and life showed compassion

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 11, 2021

When we survive the causes of PTSD, we tend to begin to believe that we are not worth loving. There are times when thinking we can be happy again, is like insulting happiness itself. We tell ourselves at least we didn't die and maybe that's all we get out of this life we have. Who can love us when we forgot what it was like to love ourselves? For me, I didn't even want to try again. 

When the cause of PTSD in you is domestic violence, it is the ultimate betrayal.

Some love stories don't have a good ending. I was beaten up and beaten down because I loved the wrong man. My ex-husband tried to kill me and then stalked me for over a year, that I knew of, but it turned out he stalked me for a lot longer than that. I gave him everything I had and he betrayed me. When I thought I'd never be able to trust anyone again, I fell in love with a Vietnam veteran.

He was married before but their marriage ended on good terms. When we decided to get married, I had to get in touch with my ex-husband so that I could get married in the church again. The next day he walked over to my fiancé and said, "Hi I'm Peter and you're marrying my wife." That was when I figured out he was stalking me a lot longer than I thought he did.

The nightmares I had pretty much ended after a couple of years but when this happened, and I knew he was still stalking me, that started the panic attacks, paranoia and everything else that comes with PTSD, even though I didn't understand I had it too. Mine was so much different than anything I had studied and anything the veteran I planned on sharing my life with was going through. His was a constant battle but for me, it was only when I heard the sound of muscle cars. Sometimes it lasted hours, other times it was days, but then the symptoms were gone and I got on with my life.

When I started to write about PTSD, it was all tied to Vietnam veterans. I thought I understood them because I listened with empathy. I had no clue it was because of my own experiences with facing death.

We hired a DJ and I was going through the songs I wanted him to play. None of them really reflected what happened in my life before that day. Then I heard the song on the radio and I knew it was our song. The song I picked for our song was One In A Million by Larry Graham.

One in a Million You

Larry Graham

Love had played its games on me so long

I started to believe I'd never find anyone

Doubt had tried to convince me to give in

Said, "You can't win"

But one day the sun came a shinin' through

The rain had stopped and the skies were blue

And oh, what a revelation to see

Someone was saying "I love you" to me

A one in a million

Chance of a lifetime

And life showed compassion

And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"

A one in a million you

I was a lonely man with empty arms to fill

Then I found a piece of happiness to call my own

And life is worth livin' again

For to love you, to me, is to live

A one in a million

Chance of a lifetime

And life showed compassion

And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"

A one in a million you

A one in a million

Chance of a lifetime

And life showed compassion

And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"

One in a million you

A one in a million you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Sam Dees

One in a Million You lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Everyone wants to share their life with someone. Sometimes we get lucky and the love lasts a lifetime. Other times, the pain they cause can never go away until the love we are given is more powerful than the love that was abused.

It wasn't easy to get over what my ex did to me "but for every moment I spent hurting, there were moments I spent loving..."the man who taught me that some love stories are stronger than we ever dreamed they could be. Our's has been a love story that started in 1982 when both of us found someone to not just say I love you...but proved it too!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

You can read what it was like for me when I didn't know that PTSD was a battle I had to fight for my own life too. For The Love Of Jack His War, My Battle

And I'm gonna go there free

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 10, 2021

Today the featured video is Jim Croce, I Got A Name because it talks about having a hopeful attitude, "movin' me down the highway...movin' ahead so life won't pass me by." Is life passing you by because you think you're stuck where you are? The only thing that is keeping you from getting unstuck is not knowing you have the power to decide your own future.

There was a time when I couldn't figure out why this song was used in Django Unhained. Then it dawned on me that he was going to where he wanted and was going there free. Free of all that happened to him because he did not want to be limited by the things that he had no control over. He got lucky and found someone who needed his help and then, turned around to help him.

Someone may have the same name as you do. Someone may look like you. Someone may have a story that is similar to your own. The thing is, no one has the exact same life are you do. You may find someone in a support group talking about what their life is like with PTSD, but while part of their story is like your own, it isn't your story.

Sure it is wise to find a support group that focuses on what cause PTSD in you, but remember, it is not a contest. Feel sorry for them, because you know how it makes you feel. Feel happy for them because you know what it is like to begin to #TakeBackYourLife from PTSD. Take the ideas they give you and pass on things you learned to others. Let them hug you when you need it just as you are willing to let them rejoice with you when you start to write the next part of your own story.

(I messed up in this video and said it was "Durango" because I watched too many Westerns...I could have just did another video but I have no problem admitting mistakes I make. It makes life happier knowing I don't have to be perfect and don't have to pretend I am.)

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I Got a Name

Jim Croce

Like the pine trees linin' the windin' road

I've got a name, I've got a name

Like the singin' bird and the croakin' toad

I've got a name, I've got a name

And I carry it with me like my daddy did

But I'm livin' the dream that he kept hid

Movin' me down the highway

Rollin' me down the highway

Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by

Like the north wind whistlin' down the sky

I've got a song, I've got a song

Like the whirlpool whirl and the baby's cry

I've got a song, I've got a song

And I carry it with me and I sing it loud

If it gets me nowhere, I'll go there proud

Movin' me down the highway

Rollin' me down the highway

Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by

And I'm gonna go there free

Like the fool I am and I'll always be

I've got a dream, I've got a dream

They can change their minds but they can't change me

I've got a dream, I've got a dream

Oh, I know I could share it if you'd want me too

If you're going my way, I'll go with you

Movin' me down the highway

Rollin' me down the highway

Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by

Movin' me down the highway

Rollin' me down the highway

Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Norman Gimbel / Charles Fox

I Got a Name lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp.

Yes, happiness make PTSD miserable

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 9, 2021

I can't help it! In some ways, I am still 12. Doesn't matter I've been that way for over 40 years because it is fun and helps me to have a more hopeful attitude. In some ways I really haven't grown up. One of my favorite movies is Shrek. When I lived in Florida, a bunch of us went to the movies every week. I am a Chaplain, yet one of my favorite grownup movies is The Hangover. I laughed so hard I cried. What made it funnier was the reaction of my friends. They were shocked I didn't hate it and they cracked up laughing too, which made me laugh even more.

Another thing that I think is funny is, I have short term memory loss and so does my husband. That can frustrate the hell out of anyone, but it is how you respond to screwing up that will either make you miserable or laugh a lot!

I bought a Glade air freshener with a light sensor on it and brought it home. It didn't work, so I brought it back to the store. I told them it was defective and got another one. I brought that one home and it didn't work either. My husband came over to me, gave me one of "those" faces and asked, "Don't you have to plug it in first?" I laughed my ass off so much that my cheeks hurt.

The featured video today is Justin Timberlake, Can't Stop The Feeling. When I was looking for the video, I found the one from Trolls. Princess Poppy was asked by a group, "Do you think I can be happy?"

"Of course! It's inside all of us!"

I am never sure why so many survivors of PTSD think that being happy again is not possible for them. It doesn't matter how long ago it happened, or what things were like for you a second ago, because you can change every moment onward. It is all inside of you too! Not just feeling happy again, but each step you take to heal, robs power away from PTSD. It wants you to be miserable. Hell, it not only wants you to be that way but wants you to believe you deserve to suffer instead of enjoy your life.

It wants you to stop doing what you loved to do. It wants you to stop writing, stop painting, stop playing music and stop dancing on your feet or in your chair. Yes, happiness make PTSD miserable and it starts to give up controlling your life. Isn't it time you did stop the feeling misery and started feeling happy too?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Can't Stop the Feeling! 

Justin Timberlake

I got this feeling inside my bones

It goes electric, wavey when I turn it on

All through my city, all through my home

We're flying up, no ceiling, when we in our zone

I got that sunshine in my pocket

Got that good song in my feet

I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops

I can't take my eyes up off it, moving so phenomenally

You gone like the way we rock it, so don't stop

Under the lights when everything goes

Nowhere to hide when I'm getting you close

When we move, well, you already know

So just imagine, just imagine, just imagine

Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance

Feeling good, good, creeping up on you

So just dance, dance, dance, come on

All those things I should do to you

But you dance, dance, dance

And ain't nobody leaving soon, so keep dancing

I can't stop the feeling

So just dance, dance, dance

I can't stop the feeling

So just dance, dance, dance, come on

Ooh, it's something magical

It's in the air, it's in my blood, it's rushing on

I don't need no reason, don't need control

I fly so high, no ceiling, when I'm in my zone

Cause I got that sunshine in my pocket

Got that good song in my feet

I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops

I can't take my eyes up off it, moving so phenomenally

You gon' like the way we rock it, so don't stop

Under the lights when everything goes

Nowhere to hide when I'm getting you close

When we move, well, you already know

So just imagine, just imagine, just imagine

Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance

Feeling good, good, creeping up on you

So just dance, dance, dance, come on

All those things I should do to you

But you dance, dance, dance

And ain't nobody leaving soon, so keep dancing

I can't stop the feeling

So just dance, dance, dance

I can't stop the feeling

So just dance, dance, dance

I can't stop the feeling

So just dance, dance, dance

I can't stop the feeling

So keep dancing, come on

I can't stop the, I can't stop the

I can't stop the, I can't stop the

I can't stop the feeling

Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance

(I can't stop the feeling)

Feeling good, good, creeping up on you

So just dance, dance, dance, come on

(I can't stop the feeling)

All those things I should do to you

But you dance, dance, dance

(I can't stop the feeling)

And ain't nobody leaving soon, so keep dancing

Everybody sing

(I can't stop the feeling)

Got this feeling in my body

(I can't stop the feeling)

Got this feeling in my body

(I can't stop the feeling)

Wanna see you move your body

(I can't stop the feeling)

Got this feeling in my body

Break it down

Got this feeling in my body

Can't stop the feeling

Got this feeling in my body, come on

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Justin Timberlake / Max Martin / Shellback

Can't Stop the Feeling! lyrics © Universal Music - Z Tunes Llc, Tennman Tunes, Dwa Songs 

And now for the grownup video....

PTSD going from hopeless to hope full

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

April 8, 2021

All changes are not good ones. When your life is a certain kind of "normal" for you and trauma hits, that is a bad change from life as you knew it to life facing danger. The second it is over, then there is another change, but this one is good. You went from victim of it, to survivor of it.

Another change comes, which may not be a good one, when you are carrying "it" within you and it tries to take over the rest of your life. If you do not fight to take back control over your life, it keeps trying to take over more of "you" and everything you are.

Now comes another good change. You don't have to submit to it. You don't have to give into it. You do have the power to #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD. Now that you know that, words have more power to heal you, than harm you.

Words are very powerful things. They can change your day and if the word "hope" is heard enough so that you believe it is possible to realize what hope actually means, then it can change your life.

If there is one song that proves how powerful words of hope are, it should be Wind Of Change as a theme song for hope.

Wind Of Change, by the Scorpions is powerful. It is also a controversial song.

Joshua Dudley wrote about it on FORBES New Investigative Podcast Explores The Fall Of The Soviet Union Through The Song ‘Wind Of Change’

"The fervor over the song grew immediately, and it became a worldwide hit and the unofficial anthem of the fall of the Berlin Wall with its sweeping hooks and power ballad riffs and lyrics about the Moskva River and Gorky Park."

Think about that for a second. Those words may very well have changed a nation! So why wouldn't you think that words could bring a good change into your life again? 

There are so many different ways people heal PTSD because each one worked for others. Having different ways, means that if one doesn't work for you, there are others to try until you find the right one for you. Now think about this. If you were supposed to suffer, why would there be any treatments or therapies created in the first place? 

It happened because researchers understood that PTSD was caused by changing from relatively safe conditions into dangerous ones. You had hope of finding safety again.Wanting to get you from danger back into safety, you found it, because you no longer belonged in that dangerous situation. You do not belong in a dangerous situation now or a place where you surrender hope to something you left behind you.

It is time for another change when you go from hopeless to hopeful. Think about what that word means...hope full. Fill up your life with hope and you will be a lot happier! Time to create your own wind of change!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Wind Of Change

Scorpions 

Follow the Moskva

Down to Gorky Park

Listening to the wind of change

An August summer night

Soldiers passing by

Listening to the wind of change

The world is closing in

Did you ever think

That we could be so close, like brothers

The future's in the air

Can feel it everywhere

Blowing with the wind of change

Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow dream away

In the wind of change

Walking down the street

Distant memories

Are buried in the past, forever

I follow the Moskva

Down to Gorky Park

Listening to the wind of change

Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams

With you and me

Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow dream away

In the wind of change

The wind of change

Blows straight into the face of time

Like a storm wind that will ring the freedom bell

For peace of mind

Let your balalaika sing

What my guitar wants to say

Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams

With you and me

Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow dream away

In the wind of change

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Klaus Meine

Wind Of Change lyrics © Bmg Rights Management Gmbh (germany) 

PTSD is more than a feeling

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 6, 2021

PTSD is so much more than a feeling. It is life changing from a life threatening event. It would be a great start in the right direction if people understood that, then maybe, they'd stop telling people to "just get over it" as if they don't want to. It doesn't matter to them if "it" happened to them ten, twenty, thirty or forty years ago. If they had a flashback, it just happened to them all over again. I don't know anyone who wouldn't pay to go back to to the way they were before or to the life they had before. I don't know anyone who wants to just stay the way they are. The problem is, they have no idea, while it is impossible to go back to the way they were before, it is very possible to have a better life.

It is like losing someone you knew very well. It is like losing yourself. That is why today the featured video is Boston, More Than A Feeling.

I think the song resonates so much because everyone has lost someone in their lives. Some of us have also lost ourselves!

Be the help they need to heal and if you are healing, from more than a feeling, then celebrate! The second song from Boston is, Don't Look Back. You are not going that way anymore and you're too busy looking forward to a happier life!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

More Than A Feeling

Boston 

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone

Turned on some music to start my day

I lost myself in a familiar song

I closed my eyes and I slipped away

It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)

When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)

And I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)

'Til I see Marianne walk away

I see my Marianne walkin' away

So many people have come and gone

Their faces fade as the years go by

Yet I still recall as I wander on

As clear as the sun in the summer sky

It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)

When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)

And I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)

'Til I see Marianne walk away

I see my Marianne walkin' away

When I'm tired and thinking cold

I hide in my music, forget the day

And dream of a girl I used to know

I closed my eyes and she slipped away

She slipped away

It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)

When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)

And I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)

'Til I see Marianne walk away

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Tom Scholz

More Than a Feeling lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 

And when you heal...don't look back, you're not going that way anymore!

Don’t Look Back

Boston

Don't look back, ooh, a new day is breakin'

It's been too long since I felt this way

I don't mind, ooh, where I get taken

The road is callin', today is the day

I can see, it took so long just to realize

I'm much too strong not to compromise

Now I see what I am is holding me down

I'll turn it around

Oh, yes, I will

I finally see the dawn arrivin'

I see beyond the road I'm drivin'

It's a bright horizon, ooh, and I'm awaken

I see myself in a brand new way

The sun is shinin', ooh, the clouds are breakin'

'Cause I can't lose now, there's no game to play

I can tell there's no more time left to criticize

I've seen what I could not recognize

Everything in my life was leading me on

But I can be strong

Oh, yes I can

I finally see the dawn arrivin'

I see beyond the road I'm drivin'

Ooh, far away, I'm left behind, left behind

Oh, the sun is shining

And I'm on that road

Don't look back, ooh, a new day is breakin'

It's been so long since I felt this way

I don't mind, ooh, where I get taken

The road is callin', today is the day

I can see, it took so long just to realize

I'm much too strong not to compromise

Now I see what I am is holding me down

I'll turn it around

Oh, yes I will

I finally see the dawn arrivin' 

I see beyond the road I'm drivin'

I'm far away and left behind

Don't look back

Don't look back

Don't look back

Don't look back

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Scholz Tom

Don’t Look Back lyrics © Pure Songs, Hideaway Hits