Legacy of Healing PTSD From My Dad

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 22, 2021

When I think about my Dad, I often wonder how he'd feel if he knew what he started back in 1982. All these later, the number of lives changed because he served in Korea and he never knew about them. I am a living legacy to him and his life.

About a week ago, I received a strange message on Facebook from a man claiming to have pictures of my Dad in Korea. He wrote things that had to be true, so I called him. His Dad served with mine. The twist to the story is that his Dad probably never knew he had a son born in Korea. Yesterday he sent me pictures I had never seen before and I thought about my Dad a lot more than usual.

My Mom and oldest brother went to stay with him when he was in Japan.

We were a normal family. Both of my brothers were born on Army bases. He was a Staff Sergeant. He left the Army before I was born but I was a typical Army brat. I also grew up with uncles who served in WWII. That was all normal to me. I didn't discover it was not usual to have a family full of veterans, or that having living room furniture from Japan was odd, until I was older.

When I met my current husband, I was already divorced and only 23. The night he met my husband, he said, "He seems like a really nice guy but he's got shell shock." My husband is a Vietnam veteran. I had no idea what he was talking about and when I asked him to explain it, he told me to go to the library because war changes people.

I spent all my free time at the library with clinical books and a dictionary, learning as much as I could. The more I learned, the more I fell in love. Not just with the man I would end up marrying, but loved my Dad more and all veterans. Now they call it PTSD.

My Dad started what turned out to be my life's work. Thousands of articles, books, videos, several websites and more, all started because of my Dad's life in the Army. Over the years, I've had many messages thanking me for what I do and to pass appreciation on to my husband for his service. I just wanted you to know, that had it not been for my Dad, I don't think any of this would have started.

This is why today the featured video is, Dan Fogelberg, The Leader Of The Band.

If you've sent me emails thanking me for what I do, and thanking my husband for his service, I wanted you to know that none of this would have happened if my Dad didn't understand what he saw in my husband. It is a good reminder that we never know how much we do change the world when we are willing to do what we can, when we can, when we are willing to try.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Leader of the Band / Washington Post March

Dan Fogelberg

An only child

Alone and wild

A cabinet maker's son

His hands were meant

For different work

And his heart was known

To none --

He left his home

And went his lone

And solitary way

And he gave to me

A gift I know I never

Can repay

A quiet man of music

Denied a simpler fate

He tried to be a soldier once

But his music wouldn't wait

He earned his love

Through discipline

A thundering, velvet hand

His gentle means of sculpting souls

Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs through

My instrument

And his song is in my soul --

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band.

My brothers' lives were

Different

For they heard another call

One went to Chicago

And the other to St. Paul

And I'm in Colorado

When I'm not in some hotel

Living out this life I've chose

And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music

And your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom

When it came my time to go --

I thank you for the kindness

And the times when you got tough

And, pap, I don't think I

Said 'I love you' near enough --

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs through

My instrument

And his song is in my soul --

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band

I am the living legacy

To the leader of the band.

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dan Fogelberg

Leader of the Band / Washington Post March lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Stray Kitten Gave Soldier Something Worth Living For

Pet Tales: A kitten saves a soldier's life

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
By Linda Wilson Fuoco
June 10, 2017

After suffering a brain injury in Iraq, Army Sgt. Josh Marino “was in a really, really bad place. I did not want to deal with it anymore.”

Exhausted from his struggle with the “invisible wounds” of post-traumatic stress disorder, he planned to end his life one night in 2008 at Fort Riley in north central Kansas.

“I took out one of my knives ... I wrote a letter on my computer” and went outside to smoke one last cigarette.

Then he heard a soft “meow,” and a small black-and-white kitten emerged from the bushes.

“I broke down crying.... He saved my life ... I stopped thinking about all my problems and started thinking about his problems and what I could do to help him.”

Mr. Marino recounts his story in a 6½-minute-film, “Josh and Scout,” featured on mutualrescue.org, the website of a non-profit organization whose mission is “revealing the impact people and animals have on one another.”

Mr. Marino, 37, is a native of Turtle Creek who now lives in Brookline with his wife, Becky, and their daughter, Penelope, who was born Feb. 24. They have three cats and three ferrets.

After eight years of service, he was medically discharged from the Army in July 2009. He moved back to Pittsburgh, got married in September 2010, and earned a master’s degree in clinical rehabilitation and mental health counseling. He now works in the Human Engineering Research Laboratories, a program operated by the University of Pittsburgh and the Department of Veterans Affairs.

“It was an honor to serve,” Mr. Marino said. “I am still serving. I am just serving in a different uniform.

“I love my job. I work with people with disabilities every day.”

His counseling includes telling veterans about the kitten who saved him. He directs them to Humane Animal Rescue shelters in Homewood and the North Side to look for animals who need a home.

read more here
Mutual Rescue

Josh and Scout, a Mutual Rescue™ Film

It can be almost impossible to have a positive outlook when all you hear is something negative. Check Facebook on veteran suicides and you'll see what I mean. Aside from it mostly being wrong, there is nothing helpful in "raising awareness" it is happening especially when the numbers are worse that they are quoting.

That is the bad news. Now the good news. Most veterans are living with PTSD and defeating it! They have been living for 30, 40, 50 years and longer after they survived combat. Hell, most of them didn't get help until 2007 when 148,000 sought help within an 18 month window. 

Oh, all of them knew there was something wrong, but they didn't know what to do about it. Back then there was a dire need to make them aware of what PTSD was and that help was available. That was already accomplished but too many groups found that making folks aware of the worst was more important that what was actually healing veterans!

John 16
20 Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 
21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 
22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Now back to Josh's story. He had nothing to live for and was planning on ending his life. The kitten came to him looking for help and he gave it. It turned out, the kitten he named Scout was just what he needed to find something worth living for...putting the kitten's needs ahead of his own heartache.

Sometimes all you need to know that you can still make a difference. After combat, after risking your life for the sake of someone else, that is a part of who you are. 

Can you still make a difference? Yes! Do whatever it takes to heal and then pass it on to others needing to be helped.

Scout saved Josh because he could help. Josh went on and got married and then went to work helping others just like him.

Your story is not on the last chapter and does not have a predicable ending. That ending is one you write yourself and you have the power to change this moment on.

It is time to take control away from PTSD and drive your life toward what is possible!