PTSD: last time for their last chance?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 24, 2021

How many times should you try to get someone you love to get help? How many different ways do you try to explain it, get them to stop denying what you see so clearly, and seek help? How many times do you put up with their mood swings, paranoia, overblown reactions, accusations and general nastiness, before you have had enough? How many times do you take them walking out the door and not knowing if you want them to come back in it again, before you start to think about changing the locks?

When you live with someone with PTSD and they refuse to get help, there are so many questions you have, while feeling lost, as if there is no one who will understand what it is like to be you. You don't want to tell the people you work with. You may be covering it up with your family, making excuses for them not being at family events, calling their boss because they won't go to work or even call in sick. If you have kids, you may be trying to cover it up so they don't end up blaming themselves. You know what that feels like since you have been doing a great job blaming yourself.

So when do you get to your last time for their last chance?

Before you decide anything, you need to be prepared for what comes with your decision. If you give them the choice between getting help or getting out, they may be very open to saving the relationship. They may not be willing to listen, no matter how many times you try to explain it to them, and they may  walk out of your life, or take their own life. It happens both ways.

Isn't it better to do what you can before you have to get to that point? Learn what PTSD is so you understand it for your own sake. Help your kids understand it for their sake. You cannot control what he/she does no matter how hard you try and you cannot predict what their rock bottom will finally be, anymore than you can predict what they will do when they reach it. You can only control what you do.

When PTSD was the worst for us, we had separate lives. I got tired of making excuses for why things were the way they were. In other words, I was tired of living a lie. So I told the truth and did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go and let him know he was welcome to come with me or not.

The trick was, not holding a grudge if he didn't want to go. I had a good time and went home happy that I decided to go.

Everyone reaches limits but not everyone has the same outcome. Just understand that you have to make your own choices and so do they. Give them as much as you can and then decide what is right for you. At least when you make an informed decision, you'll understand whatever they choose, has nothing to do with you...it is all about them and what they decide to do for themselves.

The Last Time

Rolling Stones 

Well I told you once and I told you twice

But ya never listen to my advice

You don't try very hard to please me

With what you know it should be easy

Well this could be the last time

This could be the last time

Maybe the last time

I don't know, oh no, oh no

Well, I'm sorry girl but I can't stay

Feelin' like I do today

It's too much pain and too much sorrow

Guess I'll feel the same tomorrow

Well this could be the last time

This could be the last time

Maybe the last time

I don't know, oh no, oh no

Well this could be the last time

This could be the last time

Maybe the last time

I don't know, oh no, oh no

Well I told you once and I told you twice

That someone will have to pay the price

But here's a chance to change your mind

'Cause I'll be gone a long, long time

Well this could be the last time

This could be the last time

Maybe the last time

I don't know, oh no, oh no

Last time baby

To say no more

Baby I don't know

Well I don't know

Well, I don't know

I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Well, I don't know

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Keith Richards / Mick Jagger

The Last Time lyrics © Abkco Music, Inc 

Or do you give them shelter? 

Gimme Shelter

Rolling Stones

Ooh, a storm is threatening

My very life today

If I don't get some shelter

Ooh yeah I'm gonna fade away

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'

Our streets today

Burns like a red coal carpet

Mad bull lost its way

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Rape, murder, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Rape, murder, yeah, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Rape, murder, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

Mmm, a flood is threatening

My very life today

Gimme, gimme shelter

Or I'm gonna fade away

War, children

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

It's just a shot away

I tell you love, sister

It's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away

Kiss away, kiss away

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jagger Mick / Jagger Michael Phillip

Gimme Shelter lyrics © Mirage Music Int. Ltd. C/o Essex Music Int. L 

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I am everyday people, Yahoo!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 23, 2021

We need a chair dancing song today! Things are so crazy and everyone is bickering with everyone else. It is almost as if they are looking for something to be disagreeable about. Isn't it better to try to see what you have in common, at least for a while?

How many times have you been around someone who is cranky and ended up taking that negative attitude onto your own day? You could be at a cash register and the cashier seems like they want to just bite your head off. You can judge them or understand they are just as human as you are. Maybe they have a hard time in their own personal life, then again, it could be something as simple as a lot of cranky people coming into the store that did.

What do you do? Do you just take the bad mood and let it change the mood you're in, or, do you change the cashier's mood and make it better? 

Having PTSD can put a lot of negative emotions in you and you can end up passing them onto your family. If you see them being miserable, you may say that you don't want to be a burden to them anymore. You may think of taking your own life, but the thing is, that puts a lifetime burden on them. Isn't it better to stay in your life and do what you can in a positive way to be happier and make them happier too?

This is why today the featured video is, Sly and the Family Stone, Everyday People. "We got to live together" so wouldn't it be so much better to be happier about it instead of being miserable?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Everyday People

Sly and the Family Stone 

Sometimes I'm right and I can be wrong

My own beliefs are in my song

The butcher, the banker, the drummer and then

Makes no difference what group I'm in

I am everyday people, yeah yeah

There is a blue one who can't accept

The green one for living with

A fat one tryin' to be a skinny one

Different strokes for different folks

And so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha

We got to live together

I am no better and neither are you

We're all the same whatever we do

You love me you hate me

You know me and then

You can't figure out the bag I'm in

I am everyday people

There is a long hair

That doesn't like the short hair

For being such a rich one

That will not help the poor one

Different strokes for different folks

And so on and so on scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha

We got to live together

There is a yellow one that won't

Accept the black one

That won't accept the red one

That won't accept the white one

Different strokes for different folks

And so on and so on and

Scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha

I am everyday people

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Sylvester Stewart

Everyday People lyrics © Mijac Music 

Can I Go Too

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

February 22, 2021

I was talking to a wife of a Vietnam veteran after she read my book, For The Love Of Jack and she said she wished she read it when it first came out in 2003. Her husband walked out of her life and she still loved him, but she had no idea what he was going through, or why everything went to hell.

This reminded me of when we had the worst of our years and how many times it seemed next to impossible to stay together. The thing is, even if you know what PTSD is, it is still a battle. But as with all battles, it is better if you fight them together.

That is why today the featured video is Which Way You Goin' Billy.

This story behind Which Way You Goin' Billy

Terry was a big Buddy Holly fan, and started writing the song in his pre-Poppy days with the working title "Which Way You Goin' Buddy?" He had the melody, but couldn't come up with a lyrical theme. A few years later, after he formed The Poppy Family, he hit on the idea. In our interview with Terry Jacks, he explained: "It was in 1969 and I had been reading about all these guys going to Vietnam and leaving their women behind in Seattle, and I knew somebody down there that was doing that. I thought, 'Wow, that must be awful.' These guys go and their wives or girlfriends wouldn't know whether they were coming back. That's quite a deal, going to war over there, and it was such a stupid war. So I said, 'That's what I'm going to write about: this woman that's left behind. Which way you going, Billy? Can I go, too?'"

If you have PTSD, the people who love you have no way of knowing what is going on with you. Give them a chance to stand by your side. Don't make them regret not knowing what you wouldn't tell them.

Maybe they will leave you, but that will probably happen if you let them think it is their fault. Isn't your relationship worth trying to get them to understand?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Which Way You Goin' Billy

The Poppy Family 

Which way you goin', Billy?

Can I go too?

Which way you goin', Billy?

Can I go with you?

I really love you, Billy

And all this time

I thought you loved me, Billy

And you were mine

I'm gonna miss you, Billy

And though I'm trying

I'm hurtin' so bad, Billy

I can't help cryin'

You are my whole babe

My heart and my soul babe

I'd have nothing to show babe

If you should go away

You are my whole babe

My heart and my soul babe

I'd have nothing to show babe

If you should go

Which way you goin', Billy?

Or need I ask?

'Cause you don't want me, Billy

You're free at last

I won't forget you, Billy

For all my life

I'll always love you, Billy

I'll stay your wife

You are my whole babe

My heart and my soul babe

I'd have nothing to show babe

If you should go away

You are my whole babe

My heart and my soul babe

I'd have nothing to show babe

If you should go

You are my whole babe

My heart and my soul babe

I'd have nothing to show babe

If you should go away

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Terry Jacks

Which Way You Goin' Billy lyrics © Gone Fishin Music 

Never thought I could feel so free

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 21, 2021

This isn't the message I planned on delivering today, but sometimes that happens. There are times when I'll be on Facebook and a friend had posted a music video that really hits me. Sometimes I'll hear a song on the radio, usually an oldie I hadn't heard for a while, and my mood totally changes. Today it was a commercial on TV with using a theme song from The Greatest American Hero, Believe It Or Not.

Music does have the power to change our moods. It can lift us up when we're down, or just comfort us enough so we don't feel alone anymore. This is why I use music videos. Back in 2006 when I did the first video on PTSD Wounded Minds, I used several songs.

Back then, this one and many others were over 10,000 views but YouTube blocked the music. There wasn't much point leaving them up without the songs. I moved them to Great Americans. By the time I finally had one of the accounts where YouTube would allow use of music, most people had forgotten about the work I did six years before that. 

The message has always been the same because I believed if people knew what PTSD was, how much power they did have over their lives, they would start to heal. I wanted to change the conversation away from doom and gloom, the way music changed my moods.

Healing feels a lot like walking on air! People are shocked when they discover how free they feel when all they thought was that suffering was the only thing in front of them. Now you are learning that you are on the road to healing and your destination is a happier life!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Believe It or Not

Joey Scarbury

(Theme Greatest American Hero)

Look at what's happened to me

I can't believe it myself

Suddenly I'm up on top of the world

It should have been somebody else

Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it's just me

Just like the light of a new day

It hit me from out of the blue

Breaking me out of the spell I was in

Making all of my wishes come true

Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it's just me

This is too good to be true

Look at me falling for you

Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it's just me

Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it's just me

Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it's just me

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Michael Postil / Stephen G Geyer

Believe It or Not lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Wixen Music Publishing 

Secrets stolen from deep inside

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 20, 2021 

There are times when you think about someone and it is comforting. Others times, brought on by bad memories, it can become yet another sleepless night, especially if those memories are of the one who caused PTSD.

Having PTSD is like carrying around a suitcase of bad memories. No matter how hard you try, you cannot put it down. You can carry it for the rest of your life, until you get help to unpack it. That is what therapists are for. They will catch you because they are there waiting for you.

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you

Caught up in circles

Confusion is nothing new

Flashback, warm nights

Almost left behind

Suitcase of memories

Time after

But what if you don't know you have it? What if you did notice yourself falling down? After continually picking yourself up, there is a reason it kept happening. One thing to keep in mind is that no matter how long you had PTSD, but ignored it, or stuffed in into that suitcase, you can still get help to be happier, with or without a therapist, but it works better with one.

For me, it was my ex-husband. He managed to do more damage than all the other times my life was on the line combined. He tried to kill me one night. That wasn't the end of what he did. He stalked me for a long time. When I thought he stopped, he proved he didn't because 2 years after that horrible night, he walked over to my then future husband, and introduced himself. Whatever residual shock I had left, became PTSD, but I didn't see it in me. Yes, I was in denial.

I became an expert on PTSD and a lot of people wondered how I understood so much that I was able to put into words, what they were unable to do. I just figured since I had lived through so many different things, experience flashbacks, mood swings, panic attacks, paranoia, anger and unable to trust easily, I saw myself in those who were suffering so much more than I was. Yes, still in denial.

I kept saying that PTSD was not a contest when others were acting like it was when they were talking about their own experiences. One veteran challenged me by reminding me that I was never in combat, so I couldn't understand what it did to him. I told him that aside from living with my own veteran, I went on to list everything I had been through, Then I said, "You have no experience with any of those things, but you can understand what it all did to me, and I can understand what combat did to you. That should have given me a clue, but it didn't. Yes, still in denial.

Every time I heard a muscle car engine rev, it all came back. My ex always drove one. He was a great auto body tech, and constantly had different cars at his disposal. That was why it didn't matter which car the sound belonged to. It was not until after many years after we moved out of that state and I received a copy of his death notice in the obituary section of a news paper that the sound stopped freaking me out. For over 20 years, no one saw PTSD in me, including a couple of therapists.

Last year my daughter and I were talking about all that and she said, "You never told me you had PTSD." The truth is, because I had never told myself. It was a little while after that, I decided to open up this work to everyone going through PTSD, but I did not connect that change to my awakening. I just saw the need growing and believed I could help more people because of all I lived through. 

This is why if you fall, I want to catch you. I know what it is like, but I also know what it is like to have power over your own life after you survive. I am the only one who gets to define my life, not what was done to me, because I survived it, scarred and wounded, but not destroyed...and now, no longer in denial!

This is why the featured video today is Cyndi Lauper, Time After Time.

Remember, it is your life...get in an drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Time After Time

Cyndi Lauper 

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you

Caught up in circles

Confusion is nothing new

Flashback, warm nights

Almost left behind

Suitcase of memories

Time after

Sometimes you picture me

I'm walking too far ahead

You're calling to me, I can't hear

What you've said

Then you say, "go slow"

And I fall behind

The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting

Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has

Turned to gray

Watching through windows

You're wondering if I'm okay

Secrets stolen from deep inside (deep inside)

And the drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting

Time after time

Time after time

I've got a suitcase of memories that I almost left behind

Time after time

Time, time, time

But you say to go slow but I fall behind

Time after time after time (after time, oh)

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Robert Hyman / Cyndi Lauper