Surviving it when there is betrayal involved

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 27,2021

Today is not one of those chair dancing days. News came out that another of the DC Capitol Police Officers has taken their own life. That is two gone to suicide and another died after being beaten.

CNN Acting Metropolitan Police Chief Robert J. Contee told the House Appropriations Committee on Tuesday that two police officers have died by suicide since responding to the riot at the Capitol on January 6, according to Contee's opening statement before the committee, which was obtained by CNN. 

This is the first time the force has confirmed that two officers took their own lives after the attack.

"Tragically, two officers who were at the Capitol on January 6th, one each from the Capitol Police and MPD, took their own lives in the aftermath of that battle," Contee said in his statement.

Surviving trauma can suck for a while. Surviving it when there is betrayal involved is even worse. Trust in others has been lost. If the survivor needs to talk, which is vital to healing, they do not know who to trust. 

If you know someone who seems to be hurting, let them know you are there for them...the shut up and listen to them. Give them whatever time they need while paying attention to them...and only them. Do not try to fix them by doing anything other than helping them know you are there for them.

I know this in my own life because all the times I survived, I had people I could talk to. They listened until I was done talking...and often it was days or weeks later. They were my family and knew nothing about psychology. I was able to feel safe and start to deal with it. 

They gave lousy advice, but just be prepared for that, because all you need to know from them is, you matter to them. Trust will return but it will take time.

When I needed more help than they could give, I saw a therapist and it helped too!

Remember, it is your life...get in a drive it and if you know someone who needs help...get in and drive it to them!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Because of the two officers who died by suicide, this is for them.

Sarah McLachlan New "Angel" Video and PSA

The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You

Oh, why you look so sad?

Tears are in your eyes

Come on and come to me now

Don't be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

'Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you

You don't know what to do

Nothing you confess

Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad

Don't hold it all inside

Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide?

I get angry too

Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads

And don't know which path to choose

Let me come along

'Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

And when

When the night falls on you, baby

You're feeling all alone

You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Thomas Kelly / Christine Hynde / Billy Steinberg

I'll Stand by You lyrics © BMG Rights Management 

Who are you to you?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 26, 2021

When you think about yourself, what do tell yourself? What are you to you? What do you think of yourself? What do you think your faults are and what are your qualities? If you don't know yourself, then how could anyone else really know you?

I am a wife, mother, dog-Mom, advocate, writer, fighter, and I don't give up. I am a Christian who takes the words of Jesus seriously and know it is not my job to judge anyone but myself. My flaws begin with a hot temper I constantly have to keep in check for several reasons but the biggest one is I am a Chaplain. Another flaw is I don't quit so that leads to problems when I need figure out if something is worth fighting for or not, because I'd be fighting too many battles and winning none them. That lesson I had to learn the hard way. I do judge the actions of others and have to pray hard to be able to forgive them....but usually I do. The list goes on but would take too long to list.

Today, there are two different videos with the title I Am. One is Popeye. "I am what I am" and he was fine with it. Sure he had flaws but all of us do. (There is also a bonus on this one since I loved Robin Williams.)

BONUS

What do you think about yourself? Make a list with what your flaws are first. Then make a list on your qualities next to it. After that, add in what goals you have for yourself and what are the possibilities for your future. 

Work on what you can change and then acknowledge what you cannot change so that you can keep it in check...like I do with my temper.

The second video on I AM is about a solid relationship with someone who does understand everything we are, as much as He knew who we were, and what we can be.

When I was trying to heal from multiple traumas in my own life, faith was my fuel and I knew I was not alone. It made it easier to talk to other people.

I Am

David Crowder

There's no space that His love can't reach

There's no place that we can't find peace

There's no end to Amazing Grace

Take me in with your arms spread wide

Take me in like an orphan child

Never let go, never leave my side

I am

Holding on to You

I am

Holding on to You

In the middle of the storm

I am holding on

I am!

Love like this, oh my God to find!

I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!

Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

I am

Holding on to You

I am

Holding on to You

In the middle of the storm

I am holding on

I am!

I am

Holding on to You

I am

Holding on to You

In the middle of the storm

I am holding on

I am!

This is my resurrection song

This is my Hallelujah come

This is why to You I run

This is my resurrection song

This is my Hallelujah come

This is why to You I run

There's no space that His love can't reach

There's no place that we can't find peace

There's no end to Amazing Grace

I am

Holding on to You

I am

Holding on to You

In the middle of the storm

I am holding on

I am

Holding on to You

I am

Holding on to You

In the middle of the storm

I am holding on

I am

Holding on to You

I am

Holding on to You

In the middle of the storm

I am holding on

I am!

I am

In the middle of the storm

I am holding on

I am!

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Ed Cash / David Crowder

I Am lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group 

Reminder if you think God did it to you, He didn't.
I am not sure why this ended up being restricted but it is a message that should not be... This is the message!

There is suddenly a lot of talk about "moral injury" and combat PTSD. It is survivor's guilt adding to what is known as PTSD but unlike other causes of PTSD, this one is harder to heal from. The good news is, you were not judged by God but He has put what you need to heal already in your soul. It is my job to connect you to it again. Contact PTSD Patrol to #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Learn to not give up on you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 25, 2021

How many times have people judged you wrongly? How many walked away from you instead of standing by your side? How many people just gave up on you? It happens all the time. I know it has happened most of the time in my life. The thing is, I wasn't going to let them make me give up on myself.

The best revenge against people like that is to recover, heal and thrive. The only way that happens is if you don't give up on yourself.

There are not many people watching these videos and that is OK. I am used to not getting much support. Instead of helping me, most of the people I knew either walked away from me or used me, but none of them stopped me from being "me" all the time.

I had to convince myself that I was worth my time and energy, even if I wasn't worth theirs. That is why today the featured video is Amy Grant, Not Giving Up On You.

If you don't have anyone in your life saying they are not giving up on you, then look in the mirror and say it to yourself. If people do not see you are worth it, then see it in yourself. Don't let them stop you from being your best.

The thing is, the best revenge against all those who made you feel like you should just crawl into a hole, is to be happy with yourself. That is something they will never really know.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

If you think you're gonna fail

Well, you're probably gonna fail

So tell me, what was all the dreaming for?

And if you think you're gonna lose

Well, you're probably gonna lose

So what's the point in trying anymore?

What you're looking for, you'll find

It happens every time

I'm not giving up,

Not giving up on you

You can say you've had enough

But I won't stop calling,

I'm not giving up,

Not giving up on you

Not giving up on you

When your fragile heart is breaking

And your confidence is shaken

I can tell you that we've all been there before

The first step is hard to take

But it's a choice you gotta make

When life is waiting through that open door

I wish that you could see

The way you look to me

I'm not giving up,

Not giving up on you

You can say you've had enough

But I won't stop calling,

I'm not giving up,

Not giving up on you

Not giving up on you

Oh, not so long ago,

You pulled me through

So I'm not giving up,

Not giving up on you

Even if the rain comes down

And your sky is falling

I'm not giving up,

Not giving up on you

You can say you've had enough

But I won't stop calling,

I'm not giving up,

Not giving up on you

You know we can work this out

If we just keep talking

I'm not giving up,

Not giving up on you

Not giving up on you

Cause is you think you have a chance

Then you really have a chance

I hope you know that I believe in you

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Luke Robert Laird / Amy Lee Grant / Marshall Noah Altman / Molly Elizabeth Reed

Not Giving Up lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Universal Music - Careers, Made For This Music, Razor And Tie Music Publishing, Songs Of The Galt Line 

Nobody gonna steal my head

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

January 24, 2021

My husband's vehicle is a Harley. It doesn't matter how fast it can go, because I don't know how to drive it. My vehicle is a KIA Sportage. I know how to drive it. It wouldn't matter if it was out of gas. It wouldn't matter if the battery was dead. The thing is, we know how to move our vehicles forward so we are not stuck in the garage.

People understand the vehicles they drive a lot better than they understand the vehicles they live in...their own bodies that what makes them who they are. Their minds and souls are in that vehicle. As soon as we understand that the power to operated our own vehicles and how they work, the sooner we heal.

You didn't control what caused PTSD in you. You do control your own life as a survivor of it.

When you survive it is never too late to learn how to drive your life forward and get out of the garage. It doesn't matter what you can do with your life if you don't know you can do it! If you know that but never learn how to do it, then that will do you no good either.

Learn how do drive your life forward just as you learned how to drive the vehicle you drive.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from PTSD

Today's featured video is Deep Purple, Highway Star

Nobody gonna take my head

I got speed inside my brain

Nobody gonna steal my head

Now that I'm on the road again

Oooh I'm in heaven again 

I've got everything

Like a moving ground an open road

And everything

I love it and I need it

I seed it

Eight cylinders all mine

Alright hold on tight

I'm a highway star

Nobody gonna take my car

I'm gonna race it to the ground

Nobody gonna beat my car

It's gonna break the speed of sound

Oooh it's a killing machine

It's got everything

Like a driving power big fat tires

And everything

I love it and I need it

I bleed it 

Yeah it's a wild hurricane

Alright hold tight

I'm a highway star

Nobody gonna take my girl

I'm gonna keep her to the end

Nobody gonna have my girl

She stays close on every bend

Oooh she's a killing machine

She's got everything

Like a moving mouth body control

And everything

I love her I need her

I seed her

Yeah she turns me on

Alright hold on tight

I'm a highway star

Nobody gonna take my head

I got speed inside my brain

Nobody gonna steal my head

Now that I'm on the road again

Oooh I'm in heaven again 

I've got everything

Like a moving ground an open road

And everything

I love it and I need it

I seed it

Eight cylinders all mine

Alright hold on tight

I'm a highway star

Nobody gonna take my car

I'm gonna race it to the ground

Nobody gonna beat my car

It's gonna break the speed of sound

Oooh it's a killing machine

It's got everything

Like a driving power big fat tires

And everything

I love it and I need it

I bleed it

Yeah it's a mad hurricane

Alright hold on tight

I'm a highway star

I'm a highway star

I'm a highway star

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Roger Glover / Jon Lord / Ian Gillan / Ritchie Blackmore / Ian Paice

Highway Star / Not Fade Away lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Healing PTSD is a human need. My other site Wounded Times is one I don't post much on since I started working with everyone trying to heal PTSD. It still reaches people around the world.

4.78 million page views says a lot about the need humans have to find information and hope.

Faith enough to fight

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 23, 2021

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35

If someone hates someone else, that is not how Jesus said they should be. It is OK to hate what people do, but we're suppose to forgive them, just as we want to be forgiven. This is very important when you are trying to heal, especially if PTSD was caused by what some did to us.

I know it is hard, but it was harder to carry that inside of me, consuming room inside my soul where love could have been...should have been. There was a time when anger was taking control of my life and I didn't like myself.

I am basically a happy person. I have a hot temper, but I normally blow up, then let it go. Most of the time I want to hug afterwards. Still, there was a time when I couldn't do that. I knew I needed help. 

My primary care doctor recommended a few therapists who specialized in trauma. I made a couple of calls, but they couldn't even answer basic questions. Keep in mind that I had been researching PTSD, living with it and knew enough to know they did not know enough. Then I made a call to a woman who did know more than basics...she was an expert.

Little by little, the anger was losing power and hope was restoring happiness.  She is the reason I wrote my first book, For The Love Of Jack, His War/MyBattle. It tells the story of our life covering 18 years because it was first published in 2002. I republished in and put in a few updates, but didn't feel the need to update more. I said all I needed to say in it.

We wouldn't still be together if we did not have a deep love. We wouldn't still be together if we did not know how to forgive. I wouldn't have had what I needed to get through any of these years had it not been for God in my heart first.

Don't get me wrong, none of it was easy, but faith made it easier. I did not fight any battle alone and you don't have to either!

Get Together

Youngbloods 

Love is but a song we sing

Fear's the way we die

You can make the mountains ring

Or make the angels cry

Though the bird is on the wing

And you may not know why

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Some may come and some may go

He will surely pass

When the one that left us here

Returns for us at last

We are but a moment's sunlight

Fading in the grass

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

If you hear the song I sing

You will understand, listen

You hold the key to love and fear

All in your trembling hand

Just one key unlocks them both

It's there at your command

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

I said come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

Right now

Right now

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jesse Colin Young

Get Together lyrics © Bernard's Other Music, Tenyor Music, Pigfoot Music, Irving Music Inc.