where changes they see in you came from

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 30, 2021

Are you celebrating Easter this year? Are you doing the Easter Bunny and chocolate eggs kind of celebrating, or the life of Jesus, His Death and Resurrection type of celebrating? If you celebrate the rest of the year the secular way, then why not celebrate the rest of the year the Holy Way? The secular way won't keep you full, comforted and happy all year but the Holy Way will. After all, it is a happier way to live.

This is Holy Week for most Christians. I am Greek Orthodox, and our's begins May 2.  It is a time that we reflect on the life of Jesus and His Sacrifice for the rest of us. Hundreds of years before His birth, it was in the Scriptures.

Isaiah 53

Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3 He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

4 Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away. Yet who of his generation protested? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was punished.

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

11 After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Did he see the future in a dream, or did God tell him what he would not live long enough to see?

Today there is a special video I wanted to share. It is by the group Yes, And You And I.

Commentary on YES, And You And I

1. A man conceived a moment’s answers to the dream.
“The dream” What is “The dream?” This is the key factor in this verse.

One of the constant factors in mystical religious material across all generations, across all centuries and across all religions is the notion that the universe is God's dream, and that we all live our lives in that dream. For those of you who scoff, the Bible itself is clear about this. Before he creates the temple in the book of Exodus, Moses is taught by YHWH how to build it. YHWH shows him the real temple, the temple in Heaven, and God tells him to make the earthly temple as a copy of the real temple. In 1 Corinthians, St. Paul talks about how we now see through a glass darkly, as though we are peering through the fog and cannot truly see the real picture of truth or God. Eventually we will see him--God, face to face. It's just like being in a dream.

Formerly, we were dead in our trespasses and sins, but now we are alive. That is a more powerful image than the notion of a dream. To be dead and become alive is very similar to being asleep and becoming awake.

Now you know what the song means. 

Think of your own life. How many times have you looked at other people and thought they are dead inside? I see cranky people all the time and wonder if they are having a bad day, or if they ever had a good one in their lifetime.

I see politicians making speeches and think how horrible it is that they seem so proud of themselves, while lying and doing evil things with their power. Look at their eyes and see how they let their soul be slaughtered in exchange for power. Yet even they are not beyond redemption to God. If He will still forgive them, and love them, why would think He couldn't forgive and love you too?

If PTSD is eating up hope, then remember that. Remember the miracles Jesus delivered and the messages He came to share from God. Then remember that He came to pay for our sins so that we would find forgiveness, but also, so that we would know that we are loved!

Just because you may have been involved in something terrible, that does not make you terrible.

Because you may have terrible thoughts, that does not mean that is all you are capable of thinking.

Because you cannot feel love as deeply as you once did, that does not mean you will never be able to.

People see you've changed but they do not understand where it came from. They have no way of knowing unless you talk to them. If they are changes for the worse, like your unhappiness or anger, they wonder what they did wrong. They may not want to be around you anymore. If they see you change to be happier and more patient, then they want to be around you.

All you are going through means "for now," but does not have to be all there is for you in the next moment. It is like being asleep, walking through your life, until you can become awakened and live a happier life.

Besides, someone is praying for you right now so that you can tell others where changes they see in you came from....God's LOVE!

(I misspoke in this video and said that Isaiah wrote about it in the Bible...but I meant Scriptures. That is what happens with a no edit, no notes video. Forgive me.)

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

And You And I

YES

A man conceived a moment's answer to the dream

Staying the flowers daily, sensing all the themes

As a foundation left to create the spiral aim

A movement regained and regarded both the same

All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you

Changed only for a sight of sound, the space agreed

Between the picture of time behind the face of need

Coming quickly to terms of all expression laid

Emotions revealed as the ocean maid

All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you

Coins and crosses never know their fruitless worth

Cords are broken, locked inside the mother earth

They won't hide, oh, they won't tell you

Watching the world, watching all of the world

Watching us go by

And you and I climb over the sea to the valley

And you and I reached out for reasons to call

Coming quickly to terms of all expression laid

Emotions revealed as the ocean maid

As a movement regained and regarded both the same

All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you

Sad preacher nailed upon the coloured door of time

Insane teacher be there reminded of the rhyme

There'll be no mutant enemy we shall certify

Political ends, as sad remains, will die

Reach out as forward tastes begin to enter you

I listened hard but could not see

Life tempo change out and inside me

The preacher trained in all to lose his name

The teacher travels, asking to be shown the same

In the end we'll agree, we'll accept, we'll immortalize

That the truth of man maturing in his eyes

All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you

Coming quickly to terms of all expression laid

As a moment regained and regarded both the same

Emotion revealed as the ocean maid

A clearer future, morning, evening, nights with you

And you and I climb, crossing the shapes of the morning

And you and I reach over the sun for the river

And you and I climb, clearer towards the movement

And you and I called over valleys of endless seas

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jon Anderson / Chris Squire / Steve Howe / Bill Bruford 

When I don't fit in

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 28, 2021

I don't fit in anywhere. I never did. When I was young, it didn't matter to me at all. I just wanted to be myself. When I got older, I wanted to fit in but I still wanted to be me. When I got a lot older, I didn't care if I fit in again. That is not always a bad thing. 

People who do not fit in are the ones who change the world. If everyone thought the same, settled for the way things were, then nothing would ever change. They are the creators of change. The dreamers, poets and writers, artist, musicians, scientists and misfits create things that were never done before.

If you have PTSD, then you may not really fit in with people who never survived anything like you did. It is OK. You do fit in with others who are trying to heal, but you can also do something different because you know things have to change to make lives better.

Today is Palm Sunday for most Christians, but not Greeks like me. It is the day Jesus road in on the donkey and the people shouted "hosanna" as he went by them. In other words, they wanted this One who did not "fit in" to save them. Jesus did not fit in with the other Hebrews and came to change the world. It is why today the featured video is Sanctus Real, Forgiven. 

Part of the lyrics is about not fitting in. 

And I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been

'Cause I'm forgiven

When I don't fit in

And I don't feel like I belong anywhere

When I don't measure up to much in this life

Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ

'Cause I'm forgiven

The rest of the world may tell you that you should hold onto anger and blaming others. It tells you to hate those who hurt you or didn't care what happened to you. The world tells you a lot of things but deep inside, it is destroying you. It is taking room in your soul where goodness belongs. Where hope should be and where dreams begin. Don't let all that negative stuff take up that much room in you.

Isn't it time to be "you" with all your flaws and gifts? Isn't it time for you to do more than settle for what "is" because people are telling you that you should, or far worse, tell you to just get over it? Be a misfit and then show others how to be happier being them!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Forgiven

Sanctus Real

Well, the past is playing with my head

And failure knocks me down again

I'm reminded of the wrong that I have said and done

And that devil just won't let me forget

In this life, I know what I've been

But here in Your arms, I know what I am

I'm forgiven

I'm forgiven

And I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been

'Cause I'm forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind

And I relive my days in the middle of the night

And I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride

Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

And in this life, I know what I've been

But here in Your arms, I know what I am

I'm forgiven

I'm forgiven

And I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been

'Cause I'm forgiven

When I don't fit in

And I don't feel like I belong anywhere

When I don't measure up to much in this life

Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ

'Cause I'm forgiven

I'm forgiven

And I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been

'Cause I'm forgiven

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Graalman Mark Steven / Hammitt Matthew D / Rohman Christopher James / Prevost Peter Thomas / Gartley Daniel David

Forgiven lyrics © Birdwing Music, River Oaks Music Co., 1012 Rosedale Music, Toledo Tomorrow Music, Stonebrook Music Co., Eventho Publishing, Olde Irish Publishing, Look At My Beard 

As I said, not fitting in, is not always a bad thing.

PTSD if you believe God did it to you

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

March 26, 2021

We haven't talked much about spiritual healing lately, but I wanted to share how powerful it has been for me.

I was talking to someone who used the cringe worthy saying, "God only gives us what we can handle." That is used when someone wants to shut down the conversation, or because they think they have to say something but have nothing reasonable to say. It is much like when someone says, "If God brought you to it, He'll get you through it."

You are telling someone who survived the cause of PTSD that it is punishment from God. What is the point of praying if you believe God did it to you? You spend the rest of your life questioning everything in your life and then believe there is no point in trying at all.

I was struggling with many things lately. One was my confidence. Another one was being able to forgive. I am not struggling anymore on those.

My confidence was restored. The people who used me and abandoned me, are no longer in my life or taking up any room in my heart. The people who stole my work, used it as their own without asking permission or giving me any credit at all, no longer get in the way of me doing what I've done all these years.

The biggest one I struggled with was praying for inner peace. When you are in spiritual turmoil, that can ruin everything else in your life. If you have faith that God does have the power to deliver a lot things you need from Him, you will receive it. I did.

There are things we pray for that involve the will of other people to take action. God will not try to control their own freewill, so sometimes we don't have our prayers answered because they were not willing to listen to Him. But there are things He can do on His own if we are willing to ask and have faith He can, and it will be done.

It does not mean we will never have to ask for these things again at some point in our lives....but it does mean that if we do, then He will be there for us!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Whenever God Shines His Light

Van Morrison

Whenever God shines his light on me

Opens up my eyes so I can see

When I look up in the darkest night

And I know everything's going to be alright

In deep confusion, in great despair

When I reach out for him he is there

When I am lonely as I can be

And I know that God shines his light on me

Reach out for him (reach out for him), he'll be there (he'll be there)

With him your troubles (with him your troubles) you can share (you can share)

If you live (if you live), the life you love (the life you love)

You get the blessing (yeah) from above (from above)

Heals the sick and he heals the lame

Says you can do it too in Jesus' name

He'll lift you up and turn you around

And put your feet back (feet back) on higher ground

Reach out for him (reach out for him), he'll be there (he'll be there)

With him your troubles (with him your troubles) you can share (you can share)

Oh, you can use his higher power

Every day (every day) and any hour (any hour)

Heals the sick and heals the lame

And he says you can heal them too in Jesus' name

He lifts you up and turns you around

Puts your feet back (puts your feet back, puts your feet back) on higher ground

When

When he shines his light

Whenever God shines his light

On you

On you

He is the way

He is the truth

He is the light, hoo

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

Higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

On higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

On higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

On higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

Put your feet on higher ground

Put your feet back, put your feet back, higher ground, put your feet back

Back

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Van Morrison

Whenever God Shines His Light lyrics © BMG Rights Management 

When Will I Ever Learn to Live in God

Van Morrison

The sun was setting over Avalon

The last time we stood in the west

Suffering long time angels enraptured by Blake

Burn out the dross

Innoncence captured again

Standing on the beach at sunset
And all the boats keep moving slow

In the glory of the flashing light

In the evenings glow

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

You brought it to my attention

That everything was made in God

Down through centuries of great writings and paintings

Everything lives in God

Seen through architecture of great cathedrals

Down through the history of time

Is and was in the beginning

And evermore

Shall ever be

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

Whatever it takes to fulfill the

Main change was to delete the is mission

That is the way we must go

But you've got to do it your own way

Tear down the old

Bring up the new

And up on the hillside it's quiet

Where the shepherd is tending his sheep

And over the mountains and the valleys

And the countryside is so green

Standing on the highest hill with a sense of wonder

You can see everything is made in God

Head back down the roadside

And give thanks for it all

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

When will I ever learn

To live in God?

When will I ever learn?

He gives me everything I need and more

When will I ever learn?

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Van Morrison

When Will I Ever Learn to Live in God lyrics © Barrule Uk Ltd, Universal-songs Of Polygrm Obo Essential Music

Want to meet a champion?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 22, 2021

Today the featured video is Queen, We Are The Champions. Want to meet a champion? Then look in the mirror. If you survived whatever caused PTSD in you, then you are a champion. You defeated what tried to kill you and now it is time to defeat what is trying to destroy you now.

In any conflict, the enemy is not totally obliterated. With PTSD your enemy is confusion and doubt. You get confused about what it is doing to you and you doubt there is anything you can do to keep fighting for a better life.

You may be tired of feeling bad things, so you decide to get numb enough to stop feeling. You may try to get drunk enough to do that but then you regret it in the morning. If you think that only bad feelings are in your future, then you won't try to push them out of your life so you can feel good feelings again.

Living that way sucks! It is like taking that bandage on your soul and ripping it off over and over again.

It is so much better to learn how to defeat the enemy inside of you to be able to know what it feels like to be "you" again.

Remember, it is you life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I haven't felt much like a champion the last few days. My ego has been taking a beating. I've done a lot of things that no one will ever know about, and I was feeling really depressed about that until last night. It finally dawned on me that God does a lot of things too no one will ever know about.

The thing is, God tries to get through to people but will not try to control anyone. That is why He gave all of us freewill. How many times has He tired to get people to listen to Him, but they didn't? With so many problems in the world, we always ask why God isn't taking care of it for us. Did we ever wonder why people are not listening to Him about what they can do to fix it?

God tries to get through to me and I know I'm listening if I have peace in my soul. I know I'm only doing what I want if my gut is churning. A lot of times, we do good things but people take advantage of it and we end up regretting it. Don't! You have no power over what they do with what you do for them. The only thing you can do is do it because you know it is the right thing to do and you are being true to yourself. That is another way to be a champion too.

We Are The Champions

Queen

I've paid my dues

Time after time

I've done my sentence

But committed no crime

And bad mistakes

I've made a few

I've had my share of sand

Kicked in my face

But I've come through

And we mean to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions, my friends

And we'll keep on fighting till the end

We are the champions

We are the champions

No time for losers

'Cause we are the champions of the World

I've taken my bows

And my curtain calls

You brought me fame and fortune

And everything that goes with it

I thank you all

But it's been no bed of roses

No pleasure cruise

I consider it a challenge before

The human race

And I ain't gonna lose

And we mean to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions, my friends

And we'll keep on fighting till the end

We are the champions

We are the champions

No time for losers

'Cause we are the champions of the World

We are the champions, my friends

And we'll keep on fighting till the end

We are the champions

We are the champions

No time for losers

'Cause we are the champions of the World

Source: Musixmatch

We Are the Champions lyrics © Queen Music Limited 

better days with better ways

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 16, 2021

Are you fighting people who are trying to help you? Are you fighting God? Are you fighting yourself? You know you are not the way you want to be, not the way you used to be and nothing looks the way it did before. What are you doing about it? Are you trying to find someone to blame for the way your life is? Then maybe you should start with yourself because for whatever reason, you ended up believing you are a lost cause.

Time to start believing you are a worthy of better days.

Most of the time, survivors left the church because they did not find what they needed there. At least that is what some say but the truth is, what you needed was the foundation the faith was built on. That foundation is Jesus. Personally I don't attend church anymore and became a Chaplain so that I could care for the needs of fellow churchless souls, much like Jesus and His disciples did. They went to where the people were and tended to their needs, giving them reason to hope for better days, learning a better way to live and know they were loved.

Look at His life! He was raised poor, spent His ministry homeless and had no possessions. He was treated like a rock star one minute and hated the next by the same people who ended up shouting for Him to be Crucified. He knew what it was like to feel abandoned, betrayed, tested, and He knew what it was like to feel the emotional pain of someone else so deeply, He cried for them. He got angry.

There is no way of knowing why you survived and others did not. The only thing you can be sure of, is you did and it is up to you to define what you will do for the rest of your life. If you are blaming God that is because you think He judged you and wanted you to suffer...but those are your thoughts and not His.

PTSD strikes the emotional part of your brain and that is where your soul lives. If your soul has a strong emotional core, then you feel things more deeply. That means you love more deeply and feel pain stronger than others. What you may not be aware of is how powerful that soul of yours is. Everything you need to heal is already there. The purpose of getting help is to help you find it within yourself. One more thing you may not be aware of is that Jesus, the Son of God, had no problem asking for help when He needed it. He couldn't have done what He was sent here to do, alone.

This is why today the featured video is Goo Goo Dolls, Better Days. You may think it is about Christmas but if you remember what church services were like, it was all about that one day when He came into this world, and the day He left all His love behind for all of our days!

Better Days

Goo Goo Dolls

And you asked me what I want this year

And I try to make this kind and clear

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings

And designer love and empty things

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need some place simple where we could live

And something only you can give

And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive

And the one poor child who saved this world

And there's ten million more who probably could

If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight

And somehow stop this endless fight

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: John Rzeznik

Better Days lyrics © Songtrust Ave, BMG Rights Management

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

And if you are among those who suffered because you were willing to risk your life for the sake of others, understand that PTSD Is Not God's Judgment.

the most powerful word is FREEWILL

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 7, 2021

Everyone seems to think that "freedom" is the most powerful word. They are wrong because the most powerful word is FREEWILL. That is what God gave all of us. If even He did not get involved in trying to control it, we shouldn't think we have the power to control it in others. We are all free to make our own choices, believe what we want to believe and do what we want to do according to our own freewill.

Most of the time, PTSD is caused by what someone did. We had no control over them but ended up paying a price for what they did. Sometimes there were legal consequences for them but other times, they got away with it. At least we think they did. The truth is, we never know how what they did affected them. That is not our problem.

We are responsible for what we choose to do afterwards. After my ex-husband tried to kill me, he stalked me for a long time. As a survivor, it was up to me do decide how to live. I chose to fight back. I chose to not allow him to destroy the rest of my life. I also chose to let the rest of my life mean something. I chose to let my "soul shine" and be a better person.

There is power in that choice. That power came from my soul and gave me peace. 

No one has the power to control anything anyone else does but we do have the power to make our own choices and there is nothing more powerful than that. Use your power to be the best person you can be and let your soul shine. That is why today the featured video is Allman Brothers Soulshine.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Soulshine

Allman Brothers Band

When you can't find the light

That guides you through a cloudy day

When the stars ain't shinin bright

And you feel like you've lost you're way

When the candle lights of home

Burn so very far away

Well you got to let your soul shine

Just like my daddy used to say

He used to say soul shine

It's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshine

Damn sure better than rain

Hey now people don't mind

We all get this way sometimes

Got to let your soul shine

Shine till the break of day

I grew up thinkin that I had it made

Gonna make it on my own

But life can take the strongest man

And make him feel so alone

Now and then I feel a cold wind

Blowin through my achin bones

I think back to what my daddy said

He said Boy, in the darkness before the dawn

Let your soul shine

It's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshne

Damn sure better than rain

Yeah now people dont mind

We all get this way sometimes

Got to let your soul shine

Shine till the break of day

Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness

Like a woman has robbed him of his very soul

A woman too, God knows, she can feel like this

And when your world seems cold

You got to let your spirit take control

Let your soul shine

It's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshne

Damn sure better than rain

Lord now people don't mind

We all get this way sometimes

Got to let your soul shine

Shine till the break of day

Oh, it's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshne

Damn sure better than rain

Yeah now people don't mind

We all get this way sometimes

Got to let your soul shine

Shine till the break of day

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Warren Haynes

Soulshine lyrics © Buzzard Rock Music

The Allman Brothers Band - Soulshine - 

8/14/1994 - Woodstock 94

sometimes the most powerful thing is what you believe

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 28, 2021

Today's feature video has me very confused. The first video I saw was a lyric video and gave me great comfort. The other one was a video where actors had me thinking a totally different way.

That is what life is like. If you don't know what the message of PTSD is, then you think from your imagination. Often that is not a good place to spend your time. If you know what the message is telling you, then you can imagine yourself healing and life getting better. Sometimes it is not just a matter of what you know, or what you just think you know, but sometimes the most powerful thing is what you believe.

If you believe there is no hope for you, then you are trapped. If you believe in something that offers hope, then you have enough fuel to seek it out. 

For me, I am sustained by faith and hope. I take comfort from what I know and even more from what I believe. When I heard Don't Deserve You, all I could think about was Jesus and how no one really deserves Him or what He did for us.

You never give up

When I'm falling apart

Your arms are always open wide

And You're quick to forgive

When I make a mistake

You love me in the blink of an eye

I don't deserve Your love

But You give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

But what if you do not believe Jesus was real? You can still understand because you could have been involved in an accident where someone else did not survive. You could have survived combat. You could have survived one of the mass shootings where you lost a friend. You may have thought they deserved to live more than you did. That can haunt you. Sometimes, what we imagine, is what determines the rest of our lives as survivors.

I am Greek Orthodox and believe in the Holy Trinity. For me, that was constantly part of my life. My parents passed away. My brothers passed away. People came into and out of my life, all my life. Each one became a part of me, for sadly for worse sometimes, but mostly for better. What I believe plays a huge part in how I think about music and the message I take from it.

This is the video I took great comfort from.

If the message you receive is one of comfort, then it changes your mood for the better. It fills you up with hope and reminds you that you do matter. It tells you that you are not alone believing you don't deserve someone loving you but when they do, you understand that someone believes you are worth loving.

When we understand that we cannot change what has been, helps us know, we have something to build what we want become.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Don't Deserve You 

Plumb 

You're the first face that I see

And the last thing I think about

You're the reason that I'm alive

You're what I can't live without

You're what I can't live without

You never give up

When I'm falling apart

Your arms are always open wide

And You're quick to forgive

When I make a mistake

You love me in the blink of an eye

I don't deserve Your love

But You give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

It's what You do

And I don't deserve You

You're the light inside my eyes

You give me a reason to keep trying

You give me more than I could dream

And You bring me to my knees

You bring me to my knees

Your heart is gold and how am I the one

That You've chosen to love

I still can't believe that You're right next to me

After all that I've done

I don't deserve Your love

But You give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

It's what You do

And I don't deserve You

I don't deserve a chance like this

I don't deserve a love that gives me everything

You're everything I want

I don't deserve Your love

But You give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

It's what You do

And I don't deserve You

And I don't deserve You

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Matt Bronleewe / Tiffany Arbuckle / Paul Van Dyke

Don't Deserve You lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Essential Music Publishing

This is the video that got me confused!

healing the broken hearted

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 26, 2021

Honoring your feelings is sometimes really hard. It is especially hard if you had someone in your life, who is now out of your life. It is hard when they pass away, just as it is hard when they walk away. When they leave, they take a piece of your with them.

Honor that loss and let out all the bad emotions, so good ones can move in. A day will come when you stop thinking about the loss and remember the good they put into your life.

Today the featured video is What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted.

"I'll be looking everyday, I know I'm gonna find a way

Nothing's gonna stop me now

I'll find a way somehow

And I'll be searching everywhere

I know I gotta find a way

I'll be looking"

There are so many reasons people leave us. When you have PTSD, that loss hits harder. Maybe they passed away during the event that caused PTSD. Maybe they left you because of PTSD in them, or you. Maybe you reached out and they walked away. Maybe you were hurting so much you pushed them away. 

Honor the grief and loss. Honor whatever you are going through so you can heal. When you are ready, someone else may come into your life and you'll find a reason to trust them. Someone will help you heal your broken heart and fill the space the other one left empty.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

Jimmy Ruffin 

As I walk this land with broken dreams

I have visions of many things

But happiness is just an illusion

Filled with sadness and confusion

What becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find 

Some kind of peace of mind

Maybe

The roots of love grow all around

But for me they come a-tumblin' down

Every day heartaches grow a little stronger

I can't stand this pain much longer

I walk in shadows searching for light

Cold and alone, no comfort in sight

Hoping and praying for someone to care

Always moving and goin' nowhere

What becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find 

Some kind of peace of mind

Help me

I'm searching, though I don't succeed

But someone look, there's a growing need

Oh, he is lost, there's no place for beginning

All that's left is an unhappy ending

Now, becomes of the broken-hearted

Who had love that's now departed?

I know I've got to find

Some kind of peace of mind

I'll be searching everywhere

Just to find someone to care

I'll be looking everyday, I know I'm gonna find a way

Nothing's gonna stop me now

I'll find a way somehow

And I'll be searching everywhere

I know I gotta find a way

I'll be looking

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: James Anthony Dean / Paul Riser / William Henry Witherspoonn

What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Robson and Jerome - What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted?

Are you following your turn signals?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 12, 2021

When you are lucky enough to know your purpose in life, it can come with a lot of heartache. It can also come with an inner peace if you look at your purposed in the right way.

A friend of mine is a Presbyterian Minister. She preaches at a church, but she also does a weekly sermon on YouTube called Geeks Of Fatih. These sermons are for those who feel they do not belong in a church but belong in the group of like minded Science Fiction fans. They are blended with that, plus current events and Bible passages. She saw a need and while she was still living her purpose, she adapted to meet that need.

I worked with her for a couple of years while I was Administrator of Christian Ed and she was the youth pastor. She is filling her purpose in the church the same as she is filling it online to this group, filled with  love and true compassion. 

For many years my purpose was to help others after surviving trauma. For 38 years it was helping veterans and their families, then military members, followed by first responders. Because of the pandemic, knowing there were already over 8 million in the US with diagnosed PTSD, it was necessary to open up to help everyone dealing with surviving trauma. My purpose didn't change but over the years, I had to adapt to meet the needs too.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven

Ecclesiastes 3

There are some people who are doing exactly what they were called to do but it is hard when they look at it the wrong way. I am guilty of that myself from time to time. I get angry when I discover my work being used by others, as if it was theirs to just take. But when I get my ego out of the way, I have peace.

Look at it this way. Our purpose has limits. John the Baptist had the job to prepare the way for Jesus, but not to be Jesus. When Jesus sent out the 12 Disciples everyone knows because they were named in the Bible, He also sent out 72 with them. No one knows their names but they are responsible for clearing the way for Christianity to spread.

10 After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. 2 He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.
Luke 10

Do you think they looked back on their lives and thought it was wasted? No because they saw the people face to face, knowing their lives changed because of them. They knew that those people, would also change the lives of others they came in contact with.

All of us can't be superstars or famous or rich. It is not the job of all of us to be the leader of the parades, but all parades need someone to decide where to march and clear the way for the others to get from one place to another.

Are you following your turn signals?

That is why today, the featured video is The Byrds, Turn, Turn, Turn. Live your purpose no matter who supports you because of the One Who Sent You to do it!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Turn! Turn! Turn!

The Byrds

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die

A time to plant, a time to reap

A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down

A time to dance, a time to mourn

A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate

A time of war, a time of peace

A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose

A time to rend, a time to sew

A time for love, a time for hate

A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Peter Seeger

Turn! Turn! Turn! lyrics © T.R.O. Inc. 

Footloose kick out PTSD blues

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 1, 2021 

***the following is a challenge to everyone***

Think changes can't happen by thinking about it a different way? Wouldn't it be great if you could just kick out PTSD blues? Well then pack its bags and call the movers, even if it is just for a little while. It is time for you to cut loose....footloose!

There is so much to take away from this movie, other than pure entertainment. For me the thing that stuck out was, it was about what PTSD can do to people after suffering trauma.

(Footloose) Wanting to show his friends the joy and freedom of dance, Ren drives Ariel, Willard, and Ariel's best friend Rusty to a country bar 100 miles away from Bomont. Once there, Willard is unable to dance and gets into a jealous fight with a man who dances with Rusty. On the drive home, the gang crosses a bridge where Ariel tells the story about how her older brother died in a car accident while driving under the influence of alcohol after a night of dancing. The accident destroyed her father, and prompted him to persuade the town council to enact strict anti-liquor, anti-drug, and anti-dance laws. Ariel begins to openly challenge her father's authority at home. Ren decides to challenge the anti-dancing ordinance so that the high school can hold a senior prom.

PSALM 30:11

"You turned my wailing into dancing, you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy!" 

The whole town was suffering from the loss this family felt. All it took was for someone to show them a differing way of looking at joy...and yes, he even quoted the Bible verses about dancing with joy.

Healing PTSD has to involve your mind, your soul and your body. This is a great way to treat all three and stress out in a good way. Get the stress out of your, even if it just for a little while.

Play a game where you hear "kick off your Sunday shoes" and replace it with kick out PTSD blues! Then chair dance or actually get up and move your body. Even if you are just jumping up and down. Feel some joy to remind yourself of what feeling good feels like! 

First, we got to turn you around

Second, you put your feet on the ground

Third, now take a hold of your soul

I'm turning it loose, footloose

Kick out PTSD blues

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Been working so hard

I'm punching my card

Eight hours, for what?

Oh, tell me what I got

I gotten this feeling

That time's just holding me down

I'll hit the ceiling

Or else I'll tear up this town

Tonight I gotta cut loose, footloose

Kick off your Sunday shoes

Please, Louise

Pull me up off my knees

Jack, get back

C'mon, before we crack

Lose your blues

Everybody cut footloose

You're playing so cool

Obeying every rule

Dig way down in your heart

You're burning, yearning for some

Somebody to tell you

That life ain't passing you by

I'm trying to tell you

It will if you don't even try

You can fly if you'd only cut loose, footloose

Kick off your Sunday shoes

Ooh-wee, Marie

Shake it, shake it for me

Whoa, Milo

C'mon, c'mon let's go

Lose your blues

Everybody cut footloose

cut footloose

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) cut footloose

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) cut footloose

First, we got to turn you around

Second, you put your feet on the ground

Third, now take a hold of your soul

I'm turning it loose, footloose

Kick off your Sunday shoes

Please, Louise

Pull me up off my knees

Jack, get back

C'mon, before we crack

Lose your blues

Everybody cut footloose

Footloose, (Footloose), footloose

Kick off your Sunday shoes

Please, Louise

Pull me up off my knees

Jack, get back

C'mon, before we crack

Lose your blues

Everybody cut, everybody cut

Everybody cut, everybody cut

Everybody cut, everybody cut

(Everybody) Everybody cut footloose

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Dean Pitchford / Kenny Loggins

Footloose lyrics © Sony/atv Harmony, Sony/atv Melody, Milk Money Music

And this one is just for fun too!

The challenge is to film yourself doing a dance to this song and saying KICK OUT PTSD BLUES.

Then put the link to it on PTSD Patrol Facebook page as a comment,

This is to change the conversation from suffering to healing!

Here is mine with Murray...keep in mind that I have a bad back!

Faith enough to fight

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 23, 2021

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35

If someone hates someone else, that is not how Jesus said they should be. It is OK to hate what people do, but we're suppose to forgive them, just as we want to be forgiven. This is very important when you are trying to heal, especially if PTSD was caused by what some did to us.

I know it is hard, but it was harder to carry that inside of me, consuming room inside my soul where love could have been...should have been. There was a time when anger was taking control of my life and I didn't like myself.

I am basically a happy person. I have a hot temper, but I normally blow up, then let it go. Most of the time I want to hug afterwards. Still, there was a time when I couldn't do that. I knew I needed help. 

My primary care doctor recommended a few therapists who specialized in trauma. I made a couple of calls, but they couldn't even answer basic questions. Keep in mind that I had been researching PTSD, living with it and knew enough to know they did not know enough. Then I made a call to a woman who did know more than basics...she was an expert.

Little by little, the anger was losing power and hope was restoring happiness.  She is the reason I wrote my first book, For The Love Of Jack, His War/MyBattle. It tells the story of our life covering 18 years because it was first published in 2002. I republished in and put in a few updates, but didn't feel the need to update more. I said all I needed to say in it.

We wouldn't still be together if we did not have a deep love. We wouldn't still be together if we did not know how to forgive. I wouldn't have had what I needed to get through any of these years had it not been for God in my heart first.

Don't get me wrong, none of it was easy, but faith made it easier. I did not fight any battle alone and you don't have to either!

Get Together

Youngbloods 

Love is but a song we sing

Fear's the way we die

You can make the mountains ring

Or make the angels cry

Though the bird is on the wing

And you may not know why

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Some may come and some may go

He will surely pass

When the one that left us here

Returns for us at last

We are but a moment's sunlight

Fading in the grass

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

If you hear the song I sing

You will understand, listen

You hold the key to love and fear

All in your trembling hand

Just one key unlocks them both

It's there at your command

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

I said come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Right now

Right now

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jesse Colin Young

Get Together lyrics © Bernard's Other Music, Tenyor Music, Pigfoot Music, Irving Music Inc.