Kathie Costos
April 11, 2021
When we survive the causes of PTSD, we tend to begin to believe that we are not worth loving. There are times when thinking we can be happy again, is like insulting happiness itself. We tell ourselves at least we didn't die and maybe that's all we get out of this life we have. Who can love us when we forgot what it was like to love ourselves? For me, I didn't even want to try again.
When the cause of PTSD in you is domestic violence, it is the ultimate betrayal.
You can read what it was like for me when I didn't know that PTSD was a battle I had to fight for my own life too. For The Love Of Jack His War, My Battle
Some love stories don't have a good ending. I was beaten up and beaten down because I loved the wrong man. My ex-husband tried to kill me and then stalked me for over a year, that I knew of, but it turned out he stalked me for a lot longer than that. I gave him everything I had and he betrayed me. When I thought I'd never be able to trust anyone again, I fell in love with a Vietnam veteran.
Everyone wants to share their life with someone. Sometimes we get lucky and the love lasts a lifetime. Other times, the pain they cause can never go away until the love we are given is more powerful than the love that was abused.
He was married before but their marriage ended on good terms. When we decided to get married, I had to get in touch with my ex-husband so that I could get married in the church again. The next day he walked over to my fiancé and said, "Hi I'm Peter and you're marrying my wife." That was when I figured out he was stalking me a lot longer than I thought he did.
The nightmares I had pretty much ended after a couple of years but when this happened, and I knew he was still stalking me, that started the panic attacks, paranoia and everything else that comes with PTSD, even though I didn't understand I had it too. Mine was so much different than anything I had studied and anything the veteran I planned on sharing my life with was going through. His was a constant battle but for me, it was only when I heard the sound of muscle cars. Sometimes it lasted hours, other times it was days, but then the symptoms were gone and I got on with my life.
When I started to write about PTSD, it was all tied to Vietnam veterans. I thought I understood them because I listened with empathy. I had no clue it was because of my own experiences with facing death.
We hired a DJ and I was going through the songs I wanted him to play. None of them really reflected what happened in my life before that day. Then I heard the song on the radio and I knew it was our song. The song I picked for our song was One In A Million by Larry Graham.
One in a Million You
Larry Graham
Love had played its games on me so long
I started to believe I'd never find anyone
Doubt had tried to convince me to give in
Said, "You can't win"
But one day the sun came a shinin' through
The rain had stopped and the skies were blue
And oh, what a revelation to see
Someone was saying "I love you" to me
A one in a million
Chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
A one in a million you
I was a lonely man with empty arms to fill
Then I found a piece of happiness to call my own
And life is worth livin' again
For to love you, to me, is to live
A one in a million
Chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
A one in a million you
A one in a million
Chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
One in a million you
A one in a million you
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Sam Dees
One in a Million You lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
Everyone wants to share their life with someone. Sometimes we get lucky and the love lasts a lifetime. Other times, the pain they cause can never go away until the love we are given is more powerful than the love that was abused.
It wasn't easy to get over what my ex did to me "but for every moment I spent hurting, there were moments I spent loving..."the man who taught me that some love stories are stronger than we ever dreamed they could be. Our's has been a love story that started in 1982 when both of us found someone to not just say I love you...but proved it too!
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
You can read what it was like for me when I didn't know that PTSD was a battle I had to fight for my own life too. For The Love Of Jack His War, My Battle
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