Why search for something after you found it?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 19, 2021


Why search for something after you found it? Maybe you need to because you think you lost it. If that is the case, then why did you lose it? Did you actually lose it? If the thing you lost is more than a thing, but is a person, that can be very rough. It isn't as if you can go out and replace the person with a duplicate. They will never be the same person you lost. This is why today the featured video is I'll Never Find Another You by The Seekers.

Many people came into and went out of my life for a lot of reasons. Some stayed in my life for decades. Some passed away. The fact is, none of them really left me. Each one changed me by adding something to my life or, taking something out of it. The truth is, looking back, I know I gained something from even the ones who hurt me. It made me love those who added to my life more deeply and appreciated them even more than I would have if I had never been hurt.

Is there someone in your life you love and loves you? You were brougt together for a reason. If you are suffering because of PTSD and it is a heavier burden than you can carry on your own, then you risk losing them. You are actually pushing them out of your life by not sharing what you feel. 

How many times have you read about a couple married for 50, 60 or 70 years and wonder how they did it? They did it because they shared their lives. All the good and all the bad and they stood by one another supporting them, because that is what love does. Does it mean it will be prefect? No, but it does mean it is strong. Isn't it time that you figured out you will never be able to find another one of "them" no matter what you do? If you do the right thing and trust them, share your burden with them, you won't have to look to replace them...because you won't lose them.

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I'll Never Find Another You

The Seekers

There's a new world somewhere

They call the promised land

And I'll be there someday

If you could hold my hand

I still need you there beside me

No matter what I do

For I know I'll never find another you

There is always someone

For each of us, they say

And you'll be my someone 

Forever and a day

I could search the whole world over

Until my life is through

But I know I'll never find another you

It's a long, long journey

So stay by my side

When I walk through the storm 

You'll be my guide, be my guide

If they gave me a fortune

My pleasure would be small

I could lose it all tomorrow

And never mind at all

But if I should lose your love, dear

I don't know what I'd do

For I know I'll never find another you

But if I should lose your love, dear

I don't know what I'd do

For I know I'll never find another you

Another you, another you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Tom Springfield

I'll Never Find Another You lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

PTSD: last time for their last chance?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 24, 2021

How many times should you try to get someone you love to get help? How many different ways do you try to explain it, get them to stop denying what you see so clearly, and seek help? How many times do you put up with their mood swings, paranoia, overblown reactions, accusations and general nastiness, before you have had enough? How many times do you take them walking out the door and not knowing if you want them to come back in it again, before you start to think about changing the locks?

When you live with someone with PTSD and they refuse to get help, there are so many questions you have, while feeling lost, as if there is no one who will understand what it is like to be you. You don't want to tell the people you work with. You may be covering it up with your family, making excuses for them not being at family events, calling their boss because they won't go to work or even call in sick. If you have kids, you may be trying to cover it up so they don't end up blaming themselves. You know what that feels like since you have been doing a great job blaming yourself.

So when do you get to your last time for their last chance?

Before you decide anything, you need to be prepared for what comes with your decision. If you give them the choice between getting help or getting out, they may be very open to saving the relationship. They may not be willing to listen, no matter how many times you try to explain it to them, and they may  walk out of your life, or take their own life. It happens both ways.

Isn't it better to do what you can before you have to get to that point? Learn what PTSD is so you understand it for your own sake. Help your kids understand it for their sake. You cannot control what he/she does no matter how hard you try and you cannot predict what their rock bottom will finally be, anymore than you can predict what they will do when they reach it. You can only control what you do.

When PTSD was the worst for us, we had separate lives. I got tired of making excuses for why things were the way they were. In other words, I was tired of living a lie. So I told the truth and did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go and let him know he was welcome to come with me or not.

The trick was, not holding a grudge if he didn't want to go. I had a good time and went home happy that I decided to go.

Everyone reaches limits but not everyone has the same outcome. Just understand that you have to make your own choices and so do they. Give them as much as you can and then decide what is right for you. At least when you make an informed decision, you'll understand whatever they choose, has nothing to do with you...it is all about them and what they decide to do for themselves.

The Last Time

Rolling Stones 

Well I told you once and I told you twice

But ya never listen to my advice

You don't try very hard to please me

With what you know it should be easy

Well this could be the last time

This could be the last time

Maybe the last time

I don't know, oh no, oh no

Well, I'm sorry girl but I can't stay

Feelin' like I do today

It's too much pain and too much sorrow

Guess I'll feel the same tomorrow

Well this could be the last time

This could be the last time

Maybe the last time

I don't know, oh no, oh no

Well this could be the last time

This could be the last time

Maybe the last time

I don't know, oh no, oh no

Well I told you once and I told you twice

That someone will have to pay the price

But here's a chance to change your mind

'Cause I'll be gone a long, long time

Well this could be the last time

This could be the last time

Maybe the last time

I don't know, oh no, oh no

Last time baby

To say no more

Baby I don't know

Well I don't know

Well, I don't know

I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Keith Richards / Mick Jagger

The Last Time lyrics © Abkco Music, Inc 

Or do you give them shelter? 

Gimme Shelter

Rolling Stones

Ooh, a storm is threatening

My very life today

If I don't get some shelter

Ooh yeah I'm gonna fade away

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'

Our streets today

Burns like a red coal carpet

Mad bull lost its way

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Rape, murder, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Rape, murder, yeah, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Rape, murder, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Mmm, a flood is threatening

My very life today

Gimme, gimme shelter

Or I'm gonna fade away

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

I tell you love, sister

It's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away

Kiss away, kiss away

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jagger Mick / Jagger Michael Phillip

Gimme Shelter lyrics © Mirage Music Int. Ltd. C/o Essex Music Int. L 

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

PTSD Patrol "If I Could"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
October 24, 2020

When your child is suffering, it breaks your heart. It doesn't matter how old they are, they always your child. The worst thing is when you feel helpless. You want to help but you don't know what is eating at them. You want to listen but they are holding back what is causing them pain.

Maybe they don't want to worry you or disappoint you. Then again, the pain may be so deep, they don't know how to put it into words.

Too many Moms I have talked to over the years said the things that are in today's feature video, after the child they loved committed suicide. That pain for them never ends. The questions never end because the only person who could answer them, decided to leave without answering.

"If I Could" was written by Barbra Streisand for her son, and the lyrics explain what Moms want to tell their children, no matter how old they are.

If you are worried but they will not open up to you, then send them the link to the song to let them know you are there for them no mater what it is.

#BreakTheSilence and tell them they can #TakeBackYourLife to heal.

Regina Belle- If I Could (1996) 

If I could

I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes

Give you courage in a world of compromise

Yes, I would

If I could

I would teach you all the things I never learned

And I'd help you cross the bridges that I burned

Yes, I would

If I could

I would try to shield your innocence from time

But the part of life I gave you isn't mine

I watched you grow

So I could let you go

If I could

I would help you make it through the hungry years

But I know that I can never cry your tears

But I would

If I could

If I live

In a time and place

Where you don't want to be

You don't have to walk along this road with me

My yesterday

Won't have to be your way

If I knew

I'd have tried to change the world I brought you to

Through there wasn't very much that I could do

But I still would

If I could

If, if I could

I would try to shield your innocence from time

But the part of life I gave you isn't mine.

I watched you grow

So I could let you go

If I could

I would help you make it through the hungry years

But I know that I can never cry your tears

But I would

If I could

Yes, I would

Yes, I would

If I could

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Kenneth Hirsch / Ron Miller / Marti Sharron / Kenny Hirsch / Ronald Norman Miller 

If I Could lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

PTSD Patrol "everyday it seems a little stronger"

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

October 1, 2020

Yesterday was my 36th wedding anniversary! Today's feature video is James Taylor's "Everyday" because it reflects all the changes we have gone through over all these years. 

Some thought it wouldn't last, including a lot of years when we also thought it was impossible. Any marriage is hard but when you add in PTSD, along with everything else that comes with it, too many marriages fall apart. It is like living on a rollercoaster!

You can read about most of it in the book I wrote a long time ago, FOR THE LOVE OF JACK, HIS WAR/MY BATTLE but for now, know that nothing is impossible when you know and love one another.

Everyday, it's getting closer,

Going faster than a roller coaster.

A love like yours would surely come my way.

Everyday, seems a little faster,

All my friends, they say go on up and ask her.

A love like yours would surely come my way.

Everyday it seems a little stronger,

Everyday it lasts a little longer.

Come what may, do you ever long for

True love from me?

Everyday seems a little closer,

Going faster than a roller coaster.

A love like yours would surely come my way.

A love like yours would surely come my way, Everyday.

Everyday it seems a little stronger,

Everyday it lasts a little longer.

Come what may, do you ever long for

True love from me?

Like I long from you baby.

Everyday seems a little closer,

Going faster than a roller coaster.

A love like yours would surely come my way.

Written by: Buddy Holly, Norman Petty

Lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Peermusic Publishing 

PTSD Patrol...do they know you'd help them if you could?

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

September 21, 2020

(Still sick)

Today I thought it would be a good day to help a family dealing with someone they love, who is hurting, but they do not know how to help them.

It is very difficult to go through it when you know they are suffering but they will not talk to you about it.

Most of the time they are afraid of how you will act or what you will think of them, so they just try to hide their pain.

Sometimes you have to #BreakTheSilence for them!

Open the door by sharing this song with them and let them know, you see what they think they are hiding and will move mountains to help them!

If I Could

Barbra Streisand

If I could

I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes

Give you courage in a world of compromise

Yes, I would

If I could

I would teach you all the things I've never learned

And I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned

Yes, I would

If I could

I would try to shield your innocence from time

But the part of life I gave you isn't mine

I've watched you grow

So I could let you go

If I could

I would help you make it through the hungry years

But I know that I can never cry your tears

But I would

If I could

If I live

In a time and place where you don't want to be

You don't have to walk along this road with me

My yesterday

Won't have to be your way

If I knew

I'd have tried to change the world I brought to you to

And there isn't very much that I can do

But I would

If I could

If I could

I would try to shield your innocence from time

But the part of life I gave you isn't mine

I've watched you grow

So I could let you go

If, if I could

I would help you make it through those hungry years

But I know that I can never cry your tears

But I would

If I could

Yes I would

Yes I would

If I could

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Ron Miller / Marti Sharron / Kenneth Hirsch

If I Could lyrics © Sony/atv Songs Llc

Gladys Knight performs in the nation's capitol for a Memorial Day concert. 

PTSD Patrol Life Lift Living For Love

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

August 24, 2020

The feature video today is Donna Summer I Will Live For Love 💘 and I used this song years ago to give members of the military encouragement to help the heal. Best reason in the world to heal is for those you love. #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Eight years ago, I used I Will Live For Love for a PTSD anti-suicide video for members of the military. They forgot how many reasons they do have to live for those they love. After all, others meant so much to them they were willing to die for them, the least they could do is heal for them.

I Will Live For Love

Lyrics

I never needed someone

''cause I always led a life of my own

Never waited for the ring of the 'phone

Never had anyone here

When I got home

But love's about to change my heart

I'm waiting for the doorbell to chime

When I always lived one day at a time

I thought that I was getting on fine

Never felt I was alone
'til you change your mind

Love's about to change my heart

Could a day be so long

When I always felt secure and so strong

And all the time as I went along

Never thought I would desire

So much to belong

Love's about to change my heart

Love's about to change my heart, ooh

Never ever thought the sky was so blue

Never ever thought I'd feel so new

Always thought I'd know what to do

But I guess I wasn't counting on you

What did I know

I always felt so much on control

I thought I'd make it all on my own

Never thought I would forget

All I have known

Love's about to change my heart

Love's about to change my heart

Love's about to change, change, change

My heart...

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Aitken / Stock / Waterman

Love’s About to Change My Heart lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

PTSD Patrol Passengers

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

July 23, 2020

When you have PTSD, you are the driver of everyone in your life. It is just the way it is. When they do not understand what is going on inside of you, they end up putting all of it on their shoulders. Then, you don't know what you are doing to them. It gets very confusing for everyone. It is like getting lost on a road trip, losing your cell phone reception and your GPS. (If you're old like me, I remember reading a road map and having it blow out the window!)

Kindercare

My husband and I have been married over 35 years, so trust me, I get it. I know what PTSD did to him and also what it did to me. I can assure you that the road ahead can be tricky. It can feel like being stuck in traffic for hours. Knowing what PTSD is, and why it does what it does, having your passengers in life know, then it can be more like a pleasant Sunday drive!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Here are some helpful links to a couple of videos and a book I wrote. You can read it for free if you have Kindle.

FOR THE LOVE OF JACK, HIS WAR/MY BATTLE before 9-11

Why you should never publish your book on April Fools Day or with Xlibris

This is a special cross post!

Wounded Times and PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 13, 2019

"We're not interested in owning your work...after all, we didn't write it." Xlibris

That quote is from the Xlibris brochure that made me decide on choosing them as the (FLUSHING) publisher for the book that had to "get out there" way back in 2003.

After all this time telling veterans to #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife that is what I am doing. Breaking the silence on what has been torturing me for all these years and taking back control over my own work!

I wrote FOR THE LOVE OF JACK, HIS WAR/MY BATTLE before 9-11 but could not find a publisher. After all, it was about a veteran's family living with PTSD. To top that off, the veteran was a Vietnam veteran. You know, before they were big news again.

After 9-11, I added to the ending and had the copyright done in 2002. 


2003 I decided to self publish it. On April 1, 2003 it was published.

Yes, April Fools Day! Should have known right there it was off to a bad start with this (FLUSH) company.

 Product detailsPaperback: 148 pagesPublisher: Xlibris Corp (April 1, 2003)Language: English ISBN-10: 1401086918ISBN-13: 978-1401086916

After 16 years...I can assure you, that while the actual ownership of the book does belong to me, they have not seemed to be able to remember that fact.

I was hearing from people about reading the book, but saw few sales reported. I questioned Xlibris and they said that they were "used" books they must have been reading. Used book? How when there were only a few "new" ones sold according to them.

Just to find out what was going on, I ordered 2 books from Barnes and Noble. I had them shipped to the store and yes, paid full price. The bar code did not work. 

Anyway, a few more emails and trust was gone. I wanted my book out of their hands. I told them to stop printing it.

That didn't work. Really odd that they did not manage to explain why the book was still being sold, if there were no sales.

I wrote to the Better Business Bureau and Xlibris responded with it was my ego that was involved and not their problem. Besides, they also said that I was taking up too much of their time. Odd thing is that responding to the BBB, they said that "half a dozen" more were sold.

By 2004 I totally had it and my lawyer sent them a letter to stop publishing it and give me a full report.

In 2005, the book was still being sold. I (FLUSH) emailed them again! 

This is their response.

RE: STOP SELLING MY BOOK/CANCELLATION CONFIRMATION
Mon, Mar 14, 2005 6:33 am
Channel (Channel@Xlibris.com)

Dear Ms. Costos, As long as Ingram still has physical copies of your book in stock, your book will continue to be listed as available and people can continue to purchase copies of it through the different online resellers. Another way to get hold of your book is through the used book resellers. 

What happened was when customers decided to sell their used copy of a book to these resellers; they can set the book's price to any amount they want when they list it with online resellers with Amazon.com, Borders.com, Barnes and Noble.com. Xlibris does not have a relationship with these used book resellers nor do we have a say in the way they operate their business since they got these books from the customers who decided to sell their purchased books to them. Further, these used book resellers are entitled to sell used book under the first sale doctrine of copyright law. 

This email is also to confirm the cancellation of your book with Xlibris. Your book entitled "For The Love of Jack", with ISBN 1-4010-8691-8, is no longer available for sale through our Xlibris website or the 800 number. Although no new copies of your book will be produced from this point forward you should be aware that due to our relationship with various printers and book distributors, physical copies of your book currently exist within the book vending channels. For reasons of quality assurance and to provide a more efficient ordering process, Ingram will keep a handful of copies of all titles listed with them in stock at all times. Ingram currently shows one (1) physical copy of your book in stock. Your title will remain available in the channels until this copy is sold. When a title is listed as cancelled, production knows not to replenish this stock once it is depleted. Unfortunately, it must be depleted before Ingram will remove the title's listing from its system. 

Amazon and the other online channels base their listing information from what Ingram's system provides. As a result, as long as Ingram has copies in stock, title will remain listed with the online stores. These online resellers and distributors could not change the availability of your book to out of stock until somebody purchases these remaining books from them.

The copies that the online retailers have were purchased from us (you were paid royalties for these sales) giving the resellers the right to continue the sale of your book with no implication on the contract between you and Xlibris. Please note that as part of Barnes and Noble's sales programs, titles that are considered "out of print" are kept in the system as such to allow customers the ability to track hard-to-find books. Hard-to-find and out-of-print books present a great source of revenue for these businesses, which is why they continue listing books that are no longer available through their distributor. We would like you to know that it has been a pleasure doing business with you. We wish you success in your writing endeavors and we hope to work with you again in the future.

How could there be more "used" copies than ones I had been "paid for" in the first place?

"Hard-to-find and out-of-print books present a great source of revenue for these businesses, which is why they continue listing books that are no longer available through their distributor."

A great source of revenue that are no longer available? Is this why they refused to pull the book? FLUSHING seriously?


I emailed them again and told them I wanted this stopped! I asked them how I could finally get this done.

This is their reply.

Channel (Channel@Xlibris.com)To:you (Bcc) + 1 more DetailsDear Ma'am,Currently, there is only one (1) physical copy of the book left at Ingram's microinventory. You may purchase this remaining copy either through Amazon/Borders.com or Barnes and Noble.com. Based on Amazon's listing, it is indicated that there is only 1 left in stock for your title. List Price: $20.99

 So I paid full price for that book and others!

Well this kept going on, and on, and on! I tried giving away free PDF of it, and that happened many times, because I figured if I was not getting paid, I could at least control that and get it into the hands of people it would help.

In 2012, I opted to have it republished with a few changes on Amazon.

Long story short, 2019 and the book was still online. I am planning on writing the follow up.

Last week, after trying to get my ducks in a row for more changes coming to this site (which we'll talk about later), I went onto Amazon and saw that the damn thing was still online right next to the one I put up in 2012. I hit the roof when I saw that there were "new" copies and "used" copies.

I sent an email to Xlibris, Lightening Source/Ingram (the printer) and Amazon legal department.Ingram legal department responded, just stating that "The title in question, For the Love of Jack / EAN 9781401086916, is already cancelled in our system." with no answer as to when that was done or why it was still available.

Cutting this shorter than including in all the evidence and emails back and forth, on March 28, 2019 Xlibris responded with,

"However, although no new copies were produced, we would like to make you aware that due to our relationship with various printers and book distributors, physical copies of your book may currently exist within the book vending channels until these copies have been sold out."

The email went on to state that, when a book is out of print, it can still be online but will show "out of print" or "not available" even though I had already shown them, that according to Amazon, they had at least one new one. So, I ordered it and it shipped.

I didn't know I was a magician! How did I manage to buy a brand new book that went extinct in 2005? Wow, looks like there are a lot of (FLUSHING) magic tricks going on!

This new copy that did not exist shipped out the day after I ordered it from California.

On April 1, 2019, exactly 16 years after they published my book, I asked them to tell me when they supposedly stopped it from being printed. On April 2, 2019 they responded with this.

"Upon further checking, the book was cancelled way back March 11, 2005. Therefore, there was really a time wherein the book was available." 

When questioned again as to how it was possible I managed to buy a new book...and not a new one, they replied with this.

The books I bought online in 2005 were new, and they had emailed acknowledgement of at least one of them. 

How were they not able to decide when they "cancelled" it? Was it 2004? 2005? And how the (FLUSH) were people making money off new ones when Xlibris denied the existence of new ones?

How did I manage to buy new books, yes, paying full price, for books that went extinct?

I called Morgan and Morgan yesterday and ran down what happened. They wanted to know how many I thought were sold. How the (FLUSH) would I know that since Xlibris keeps saying that only "used" copies are being sold and they have "no control" over that?

The lesson here is, never publish on April Fools Day...or with Xlibris because after 16 years of putting me through hell, they cannot, or will not, explain how it is a book that had so few sales, according to them,  IS STILL BEING SOLD!

UPDATE

Here is the link to GoFundMe

PTSD Patrol: Are You A Passenger or Navigator?

PTSD Patrol: Participating in the journey

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 24, 2019

I have been unplugged for a few days to spend time with some very dear old friends of ours. Over the weekend we talked about old times and how our lives have changed since we were young.

My friend Ellen and I shared how much we have taken active places in the lives of our husbands and unwilling to settle for just being along for the ride. 

This morning I was wondering why so many younger family members are not taking an active part in the journey too. Then it occurred to me that maybe no one ever explained to them how much power they do have over everything.

Passenger Passive is just along for the ride and not paying attention to where they are going, or noticing how they got to where they were.

Passsenger: a person who is traveling in a vehicle but is not operating it or working as an employee in it.

Captain Cruel takes advantage of the vulnerability of the person they are with instead of helping them.

Navigator Knowing charts the way to get everyone to their destination as quickly and safely as possible.

Navigator :a person in a vehicle who decides on the direction in which the vehicle travels.

Point Man Partner acknowledges the needs of someone they care about and finds a way to make their journey a much happier trip.

So which one are you? If you are a family member, you are part of the journey and you can change the trip for everyone. 

Yes, without knowing it, you play a major role in all of this. You can make it worse for everyone or you can make it so much better.

While peer support is one of the best ways for recovering from PTSD, what Point Man International Ministries discovered is, family support works better than anything.

Point Man established Home Front groups because our role can, and should, change their lives for the better. The more we know, the more involved we are, the more healing can happen.

Are you tired of just being along for the ride?

This is from Paul Sluznis

Many of us had no idea where to go or who to talk to when we came home from our different conflicts. We had no clue we had PTSD or anxiety. Who thought they would still be clearing their own home 15 years after getting out of the military. I had no idea how to deal with any of these issues till my Bride found out about Point Man Ministries and I haven't looked back since.

I started out going to outpost meetings and after awhile found that everyone in the room, although some from different services, and conflicts had the same issues as I. In that room we shared our thoughts as well as our messed up feelings knowing that what was said in the room would never leave the room....

Many of us have lost long time friends while in the service and I have met many Veterans who never left our country and felt they didn't belong in the same room as a combat Veteran. We all served this great nation whether shot at or not you served and you have just as much of a right to be there as I do. No matter what your service, male or female, I urge you to seek us out and join us! Thank you for serving our great Nation and welcome home! Paul Sluznis (President of PMIM)

In 1982 our journey began for my husband and I. Along the way, there were a lot of bad times but once I knew what PTSD was doing to him, I understood it was happening to us!

When someone you care about is hurting, it can break your heart. When someone you love is hurting to the point they are pushing you away, thoughts smash into each other as you try to figure out what you did wrong to cause it. Not a great way to live. You'll never find the answer because it is not really about you. It is about whatever they survived and the shock that came afterwards.

Not understanding any of it causes them to fear tomorrow instead of hope for healing.

It is our job to get them to where they need to be and that begins with how much of an active part we are willing to play.

These videos are with Paul talking about what it was like for him before Point Man and after his wife found us. This is how you can become a "Point Man Partner" and make a difference.

And if you are a family member, this is how you become Navigator know which way to go!

PTSD Patrol : Family Road Trip

PTSD Patrol Family Road Trip
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
July 29, 2018

Yesterday it was raining when I was getting ready to do the video for today. A song popped into my head and I could not get it to stop playing in my mind. 

Melissa Manchester "Come In From The Rain" is about coming home from a journey and returning to someone who loves them.

I used that song a long time ago because it is what it is like when you come back home to your family.

When you listen to the lyrics, you'll know what I mean. We do not know what you have packed in your memories. We just know you are still packing pain. 

We don't know if it is because you do not love us anymore, or we did something wrong, or anything else that caused what is going on with you. All we can do is guess unless you tell us.

Do not leave your family wondering, because they will only blame themselves. The deployment trip was your journey without them but healing from it, is a family road trip.

Stop concealing what you are trying to hide and include them in on this ride so you can #TakeBackYourLife!

There is another song by Melissa Manchester "Just You And I" that also says a lot about what could go on when you do not choose to fight this alone.

Just You And I

Melissa Manchester

When your heroes go up in a puff,

And there's not enough to hang on to

And the ones you would count on to call

They all fall down all around you

Then you've got to believe there's more

It is the reason we're put here for

It's just you and I

When the legend's over - and we have just begun

We can look to each other to see us through

Just you and I

When a miracle's long overdue

And there's no one who's gonna come to guide you

So you keep looking up to the sky - wondering why

The clouds won't hide you

At the times when you're most afraid

That is the reason why dreams are made

It's just you and I

When the legend's over - and we have just begun

We can look to each other to see us through

Just you and I

Songwriters: Carole Bayer Sager / Melissa Manchester / Melissa Toni Manchester Just You And I lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Battle won by more than my love could give

More than my love could give
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 8, 2018

"Combat should never be easier than coming home to you!" Kathie Costos

For The Love of Jack, His War My Battle originally published in 2003 because I tried to warn people about what was coming into their lives. PTSD! It was republished in 2013 because too many thought their love alone would be able to heal them. 

Love has to be strong enough to do whatever it takes to help them heal! Stop making excuses for what you fail to do. We lose more after combat than we do during it. Wars end and they come home but that battle lasts a lifetime! We have to be trained to win it for them!

The battle to save the lives of combat veterans is not lost and it is not new. 18 veterans and more than one active duty service member take their own lives each day. More attempt it. Kathie Costos is not just a Chaplain helping veterans and their families, not just a researcher, she lives with it everyday. Combat came home with her Vietnam veteran husband and they have been married for 28 years.She remembers what it was like to feel lost and alone.Everything you read in the news today about PTSD is in this book originally published in 2002 to serve as a guide to healing as well as a warning of what was coming for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans.

 I did not set out to do this work for all these years. All I wanted to do was help my husband see himself through my eyes. To see all the qualities I saw so strongly in him, that I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

Once I knew what PTSD was, I knew my love alone was not enough to help him. It never is, but if you love them enough, then you have to do whatever it takes to fight this battle when they come home to you.

You have the tools but you need to learn how they work or you'll stay stuck in the ditch of despair.

When you want to go someplace you have never been before, you get directions on how to get there. Think of this that way. This is a road map of getting around road hazards so you can find short cuts to get there.

It took a lot of years for me to be able to do this, but just as cell phones replaced road maps, getting where you want to go doesn't have to be done the old way. It just started by older people who cleared the road!

Kathie Costos DiCesare
Published on Apr 8, 2018
Why is combat less dangerous than coming home to us? That is the question I have been asking for over 3 decades. How is it they train to do their jobs, but we do not train to fight for them when they come home to us? They do their jobs. Why aren't we doing our jobs for members of our own family? If you ran out of excuses but did not run out of love, listen to someone who have been in this fight and won!