speed limit to healing

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 31, 2021

When someone is trying to heal from PTSD, they are the driver. It is up to them to set the speed they travel on this road. If you are trying to help them, you are the passenger and the navigator. Offering advice and trying to get them to keep going, is part of it but so is slowing them down when they go too fast.

A long time ago, I was helping a National Guardsman heal to prevent him from trying suicide for the 3rd time. It took 5 phone calls before he agreed to see a professional. I hadn't heard from him for a while but was talking to his Mom a few months later. I asked how he was doing and she said, "Well you cured him and he moved to Colorado." I told her that he was not cured and needed to get back home and back into theraphy. This didn't make sense to her at first, because the nightmares were just about gone and he was happier. I explained that could very well be true, but that didn't mean he was done.

The person needing healing is in control of the speed, but it is vital to the navigators to get them to ease up on the gas. The best way to put this is, on a highway, most of the drivers are doing it within limits set, or close to it. Sooner or later, some yahoo thinks limits are for everyone else but them, so they go zooming past everyone, weaving in and out of traffic, making the road dangerous for everyone else. Usually you'll see a police car with flashing lights going after them. Why? Because it is dangerous with a predictable bad outcome.

If you see a therapist, understand the client sets the speed they heal with. For some, they need to go very slow and carefully. For others, they talk so fast, it is hard to slow them down enough so they actually hear themselves talk.

This is why the feature video is Neil Diamond, He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.

If you are trying to help someone, understand that you need to try to slow them down, get them to rest and refuel when they are running out of gas. Be there to guide them so they don't have to feel like they are alone on this road. 

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The road is long

With many a winding turn

That leads us to who knows where

Who knows where

But I'm strong

Strong enough to carry him

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go

His welfare is of my concern

No burden is he, to bear

We'll get there

For I know

He would not encumber me

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden at all

I'm laden with sadness

That everyone's heart

Isn't filled with the gladness

Of love for one another

It's a long, long road

From which there is no return

While we're on our way to there

Why not share

And the load

Doesn't weigh me down at all

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Bob Russell / Bobby Scott

In case the above video gets blocked...this is the offical one.

where is your somewhere

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 30, 2021

Healing PTSD requires work, but it also requires rest and refreshing the dreams we once had. Whatever "it" was that took away so much from your life, there are things we simply give away because we give up on them.

"There's a place for us" or should I say "even us" who survived? 

This is why the feature video today is Barbra Streisand, Somewhere.

As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a writer. My first three clashes with death happened before the age of 6. One of the results was brain injury which caused a speech impediment. Communicating orally was torture, so as I got older, I turned more and more to writing. You wouldn't know that because I do these daily videos, but I still prefer to write than speak.

What did you want your place in this world to be? Did you want to be a writer, artist, musician, or run a business? Whatever it was that you wanted to do, you can still do it. If I can, then anyone can. I just never figured out how to make a living doing it. That's OK since the goal was to make a difference, and that is what I want to accomplish.

Do what you feel drawn to do, no matter how successful you are, because it is still a part of you. The only limits you have are the ones you put on yourself. Reaching that creative part of you will also help you heal because it feeds your soul.

You can get there if you "remember, it is your life...get in and drive it" to the place where you want your somewhere to be.

"All things are possible to those who believe." 

Mark 9:23

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD.

Somewhere

Barbra Streisand

Someday, somewhere

We'll find a new way of living

Will find a way of forgiving

Somewhere

There's a place for us

Somewhere a place for us

Peace and quiet and open air wait for us

Somewhere

There's a time for us

Someday there'll be a time for us

Time together with time to spare

Time to learn, time to care

Someday, somewhere

We'll find a new way of living

Will find there's a way of forgiving

Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere

There's a place for us

A time and a place for us

Hold my hand and we're halfway there

Hold my hand and I'll take you there

Somehow, someday, somewhere

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Stephen Sondheim / Leonard Bernstein

Somewhere lyrics © Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Co., Jalni Publishing, Inc. 

PTSD Patrol not backing down at gate of hell

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 29, 2021

Someone asked me why I haven't given up yet. After all, considering how long I've been doing this work, it is easy to think I'm a failure. I never made enough money to do this for a living, I'm not rich and have been introduced as "the most famous person you never heard of" for good reason. I've done the work for the sake of the work and nothing else.

As for the famous part, if you ever hear the term "suffering in silence" or "new normal" they are just a couple examples of the fact that the terms became famous, while "no one" heard of where they came from. New normal came from living with PTSD because everything we were going through was actually our normal life as survivors. Suffering in silence was in my first book because back then, no one was talking about PTSD, so anyone with it, felt they had to hide what was happening to us.

Not backing down is why today's feature video is I Won't Back Down

'A Song For Any Struggle': Tom Petty's 'I Won't Back Down' Is An Anthem Of Resolve
NPR 

Of all his many, many hit songs, the one that Tom Petty said had the most direct and powerful impact on his fans was "I Won't Back Down." 

Well, I won't back down
No, I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down

The song was released in 1989 on Petty's solo album Full Moon Fever. The artist told interviewers that people would come up to him all the time, or would write to him, sharing stories of how this song — with its plainspoken message of resilience and empowerment — helped steer them through difficult times. 

"He told me that he heard, or read somewhere, that it brought a girl out of a coma," recalls his widow, Dana Petty. "It was her favorite song and they played it and she came out of a coma, which blew his mind." (click link for more)

The thing is, I never did and never will back down! You shouldn't either. I stood at the gates of hell and told PTSD I won't back down. I've gone after groups who just used our suffering for their own bank accounts and didn't back down. I wouldn't back down from fighting for my husband, anymore than I would back down on fighting for others to heal.

You may think that healing is a scary thing because suffering can become comfortable where there are no surprises and you don't go into the unknown. Healing can be a scary because it requires leaps of faith, work and change. That is the truth but it is also true that you won't ever get happy again until you heal and not settling for what "is" will make a happier life possible.

Don't back down just because you think it is hard. While it takes longer to heal than when "it" happened to you, it isn't harder than surviving it itself.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

Tom Petty I Won't Back Down 

Well, I won't back down

No, I won't back down

You can stand me up at the gates of hell

But I won't back down

No, I'll stand my ground

Won't be turned around

And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down

Gonna stand my ground

And I won't back down

(I won't back down)

Hey, baby, there ain't no easy way out

(I won't back down)

Hey, I will stand my ground

And I won't back down

Well I know what's right

I got just one life

In a world that keeps on pushin' me around

But I'll stand my ground

And I won't back down

(I won't back down)

Hey, baby, there ain't no easy way out

(I won't back down)

Hey, I will stand my ground

And I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out

(I won't back down)

Hey, I won't back down

(I won't back down)

Hey, baby, there ain't no easy way out

(I won't back down)

Hey, I will stand my ground

And I won't back down

No, I won't back down

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Jeff Lynne / Tom Petty

I Won't Back Down lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Gone Gator Music 

PTSD Ball of confusion

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 28, 2021

There is so much going on in this country right now that it can feel like the Twilight Zone to regular folks...but if you have PTSD, it can seem much worse at times. Let's face it....when you are already struggling, it can all seem worse. It can unless you have a wicked sense of humor about it, and that is vital to not letting all of it get to you.

Short term memory loss, can be a good thing at times, especially if you're paying attention to current events. I usually change the channel and watch a rerun of Criminal Minds and then the real news seems like a TV show.

Drama in Washington DC, with politicians acting like they are on a reality TV show usually raises my blood pressure, so I put on The West Wing, or one of the other shows that actually make sense since the writers understood politics better than today's politicians.

The pandemic is easy to replace since we're all hit in one way or another. Outbreak, is a good one and there are a lot more, but the ending is always the same where smart people rely on science and ethics to save lives.

A few thing to keep in mind is that while everything seems political these days, it isn't what the media plays on. The truth is, the majority of voters are Independents for a reason.

2020 Dec 1-17

Republican 25

Independents 41

Democratic 31

If that doesn't put you in a better mood for a while, then there is always reruns of The Golden Girls! Golden Girls: 10 Times Dorothy Said Everything Fans Were Thinking

Try to not focus so much on the negative. Pay attention, sure, but do not let that take over what you need to do for you. We only have so much power over most of what is going on, but you do have a lot of power over your own life.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

Ball Of Confusion

People movin' out, people movin' in.

Why, because of the color of their skin.

Run, run, run, but you sho' can't hide

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Vote for me and I'll set you free

Rap on, brother, rap on.

Well, the only person talkin' 'bout love thy brother is the preacher

And it seems nobody's interested in learning but the teacher

Segregation, determination, demonstration, integration, aggravation,

humiliation, obligation to our nation

Ball Of Confusion that's what the world is today (yeah, yeah)

The sale of pills is at an all time high 

young folks walkin' 'round with their heads in the sky 

Cities aflame in the summer time, and oh the beat goes on

Eve of destruction, tax deduction,

City inspectors, bill collectors,

Evolution, revolution, gun control, the sound of soul,

Shootin' rockets to the moon, kids growin' up too soon

Politicians say more taxes will solve ev'rything, and the band played on.

Round and round and around we go, where the world's headed nobody knows.

Great googa mooga, can't you hear me talkin' to you, just a 

Ball of Confusion that's what the world is today. (yeah, yeah)

Fear in the air, tension ev'rywhere

Unemployment rising fast, the Beatle's new record's a gas,

and the only safe place to live is on an Indian reservation, 

and the band played on

Eve of destruction, tax deduction,

City inspectors, bill collectors, mod clothes in demand,

population out of hand, suicide too many bills, hippies movin' to the hills

People all over the world are shouting end the war and the band played on.

Round and round and around we go, where the world's headed nobody knows.

Great googa mooga, can't you hear me talkin' to you, just a

Ball of Confusion that's what the world is today

Let me hear you, let me hear you, let me hear you

Ball Of Confusion that's what the world is today

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Norman Whitfield / Barrett Strong

Ball of Confusion (That's What the World Is Today) lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

from Sister Act II

and the original one from The Temptations

Surviving it when there is betrayal involved

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 27,2021

Today is not one of those chair dancing days. News came out that another of the DC Capitol Police Officers has taken their own life. That is two gone to suicide and another died after being beaten.

CNN Acting Metropolitan Police Chief Robert J. Contee told the House Appropriations Committee on Tuesday that two police officers have died by suicide since responding to the riot at the Capitol on January 6, according to Contee's opening statement before the committee, which was obtained by CNN. 

This is the first time the force has confirmed that two officers took their own lives after the attack.

"Tragically, two officers who were at the Capitol on January 6th, one each from the Capitol Police and MPD, took their own lives in the aftermath of that battle," Contee said in his statement.

Surviving trauma can suck for a while. Surviving it when there is betrayal involved is even worse. Trust in others has been lost. If the survivor needs to talk, which is vital to healing, they do not know who to trust. 

If you know someone who seems to be hurting, let them know you are there for them...the shut up and listen to them. Give them whatever time they need while paying attention to them...and only them. Do not try to fix them by doing anything other than helping them know you are there for them.

I know this in my own life because all the times I survived, I had people I could talk to. They listened until I was done talking...and often it was days or weeks later. They were my family and knew nothing about psychology. I was able to feel safe and start to deal with it. 

They gave lousy advice, but just be prepared for that, because all you need to know from them is, you matter to them. Trust will return but it will take time.

When I needed more help than they could give, I saw a therapist and it helped too!

Remember, it is your life...get in a drive it and if you know someone who needs help...get in and drive it to them!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Because of the two officers who died by suicide, this is for them.

Sarah McLachlan New "Angel" Video and PSA

The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You

Oh, why you look so sad?

Tears are in your eyes

Come on and come to me now

Don't be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

'Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you

You don't know what to do

Nothing you confess

Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad

Don't hold it all inside

Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide?

I get angry too

Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads

And don't know which path to choose

Let me come along

'Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

And when

When the night falls on you, baby

You're feeling all alone

You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Thomas Kelly / Christine Hynde / Billy Steinberg

I'll Stand by You lyrics © BMG Rights Management