Grieving Christmas

UPDATE

Dr. Saumya Dave was just on MSNBC talking about this and offering advice on how to get through this holiday. The first thing is to honor what you are feeling....

Here is a good video from Dr. Dave Campbell on mental health during COVID-19

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 14, 2020

Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, when we're all getting gifts, writing cards and planning parties. That is what it is supposed to be like but for many people, it is a sad time. When you've lost people to send  cards to, have no money to buy gifts because you don't have enough money to simply survive, and there is a pandemic keeping people apart, it seems worse than normal days.

Right now there are over 300,000 lives lost because of COVID-19, and many more will follow. Over 16 million people have been hit by this killer, and many of them will have the illnesses linger for years. There are thousands and thousands in the hospitals fighting for their lives, and their families cannot see them.

Losing people in your life makes it worse. After my Dad died, at the age of 58, it was hard. It was hard when one of my brothers died at 43. It was hard when my Mom passed away at 85. When my oldest brother died, it was the hardest loss for me. I stopped sending Christmas cards. I kept thinking in time, this time of year I used to love, would once again be something I felt good about. I am still waiting for that year.

The thing is, people like us need to be comforted too. That is why today, I picked a couple of videos about loss. If you have PTSD, it could have come with loss too. But you are not alone. 

The best advice I can give is, don't put needless pressure on yourself. Do not try to act happy when you need some space. Try to push any negative memories out of your head and take comfort with the good ones you have. Above all, take care of yourself and do what you can honor your feelings of loss. Include the people who are still in your life in doing something that you need as a gift from them.

Go to the cemetery. Make cards for those you lost. Watch a movie that was their favorite. Paint pictures of them, or collect pictures of things that mattered to them and make a collage. Pick something that will help you remember what this time of year is supposed to be all about.....a season of love.

The Sweetest Gift

Song by The Piano Guys

I'm not gonna lie

Christmas really hurts this time

Cause you're not here to celebrate with me

Tears fill my eyes

The memories flood my mind

As I place your ornament upon our tree

Although this year I have a broken heart

It gives me hope and joy as I remember where you are

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

You're with the Son of God

Got your picture in the frame

And a stocking with your name

Oh God knows it's been hard letting go

And I can't bring you back but I'll see you again

And all that thought is healing to my soul

I'll miss making angels with you in the snow

I guess instead you will be singing with them all around God's throne

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Cause you're with the Son of God

And I know the Christmas season was your favorite time of year

You loved to help us decorate our tree

But now that you're with Jesus

Can't imagine how you feel

'Cause he's the one who bleed and died

Upon the tree for you and me

You're with the Son of God

You're with the Prince of Peace

You're with the one who's celebrating

And that thought amazes me

Sometimes I still break down

Grieving that we're apart

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Yes, the sweetest gift is knowing where you are

Yes, the sweetest gift is knowing you're in his arms

You're with the Son of God

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Craig Aven 

Phil Collins - Since I Lost You 

It seems in a moment your whole world can shatter

Like morning dreams they just disappear

Like dust in your hand falling to the floor

Oh, how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since you've been gone

It's all too easy to take so much for granted

But it's so hard to find the words to say

Like a castle in the sand the water takes away

But how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since I've lost you

Oh, now you'll never see

Oh, you'll never know

All the things I planned for you

Things for you and me, oh

I held your hand so tightly

That I couldn't let it go

Now how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Since I've lost you

My heart girl, is broken in pieces

Oh, my heart is broken in pieces

Since you've been gone

My heart, I know, broken in pieces

Yes, my heart is broken in pieces

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Anthony Banks / Phil Collins / Michael Rutherford

Longfellow grieve too!

and the soul felt its worth

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 14, 2020

Wonder what it is like when you begin to heal what PTSD has harmed?

"A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices" 

When does this begin?

"...and the soul felt its worth"

Whenever I have to say what my favorite Christmas song is, it is O Holy Night, because I can listen to it all year round. We just celebrate the Birth of Christ on December 25 but the date He was actually born was not in the Bible. Scholars point to the fact about where He was born and say it was in the Spring, which would make a lot of sense. After all, we know that the Spring is when the world renews life.

"For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn" 

And then we see a new and glorious morning, when we are actually happy we have another day ahead of us, instead of dreading it.

But how do you get to the point where your soul feels its worth? When you've done and said horrible things, had terrible thoughts, it is hard to think about that day, How do get right with God? By faith and knowing that price was paid for long before you were even born.

To me it doesn't really matter when Christ was born. I know He was and why He was born. I know how He lived, what He taught, how He died and why He died, just as I know He came back to prove that He was who He said He was....the Son Of God.

Believing that, lets us know that our souls were worth all of what He went through to save us!

When you have PTSD, you were saved. Saved by people who came to help you, because you were worth it. Saved by people who came to help you afterwards, because you were worth it. And you have everything you need to heal already inside of you, especially if you got hit by PTSD because you risked your life for someone else.

There is nothing you cannot be forgiven for but the hardest one to get forgiveness from is yourself. Once you do that, then you believe you are worth being happy about being healed.

You live a different life. More compassionate, understanding, kinder, more hopeful and have more patience for others. You love more deeply.

"O hear the angels' voices"

Because He appeared so your soul could feel its worth!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it. #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth

Long lay the world, in sin and error pining

'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees

O hear the angels' voices

O night divine

O night when Christ was born

O night divine

O night

O night divine

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees

O hear the angels' voices

O night divine

O night when Christ was born

O night divine

O night divine (O night divine)

Ooh, yes it was (O night divine)

Yeah, that is that night of our dear Savior's birth

(O night divine) oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah

(O night divine) it was a holy, holy, holy, oh, oh, oh

(O night divine) yes, it was

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Traditional

O Holy Night lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing, Spirit Music Group, Royalty Network 

HANG ON! These thing take time.

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 13, 2020

HANG ON! These thing take time. Those are part of the lyrics from Needtobreathe's Hang On, and that is a message you need to reminded of when you are trying to heal PTSD, even though the song is not about PTSD.

It took time for everyone who ever healed and it will take time for you. It takes leaps of opened eyed faith to know that you can change how things are for you. You have to learn a way of healing that will take care of all the parts of you...your mind, your body and your spirit.

Things take time, so you also need patience with yourself and others. It took time for PTSD to change you and it will take time to change again. It takes time for you to understand, and it will take time for those around you to understand too. 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it. 

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

"Hang On"

First touch of summer, she's got your t-shirt on

Sun's going down, schools out, stars are coming on

You can rewind it, but you can't ever feel like you do tonight

Make a movie in your mind, but don't rush it

Boy, you're about to see the light

Hang on to the light in your eyes and the feeling

Hang on to your love drunk original reason

Hang on to the small town you love but you're leaving

Oh you won't be a fool for so long

So hang on 

If you listen to the voices inside they won't do you wrong

You can look back over your shoulder, yeah, but don't look too long

It takes time to realize

That your life's gonna pass you by

So hang on to the light in your eyes and the feeling

Hang on to your love drunk original reason

So hang on to the small town you love but you're leaving

'Cause you won't be a fool for so long

Oh, these things they take time

And all these things take time, these things they take time

And all these things I've learned, it's never a straight line

'Cause all these things take time, these things they take time

So hang on to the light in your eyes and the feeling

Hang on to your love drunk original reason

'Cause all these things take time, these things they take time

And all these things I've learned, it's never a straight line

So hang on to the light in your eyes and the feeling

So hang on to your love drunk original reason

So hang on to the small town you love but you're leaving

Oh you won't be a fool for so long

So hang on

(All these things they take time)

Hang on

(All these things they take time)

Hang on

(All these things they take time)

(AZ Lyrics) 

bonus song

Who Am I

White lights and desperation

Hard times and conversation

No one should ever love me like you do

Sometimes my bad decisions

Define my false suspicions

No one should ever love me like you do

While I'm on this road you take my hand

Somehow you really love who I really am

I push you away, still you won't let go

You grow your roses on my barren soul

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

Last night, confidence was shaken

My wounds and my past was saying

No one should ever love me like you do

While I'm on this road you take my hand

Somehow you really love who I really am

I push you away, still you won't let go

You grow your roses on my barren soul

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

The way I push you through it, what you had to see

I'm a train wreck, I'm a mess, you see the best

And the worst in me

Still I can't imagine that I've learned your trust

I don't understand where your love comes from

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Who am I, who am I, who am I

To be loved by you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Nathaniel Rinehart / William Rinehart

Who Am I lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing 

PTSD Patrol Superstition ain't the way

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 12, 2020

Do you still believe something that you don't understand? If you don't understand PTSD, then you probably believe a lot of things that are not true.

When people believe in lies, they either trust the person they heard it from...or they want to believe it, and then they suffer.

If you have PTSD, you are not mentally weak, not defective, not stuck that way, and not being punished by God. It means you survived something the others don't understand.

If you haven't learned what it is by now, that is your fault but there is a remedy for that and it is fixed by doing some basic research.

If you finally stopped denying you have PTSD and sought help, but the treatment didn't work, that does not mean you are untreatable. That is why there are so many different types of treatment.

If you went on medication that made you feel worse or you couldn't tolerate the side effects, that doesn't mean that you a beyond help. That is why there are many different medications and combinations.

If you went to a support group that didn't help, that doesn't mean you don't belong in a group, it just means you were in the wrong one. That is why there are many different groups out there.

These things are all there after over 40 years because they work! Keep looking for the one that works for  you and stop believing nonsense!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Five Common False Beliefs About Trauma from Psychology Today, Mary C. Vance, MD 

1. "So many people have had it worse than I did. I shouldn't be complaining."
2. "My trauma defines me. It affects everything I think, feel, and do."
3. "I don't have PTSD, so what happened couldn't have been that bad."
4. "They told me this therapy would be effective for PTSD, but it didn't help me at all. There must be something wrong with me."
5. "Getting over it is too hard. I'll be stuck like this forever."

Why do people knock on wood for luck?

In many cultures, it’s a common superstition for people to knock their knuckles on a piece of wood to bring themselves good fortune or ward off bad luck. Yet while the phrase “knock on wood”—or “touch wood” in Britain—has been part of the vernacular since at the least the 19th century, there seems to be little agreement on how it originated. One common explanation traces the phenomenon to ancient pagan cultures such as the Celts, who believed that spirits and gods resided in trees. Knocking on tree trunks may have served to rouse the spirits and call on their protection, but it could have also been a way of showing gratitude for a stroke of good luck. Yet another theory is that people knocked on wood to chase away evil spirits or prevent them from listening in when they boasted about their luck, thereby preventing a reversal of fortune. Christians, meanwhile, have often linked the practice to the wood of the cross from Christ’s crucifixion.

Very superstitious,

Writing's on the wall,

Very superstitious,

Ladders bout' to fall,

Thirteen month old baby,

Broke the lookin' glass

Seven years of bad luck,

The good things in your past

When you believe in things

That you don't understand,

Then you suffer,

Superstition aint the way

Hey

Very superstitious,

Wash your face and hands,

Rid me of the problem,

Do all that you can,

Keep me in a daydream,

Keep me goin' strong,

You don't wanna save me,

Sad is the soul

When you believe in things

That you don't understand,

Then you suffer,

Superstition ain't the way,

Yeh, yeh

Very superstitious,

Nothin' more to say,

Very superstitious,

The devil's on his way,

Thirteen month old baby,

Broke the lookin' glass,

Seven years of bad luck,

Good things in your past

When you believe in things

That you don't understand,

Then you suffer,

Superstition ain't the way,

No, no, no

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Stevie Wonder

Superstition lyrics © Jobete Music Co., Inc. 

God's Promise I Will Rescue You

PTDF Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 11, 2020

First, we need to face some facts. Some people suck. They are the last to help anyone but the first who expect help from everyone. They refuse to lift anyone up, but expect it from everyone else. While they have a soul, just like every other person on the planet, they refuse to be moved by it to help anyone unless they can get something out of it. They seek power, money, publicity and pats on the back. You know the type...because there are too many of them out there.

But the other fact is, there are more people out there, who care. They are the first to rush to help, and the last to ask for it. Most find it easier to ask for help for someone else, instead of for themselves. When they do need help, and as for it, but it does not come, it can be more devastating for them, because they will not be able to help someone else, unless someone rescues them.

I have been running into this all my life. While I'll help everyone in whatever way I can, most of the time I don't get any. I lost count how many times someone reached out to me online and promised they would help me financially and help me reach more people, but they never did. I blamed them, not God because I know God sent them to me in the first place, or they wouldn't have bothered to reach out at all.

We have God's promise He will not abandon us, but when the people He tries to send do not listen to Him, we end up blaming God and wonder what we did wrong. We have His promise that He will send an army to help us and it is not His fault they went AWOL. Don't lose faith in Him, because He does hear your prayers. Until He can get someone to help you, He will give you peace so that you know He is there and faithful, even though people are not. He will give you strength to get through whatever it is you are up against, so that you do not give up. 

If you have PTSD, know that He is trying to get people to help you. He is trying to get them to hear your cries for help and will not give up. Take what He can provide as a blessing until those who He is trying to send, show up!

Take comfort in this beautiful song because I know I did. I woke in a bad mood things morning and was lifted up by this song and Lauren Daigle's beautiful voice Rescue!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Lauren Daigle - Rescue (Official Music Video) 

You are not hidden

There's never been a moment

You were forgotten

You are not hopeless

Though you have been broken

Your innocence stolen

I hear you whisper underneath your breath

I hear your SOS, your SOS

I will send out an army to find you

In the middle of the darkest night

It's true, I will rescue you

There is no distance

That cannot be covered

Over and over

You're not defenseless

I'll be your shelter

I'll be your armor

I hear you whisper underneath your breath

I hear your SOS, your SOS

I will send out an army to find you

In the middle of the darkest night

It's true, I will rescue you

I will never stop marching to reach you

In the middle of the hardest fight

It's true, I will rescue you

I hear the whisper underneath your breath

I hear you whisper, you have nothing left

I will send out an army to find you

In the middle of the darkest night

It's true, I will rescue you

I will never stop marching to reach you

In the middle of the hardest fight

It's true, I will rescue you

Oh, I will rescue you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Paul Mabury / Lauren Daigle

Rescue lyrics © Essential Music Publishing