Kathie Costos
February 24, 2021
How many times should you try to get someone you love to get help? How many different ways do you try to explain it, get them to stop denying what you see so clearly, and seek help? How many times do you put up with their mood swings, paranoia, overblown reactions, accusations and general nastiness, before you have had enough? How many times do you take them walking out the door and not knowing if you want them to come back in it again, before you start to think about changing the locks?
When you live with someone with PTSD and they refuse to get help, there are so many questions you have, while feeling lost, as if there is no one who will understand what it is like to be you. You don't want to tell the people you work with. You may be covering it up with your family, making excuses for them not being at family events, calling their boss because they won't go to work or even call in sick. If you have kids, you may be trying to cover it up so they don't end up blaming themselves. You know what that feels like since you have been doing a great job blaming yourself.
So when do you get to your last time for their last chance?
Before you decide anything, you need to be prepared for what comes with your decision. If you give them the choice between getting help or getting out, they may be very open to saving the relationship. They may not be willing to listen, no matter how many times you try to explain it to them, and they may walk out of your life, or take their own life. It happens both ways.
Isn't it better to do what you can before you have to get to that point? Learn what PTSD is so you understand it for your own sake. Help your kids understand it for their sake. You cannot control what he/she does no matter how hard you try and you cannot predict what their rock bottom will finally be, anymore than you can predict what they will do when they reach it. You can only control what you do.
When PTSD was the worst for us, we had separate lives. I got tired of making excuses for why things were the way they were. In other words, I was tired of living a lie. So I told the truth and did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go and let him know he was welcome to come with me or not.
The trick was, not holding a grudge if he didn't want to go. I had a good time and went home happy that I decided to go.
Everyone reaches limits but not everyone has the same outcome. Just understand that you have to make your own choices and so do they. Give them as much as you can and then decide what is right for you. At least when you make an informed decision, you'll understand whatever they choose, has nothing to do with you...it is all about them and what they decide to do for themselves.
The Last Time
Rolling Stones
Well I told you once and I told you twice
But ya never listen to my advice
You don't try very hard to please me
With what you know it should be easy
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know, oh no, oh no
Well, I'm sorry girl but I can't stay
Feelin' like I do today
It's too much pain and too much sorrow
Guess I'll feel the same tomorrow
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know, oh no, oh no
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know, oh no, oh no
Well I told you once and I told you twice
That someone will have to pay the price
But here's a chance to change your mind
'Cause I'll be gone a long, long time
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know, oh no, oh no
Last time baby
To say no more
Baby I don't know
Well I don't know
Well, I don't know
I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Keith Richards / Mick Jagger
The Last Time lyrics © Abkco Music, Inc
Or do you give them shelter?
Gimme Shelter
Rolling Stones
Ooh, a storm is threatening
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Ooh yeah I'm gonna fade away
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'
Our streets today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost its way
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder, yeah, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Mmm, a flood is threatening
My very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter
Or I'm gonna fade away
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
I tell you love, sister
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
Kiss away, kiss away
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Jagger Mick / Jagger Michael Phillip
Gimme Shelter lyrics © Mirage Music Int. Ltd. C/o Essex Music Int. L
Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
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