rethink fighting PTSD alone

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 8, 2021 

If you are trying to get through what PTSD is doing to you alone, then consider this.

In the military, they are called Battle Buddy.

If hundreds of soldiers were talked out of that darkness because their squadmate became their best friend, I’ll forever argue its merit, no matter how goofy it sounds calling another grown-ass warfighter my “battle buddy.”

5 reasons why the battle buddy system was secretly brilliant, We Are The Mighty, Eric Milzarski

With the Department of Veterans Affairs, they are called Peer Support.

“When I began peer support, I was quiet, withdrawn, extremely habitual,” she recalled. “I wasn’t engaged in the community. But they told me someone is in there and we are going to give you the skills to bring her back.
“The beautiful thing about peer support is that there is no pressure. They allowed me to play the game, using old habits to mask and cope. It allowed me to know other Veterans are struggling. Peer support allowed me to put that on a shelf and be a human being again.”

Peer support specialists help Veterans in crisis VAntage Point, Coast Guard Veteran Lavinia Jackson

If you join any support group, someone is there for you. If not then you may call them your friend, spouse, family member, or anyone else who is there for you to turn to.

Why would you ever think you should fight this on your own? So many found strength leaning on someone when they needed it, then being there when someone else did!

Alcoholics Anonymous, gives people a sponsor. Support groups all have someone there to help others. This is all there because it works. If you are a veteran and you get arrested, most states have Veterans Courts, where someone is assigned to help you get what you need to have another chance to recover. Some prisons have units where they put veterans all in together because it is understood that most of the time, the trouble started with putting their lives on the line and they have support with them. 

This is why the featured video today is Melissa Manchester, Just You And I!

Now if you think you should still fight to heal PTSD alone, you might way to rethink that one because it is probably not working for you.  Time to find out what will!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from PTSD

Just You And I

Melissa Manchester 

When your heroes go up in a puff,

And there's not enough to hang on to

And the ones you would count on to call

They all fall down all around you

Then you've got to believe there's more

It is the reason we're put here for

It's just you and I

When the legend's over - and we have just begun

We can look to each other to see us through

Just you and I

When a miracle's long overdue

And there's no one who's gonna come to guide you

So you keep looking up to the sky - wondering why

The clouds won't hide you

At the times when you're most afraid

That is the reason why dreams are made

It's just you and I

When the legend's over - and we have just begun

We can look to each other to see us through

Just you and I

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Carole Bayer Sager / Melissa Manchester / Melissa Toni Manchester

Just You and I lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Carlin America Inc 

A newly reimagined recording of Melissa’s early hit, “Just You And I”
Melissa Manchester’s latest single, a newly reimagined recording of her early hit, “JUST YOU AND I” is a Labor Day Week tribute to the essential workers and first responders who are getting us all through the coronavirus crisis. The Grammy Award winning singer/songwriter is joined by legendary saxophonist Gerald Albright and the young artists from Citrus College in this updated version of the 1976 Billboard charted classic.

September 8th, 2020 

One of my old videos from 2006....

the most powerful word is FREEWILL

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 7, 2021

Everyone seems to think that "freedom" is the most powerful word. They are wrong because the most powerful word is FREEWILL. That is what God gave all of us. If even He did not get involved in trying to control it, we shouldn't think we have the power to control it in others. We are all free to make our own choices, believe what we want to believe and do what we want to do according to our own freewill.

Most of the time, PTSD is caused by what someone did. We had no control over them but ended up paying a price for what they did. Sometimes there were legal consequences for them but other times, they got away with it. At least we think they did. The truth is, we never know how what they did affected them. That is not our problem.

We are responsible for what we choose to do afterwards. After my ex-husband tried to kill me, he stalked me for a long time. As a survivor, it was up to me do decide how to live. I chose to fight back. I chose to not allow him to destroy the rest of my life. I also chose to let the rest of my life mean something. I chose to let my "soul shine" and be a better person.

There is power in that choice. That power came from my soul and gave me peace. 

No one has the power to control anything anyone else does but we do have the power to make our own choices and there is nothing more powerful than that. Use your power to be the best person you can be and let your soul shine. That is why today the featured video is Allman Brothers Soulshine.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Soulshine

Allman Brothers Band

When you can't find the light

That guides you through a cloudy day

When the stars ain't shinin bright

And you feel like you've lost you're way

When the candle lights of home

Burn so very far away

Well you got to let your soul shine

Just like my daddy used to say

He used to say soul shine

It's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshine

Damn sure better than rain

Hey now people don't mind

We all get this way sometimes

Got to let your soul shine

Shine till the break of day

I grew up thinkin that I had it made

Gonna make it on my own

But life can take the strongest man

And make him feel so alone

Now and then I feel a cold wind

Blowin through my achin bones

I think back to what my daddy said

He said Boy, in the darkness before the dawn

Let your soul shine

It's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshne

Damn sure better than rain

Yeah now people dont mind

We all get this way sometimes

Got to let your soul shine

Shine till the break of day

Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness

Like a woman has robbed him of his very soul

A woman too, God knows, she can feel like this

And when your world seems cold

You got to let your spirit take control

Let your soul shine

It's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshne

Damn sure better than rain

Lord now people don't mind

We all get this way sometimes

Got to let your soul shine

Shine till the break of day

Oh, it's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshne

Damn sure better than rain

Yeah now people don't mind

We all get this way sometimes

Got to let your soul shine

Shine till the break of day

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Warren Haynes

Soulshine lyrics © Buzzard Rock Music

The Allman Brothers Band - Soulshine - 

8/14/1994 - Woodstock 94

Some people never see the light

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 6, 2021

Maybe you heard someone say, "Some people don't want to be saved." I'd like to know, "If anyone told them they could be saved or that they were worth saving?" Sometimes that is all it takes to make them want to be saved. 

If you heard the saying, "You can't save everyone" then you'll understand how hard it is to see some people suffer, when so many others heal. You wonder why the person in your life wasn't one of happy ending stories. 

Just like alcoholics and drug addicts need to reach rock bottom before they are ready to change, some never do. Sometimes you do have to give up even when you still love them.

You wonder all the time if you should have let them walk away or chased after them. Then the other questions start about how hard you tried, if you knew then what you know now, if you had been more patient, if you had been able to do the tough love stuff, if this, if that and the questions never end.

Some of the hardest cases I've had is when I explain what PTSD is and how much power they had over their future, but they expected me to wave a magic wand to make their pain go away. They didn't want to do any of the work on themselves...for themselves. 

So what do you do when some people never see the light? You do the best you can and give them a chance to want to live a happier life or not. It is a chance they wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

Most of the time families fall apart because the foundation is not strong. It was built on a fantasy of making themselves feel better and nothing more. Some families fall apart because PTSD got in the way and no matter what they tried to do, no matter what they said, the one they loved decided to just suffer and let the whole family suffer with them. 

It is hard! You wonder what else you could have done but the real question you want to find the answer for is, why didn't they do what they needed to do for you?

That is because you are taking it personally. You may want to think that your love should have been enough for them to want to change. You may blame yourself. The truth is, it is and always was about them.

The only thing you can do is learn all you can about PTSD for your own sake. That way you'll understand why they acted the way they did and finally understand it had nothing to do with you. You can stop blaming yourself and put the blame where it belongs. On a past event you had no power over and no power over someone you loved. 

Sometimes there are no easy answers. Everyone is different. There are a lot more people than you know who are going through the same thing you are, but they just won't admit it.

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I've Been This Way Before

Neil Diamond

I've seen the light

And I've seen the flame

And I've been this way before

And I'm sure to be this way again

For I've been refused

And I've been regained

And I've seen your eyes before

And I'm sure to see your eyes again

Once again

For I've been released

And I've been regained

And I've sung my song before

And I'm sure to sing my song again

Once again

Some people got to laugh

Some people got to cry

Some people got to make it through

By never wondering why

Some people got to sing

Some people got to sigh

Some people never see the light

Until the day they die

But I've been released

And I've been regained

And I've been this way before

And I'm sure to be this way again

Once again

One more time again

Just one more time

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Neil Diamond

I’ve Been This Way Before lyrics © Stonebridge Music, Stonebridge-music Inc., Sony/atv Sounds Llc Obo Stonebridge Music 

Even if nobody else sings along

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 5, 2021 

I've been singing the same tune for almost 4 decades. The beat changes as the mood changes, but the message has not changed. Same message even though too many did not sing along with me. Sorry but I refused to sell out a long time ago, even though joining the groups more interested in raising money would have made it easier on me, it wouldn't have been easier on my soul.

One of the groups who are all about raising suicide awareness contacted me to promote their business. Yes, their "business" as if making money is all that matters to them. Actually that is what they have been all about. Changing the conversation from the doom and gloom has not happened and this is the result. This is from Tampa Bay Times.

The VA noted that data continue to show 132 Americans, including 20 service members and veterans, die on average each day by suicide. And (former) VA Secretary Robert Wilkie stated: “Just as there is no single cause of suicide, no single organization can end veteran suicide alone. 

That is the result of letting people know they are killing themselves. If you Google "suicide awareness" you end up with over 9 million results and most of them are tied to veterans. What about the other Americans who also need help? We've seen that suicide awareness does not work for currently military members any more than it works for veterans. How could anyone ever think it would work on anyone? It can't and it won't but after decades of pretending it will make a difference to anyone, they continue to sing the same tone deaf tune!

I needed something to make myself feel better this morning and then as I started to search for a music video, the incredible voice of Cass Elliot popped into my head. I found the video and as I listened to it, especially the part where she sings, "You're gonna be nowhere,The loneliest kind of lonely,It may be rough going,Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do, But you gotta make your own kind of music" I felt a lot better.

If you are doing this work for the right reasons and the right way, you are probably lonely too. There is nothing glamorous about it and will not make you wealthy but it does fill your soul. Doing the right thing for the right reasons is never easy especially when you know you can change their world for the better.

When I read a suicide report, or hear about someone who never found what they needed to heal, my confidence gets shattered. I knew I could have made a difference but when I was not given the chance, it makes me depressed. I keep wondering how much more can I do so they find me? How do I compete with people making money off their heartache so they have the ability to reach more and get more money while more are killing themselves?

Yes, I was ripping myself apart until this song got me to stop and think about how it isn't my problem they are getting the attention. One day they will have to answer for what harm they have actually done. All I can do is do my best to get the message out there and help them know they can heal. To understand a happier life is waiting for them if they want it.

So, today this featured video is for us...the ones who are dedicated to changing the conversation from doom and gloom to #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD because they can!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

Make Your Own Kind Of Music 

Cass Elliot, also known as Mama Cass

Nobody can tell you

There's only one song worth singing

They may try and sell you

Cause it hangs them up

To see someone like you

But you gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own special song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

You're gonna be nowhere

The loneliest kind of lonely

It may be rough going

Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do

But you gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own special song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

So if you cannot take my hand

And if you must be going, I will understand

You gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own special song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

You gotta make your own kind of music

Sing your own kind of song 

Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music 

Sing your own kind of song

Make your own kind of music

Even if nobody else sings along

No no no no

Even if nobody else sings along

If nobody else sings along

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil

Make Your Own Kind of Music lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

What will life be like when it is good again?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 4,2021

Dolly Parton wrote When Life Is Good Again offering hope for when the pandemic is over, and life is good again. When I listen to her beautiful song, I can't help but think it is also what life can be like when you heal PTSD. Too many don't know what it can be good again, and I'm living proof. My husband is living proof. Thousands of others are living proof that life as a survivor of whatever caused PTSD can actually be good again.

No matter how hard people try to understand, they can't if they didn't live with it. I know what the darkness is like and I also know what denial is like.

The PTSD I had in me was different than what my husband was going through. Mine only centered on my ex-husband, even though I had survived a lifetime of events. It stayed with me because first he tired to kill me and then he stalked me for a long time. I know I've told this story hundreds of times, so I'll keep it short. The nightmares and flashbacks, panic attacks and mood swings, paranoia, doubt in myself and sense of self worth suffered but in fleeting moments. All it took was the sound of a muscle car to set it all off. For decades, while I knew all the events I survived changed me. I did not notice that I had PTSD until my daughter pointed it out one day when we were talking about my ex-husband. That was hard to take for me because even as an "expert" and decades invested in helping people heal, I didn't even see it in myself. Just goes to show that people never stop learning. 

The thing is, I also know what it is like when life got good again. I healed. I got into a great relationship with myself so that I was ready to have one with the man I've been married to for over 36 years now. Life does get good again.

His life got good again too, even though he will be working on his mental health for the rest of  his life, it is a much better life than he would have had if he did not seek recovery over suffering.

If you want life to be good again for you as a survivor of whatever cause PTSD in you, then go for it. Work at it and you will have it. Did you know PTSD stops getting worse as soon as you talk about it and then you take power away from it?

Recovery is not perfect and is not a cure for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it is healing it the same way all wounds heal. You may end up with some battle scars, but they are only part of your past so you can rejoice in where you arrived!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

When Life Is Good Again

Dolly Parton

When life is good again

I'll be a better friend

A bigger person when

Life is good again

More thoughtful than I've been

I'll be so different then

More in the moment when

Life is good again

I'll open up my heart

And let the whole world in

I'll try to make amends

When life is good again

We've been brought to our knees

We've been so ill at ease

There are no guarantees

But you know life goes on

This too shall pass away

Bring new and different days

We need to change our ways

And right our wrongs

Let's open up our hearts

And let the whole world in

Let's try to make amends

When life is good again

I'll open up my doors again

And hear the message in the wind

Repent of all my sins (Hallelujah)

When life is good again

I'll try to be someone

On which you can depend

A helping hand to lend

Let's open up our eyes

And see what's goin' on

If we're to move along

From where we've been

Let's open up our hearts

And let the love shine in (shine in)

We've all got knees to bend

And we'll just pray 'til then

Ask God's forgiveness when

Life is good again

And it's gonna be good again

(It's gonna be, it's gonna be)

It's gonna be good again

It'll be alright (it'll be alright)

God's the reason for all things

You want rainbows, you get rain

We'll all be forever changed (forever changed)

I'll sail my boat and fly my kite

Walk in the park, go out at night

And hold my loved ones extra tight

When everything is on the mend

I'll even drink with my old friends

Sing and play my mandolin

We'll make it through this long dark night

Darkness fades when faced with light

But everything's gonna be alright

When life is good again

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dolly Parton / Kent Wells

When Life Is Good Again lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Bonus Video