head is a mess and need time to just decompress

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 30, 2021

Sometimes you just have to take a day when you need to take care of you. Days when you don't want to do anything other than rest. We all have those days, with or without PTSD. This is why today the featured video is Five Finger Death Punch I'm A Bit Little Off Today. 

Part of the lyrics is telling people to just F-off. Obviously when you are having those off days, the last thing you want is for someone to be expecting you to do something you just don't have in you to do. On those days, I want a pajama day! I want to take care of me and I don't want to do the video or the post for the day. Finding anything inspirational to say when I don't even want to brush my hair or teeth just seems futile..and torturous for me.

I don't want to be the go to person, or the one who gets things done, fixes anything, takes care of anything or anyone but myself. My head is a mess and I need time to just decompress, so I do. I give into it once in a while. Then I regain strength and come out stronger.

I had to discover that after many attempts to just push through it and recovery back to my usual self took longer. Now I know better. My head and my body, just like my spirit, know when rest is needed. So does yours. Give into it but don't make it a habit.

The other thing is, if you have been healing and, like most, you turn around trying to help someone else, you need to know that everyone is not willing to do the work. They just want someone to listen to them and not willing to change or fix a damn thing in their life.

I had that happen a few times over the years. I remember working with a civilian at the time I was just working with veterans and their families. He had PTSD from a fatal car accident, but I agreed to help him anyway. I got him to understand what PTSD was and then he agreed to get professional help but he only did it for a little while. The only time he contacted me was when he was in crisis and I'd spend hours on the phone with him. He'd agree to do what I suggested but by the next time he called in crisis, it was clear he didn't do a damn thing.

I felt sorry for him because everyone in his life walked away, and then I understood why they did. By the 30th phone call, I told him I couldn't help him anymore. I was just an average person and he was ripping my heart out. There is only so much help I could give him and only so much I am capable of doing. The only thing he really followed through with was going to get the financial help I sent him to. He got pissed off at me, but the last time I heard from him, he did get help from a professional... finally.

That was how I learned to just say enough is enough. When I saw the video from this song, that was what I related to. Just taking some time for myself for the rest of the day, doing take-out for dinner and putting my PJ's back on! You need to do that too for yourself once in a while.

 

So, yes, you do need to take some time to take care of you when you are "a little bit off" and need to.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I'm a little bit off today

Five Finger Death Punch

I'm a little bit off today, something down inside me's different

Woke up a little off today, I can tell that something's wrong

I'm a little thrown off today, there's something going on inside me

I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off today

(I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off)

See, I'm a little bit off today, I cannot put my finger on it

Got up a little off today, just to play that same old song

I don't really wanna try today, I see nothing in my reflection

I'm a little bit dry today, feel like I could die today

Feel like I could die today

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)

I'm a little pissed off today and there ain't nothing you can do about it

I'm a little put off today and I could not tell you why

Got a really short fuse today, everyone around me's fucking crazy

I'm a little ticked off today, a little pissed off today

(I'm a little bit off today)

I told a little white lie today, I smiled and told someone I loved them

I had to say goodbye today to someone that I love

I couldn't even cry today, I think my heart is finally broken

Didn't need a reason why today, I don't need a reason why today

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)

I got a little too high today, got lost inside a sea of madness

Crashed a little bit hard today, crashed a little too hard today

Everybody sing

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)

Hey yeah, hey yeah

Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)

Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)

I'm a little bit off today

Something down inside me feels so different

Just a little bit off today

You can all fuck off today

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Jason Hook / Kevin Churko / Zoltan Bathory

A Little Bit Off lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

when you have PTSD some songs have wrong message for you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 29, 2021

Someone suggested Wilson Phillips Hold On. The only thing I could think, was they didn't listen to the lyrics. If they did, then they'd know this song is not helpful, even though it is popular. The song was perfect for the movie Brides Maids because the main character messed up her own life but when you have PTSD it is the wrong message for you.

The song is a good song and I like listening to it but mission of PTSD Patrol is to help you understand what PTSD is and how much power you have over it. The songs are carefully chosen to deliver the message of the day. I read the lyrics and search to find an offical video for the post. Sometimes it is about helping you hear what you feel when you cannot find the words to express them. Other times it is to change your mood. Other times it is to offer comfort and let you know that no one is happy all the time. Mostly it is about making it feel a lot better living your life as a survivor of whatever caused PTSD.

I really appreciate song suggestions. The only music I listen to are from the 70's, 80's and 90's. I'm old and I don't really listen to new music. When people send suggestions, I end up with great songs like the ones from Disturbed Sound of Silence and Five Finger Death Punch Wrong Side of Heaven. Please keep them coming if they help you with PTSD.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Hold On

Wilson Phillips

I know there's pain (I know there's pain)

Why do you lock yourself up in these chains? (These chains)

No one can change your life except for you

Don't ever let anyone step all over you

Just open your heart and your mind (Mmm)

Is it really fair to feel, this way inside? (Woah)

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye

Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change

Things'll go your way

If you Hold On for one more day

Can you Hold On for one more day?

Things'll go your way

Hold On for one more day

You could sustain (You could sustain)

Hm, or are you comfortable with the pain?

You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness (No, baby)

You got yourself into your own mess (Ooh)

Lettin' your worries pass you by (Lettin' your worries pass you by)

Baby, don't you think it's worth your time

To change your mind? (No, no)

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye

Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change

Things'll go your way

If you Hold On for one more day

Can you Hold On for one more day?

Things'll go your way (Oh, things'll go your way)

Hold On for one more day

I know that there is pain, but you

Hold On for one more day, and ya

Break free from the chains

Yeah I know that there is pain, but you

Hold On for one more day, and ya

Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye (and say goodbye)

Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?

Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change (Know)

Things'll go your way

If you Hold On for one more day, yeah

If you Hold On

Don't you know, things could change

Things could go your way

If you Hold On for one more day

Can you Hold On

Can you Hold On

Mmm, can you Hold On, baby

Won't you tell me now

Hold On for one more day, 'cause

It's gonna go your way

Don't you know, things could change

Things could go your way

If you Hold On for one more day, yeah

Can't you change it this time

Make up your mind

Hold On, Hold On

Baby Hold On

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Ballard Glen / Phillips Chynna / Wilson Carnie

Hold On lyrics © Universal Music Corp., Duchess Music Corp., Arlovol Music, Mca Music Publishing, A.d.o. Universal Studios 

What's too painful to remember

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 28, 2021

When you hear the song The Way We Were, what do you think about? Was it your relationship with someone else that ended? For me, it was the relationship I had with myself. Those days are now too painful to remember.

What is too painful for you to remember? Is it the life you had before "it" happened? Is it the way you used to think when you the life you were used to, was still the way it usually was? How about you know there is another time ahead for you? A time can come when you are happier and think of the days you were miserable as "too painful to remember" instead. That is what can happen when you heal.

I know I have to share things that happened in my past so that you are able to know what I dealt with, what I struggled with and how I healed. The events and residual left behind, were hard. It makes me sad to even think about those days. It is a lot better for me to talk about happier times, like now.

I don't live there anymore. All the events, the heartaches and misery are in the past. I don't dwell on them but this work has me remembering a lot of those times when I need to. Once I get out what I have to, I usually play a computer game or watch TV, and then I am done with that memory.

You have to make sense out of what happened and understand you had no power over "it" happening but you have power over it as a survivor now. Then you have to make peace with it. It takes a lot of work, but you can get there. You have to forgive yourself for whatever you got wrong up to this point because we are all just humans, untrained to deal with anything that isn't part of our usual life. We have to learn what has been haunting us, hurting us, is no longer in control. It doesn't deserve to be in our lives now. The only power PTSD has is what we allow it to have.

Once you understand PTSD, then you gain even more power over it. It ends up being drained out of you. While there are some parts of it left behind, there are tools to cope with what you cannot totally rid yourself of, but for the most part, each and everyday is what you will make out of it.

I've already healed and so can you. I left most of those days behind me because I'm too busy looking ahead to the next moment. That comes with practice and patience. It also comes with an understanding of myself. I know I did the best I could with what I knew at the time, as much as I know I wanted to learn all I could to discover what, if any, power I had. The more I learned, the more power I had over my own life and that, that is because I don't want to go back to the way I was instead of move to to what I can become.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The Way We Were

Barbra Streisand

Memories

Light the corners of my mind

Misty watercolor memories

Of the way we were

Scattered pictures

Of the smiles we left behind

Smiles we gave to one another

For the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then?

Or has time re-written every line?

If we had the chance to do it all again

Tell me, would we?

Could we?

Memories

May be beautiful and yet

What's too painful to remember

We simply to choose to forget

So it's the laughter

We will remember

Whenever we remember

The way we were

The way we were

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Bergman Alan / Bergman Marilyn / Hamlisch Marvin

The Way We Were lyrics © Arlovol Music, Colgems-emi Music Inc. 

"It might seem crazy what I am 'bout to say" about PTSD

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 27, 2021

When you have PTSD, it can make you miserable. It makes it worse when you think that is the only way you can be. The thing is, getting help can make you a lot happier. Then you can change the way your family is feeling about themselves. Yes, you do have that kind of power. If you think you've been making them miserable, then it should be easy to understand that you can make them happier too.

When you are miserable, the last place you want to be is around happy people. Sitting there with your bad mood, surrounded by people enjoying their lives, sucks! If you want to stay in that mood, then you better duck out early. Sooner or later, their good mood will become too contagious to resist.

This morning I woke up at 5:00 in a bad mood. As I struggled to go back to sleep, failing at that made me angry. I gave up and got up, put on a pot of coffee and waited. A song came on the radio that made me want to scream. I could feel my blood pressure going up until it started to come down and my feet started to move. The next thing I knew, I was moving to the beat and felt happy about being up that early.

The song I heard this morning was Pharrell Williams, Happy!

How about you decide that the truth is, happiness is possible for you and then do something to get there? Getting help to heal helps you understand it. It begins to get you to think of ways to change the way you think about being a survivor. It also gives you hope of much better days.

Then, you can be one of the happy people miserable people catch it from!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Happy

Pharrell Williams

It might seem crazy what I am 'bout to say

Sunshine she's here, you can take a break

I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space

With the air, like I don't care, baby by the way

Huh (Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do

Here come bad news talking this and that (Yeah)

Well give me all you got, don't hold back (Yeah)

Well I should probably warn you I'll be just fine (Yeah)

No offence to you don't waste your time

Here's why

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do

Uh, bring me down

Can't nothing, bring me down

My level's too high to bring me down

Can't nothing, bring me down, I said

Bring me down, can't nothing

Bring me down

My level's too high to bring me down

Can't nothing, bring me down, I said

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do

Uh, bring me down (Happy, happy, happy, happy)

Can't nothing (Happy, happy, happy, happy)

Bring me down, my level's too high

To bring me down (Happy, happy, happy, happy)

Can't nothing (Happy, happy, happy, happy)

Bring me down, I said

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you (ayy, ayy, ayy)

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you (hey)

(Because I'm happy)

Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do

Come on

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Williams Pharrell L

Happy lyrics © Emi April Music Inc., Emi Blackwood Music Inc., More Water From Nazareth 

What I feel has come and gone before

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 26, 2021

It is a wonderful feeling when the person who loves you, understands you. There is no need to explain something to them, because you've already done that and they remember what you said. Knowing you don't have to hide your emotions from them and they will still love you.

Funny, but it seems I always wind up here with you

Nice to know somebody loves me

Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do

Run and find the one who loves me (the one who loves me)

What I feel has come and gone before

No need to talk it out (talk it out)

We know what it's all about

This is why the featured video today is The Carpenters Rainy Days And Mondays.

Is there a certain time of the year when you are not yourself? Are there certain weeks when you are having a harder time than usual? Are there times when nightmares and flashbacks are worse without any of your known triggers? Think about when it hit you before. Then think about what happened to you before during that time of your life. Most of the time, it is an anniversary date your mind remembers.

There are many times during the year when I am not my usual self. I don't want to talk. I am usually not hungry during those days and I want to stay in bed. I am not consciously aware of the connection between a date from my past and haunting feeling of dread. The thing that caused all of it is hard wired in my brain and it remembers the day "it" happened, even if I chose to forget it. No one can explain something you don't understand until you understand the thing itself.

Most people have a hard time finding the words to explain things to worried people who love us. Maybe you can explain it to them once, so they understand, and then have a code word for when it comes back. Tell them it is a Monday, since most people get that Monday's suck. Tell them it is a "blue day" for you since most people also understand that too. After all, they have days when they feel blue too.

You need your space. They need to know that it has nothing to do with them or anything they did. As much as you may like to avoid having conversations about what is going on with you, there are people in your life who need to know for their own sake.

Most relationships fell apart because there was too much that was not said. It left people wondering and then searching for reasons followed by blaming what made sense to them. Communication prevents all that from happening.

When in doubt, no matter what happens in your life, always wonder how you would feel if someone was acting a certain way, and what you would want them to do to ease your mind. It works and then you'll be able to experience not making them wonder what's wrong because you already know your relationship is strong...and they already know.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Rainy Days And Mondays

The Carpenters

Talkin' to myself and feelin' old

Sometimes I'd like to quit

Nothin' ever seems to fit

Hangin' around

Nothin' to do but frown

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

What I've got they used to call the blues

Nothin' is really wrong

Feelin' like I don't belong

Walkin' around

Some kind of lonely clown

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

Funny, but it seems I always wind up here with you

Nice to know somebody loves me

Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do

Run and find the one who loves me (the one who loves me)

What I feel has come and gone before

No need to talk it out (talk it out)

We know what it's all about

Hangin' around (hangin' around)

Nothin' to do but frown

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do (only thing to do)

Run and find the one who loves me (ooh)

What I feel has come and gone before

No need to talk it out (to talk it out)

We know what it's all about

Hangin' around (hangin' around)

Nothin' to do but frown 

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

Hangin' around (hangin' around)

Nothin' to do but frown

Rainy days and Mondays always get

Me down

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Paul H. Williams / Roger S. Nichols

Rainy Days and Mondays lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 

Carpenters - Rainy Days And Mondays (Official Video)