Monday, January 18, 2021

this is a reminder of what it feels like to be happy

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 18, 2021

Things suck right now. The whole country has gone bonkers. It makes me angry to turn on the TV, so much so I don't know if I want to throw something at it, unplug it or what...I just know I needed a break.
I put on the oldies station and there it was. We're not just talking chair dancing song! It was full blown open the windows, crank up the music and dance. It isn't summer here in New Hampshire, so I settled for dancing throughout the house and it felt good!

We all need a break from the pandemic and the chaos in every single state. We need a break from feeling bad, helpless and depressed. Changes are coming but the horrors that brought us to this point were like days from hell.

So, this is a reminder of what it feels like to be happy. A few years ago, Scott Simon was talking about what happened in the hospital one night....
Why 'Dancing In The Street' Gets The People Going?
NPR
Scott Simon

......And then, everyone in line — including the elderly couple in front of me, who I would learn were there because their granddaughter had been clipped by a car, and the teenage barista standing behind the counter — seemed to light up at the same time. We all sang out: "They're dancing in Chicago."

Then we laughed, smiled and began to talk to each other about why we were there, how long it had been, and what we remembered and loved about this song. We were dancing in Chicago.

"Dancing in the Street" is a song that stirs our souls. Great anthems do. But no less than the great Martha Reeves, who gave it such a powerful voice, says it was first and last a dance song.

"The song is about love and feeling free enough to dance in the street," she told me in a conversation recorded for Weekend Edition Saturday. "You don't have to worry about cars hitting you. You don't have to worry about policemen coming and telling you you can't dance in the street."
read the rest here


We have National Guards deployed all over the country, blocking off streets and standing guard over the state houses. Security is on high alert for domestic terrorists in Washington DC because of what happened when the Capitol was attacked because of an election. A raging pandemic and people refusing to wear masks or actually pay attention to the fact there is a raging pandemic. It all sucks! 

But, consider when this song came out it was1964! Protests were happening all over the country against the Vietnam War and yes, a very terrible time, but because of that, we ended up with songs like this.



Calling out around the world
Are you ready for a brand new beat
Summer's here and the time is right
For dancing in the street
They're dancing in Chicago
Down in New Orleans
Up in New York City
All we need is music, sweet music
There'll be music everywhere
There'll be swinging swaying records playing
Dancing in the street
Oh it doesn't matter what you wear
Just as long as you are there
So come on every guy grab a girl
Everywhere around the world
They'll be dancing
They're dancing in the street
It's just an invitation across the nation
A chance for folks to meet
There'll be laughing, singing, music swinging
Dancing in the street
Philadelphia, PA
Baltimore and D.C. now
Can't forget the Motor City
All we need is music, sweet music
There'll be music everywhere
There'll be swinging, swaying, records playing
Dancing in the street
Oh it doesn't matter what you wear
Just as long as you are there
So come on ev'ry guy grab a girl
Ev'rywhere around the world
Dancing
They're dancing in the street
Way down in L.A.
Every day
(Dancing in the street)
Across the ocean blue, me and you
We're dancing in the street
(Dancing in the street)

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Stanley Lebowsky / John Lehmann
Dancing In The Street (Stereo) lyrics © Stone Agate Music, Nmg Music, Mgiii Music, Fcg Music, Jobete Music Co Inc 

And for the rest of us old people who grew up with the original
When things suck, people take action to change it. After all, that is why we have all the treatment available for trauma survivors! Things sucked over 40 years ago, and people decided to make it better for everyone. Research on PTSD started because Vietnam veterans came home and fought for it. They are the reason we ended up with what we have and others who still fight for more research are the reason things will keep getting better!

For us, not being willing to settle for suffering, our lives got better too!

So, take a break, and do some dancing to remind you of better days for all of us.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Sunday, January 17, 2021

finding yourself in a field of broken glass

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 17, 2021

When you have PTSD it is like finding yourself in a field of broken glass. It hurts, but you think if you don't move, you won't inflict more pain than you already have. That is true as long as nothing else happens in your life, you never talk to anyone, see anyone else, close your ears and shut your eyes. But sooner or later, you will not be able to stand up. You'll fall down and the pain hits your whole body.

You know how far you are into the field and think you can figure out how far it is to get out of it, but you're not sure. If you go back, you inflict more pain, reach the beginning of the field and then have to go through all of it all over again. 

If you got right or left, Lord only knows where that choice will lead you to.

If you go forward, you know there will be more pain. It will not be easy to get through that field but the further you go, there is less broken glass under your feet.

You will come a place you can heal your cuts in a safer place and open your life to all kinds of possibilities.

And that is what it is like to make the choice to start the journey to heal PTSD!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew
But I don't care for sugar honey if I can't have you
Since you've abandoned me
My whole life has crashed
Won't you pick the pieces up
'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
The sun's still shining in the big blue sky
But it don't mean nothing to me
O-o-oh let the rain come down
Let the wind blow through me
I'm living in an empty room
With all the windows smashed
And I've got so little left to lose
That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
And if you're trying to cut me down
You know that I might bleed
'Cause if you're trying to cut me down
I know that you'll succeed
And if you want to hurt me
There's nothing left to fear
'Cause if you want to hurt me
You do it really well my dear
Now everyone of us was made to suffer
Everyone of us is made to weep
We've been hurting one another
Now the pain has cut too deep
So take me from the wreckage
Save me from the blast
Lift me up and take me back
Don't let me keep on walking (don't let me keep on walking)
I kept on walking on
Keep on walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Annie Lennox
Walking on Broken Glass lyrics © La Lennoxa Music Co. Ltd., Universal Music Mgb Songs Obo La Lennoxa Ltd., Lennoxa Music Co. Ltd., La Web results 


And then you'll be walking on sunshine!


I used to think maybe you loved me
Now, baby, I'm sure
And I just can't wait 'til the day
When you knock on my door
Now every time I go for the mailbox
Gotta hold myself down
'Cause I just can't wait 'til you write me
You're coming around
Now I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
And it's starting to feel good, hey
All right now
And it's starting to feel good
I used to think maybe you loved me
Now I know that it's true
And I don't wanna spend my whole life
Just a waiting for you
Now I don't want you back for the weekend
Not back for a day, no, no, no
I said, baby, I just want you back
And I want you to stay
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
And it's starting to feel good, hey
All right now
And it's starting to feel good
Yeah, oh, yeah
And it's starting to feel good
Walking on sunshine
Walking on sunshine
I feel alive, I feel a love
I feel a love that's really real
I feel alive, I feel a love
I feel a love that's really real
I'm on sunshine, baby
I'm on sunshine, baby
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
And it's starting to feel good, hey
All right now
And it's starting to feel good
I say it, I say it, I say it again, now
And it's starting to feel good
Oh, yeah
And it's starting to feel good
Starting to feel good
I say it, I say it, I say it again, now
And it's starting to feel good
And it's starting to feel good
Now tell me, tell me tell me again now
And it's starting to feel good
Oh, yeah
And it's starting to feel good
Starting to feel good
Starting to feel good
Now it's starting to feel good

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Kimberley Rew
Walking on Sunshine lyrics © Cooper Rew, Kyboside Ltd., Emi Music Publishing France, Wixen Music Publishing Obo Kyboside Music Ltd, Kyboside Music Ltd, Kyboside Ltd 

Just the music on this one so that you can make your own video in your mind by thinking of what would make you feel like you're walking on sunshine too!

Saturday, January 16, 2021

the person you need to love first

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 16, 2021

Yesterday we were talking about how if you want to have somebody to love, you need to start with yourself. Too many relationships fall apart. Even without PTSD, successful relationships require a lot of work. They also require you to know what love really is first. The only way to know that, is to start with yourself.

Over the years, I've talked to a lot of people who are lonely and they want someone in their life again. The problem was, they just kept looking before they ever started working on what the problem was....THEM! Veterans would complain they were on their 4th, 5th or 6th marriage but none of their wives ever understood them. Wow, if you're thinking head smack moment, it was.

How could they expect anyone to understand them if they didn't understand themselves? The truth is, none of them did what they needed to do to actually be ready for a relationship with anyone if they didn't have one with themselves.

If you do not work on healing, then you are dooming the next relationship. You won't have what they need you to give them. The rush of a new beginning will feel wonderful until you are no longer able to hide what you brought as baggage moving into their life.


"All healing is first a healing of the heart." - Carl Townsend

find more quotes here 

Why keep looking for love when the person you need to love first...is you?



Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I spent a lifetime lookin' for you
Single bars and good time lovers were never true
Playing a fools game, hopin' to win
Tellin' those sweet lies and losin' again
I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many faces
Searchin' their eyes
Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of
Hoping to find a friend and lover
I'll bless the day I discover
Another heart lookin' for love
I was alone then, no love in sight
I did everything I could to get me through the night
I don't know where it started or where it might end
I turned to a stranger just like a friend
I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many faces
Searchin' their eyes
Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of
Hoping to find a friend and lover
I'll bless the day I discover
Another heart lookin' for love
You came knockin' on my heart's door
You're everything I've been looking for
No more lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many faces
Searchin' their eyes
Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of
Now that I found a friend and lover
God bless the day I discover
You, oh you, lookin' for love
Lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many faces
Searchin' their eyes
Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of
Now that I found a friend and lover
God bless the day I discover
You, oh you, lookin' for love

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Bob Morrison / Patti Ryan / Wanda Mallette
Lookin' For Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Bluewater Music Corp. 


Gloria
You're always on the run now
Runnin' after somebody
You've gotta get him somehow
I think you've got to slow down
Before you start to blow it
I think you're headin' for a breakdown
So be careful not to show it
You really don't remember
Was it somethin' that he said?
All the voices in your head
Calling Gloria
Gloria
Don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you
Why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave 'em hangin' on the line, ohh
Calling Gloria
Gloria
(Gloria)
I think they got your number
(Gloria)
I think they got the alias
(Gloria)
That you've been livin' under
(Gloria)
But you really don't remember
Was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head
Calling Gloria
Gloria
How's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line?
Or will you catch him on the rebound?
Will you marry for the money?
Take a lover in the afternoon?
Feel your innocence slippin' away
Don't believe it's comin' back soon
And you really don't remember
Was it somethin' that he said?
All the voices in your head
Calling Gloria
Gloria
Don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you
Why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line, ohh
Calling Gloria
Gloria
(Gloria)
I think they got your number
(Gloria)
I think they got the alias
(Gloria)
That you've been livin' under
(Gloria)
But you really don't remember
Was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head
Calling Gloria
Gloria
Gloria
Gloria

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Giancarlo Bigazzi Eng. Lyrics: Trevor Veitch / Orig. Lyrics Music: Umberto Tozzi
Gloria lyrics © Melodi Casa Ed. Srl., Melodi Casa Editrice Srl 

Friday, January 15, 2021

Finding somebody to love starts with the mirror

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 15, 2021

And now back to the original programming! Yesterday I needed to let some stuff out to get it out of the way of positive thinking. Humans do need to do that and I'd be really lousy at my job if I told everyone else to honor their feelings, if I didn't. No one can give what they do not know.

That is why today the featured video is Queen Somebody To Love! The words are so true.

Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord, what you're doing to me (yeah yeah)
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Take a look in the mirror if you want to find somebody to love and start there! You cannot give what you do not have for yourself.

Find what you love about yourself and hug it. Find what you don't like about yourself and either change it, or just deal with it after you acknowledge it. For me, I had to learn to love myself with all my qualities and yes, all my flaws.

I do have a lot to give, because I learned how to give it to myself first. One of the biggest flaws I have is my temper. I learned to control it because I cannot get rid of it. 

My husband and I have been married for what feels like forever. When he knows I am angry, he always asks, "Do you love me?" I always reply with "yes" because he knows no matter how angry I am, or hurt, I love him. The next question is, "Do you like me?" That always leads to a sarcastic answer, "So far."

Love doesn't mean you are always approving of the other person, or you like everything about them. No one perfect and neither are you.

When you have PTSD, it makes it harder to find what is lovable about you but it is all still there. Take a look in the mirror and start loving yourself. Understand where your pain comes from and then do what you can to get that pain out of the way of positive stuff coming in.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD



Somebody To Love
George Michael and Queen

Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord, what you're doing to me (yeah yeah)
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life
I work 'til I ache in my bones
At the end (at the end of the day)
I take home my hard earned pay all on my own
I get down (down) on my knees (knees)
And I start to pray
'Til the tears run down from my eyes
Lord, somebody (somebody), ooh somebody
(Please) can anybody find me somebody to love?
Everyday (everyday) I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm going crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Ah, got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe in
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Oh, Lord
Ooh somebody, ooh somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
(Can anybody find me someone to love)
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing)
I'm OK, I'm alright (he's alright, he's alright)
I ain't gonna face no defeat (yeah yeah)
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
One day (someday) I'm gonna be free, Lord!
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love love love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Somebody somebody somebody somebody
Somebody find me
Somebody find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
(Find me somebody to love)
Ooh
(Find me somebody to love)
Find me somebody, somebody (find me somebody to love) somebody, somebody to love
Find me, find me, find me, find me, find me
Ooh, somebody to love (Find me somebody to love)
Ooh (find me somebody to love)
Find me, find me, find me somebody to love (find me somebody to love)
Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!
Somebody find me, find me love

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Freddie Mercury
Somebody To Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Thursday, January 14, 2021

Struggling to forgive?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 14, 2021

I have been struggling with this one all day. I thought it would be good to do a message on forgiveness, especially after what happened last week in Washington when the Congress was attacked. After several attempts to do the video, I realized the Impeachment hearing yesterday troubled me more than I thought it did. 

As I listened to some people defend the president, pretend it didn't happen, or say it was time to move on because he would be out of office next week, I was sick to my stomach. It was almost as if they were saying it was no big deal at all.

I was about to change the message of the day so that I could do a positive one, until it made more sense to just do it from where I am emotionally right now. After all, there are a lot of people going through the same thing and all of us will have to reach the point where we are able to forgive those who betrayed the rest of us. Considering that 53% thought he should be impeached, there are a lot of us.
We are seeing many of the images of the people online. Their anger was on full display, but so was their pride. One man who was carrying the Confederate flag, was arrested along with his son. The FBI found him because he went back to work and was bragging about what he did. That is something that most of them did...because they were proud of themselves. Will they be so proud when the next picture taken of them is their mugshot? Will they be so proud when they lose everything they built in their lives up until they decided to violate the People's House? How are they feeling right now as they face charges tide to insurrection after the president came out and condemned what they did, after he encouraged them to do it?

What will they do now that he no longer has any use for them? Who will they believe when he is no longer able to lie to them and betray the trust they placed in him to the point where they were willing to pay any price to serve him? 

So yes, even they are struggling. One of them committed suicide.

They will be arrested and charged and we will begin to heal, but the damage they did will change the way we look at each other for a long time. 

If you are struggling with this, then, reach out to God for help to forgive them. I know that is what I will be doing because I do not want to allow what they did to hold any more place inside of me than it has already taken up.

O God Forgive Us
KING and COUNTRY 

We've prayed the prayer with no reply
Words float off into the night
Couldn't cut our doubt with the sharpest knife
Oh, oh God forgive us
Silence isn't comfortable
We want drive through peace and instant hope
Our shallow faith it has left us broke
Oh, oh God forgive us
Oh, oh God forgive us
Enslaved to our uncertainty
Help us with our unbelief
Oh God forgive us
Young and old, black and white
We're rich and poor, there's no divide
Hear the mighty, hear the powerless, singing
Oh, oh God forgive us
Oh, oh God forgive us
Forgive us
Yes, we have ignored You
So busy doing Your work that we forgot that this was for You
Arms wide to our homeless Savior
But arms crossed to our homeless neighbor
On bended knee, unite us all
Set us free
With our white flag sailing in the night
Eyes pointed to the sky
Hand up and open wide, open wide
With our white flag sailing in the night
Eyes pointed to the sky
Hands up and open wide, open wide
With our white flag sailing in the night
Eyes pointed to the sky
Hand up and open wide, open wide
With our white flag sailing in the night
Eyes pointed to the sky
Hands up and open wide, open wide
With our white flag sailing in the night
Eyes pointed to the sky
Hand up and open wide, open wide
With our white flag sailing in the night
Eyes pointed to the sky
Hands up and open wide, open wide
Oh, oh God forgive us
Oh, oh God forgive us
Enslaved to our uncertainty
Help us with our unbelief
Oh God forgive us

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Mosley Seth David / Smallbone Joel David / Smallbone Luke James
O God Forgive Us lyrics © Wb Music Corp., Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Shankel Songs, Method To The Madness, Kilns Music, Word Music, Llc, Dayspring Music, Llc 

guide to take back our life

June 26, 2021 The new site for PTSD Patrol  is up and running. New blog posts will begin there on June 27, 2021. This site will remain up...

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It is your life, get in and drive it