Battle won by more than my love could give

More than my love could give
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 8, 2018

"Combat should never be easier than coming home to you!" Kathie Costos

For The Love of Jack, His War My Battle originally published in 2003 because I tried to warn people about what was coming into their lives. PTSD! It was republished in 2013 because too many thought their love alone would be able to heal them. 

Love has to be strong enough to do whatever it takes to help them heal! Stop making excuses for what you fail to do. We lose more after combat than we do during it. Wars end and they come home but that battle lasts a lifetime! We have to be trained to win it for them!

The battle to save the lives of combat veterans is not lost and it is not new. 18 veterans and more than one active duty service member take their own lives each day. More attempt it. Kathie Costos is not just a Chaplain helping veterans and their families, not just a researcher, she lives with it everyday. Combat came home with her Vietnam veteran husband and they have been married for 28 years.She remembers what it was like to feel lost and alone.Everything you read in the news today about PTSD is in this book originally published in 2002 to serve as a guide to healing as well as a warning of what was coming for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans.

 I did not set out to do this work for all these years. All I wanted to do was help my husband see himself through my eyes. To see all the qualities I saw so strongly in him, that I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

Once I knew what PTSD was, I knew my love alone was not enough to help him. It never is, but if you love them enough, then you have to do whatever it takes to fight this battle when they come home to you.

You have the tools but you need to learn how they work or you'll stay stuck in the ditch of despair.

When you want to go someplace you have never been before, you get directions on how to get there. Think of this that way. This is a road map of getting around road hazards so you can find short cuts to get there.

It took a lot of years for me to be able to do this, but just as cell phones replaced road maps, getting where you want to go doesn't have to be done the old way. It just started by older people who cleared the road!

Kathie Costos DiCesare
Published on Apr 8, 2018
Why is combat less dangerous than coming home to us? That is the question I have been asking for over 3 decades. How is it they train to do their jobs, but we do not train to fight for them when they come home to us? They do their jobs. Why aren't we doing our jobs for members of our own family? If you ran out of excuses but did not run out of love, listen to someone who have been in this fight and won!

The detail of redemption

Getting the demon out
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 1, 2018

You have this great vehicle and take pride in it. You make sure it is clean. You even go to have the body detailed, so it sparkles in the sunlight. If you do not take care of the parts that power it, then it will sit there and rust. The tires will go flat and you'll cover it, ashamed of what you let happen to it.

What about the vehicle the carries everything that powers you?

That wonderful spirit inside of you needs detail work too. After all, that spirit is what caused you to want to be of service to others. It is what enabled you to train to do it. Endure all the hardships that came with that job. It gave you the courage to rush toward what you knew could end your life. It is also what can help you heal your life.

How is it that you can find it so easy to believe that you were meant to do your job saving lives, yet do not believe you are worthy of saving your own? PTSD is fueled by the acid of doubt. It eats away at everything that is good within you.

The devil is in that detail. The demons are in control of every negative thought you have and they enjoy causing you pain.

You went to bed one night filled with hope long ago. So long ago, you cannot remember what it felt like. The sense of being wrong believing in the power within you became stronger. Now, you are not sure of who you are anymore.

It is time to see the miracle of redemption and the see that everything you need to heal is within your body. Time to work on that.

Today is Easter for Christians around the world. Well, most Christians. I am Greek Orthodox and our Easter is next week. Long story but go here for why that is. It is the day that the promise of redemption was fulfilled and doubt died. All those who believed Jesus was the Son of God knew all He came to teach and do, were achieved. 

Those people included a Roman Centurion who did not need to see Jesus walking around after He was taken down from the Cross. He already knew what He heard was true.

Jesus Heals a Centurion’s Servant
5 Now when Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, pleading with Him, 

6 saying, “Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, dreadfully tormented.”

7 And Jesus said to him, “I will come and heal him.”

8 The centurion answered and said, “Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof. But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed.

9 For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

10 When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!

11 And I say to you that many will come from east and west, and sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven.

12 But the sons of the kingdom will be cast out into outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” 

13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go your way; and as you have believed, so let it be done for you.” And his servant was healed that same hour.

Matthew 8:5-13 New King James Version (NKJV)

Now, imagine what it was like during the time when people thought Jesus had lied to them. That He was not who He said he was. Think of how they misjudged Him. Then think about how happy they were to have been proven wrong about Him!

There is only one thing to stop you from being forgiven and that is you!

No one can replace your engine but you can repair it!

PTSD: What is wrong does not mean you are not strong!
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 25, 2018

My buddy Murray is one hell of a strong dog. He is as tough as they come and not much bothers him. (Well, aside from a couple of TV commercials making him freak out, or anyone near our house.) He loves people (as long as he is outside with them.)

We have a routine when I get home from work. I dump my purse and shoes just inside of the bedroom doorway and jumps on the sofa for his petting. First behind the ears and then he'll roll over for a belly rub. Wednesday when I rubbed behind his ears, he winced. Trying to figure out what was wrong, I did it again, and that time he almost cried.

I took him to the Vets and sure enough, he has a massive double ear infection. It must have been there for a while as his body was trying to fight it off.  

The fact he has an infection, does not mean he is any less strong, or brave. It means something hit him and tried to defeat him. With the right medicine and treatment, he'll be fine soon.

So will you! PTSD hit you! It does not mean you are not brave, or strong, or any less resilient than before. It means all the stuff you went through, your whole body was trying to fight off. There comes a time when it just can't fight anymore without help.

If you do nothing, it gets worse. As time goes on, the infection spreads out and claims more of your life. It hits every part of you and then spreads out to anyone who cares about you.

If you don't let them know something is wrong, then they have no way of knowing you need help. They end up thinking whatever pops into their own minds while trying to make sense of the change in you.

Stop wincing and start talking. Let them know you are fighting something off and then get the right help to heal.

Your car has a warning light when there is something wrong. Well, your warning light has been flashing for a long time. If you want to be able to go further instead of getting stuck, PAY ATTENTION TO IT! No one can replace your engine but you can repair it!

Don't take your life, take it back

This is from 4 years ago today!

Don't take your life, take it back
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
March 22, 2014

The Department of Veterans Affairs puts it this way

After a trauma or life-threatening event, it is common to have reactions such as upsetting memories of the event, increased jumpiness, or trouble sleeping. If these reactions do not go away or if they get worse, you may have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Sometimes you may feel like a victim but you just didn't notice that you are a survivor. You are not weak. You were so strong that you were willing to risk your life for your friends and that came from the strength within you.

PTSD means you survived an event that was so traumatic your life was on the line. Anyone can change after that. When it is caused by combat, it means it wasn't just your life on the line but the lives of your friends as well.

While the events changed you, that does not mean you cannot change again. It doesn't mean you are stuck feeling lousy inside. You are not condemned to suffer, feeling sad, angry, bitter or hopeless. Help is out there the same way you were there to help your buddies survive combat.

Don't even think about taking your own life now when you can take your life back!

Every part of a warfighter went. Your body was conditioned to react to stressful situations. Your mind was trained to react in a new way. Your spirit was pushed and often crushed by what you had to see and do. Every part of you changed because of combat.

Life is full of challenges and changes because of them. Challenge yourself to discover that you have the ability to change again. Your buddies watched over you just as you watched over them when someone was trying to kill you. There is still an enemy to fight back home trying to claim victory over you and them. You used weapons in war and you need weapons now to fight PTSD. You were not alone in combat and you are not alone now.

Seek help for your mind even if that means medication. If the medication doesn't work or you are having problems with it, talk to your doctors so that they can change them until they find the right ones for you.

Seek help to teach your body how to live calmly again. It had to be trained to push on and now it needs to be trained to relax again.

Seek help to heal your spirit. After all you went through it is often hard to feel the good emotions because the bad ones are so strong. All that was good inside of you before is still in there.

PTSD can be defeated and you can take your life back.

PTSD Service Stuff Stop Sign

Stop stuffing what your service does to you
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 20, 2018

If you made it your job to serve others, time to deal with it instead of stuffing it.

The only way to prevent PTSD is to stop all wars, crimes, fires, natural disasters and accidents. Think about that for a second. 

Now think about how you decided to make it your job...willingly putting your life on the line because all those things happen to people you don't even know.

Sure, you can understand when one of us has just been through something horrible and dealing with a lot. Why can't you understand when one of your own, or you, has to deal with a lot more because you face more of those times that could kill you?

While it may be difficult for the survivors, it is a lot hard for those we count on to help us become a survivor instead of victims.

Service members (including National Guard and Reservists) law enforcement, firefighters and emergency responders, face the same things the rest of us deal with but piled on top of that "everything else" are all the times you put your lives on the line. Even when you are not in an active situation, you are waiting for the next time. After all, that is what you get paid to do. Isn't it?


What you cannot forget, you stuff it to be able to just get on with your time off the job. The problem is, there is really no time you are totally off the job. You know when you are not on duty, someone else is.

It is what you decided to do with your life. It is what you trained to do. Did they tell you that you would no longer be human? Did they tell you that you were supposed to stop feeling?

Screw that! If you didn't feel anymore, then you wouldn't care anymore and you wouldn't want to do the job that could very well cost you your life!

You had to care deeply about life, or you wouldn't risk yours. That leaves a huge question. Then why don't you care enough about your own life to ask for help when you need it?

PTSD hit 1-out-of-3 Vietnam veterans. Hit 1-out-of-5 OEF and OIF veterans.

Police officers, according to Psychology Today article

There are approximately 900,000 sworn officers in the United States. According to some studies –19% of them may have PTSD. Other studies suggest that approximately 34% suffer symptoms associated with PTSD but do not meet the standards for the full diagnosis.

USA Today did a great report on combat veterans joining the police force afterwards.

• Veterans who work as police are more vulnerable to self-destructive behavior  — alcohol abuse, drug use and, like Thomas, attempted suicide.
• Hiring preferences for former service members that tend to benefit whites disproportionately make it harder to build police forces that reflect and understand diverse communities, some police leaders say.
• Most  law enforcement agencies, because of factors including a culture of machismo and a number of legal restraints, do little or no mental health screening for officers who have returned from military deployment, and they provide little in the way of treatment.

Ok, so now you understand that most of you stuff things instead of actively dealing with them and taking back lives. Now maybe you understand if you happen to be one of them, or one who never went to war, but put your life on the line all the same.

The truth is, suicide is hitting more veterans, police officers, firefighters and emergency responders. There comes a time when you start to see the signs that you should stop trying to stuff it and start doing something beyond getting numb or doing whatever it is that "takes you mind" off what is going on with you. Maybe it is time to fight back?

Maybe instead of accepting the fact you are willing to risk your life for strangers, you accept the fact that you need to start trusting the same people you risked your life with and let them know you need some help.

They would die for you, just as you would die for them. Do you really think they won't take the time to listen to you?

One more thing to consider is, there is nothing weak about someone like you. Actually, it requires you to have a deeper-stronger emotional core than the average citizen. It is also why you got hit harder than others did.

Ready to stop stuffing and start healing?