PTSD Patrol: Time to check your tires

Four tires move your forward
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 13, 2018 

My friend Rev. Karen Estes has a message about how all of us need help along the way. One tire won't get you anywhere and you need three more. In other words, if we get help with what we need, then we get to move forward!

When you are stuck because of PTSD, you may think you do not want to burden anyone else. Those same people would have died for you, but you don't want to bother them? The same people you would have died for, yet you cannot bring yourself to ask them to help you heal?

How is that right? What does that actually say to them when you did not trust them enough with what is going on with you, yet you trusted them with your life in combat?

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2:18 New International Version (NIV)

The second tire is the buddy, or helper to stand by your side. 

The third tire is a group as a support system. A team to help you. In this message, that group is a church, but when you think of your unit, that is also a support system, "to help bare your burdens" just like you would do for them.

The forth tire is God. He will never lose air or let His interest in you go flat. He is there to "carry you" when you cannot do it for yourself. There when others fail you because they are only human too.

Want to get on the road to healing? Check your tires! 

Karen was kind enough to send out what she said and here is part of it.

Sunday, May 13, 2018
The Need for a Support System
Musings of the Preacherlady

A dear friend who is a Chaplain and PTSD Advocate asked me to record a video to uplift, and encourage veterans. The series uses driving a car as the analogy. Here is what I came up with:

The Need for a Support System

A car needs four tires. If one gets flat or is removed, then the car can’t go. One tire by itself can be OK as a swing or something, but it won’t get you anywhere… OK, so I am NOT a mechanic. I know that, so I am smart enough to know when the car is having problems that I need to take it to someone who knows what they are doing. When our spiritual life is out of whack, we need to do that, too. If my car analogy is a bit of a stretch forgive me, my area is spiritual.

In today’s society there is an undercurrent that you must be self-sufficient. You need to “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.” Independence is everything. In fact, in Psychology the notion of being “co-dependent” is supposed to be a really bad thing. That undercurrent has made many people believe that they have to face their problems on their own and if they don’t then something must be wrong with them. I believe this goes against the very fiber of our being. We were created to be in community.

In Genesis 2:18 it says, “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” (NRSV) Most people interpret this as husband and wife, which is part of it. The Hebrew is much broader. The word “man” is Adama, which is the word for humanity.

So, Adam means human. So, it can be translated, “It is not good for a human being to be alone.” We were made to be in relationship. No one can make it entirely on their own. So, my first tire is find someone to be your “helper.” You need to find someone who you trust to walk with you through life’s journey; someone who will not abuse or take advantage of your vulnerability. This person can be a spouse, a best friend, a co-worker, a sibling, but needs to be someone who will always be on your side even when you don’t want to hear it.
read more here

PTSD Patrol: Does your radiator cool your engine enough?

Crying keeps your engine cool!
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 6, 2018

We have all heard the saying "men don't cry" but that must have originated from a man who couldn't do it. Think of what he was like. He must have been one nasty individual.

Imagine not being able to cope with strong emotions. Then again, imagine what it must have been like to not be able to release that negative power. His engine must have overheated all the time.

Radiators A radiator is an integral part of your car’s engine coolant system. Its primary task is to keep the engine cool — if the radiator were to malfunction, the pistons would seize up, destroying the engine. In effect, the radiator along with the rest of the cooling system is your personal insurance against a devastating repair bill.

If you have PTSD after doing your job, then there are things you need to know beyond what you imagine.

You may think that others like you do not need to cry. After all, you are so courageous that you were willing to die for the sake of someone else. Right? Why were you willing to do that? Is it because you did not care about any of them?

Would it help to know that one of the most courageous men to walk this earth cried? 

He was feeling such empathy for someone else, he could not control his emotions and he wept.

I am sure by now you know where I am going with this. That man was Jesus. When He was in the garden, knowing His days on earth were coming to an end, He had such and inner struggle going on that when He did not weep, the emotional pressure was so great that his sweat came out as drops of blood.

42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. (Luke 22)

His engine overheated. Now, sure, you can dismiss all of this but then you'd have to dismiss the fact that Jesus knew all along who He was and what He was supposed to do. He also knew when it would happen. 

All His time on earth was spent doing things for others out of love. Some say it did not end well for Him, but they are missing the point that it ended the exact way it was supposed to. Think of how brave He was and then think of how even He cried for someone else.

Jesus could have dismissed the sister of Lazarus, knowing He would restore her brother to the living, but He was overpowered by the love she had for him.

Is there anything that is blocking your engine? Is there any reason you are allowing your engine to heat up instead of cooling off so the rest of your journey goes on?

Bad feelings need to be released so that good can come in again. Unscrew the cap and let the water flow!

Ecclesiastes 3 King James Version (KJV)
3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I could have edited this video because of a mistake I made, but why pretend I am perfect? In the video I am talking about what is in Ecclesiastes, but I must have had the Birds song on my brain. It turns out that the way this was originally written, it is perfect. There is a time to weep and a time to laugh. Stop letting your engine overheat and cool it down.

Free Spark Plugs

Hope spark plug works
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 29, 2018


If all you hear is negative, how can you find anything positive to fire your imagination? If your car battery only had negative terminals, it would not work, no matter how many times you tried to charge it.

You need something to put energy into your life again. You need some spark plugs to get you going.

This is from Firestone Complete Auto Care but think of it as complete YOU care.

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SPARK PLUGS
What do spark plugs do?

Spark plugs are vital to your car’s efficiency!

"Think of spark plugs as the tiniest bolt of lighting. Small but mighty, the spark of electricity that the plug emits across a small gap creates the ignition for the combustion needed to start your car. By putting the engine’s pistons in motion, your car can power up, stay powered up and produce a smooth burn of the compressed air-fuel mixture. Mind you, spark plugs like it hot: they withstand extreme heat and pressure within your cylinders and are built to burn off deposits from fuel additives or other contaminants."

What does it mean for you?

"Well, without a spark, your car won’t start – or go anywhere. And because spark plug health is directly linked to engine performance, it stands to reason weak or bad spark plugs lead to problems, be it issues with cold-starting or misfires during acceleration. Besides – without healthy ones – your ride can’t sustain maximum power, and your vehicle can see a drop in fuel economy. Now, nobody wants that."

Yes, you are very smart! You know exactly where I am going on this one. The spark is about getting your healthy spirit back so it can sustain the maximum power. We all misfire from time to time. Some of us burnout. I suffer from that so much so, that God must have switched from matches to a bic lighter. He sparks my drive all the time.

A long time ago, I worked for a church as Administrator of Christian Education. Most of the kids are all grown up now. All of them were blessed to have had a youth pastor named Karen Estes. She became a close friend and had me looking at a lot I thought I knew, differently.

One of the things I could never seem to come to terms with, was how the 10 Commandments meshed with what Jesus said. Karen set me straight on that one. She told me that I was looking at it the wrong way. It was not about sin but was more of a love letter from God.

The first part is about our relationship with God and the second part is about our relationship with other people. It is about how to not hurt them. That was exactly what Jesus taught. That was a new spark plug for me. It was a lot more powerful knowing that God loved that much and wanted us to love each other. 

We are not to judge the sins of others, but to judge our own. We are not supposed to turn some away because we do not like how they live their lives, but we are supposed to be as Jesus was with everyone.

When I think about the Roman Centurion asking Jesus to heal His servant, it is very hard to think that Jesus would have turned anyone away.

Karen wrote something that sums all this up better than I ever could do it. Gee, she is still teaching me!

"Jesus accepted people as they were. He accepted the smelly fishermen, the hated tax collector, the women that society thought were worth nothing, and even Zachaeus the wee little man who climbed a tree to see Jesus. Jesus accepts as we are; scars, warts, and all. The guest speaker at Oviedo Pres. last Sunday was brought up in a family that was Hindu, Muslim, and Ba' hai. He decided that Jesus was the way for him because of the unconditional grace, love, and acceptance that Jesus had for everyone. God so loved the world, including Geeks, nerds, and shy little girls." Rev. Karen Estes

You may judge how people are treating you and it can make you bitter. You are being judged by people who do not know why you act the way you do, why you changed or why you seem so sad. How can they know what is going on inside of you if you do not tell them? 

How can you expect them to remember what "you" were like, if you don't even remember what you were like? Do you even remember what you did like? Stop thinking so much about what you do not like. That takes up too much time that you could be thinking of what you can still enjoy.

There is one of my favorite lines from Criminal Minds when "David Rossi" says “Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going.” 

You decide where you are going and how you are going to get there. If you have no hope, then how can you think of anything better than where you are right now? How can you dream of any life that is happier? How can you think of feeling love or laughter instead of wanting get numb, if no one shows you there is still hope of all that, and so much more? 

Change your spark plug! Stop being powered by anger. It is robbing your engine from the power it is capable of receiving!

Did that fire up your hope spark plug? Hope that helps is right inside of you. Open your eyes and look around at where you are right now that hood is up and you can see what drives you. It is time to enjoy the ride.

Did you know a spark plug is not just for your vehicle, but for your life too? The spark plugs you run on is hope and inspiration. It does not just start your the engine of your imagination. It drives you to achieve more, be more, do more and look forward to the next challenge. It is time to find that spark that the rest of your life will drive on!

Objects in mirror, closer than they appear

Then They Appear
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 22, 2018

Yesterday we went out to the Veterans Reunion at Wickham Park in Melbourne Florida. It is the 31st time veterans gathered together for several reasons.

For some, it was to spend time with other veterans but for most, it was a journey to remember those they still spend time with, but only in their memories and dreams.

For far too many, when veterans reach retirement age, it all comes back. Things they thought the had gotten over, let them know loud and clear that the sound of the helicopters have not faded. The smell of diesel fuel has not faded. The feel of their weapons has not been removed from their hands.  

They carried PTSD inside of them all along but because they got too busy, too tired at the end of the day, they just didn't notice that the objects in their rear view mirror were a lot closer than they seemed to be.

It is time for your generation to make a U Turn from the left lane and start taking the right road.

The left lane is the lane for those who are heading into those who have left us! Why leave us now after all these years? Why surrender to the thing you have kept one step ahead of all this time?

Now that you have time, why not spend it on taking back your life from PTSD instead of trying to figure out how you want to leave now?

Your generation are the ones who taught the rest of the country what PTSD was and because you pushed for all the research, you basically taught all others how to heal. So how is it that too many in your generation did not get the radio call?

Your generation taught the rest of us how to honor those who risked their lives for everyone else. How about you teach the younger generation that having PTSD makes you a survivor and there is no shame in beating combat the first time. You gave it all you had to live during combat. How about you do all you can to survive old age?

Come on! For the generation who mapped the road, how is you guys keep taking the long way home to healing PTSD?

Ok, anyway, I filmed this weeks Empowerment Zone at the Memorial. I spent most of the morning trying to get rid of the noise from the wind. Then it dawned on my that you may have a lot of noise you can't get rid of too.

The noise you hear is the annoying chatter of how many veterans someone thinks should be reduced to. Not even close, but here, we're more about how many veterans pull each other up instead of trying to figure out how many will never get up again.

So, are you ready to take back your life? Then let the smoke rise up to let others know you need help.

They can rescue you if they don't know where you are!!!!!

Past in Rear View Mirror

Nothing behind you can stop you

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

April 16, 2018

Yesterday we were driving to Melbourne so that I could film the motorcycle escort for the Vietnam Memorial Wall. My husband was driving, and as I looked into the rear view mirror, it seemed really odd that no one was behind us. There really wasn't many people ahead of us either, which is really strange. Anyway, I had the camera in my lap, so, naturally, I snapped away.

I thought about how there is nothing stopping us from where we want to go other than what we limits we make. Sure, we may not have enough money to do what we want now, but there was a time when we thought we couldn't even buy a house, and now, we're in our second one. 

There were a lot of times when stuff seemed hopeless, but we were not willing to settle where we were. Hope is what keeps us moving and improving.

Getting where you want to be, may take a little longer than you want it to, but if you don't give up, then you'll get there.

I wanted to be a writer. Actually growing up, I wanted to write horror books. I never thought I'd be writing about real horrors veterans live with for the last 3 plus decades, but it is the way it turned out to be.

I'm doing what I always wanted to do. The past got me to where I am but I decide where I go from here.

So do you! Everything in our lives gets us to where we are at this very moment. The bad stuff, as well as the good, were on the road we drove on.

The road ahead is filled with the same too but the journey is full of possibilities for better than now. You already know what is behind you. If you keep looking back, you may miss what is coming. 

Stop looking back because you are not there anymore. You survived whatever smacked PTSD into you. Like a car accident, you probably didn't see it coming at you. No one stays where it happened. They get help, move on and take care of whatever they need to do. You can do the same! That thing is over, but the leftover is only in control if you let it be.

Maybe you always wanted to be in the military and now you are not. What else can you do with your life to help other people? Think about it. I may not be making a living doing it, but you can do it in your spare time. I do this after work and weekends. It makes me happier during the week when I have to do something else.

Maybe you had other dreams. Things that were important to you? Then do them! Do what you enjoy and stop spending so much time feeling miserable. I don't know who told you that this is the best you get, but that is not the truth. 

This is what you accept it to be instead of what you expected it to become.

How about taking that tiny step of doing something looking forward and see where it takes you. All you have to lose is what has been keeping you trapped.