matter what reported numbers are, far too many do not get diagnosed because they have no idea there is a name for what happened to them after they survived. All research being done indicates an huge increase of pandemic survivors who will also need help to make it through.

The Nation Center For PTSD has this,

The fact is, help works, but there is no one size fits all.This is why there are so many different approaches to treatment. Find what works best for you and talk to your doctor. If something worked for someone you know, but does not work for you, then try something else.

Treatment works but it cannot work if you do not know for sure what is raining on your life. Isn't it time you found out for sure so that you can make it through too?

 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I Made It Through The Rain

Barry Manilow

We dreamers have our ways

Of facing rainy days

And somehow we survive

We keep the feelings warm

Protect them from the storm

Until our time arrives

Then one day the sun appears

And we come shining through those lonely years

I made it through the rain

I kept my world protected

I made it through the rain

I kept my point of view

I made it through the rain

And found myself respected

By the others who

Got rained on too

And made it through

When friends are hard to find

And life seems so unkind

Sometimes you feel afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds

And rise above the crowds

And start your own parade

'Cause when I chased my fears away

That's when I knew that I could finally say

I made it through the rain

I kept my world protected

I made it through the rain

I kept my point of view

I made it through the rain

And found myself respected

By the others who

Got rained on too

And made it through

I made it through the rain

I kept my world protected

I made it through the rain

I kept my point of view

I made it through the rain

And found myself respected

By the others who

Got rained on too

And made it through

And made it through

I made it through

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Barry Manilow / Bruce Sussman / Jack Feldman / Gerald Kenny / Drey Sheppard

I Made It Through the Rain lyrics © D And J Arlon Enterprises Ltd 

PTSD if you believe God did it to you

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

March 26, 2021

We haven't talked much about spiritual healing lately, but I wanted to share how powerful it has been for me.

I was talking to someone who used the cringe worthy saying, "God only gives us what we can handle." That is used when someone wants to shut down the conversation, or because they think they have to say something but have nothing reasonable to say. It is much like when someone says, "If God brought you to it, He'll get you through it."

You are telling someone who survived the cause of PTSD that it is punishment from God. What is the point of praying if you believe God did it to you? You spend the rest of your life questioning everything in your life and then believe there is no point in trying at all.

I was struggling with many things lately. One was my confidence. Another one was being able to forgive. I am not struggling anymore on those.

My confidence was restored. The people who used me and abandoned me, are no longer in my life or taking up any room in my heart. The people who stole my work, used it as their own without asking permission or giving me any credit at all, no longer get in the way of me doing what I've done all these years.

The biggest one I struggled with was praying for inner peace. When you are in spiritual turmoil, that can ruin everything else in your life. If you have faith that God does have the power to deliver a lot things you need from Him, you will receive it. I did.

There are things we pray for that involve the will of other people to take action. God will not try to control their own freewill, so sometimes we don't have our prayers answered because they were not willing to listen to Him. But there are things He can do on His own if we are willing to ask and have faith He can, and it will be done.

It does not mean we will never have to ask for these things again at some point in our lives....but it does mean that if we do, then He will be there for us!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Whenever God Shines His Light

Van Morrison

Whenever God shines his light on me

Opens up my eyes so I can see

When I look up in the darkest night

And I know everything's going to be alright

In deep confusion, in great despair

When I reach out for him he is there

When I am lonely as I can be

And I know that God shines his light on me

Reach out for him (reach out for him), he'll be there (he'll be there)

With him your troubles (with him your troubles) you can share (you can share)

If you live (if you live), the life you love (the life you love)

You get the blessing (yeah) from above (from above)

Heals the sick and he heals the lame

Says you can do it too in Jesus' name

He'll lift you up and turn you around

And put your feet back (feet back) on higher ground

Reach out for him (reach out for him), he'll be there (he'll be there)

With him your troubles (with him your troubles) you can share (you can share)

Oh, you can use his higher power

Every day (every day) and any hour (any hour)

Heals the sick and heals the lame

And he says you can heal them too in Jesus' name

He lifts you up and turns you around

Puts your feet back (puts your feet back, puts your feet back) on higher ground

When

When he shines his light

Whenever God shines his light

On you

On you

He is the way

He is the truth

He is the light, hoo

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

Higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

On higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

On higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

On higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

Put your feet on higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

Back

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Van Morrison

Whenever God Shines His Light lyrics © BMG Rights Management 

When Will I Ever Learn to Live in God

Van Morrison

The sun was setting over Avalon

The last time we stood in the west

Suffering long time angels enraptured by Blake

Burn out the dross

Innoncence captured again

Standing on the beach at sunset
And all the boats keep moving slow

In the glory of the flashing light

In the evenings glow

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

You brought it to my attention

That everything was made in God

Down through centuries of great writings and paintings

Everything lives in God

Seen through architecture of great cathedrals

Down through the history of time

Is and was in the beginning

And evermore

Shall ever be

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

Whatever it takes to fulfill the

Main change was to delete the is mission

That is the way we must go

But you've got to do it your own way

Tear down the old

Bring up the new

And up on the hillside it's quiet

Where the shepherd is tending his sheep

And over the mountains and the valleys

And the countryside is so green

Standing on the highest hill with a sense of wonder

You can see everything is made in God

Head back down the roadside

And give thanks for it all

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Van Morrison

When Will I Ever Learn to Live in God lyrics © Barrule Uk Ltd, Universal-songs Of Polygrm Obo Essential Music

Does the person in your life know you love them?

PTSD Patrol and Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
March 25, 2021

Does the person in your life know you love them? If you have PTSD and you are not talking to them about what is going on with you, then they will think you just don't love them anymore. Today the featured video is Bonnie Raitt, I Can't Make You Love Me because there have been too many conversations from women giving up on their marriages and relationships with veterans.

This can apply to husbands, because we also have to face the fact that there are female veterans too. It can apply to anyone with PTSD in a relationship because you are leaving them to believe you don't love them anymore. What other choice can they make if you won't tell them why you changed?

They can only base what they feel on how you treat them, how you act toward them and how you talk to them. It sucks!

You may be destroying a relationship that is strong enough to last the rest of your life because you won't talk to them or even try to get them to know what is in your heart.

"You can't make your heart feel something it won't," is what they think. I know because I almost gave up on my marriage. I remember driving and this song came on the radio. I'd cry hard enough I had to pull over until I could see better and wiped the tears from my face. I had no way of knowing if there was any love left or not, even though I knew what PTSD was.

What made it harder for me was dealing with what my ex-husband did when he tried to kill me, proving my life didn't matter to him, even though he said the words out of his mouth. My second husband and I have been married for over 36 years now and because he started to make the effort to trust me enough to talk about Vietnam, I was sure that while his actions had nothing to do with me even though it effected me deeply.

It is time to think about the person you share your life with or you won't be doing it much longer.

Morning will come and I'll do what's right

Just give me till then to give up this fight

And I will give up this fight

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! 

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I Can’t Make You Love Me

Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights

Turn down the bed

Turn down these voices inside my head

Lay down with me

Tell me no lies

Just hold me close, don't patronize

Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no you won't

'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see

The love you don't feel when you're holding me

Morning will come and I'll do what's right

Just give me till then to give up this fight

And I will give up this fight

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no you won't

'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Michael Reid / Allen Shamblin

I Can’t Make You Love Me lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Amplified Administration 

"She's leaving home, after living alone, for so many years"

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

March 24, 2021

Does your adult child believe they are living alone, even though they live with you? Sometimes the loneliest place to be, is with people you love. This is to the parents of survivors, especially young veterans. They will not say much about where they were or what they did, but they say even less about what came back with them. Their souls have a huge scar.

You may notice the changes in their actions and attitudes. You may notice they are not the same. What you don't notice is they are not just "getting over it" on their own. It is up to you to be able to understand what the changes mean and if they need help instead of time to heal from it.

If not, then they may end up feeling as if they are living alone with a house full of people around them. Sharing a dwelling is not the same as sharing lives.

There are so many causes of trauma but the key doctors look for are the two words most often spoken afterwards. "Suddenly changed" give doctors a clue as to what the person can be suffering with. PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, can be misdiagnosed as many other mental health issues, but this one is only caused by surviving traumatic events.

While news reports cause people to be emotionally invested in the stories, survivors of those same events can be hit especially hard by them. I get really emotional when I read about domestic abuse and stalking. I also get emotional reading about veterans committing suicide. It is as if the events that hit my life has happened all over again.

When the police officer's knee was on George Floyd's neck, most people got angry but for some young black men, it stuck in their minds. It caused traumatic reactions the next time they encounter police offices. When police officers read reports of other officers being shot, the next time they encounter someone with a weapon, it can cause a traumatic response that lingers.

No matter what caused PTSD in them, whenever it happens to someone else, it hits them hard and they will remember when it happened to them more stronger than during most days. If they are in therapy, they need to talk to their therapist. If they are not, then try to get them to at least open up to you.

Most of the time, people will not talk about any of this out of fear of being judged. The thing is, they fear what they do not understand. If they understood PTSD is only something survivors experience, then they would know there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Don't let them think they are living alone and cannot talk to you about what is harming them.

Today the featured video is "She's Leaving Home" by the Beatles.

Melanie Coe, the teenage runaway who inspired the Beatles' "She's Leaving Home," looks back on her surreal moment as a 'Sgt. Pepper' muse. (Read article from Rolling Stone below)

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

She's leaving home

The Beatles;

Wednesday morning at five o'clock

As the day begins

Silently closing her bedroom door

Leaving the note that she hoped would say more

She goes down the stairs to the kitchen

Clutching her handkerchief

Quietly turning the backdoor key

Stepping outside, she is free

She, ... (we gave her most of our lives)

Is leaving (sacrified most of our lives)

Home (we gave her everything money could buy)

Father snores as his wife gets into her dressing gown

Picks up the letter that's lying there

Standing alone at the top of the stairs

She breaks down and cries to her husband

Daddy, our baby's gone.

Why would she treat us so thoughtlessly?

How could she do this to me?

She (we never thought of ourselves)

Is leaving (never a thought for ourselves)

Home (we struggled hard all our lives to get by)

She's leaving home, after living alone, for so many years

Friday morning, at nine o'clock

She is far away

Waiting to keep the appointment she made

Greeting a man from the Motortrade

She (what did we do that was wrong)

Is Having (we didn't know it was wrong)

Fun (fun is the one thing that money can't buy)

Something inside, that was always denied,

For so many years,

She's leaving home

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Lennon John Winston / Mccartney Paul James 

Beatles’ ‘Sgt. Pepper’ at 50: Meet the Runaway Who Inspired ‘She’s Leaving Home’
Melanie Coe looks back on her teenage days as an unlikely Lennon/McCartney muse
The Rolling Stone
By JORDAN RUNTAGH
MAY 23, 2017

The Beatles‘ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, which Rolling Stone named as the best album of all time, turns 50 on June 1st. In honor of the anniversary, and coinciding with a new deluxe reissue of Sgt. Pepper, we present a series of in-depth pieces – one for each of the album’s tracks, excluding the brief “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” reprise on Side Two – that explore the background of this revolutionary and beloved record. Today’s installment focuses on Melanie Coe, the real-life teen runaway who inspired “She’s Leaving Home.”

“A-Level Girl Dumps Car And Vanishes,” screamed a headline in the February 27th, 1967, issue of London’s Daily Mail. A pretty blonde 17-year-old named Melanie Coe stared out from the adjacent photograph, taken not long before she went missing from her family’s home in Stamford Hill, England. The report portrayed her as a “the schoolgirl who seemed to have everything,” including her own Austin 1100 car and a “wardrobe full of clothes,” both of which were left behind. “I cannot imagine why she should run away,” her father told reporters. “She has everything here … even her fur coat.”

Unable to express herself at home, Coe made a desperate lunge at freedom. One afternoon, while both her parents were out, she left a note and slipped out the door. Decades later, Coe remains stunned by the prescience of the Beatles’ lyrics. “The most interesting thing in the song is what the father said, ‘We gave her everything, everything money could buy.’ And in the newspaper article, my father actually says almost those words. He doesn’t understand why I would have left home when they bought me or gave me everything. Which is true; they had bought me a car and they always bought me expensive clothes and things like that. But as we know, that doesn’t mean that you get on well with your parents, or even love them, just because they buy you material things.”
read the rest here