I Am Broken Too!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 6, 2020

I am so pissed off right now my head is ready to explode! This is not going to be one of those cheery post with a chair dancing song, I picked I Am Broken Too by Killswich Engage for this reason.

I was on Facebook and a veteran friend of mine I've known for decades, posted about "22 veterans committing suicide today" and I flipped out! After 38 years of posting, tracking, treating veterans spiritually, educating and advocating, it meant nothing! Over 500 videos on YouTube, 3 books and way too many posts to count on Wounded Times along with my older sites and I had to read something like this from someone I know? WTF!

If you need help, veteran, family member or anyone dealing with PTSD, I know what it is like to feel lost and alone. I know what PTSD does as a survivor of over 10 events. What it was like for my veteran husband and what it was like for the veterans whose lives I saved! Above all, I know what it is like to need help and NOT FIND IT! So yes, I've been broken, beaten down and still willing to do the best I can everyday because this is something that is in my DNA after all these years.

If you need help, email me woundedtimes@aol.com or call me 407-754-7526. Read the posts on PTSD Patrol and Wounded Times.

You carry this weight trying to cover your mistakes

To make it seem like nothing could ever break you

But I see right through, 'cause I am broken too

In all the same places as you

And if you needed proof, I'll reopen my wounds

Reopen my wounds, yeah

I see myself in you (in you)

I know you can make it through

If you needed proof, I'll reopen my wounds

In all the right places for you

So now you see the truth that you are broken too

I'll reopen my wounds for you

I keep making the same mistakes, just to feel alive again

It's the only way to break on through

So stop numbing all the pain

'Cause it just won't go away (won't go away)

If you only knew how much I needed you

And if you needed proof, I'll reopen my wounds (my wounds)

In all the right places for you

I can see the truth 'cause I am broken too

I am broken too (broken just like you)

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Adam Dutkiewicz / Jesse Leach / Joel Stroetzel / Justin Foley / Mike D'Antonio

I Am Broken Too lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

Roll With It

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 4, 2020

Today the view from the PTSD Patrol garage is a little different because it is snowing and I wanted to let you see it instead of just looking at my face and messy garage.

In case you don't know why I do these videos from the garage, it is because PTSD Patrol is all about helping people understand the vehicle they live in, as much as they understand the one they drive.

You decide when to drive, how fast you go and where you want to go to. You may not understand how that vehicle works, but you know enough to get you from one place to another. You don't have to totally understand PTSD to be able to do the same in your life. All you need is a basic understanding so you realize the power you do have over it.

The only limit is the one you allow. 

If you have been working on healing, there is a time to just rest and "roll with it" and that is why the feature video is Steve Winwood, Roll With It.

"When life is too much

Roll with it, baby

Don't stop and lose your touch

Oh no, baby

Hard times knocking on your door

I'll tell them you ain't there no more

Get on through it

Roll with it, baby"

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it....most of the time but there is a time to just relax!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

 

When life is too much

Roll with it, baby

Don't stop and lose your touch

Oh no, baby

Hard times knocking on your door

I'll tell them you ain't there no more

Get on through it

Roll with it, baby

Luck will come and then slip away

You've gotta move bring it back to stay

You just roll with it, baby

Come on and just roll with it, baby

You and me

Roll with it, baby

Hang on and just roll with it, baby

Hey

The way that you love is good as money

I swear by stars above sweet as honey

People think you're down and out

You show them what it's all about

You can make it

Roll with it, baby

When this world turns its back on you

Hang in and do that sweet thing you do

You just roll with it, baby

Hey-hey

You just roll with it, baby

Come on and just roll with it, baby

You and me

Just roll with it, baby

Roll with it, baby

Hey-hey

You just roll with it, baby

You and me

Just roll with it, baby

Hang on and just roll with it, baby

Hey

Now there'll be a day

You'll get there, baby

You'll hear the music play

You'll dance, baby

You'll leave bad times way behind

Nothing but good times on your mind

You can do it

Roll with it, baby

Then you'll see life will be so nice

It's just a step up to paradise

Just roll with it, baby

Hey-hey

You just roll with it, baby

You and me

Just roll with it, baby

Hang on and just roll with it, baby

Hey-hey

Come on

Roll with me, baby

Hang on, baby

Come on

Roll with me, baby......

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Will Jennings / Steve Winwood

Roll With It lyrics © F.s. Music Ltd., Blue Sky Rider Songs, Emi Music Publishing France, F S Music Ltd, Warner-tamerlane Pub. O/b/o F.s. Music Ltd., Irving Music, Inc. O/b/o Blue Sky Rider Songs, Stone Agate Music Corp

PTSD Patrol save a life

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 4, 2020

I do these videos everyday but if no one is watching them, they can't help anyone. Today I'm trying something different and putting the message into the video itself instead of writing it. Hope you like it and share the messages that can actually save lives!

Wide awake while the world is sound asleepin'

Too afraid of what might show up while you're dreamin'

Nobody, nobody, nobody sees you

Nobody, nobody, nobody would believe you

Every day you try to pick up all the pieces

All the memories, they somehow never leave you

Nobody, nobody, nobody sees you

Nobody, nobody, nobody would believe you

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows how it's killing you

But there's a kind of love that God only knows

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows the real you

There's a kind of love that God only knows

There's a kind of love that

There's a kind of love

You keep a cover over every single secret

So afraid if someone saw them they would leave

But somebody, somebody, somebody sees you

Somebody, somebody will never leave you

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows how it's killing you

But there's a kind of love that God only knows

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows the real you

There's a kind of love that God only knows

There's a kind of love that

There's a kind of love

There's a kind of love that

There's a kind of love

For the lonely, for the ashamed

The misunderstood, and the ones to blame

What if we could start over

We could start over

We could start over

Oh for the lonely, for the ashamed

The misunderstood, and the ones to blame

What if we could start over

We could start over

We could start over

'Cause there's a kind of love that God only knows

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows the real you
But there's a kind of love that God only knows

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows the real you

There's a kind of love that God only knows

There's a kind of love that

There's a kind of love

There's a kind of love that

There's a kind of love

God only knows where to find you

God only knows how to break through

God only knows the real you

There's a kind of love that God only knows

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Joel David Smallbone / Jordan Reynolds / Josh Kerr / Luke Smallbone

God Only Knows lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Audiam, Inc 

I was there on the day that you were changed

You were scared and prepared for the heartbreak

Everything you knew faded out of view

Stole a piece of you

If I could, oh, I would be a hero

Be the one who would take all the arrows

Save you from the pain, carry all the weight

But I know that you're brave

Fight on, fighter

Don't let anyone steal your fire

Fight on, fighter

The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

There's a part that you hold that you lock down

Let it breathe, give it wings, set it free now

Time to make ya walk, break the prison bars

Show them who you are

Fight on, fighter

Don't let anyone steal your fire

Fight on, fighter

The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

Stronger than you than you ever thought

I know you're stronger

Braver than you were before

You know you're braver

Oh, no, you don't have to be afraid

Together we'll face it

So don't ever stop no matter what

'Cause you're gonna make it

Fight on, fighter

Don't let anyone steal your fire

Fight on, fighter

The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

Fight on, fighter 

Don't let anyone steal your fire

Fight on, fighter

Songwriters: Ben Backus / Ben Glover / Joel David Smallbone / Luke Smallbone / Mark Campbell / Tedd Tjornhom

PTSD in COVID spreader survivors

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 3, 2020

There are a lot of people recovering from COVID-19, and some will carry the lingering effects of it for many years. While most people are doing whatever they can to protect themselves and their families, there are many more, who have been made to believe it isn't real. How do they deal with that after it is too late to prevent getting it and spreading it? How do they live with that guilt? They do the right thing and speak out to wake other people up so they can begin to heal their souls.

If you think that there are no emotional/spiritual prices being paid at the same time there are physical ones, consider this from Hartford Healthcare.

Even once physically recovered, these people may experience lingering effects due to:
A fear of dying.
Social isolation from the time spent hospitalized or in quarantine.
Anxiety at the thought of getting sick again.
Guilt over infecting or harming others.

PTSD, long associated with deployed members of the military or those who have endured extreme trauma and violence, is anticipated to be a challenging aftereffects of the lingering pandemic and even trigger a mental health crisis, according to Patricia Rehmer, president of the Behavioral Health Network and vice president of Hartford HealthCare.  

Signs that PTSD may be affecting you can include:
Overwhelming sadness, fear or anger.
Having flashbacks or nightmares.
Feeling detached from your life and loved ones.
Avoiding memories of the illness.

30-year-old dies after attending 'COVID party' thinking virus was a 'hoax'The man told nurses, "I think I made a mistake." 

“Before I contracted it I thought, ‘It’s just made up, it’s all fabricated’,” Mata told NBC News “Global Hangout” this week, adding that he figured his six-day-a-week gym habit and healthy eating regimen would spare him even if it did exist. “That’s what prevented me from getting help sooner, when it went really bad.” “The bubble I was in online made me think it didn’t add up. To think that I went down that rabbit hole, it’s embarrassing.” Tony Green

From the BBC

Man who believed virus was hoax loses wife to Covid-19

"Many people still think that the Coronavirus is a fake crisis which at one time I did too and not that I thought it wasn't a real virus going around but at one time I felt that it was blown out of proportion and it wasn't that serious. We kept on watching the news and kept on hearing about the spreading of the Coronavirus and to be honest I didn't really think nothing of it I still thought it was being blown out of proportion until about 4 and 1/2 weeks ago when I started to feel sick and once I started to feel sick I stopped working and stayed home yes I came down with the Coronavirus and a couple days later after I started to not feel good my wife started to not feel good and we stayed at home quarantined and my wife did go to the hospital to get tested and they told her yeah you probably have the coronavirus so go home and quarantine yourself well a few days went by and we both started feeling worse and worse and worse to the point where we barely had any energy left to do anything and all we want to do is sleep. So three weeks ago Sunday we decided not to play around with this anymore and I had just enough energy to drive us to the hospital Palm Beach Gardens Medical Center and we both got confirmed that we had the Coronavirus. They admitted us right away and we both went to ICU. I started feeling better within a few days but my wife got worse to the point where they sedated her and put her on the ventilator. I was never put ventilator and started feeling better feeling stronger never had terrible aches and pains just weak and exhausted. Even now I am feeling better A lot better then a few weeks ago I still have covid-19 and some pneumonia in my lungs and we've been here 3 weeks as of yesterday. As of today my wife is still sedated and on the ventilator with no signs of improving. There were a couple times were they tried to start weaning her off the ventilator but as soon as they've done that her oxygen level dropped and they had to put her back on the ventilator full time. My wife has been sick before in the past quite a few times and she always fought through to get better but now after 3 weeks I have come to accept that my wife may pass away and the peace I have about it is that I know without a shadow of a doubt that she will be going home to be with the Lord but I also do believe in miracles and I'm holding on to the chance that she may get healed but if not I am thankful for her I know we've been married for 8 years. So think about what I wrote and think about if this thing is a fake crisis. This Coronavirus affects people differently. My wife has suffered from different physical ailments which she has overcome before but she sure is struggling and the doctors have said they have had a tough time on getting her better. This thing is nothing to be messed with please listen to the authorities and heed the advice of the experts. We don't have to fear this and by heeding the advice doesn't mean that you fear it that means you're showing wisdom during this epidemic time. Looking back I should have wore a mask in the beginning but I didn't and perhaps I'm paying the price for it now but I know that if it was me that gave it to my wife I know that she forgives me and I know that God forgives me. Whether man forgives me or not that's out of my control but as long as I have the assurance that God forgives me and my wife forgives me I am good. So just think about what I said and if you have to go out please use wisdom and don't be foolish like I was so the same so the same thing won't happen to you like it happened to me and my wife."

and then came the realization, it would get worse.

Brian told BBC News that he "wished [he'd] listened from the beginning" and hoped his wife would forgive him.

"This is a real virus that affects people differently. I can't change the past. I can only live in today and make better choices for the future," Brian explained.

"She's no longer suffering, but in peace. I go through times missing her, but I know she's in a better place."

If you were among those who believed liars and did not protect yourself, your family or others in your community, you may have guilt ontop of everything else that COVID-19 did. You need to forgive yourself. Asking God for forgiveness is only part of it because if you do nothing to stop others from spreading the plague then are you doing anything to deserve being forgiven? Right now, there are far too many people who need to hear the painful truth so they have a chance to avoid going through what you did. The people in the articles above are doing what they can to save lives.

Doctors and nurses who put their lives ont the line to take care of them only ask one thing in return...that is wear a mask and stop spreading the germs that will kill people. The vaccine will come lomg after far too many more die.

Time to "come out of the dark" and forgive yourself, and those who lied to you. They were lied to by someone else they believed. Tell them the truth and what they do with it, is up to them. It is out of your control, but you can put your mind at ease knowing you did everything possible to tell the truth. 

Remember, it is your life...get in an drive it! #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD.

The pains of Christmas?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 2, 2020

Well, it is the Christmas season again. Most people want the Norman Rockwell kind of Christmas. They are out buying gifts, decorations and mailing out Christmas cards. Some do it because they actually enjoy it but others think they have to.

This year, things are not 'normal" as more people are struggling to just feed their families, keep a roof over their heads and survive during a pandemic that was allowed to get totally out of control. Knowing things could have been different, makes the suffering worse.

As hard as this year is, this is the worst season if you have PTSD. You're already depressed and lonely! You didn't need any of the extra burdens on your shoulders.

You may be asking if there is anything you can do about it and yes you can! Look at what this holiday is supposed to be all about. It is the season of love and miracles. You can actually give yourself a gift this year, that will end up being one for those you love all year around....healing!

What better way of showing how much they mean to you than to be the best person you can be? Then stop doing things because you think you have to, buying gifts you cannot afford...and all the other traditional crap that you really don't want to do. Do what will really come from your heart and live a better life!

Remember, it is your your life...get in and drive it! #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife

The Twelve Pains of Christmas

Bob Rivers

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Five months of bills

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills

"I hate those Christmas cards!"

Hangovers

Rigging up these lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Salvation Army

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills

Sending Christmas cards

"Aw geez"

"I'm trying to rig up these lights!"

And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

"I want ant farmer for Christmas"

"Charities, and what do you mean your inlaws?"

Five months of bills

"Ah, mailing out these cards!"

"Edith, get me a beer, huh!"

"What, we have no extension chord?!?"

And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Finding parking spaces

"Daddy, I want some candy!"

"Donations!"

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills

"Writing up those Christmas cards"

Hangovers

"Now why the hell are they blinking?"

And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Batteries not included

No parking spaces

"Buy me something!"

"Get a job ya bum!"

Facing the inlaws

Five months of bills

"Yo ho, sending Christmas cards"

"Ah geez, look at this!"

"One light goes out, they all go out!"

And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Stale TV specials

Batteries not included

No parking spaces

"I gotta go to the bathroom"

Charities

"She's a witch, I hate her!"

Five months of bills

"Oh, I don't even know half these people!"

"Who's got the toilet paper?"

"Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse!"

And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Singing Christmas Carols

Stale TV specials

Batteries not included

No parking

"Waaah!"

Charities

Gotta make 'em dinner

Five months of bills

"I'm not sending them, Mister, that's it!"

"Shut up, you!"

"Fine, you're so smart, you rig up the lights!"

And finding a Christmas tree

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Bob Rivers / Brian Silva / Brian Anthony Silva / Dennis J Amero

The Twelve Pains of Christmas lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC