Legacy of Healing PTSD From My Dad

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 22, 2021

When I think about my Dad, I often wonder how he'd feel if he knew what he started back in 1982. All these later, the number of lives changed because he served in Korea and he never knew about them. I am a living legacy to him and his life.

About a week ago, I received a strange message on Facebook from a man claiming to have pictures of my Dad in Korea. He wrote things that had to be true, so I called him. His Dad served with mine. The twist to the story is that his Dad probably never knew he had a son born in Korea. Yesterday he sent me pictures I had never seen before and I thought about my Dad a lot more than usual.

My Mom and oldest brother went to stay with him when he was in Japan.

We were a normal family. Both of my brothers were born on Army bases. He was a Staff Sergeant. He left the Army before I was born but I was a typical Army brat. I also grew up with uncles who served in WWII. That was all normal to me. I didn't discover it was not usual to have a family full of veterans, or that having living room furniture from Japan was odd, until I was older.

When I met my current husband, I was already divorced and only 23. The night he met my husband, he said, "He seems like a really nice guy but he's got shell shock." My husband is a Vietnam veteran. I had no idea what he was talking about and when I asked him to explain it, he told me to go to the library because war changes people.

I spent all my free time at the library with clinical books and a dictionary, learning as much as I could. The more I learned, the more I fell in love. Not just with the man I would end up marrying, but loved my Dad more and all veterans. Now they call it PTSD.

My Dad started what turned out to be my life's work. Thousands of articles, books, videos, several websites and more, all started because of my Dad's life in the Army. Over the years, I've had many messages thanking me for what I do and to pass appreciation on to my husband for his service. I just wanted you to know, that had it not been for my Dad, I don't think any of this would have started.

This is why today the featured video is, Dan Fogelberg, The Leader Of The Band.

If you've sent me emails thanking me for what I do, and thanking my husband for his service, I wanted you to know that none of this would have happened if my Dad didn't understand what he saw in my husband. It is a good reminder that we never know how much we do change the world when we are willing to do what we can, when we can, when we are willing to try.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Leader of the Band / Washington Post March

Dan Fogelberg

An only child

Alone and wild

A cabinet maker's son

His hands were meant

For different work

And his heart was known

To none --

He left his home

And went his lone

And solitary way

And he gave to me

A gift I know I never

Can repay

A quiet man of music

Denied a simpler fate

He tried to be a soldier once

But his music wouldn't wait

He earned his love

Through discipline

A thundering, velvet hand

His gentle means of sculpting souls

Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs through

My instrument

And his song is in my soul --

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band.

My brothers' lives were

Different

For they heard another call

One went to Chicago

And the other to St. Paul

And I'm in Colorado

When I'm not in some hotel

Living out this life I've chose

And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music

And your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom

When it came my time to go --

I thank you for the kindness

And the times when you got tough

And, pap, I don't think I

Said 'I love you' near enough --

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs through

My instrument

And his song is in my soul --

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band

I am the living legacy

To the leader of the band.

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dan Fogelberg

Leader of the Band / Washington Post March lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Don't lose that number

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 21, 2021

When your life is falling apart, you know you need help. What if you have no one to ask to help you? Maybe you've had past experience with asking people to help you but they didn't. If you don't know anyone you know will help, then it is easy to think you don't deserve any. I've felt that way about a million times. It isn't that people I know won't help me, but they don't know how to help me.

When you have PTSD, most of the time people do care but they have no idea how to help. Most people have a hard time knowing how to just listen and let you talk. Most of the time, they have no idea how helpful it is to just get the words out of our mouths.

But if you've run out of people to call, tired of getting drunk, tired of crying and struggling to just get from one day to the next, you need someone you can call who does care and does know how to help!

Some people will remind you that you are not alone, but it doesn't help if you have your head in your hands sitting alone and don't know where to turn. It does help when people prove you are not alone and know how to help you get through the rough days a lot of people have. Don't lose those numbers! They are there to listen and help you through it!

Trust me because I know what it feels like to want to just give up. I know what it is like to be alone and don't know where to turn. I also know what it is like when I do find the help I need, when I need it, and from people who not only want to help me, they are trained to do it properly.

Your life can turn around too and you can pass it on when you feel better and you know, you are not alone at all.

Lifeline National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress.

This is why today the featured video is Rikki Don't Lose That Number!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Rikki Don't Lose That Number

Steely Dan 

We hear you're leavin', that's okay

I thought our little wild time had just begun

I guessed you kind of scared yourself, you turn and run

But if you have a change of heart

Rikki, don't lose that number

You don't wanna call nobody else

Send it off in a letter to yourself

Rikki, don't lose that number

It's the only one you own

You might use it if you feel better

When you get home

I have a friend in town, he's heard your name

We can go out driving on Slow Hand Row

We could stay inside and play games, I don't know

And you could have a change of heart

Rikki, don't lose that number

You don't wanna call nobody else

Send it off in a letter to yourself

Rikki, don't lose that number

It's the only one you own

You might use it if you feel better

When you get home

You tell yourself you're not my kind

But you don't even know your mind

And you could have a change of heart

Rikki, don't lose that number

You don't wanna call nobody else

Send it off in a letter to yourself

Rikki, don't lose that number

It's the only one you own

You might use it if you feel better

When you get home

Rikki, don't lose that number

Rikki, don't lose that number

Rikki, don't lose that number

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Becker Walter Carl / Fagen Donald Jay

Rikki Don't Lose That Number lyrics © American Broadcasting Music, Inc. 

Using my work as your own?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 20, 2021

Today I was on Facebook and almost fell off my chair when I saw something I did used to promote a group that is doing something I find sickening. Yes, they are doing suicide awareness! They used this image with my graphic. Topped off with sticking their logo all over it as if they owned it! I won't post their image here but you can find it on my other site.

This is the link to my post from 2013. It is one of the oldest ones I could find, but considering how long I've been doing this work, it could be even older. I do not put my name or logo on images unless I own the image. I don't even do it when I totally change the picture because the picture someone else took inspired me to do the message. I respect their work! I do put my name and logo on things I totally create but that doesn't stop people from just taking my work and removing my name. That not only shows they do not respect the work others have done, they do not respect the people they claim to be in business for.

This is why the featured video today is Respect Yourself sung by Melissa Etheridge.

This isn't a compliment. It is just one more time when work I've dedicated my life to since 1982, invested thousands of dollars into sharing, plus hundreds of hours training to do, along with all the other years of researching, countless phone calls and emails, plus all the videos, was just something for someone else to take from me.

Had this group asked for permission, like many others have, when they are doing something I think is repulsive, I would have told them no. Their mission is going in the wrong direction and the facts have proven this does not work. Saving lives requires more than a slogan. Groups like this are the reason veterans couldn't find me anymore and I had to give up on helping them. My heart couldn't take it anymore. It was being ripped out by continually being reminded of the publicity these groups get, and the number of suicides increasing.

Last year I decided since I survived over 10 events, I could help more people by opening this work up to everyone who has PTSD to give them hope and show them the way to #TakeBackYourLife, while all these groups do is talk about veterans as if they are just a number. A number they do not even come close to understanding.

I respected the veterans I was helping enough to provide them with what they needed to know. Like when I started posting about them committing suicide back in 2007. I thought all that was needed was for me to put together a powerful post that would get someone to change what was going on and then they could heal too. I never expect it to turn into a billion dollar industry with stunts! I respected then enough to give them the facts, so the only thing I posted was news reports and government reports. When those reports were wrong, I posted the truth and did rebuttals. 

In 2009, when the DOD was pushing their programs that were doomed to fail, I posted how it would increase suicides because it told service members they could "train their brains to be mentally tough" which they understood as having a weak mind if they ended up with PTSD.

If these groups do not respect veterans enough to tell them what they need to hear to stay alive, heal and be happier, do not respect those who came long before they were even wondering, then maybe you should consider if you should support them or not.

I am not doing a video today because you know how much I'd be swearing about all this! Check back tomorrow for a better attitude from me. (I hope)

Respect Yourself

If you disrespect anybody that you run in to

How in the world do you think anybody's s'posed to respect you

If you don't give a heck 'bout the man with the bible in his hand, y'all

Just get out the way, and let the gentleman do his thing

You the kind of gentleman that want everything your way, yeah

Take the sheet off your face, boy, it's a brand new day

Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself

If you don't respect yourself

Ain't nobody gonna give a good cahoot, na na na na

Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself

If you're walking 'round think'n that the world owes you something 'cause you're here

You goin' out the world backwards like you did when you first come here yeah

Keep talkin' bout the president, won't stop air pollution

Put your hand on your mouth when you cough, that'll help the solution

Oh, you cuss around women and you don't even know their names, no

Then you're dumb enough to think that'll make you a big ol' man

Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself

If you don't respect yourself

Ain't nobody gonna give a good cahoot, na na na na

Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself

Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself

Respect yourself, yeah yeah respect yourself, respect yourself yeah, respect yourself

You oughta you oughta respect yourself yeah, respect yourself

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Luther Thomas Ingram / Mack Rice

Respect Yourself lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 

Melissa Etheridge - "Respect Yourself" (Official Lyric Video)

UPDATE

I was just on their Facebook page where they have used this many times and found even more!

They used this slogan over and over again!

here is the link to my post from 2016, and yes, I messed up typing the date but have the Google Search result below.

They actually used this one when the post I did was attacking all the groups doing suicide awareness!

Here is the link to the post from 2016

And then they left me this question...

What they do not seem to know, goes along with everything else. They would have been able to know this was wrong if they bothered to look it up! 

From Copyright Alliance

There are three basic requirements that a work must meet to be protected by copyright. The work must be:
Original: To be original, a work must merely be independently created. In other words, it cannot be copied from something else. There is no requirement that the work be novel (as in patent law), unique, imaginative or inventive.
Creative: To satisfy the creativity requirement a work need only demonstrate a very small amount of creativity. Very few creations fail to satisfy this requirement.
Fixed: To meet the fixation requirement, a work must be fixed in a tangible medium of expression. Protection attaches automatically to an eligible work the moment the work is fixed. A work is considered to be fixed as long as it’s sufficiently permanent or stable to permit it to be perceived, reproduced, or otherwise communicated for a period of more than transitory duration.

If I do not create the image itself, take the picture or use Photoshop to make it, then I do not put my name on it. I only own the changes I make to the picture. In this case, We Are The 22 took my work and put their logo on them without the right to do it.

Why search for something after you found it?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 19, 2021


Why search for something after you found it? Maybe you need to because you think you lost it. If that is the case, then why did you lose it? Did you actually lose it? If the thing you lost is more than a thing, but is a person, that can be very rough. It isn't as if you can go out and replace the person with a duplicate. They will never be the same person you lost. This is why today the featured video is I'll Never Find Another You by The Seekers.

Many people came into and went out of my life for a lot of reasons. Some stayed in my life for decades. Some passed away. The fact is, none of them really left me. Each one changed me by adding something to my life or, taking something out of it. The truth is, looking back, I know I gained something from even the ones who hurt me. It made me love those who added to my life more deeply and appreciated them even more than I would have if I had never been hurt.

Is there someone in your life you love and loves you? You were brougt together for a reason. If you are suffering because of PTSD and it is a heavier burden than you can carry on your own, then you risk losing them. You are actually pushing them out of your life by not sharing what you feel. 

How many times have you read about a couple married for 50, 60 or 70 years and wonder how they did it? They did it because they shared their lives. All the good and all the bad and they stood by one another supporting them, because that is what love does. Does it mean it will be prefect? No, but it does mean it is strong. Isn't it time that you figured out you will never be able to find another one of "them" no matter what you do? If you do the right thing and trust them, share your burden with them, you won't have to look to replace them...because you won't lose them.

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I'll Never Find Another You

The Seekers

There's a new world somewhere

They call the promised land

And I'll be there someday

If you could hold my hand

I still need you there beside me

No matter what I do

For I know I'll never find another you

There is always someone

For each of us, they say

And you'll be my someone 

Forever and a day

I could search the whole world over

Until my life is through

But I know I'll never find another you

It's a long, long journey

So stay by my side

When I walk through the storm 

You'll be my guide, be my guide

If they gave me a fortune

My pleasure would be small

I could lose it all tomorrow

And never mind at all

But if I should lose your love, dear

I don't know what I'd do

For I know I'll never find another you

But if I should lose your love, dear

I don't know what I'd do

For I know I'll never find another you

Another you, another you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Tom Springfield

I'll Never Find Another You lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Make Someday Today

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 18, 2021

"Let's rewrite an ending that fits." Those words are from Nickelback Someday. If you've been saying that someday you'll get over what #PTSD is doing to you, how long have you been saying it? Someday you'll do something to change. How long are you willing to wait? How long do you think you'll try it the way it hasn't worked before you try another way? Someday?

How about you make someday today? The longer you take to decide it is time to #TakeBackYourLife, the more damage is done. Not just to you, but the people in your life are paying a price too. I've heard enough people say that they thought about committing suicide so they would stop being so unhappy and making everyone else in their family unhappy. It wasn't until they decided suicide would make their family take on a burden of pain they would be paying for with the rest of their lives. So much better to do what it takes to heal, than cover up you never really did from the event you survived.

So if you make changing your goal starting today, then tomorrow you can "rewrite an ending that fits." If you ever saw someone with PTSD at their worst, and then saw them after they healed, it is a beautiful thing to see. It is a testament to the human spirit and what can be accomplished, especially in someone who survived the thing that caused PTSD to hit them.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! #BreakTheSilence

Someday

Nickelback

How the hell'd we wind up like this?

And why weren't we able

To see the signs that we missed?

Try and turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists

And unpack your suitcase

Lately there's been too much of this

But don't think it's too late

Nothing's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow

I'm gonna make it alright but not right now

I know you're wondering when

(You're the only one who knows that)

Someday, somehow

I'm gonna make it alright but not right now

I know you're wondering when

Well, I'd hope that since we're here anyway

We could end up saying

Things we've always needed to say

So we could end up staying

Now the story's played out like this

Just like a paperback novel

Let's rewrite an ending that fits

Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow

I'm gonna make it alright but not right now

I know you're wondering when

(You're the only one who knows that)

Someday, somehow

I'm gonna make it alright but not right now

I know you're wondering when

(You're the only one who knows that)

How the hell'd we wind up like this?

And why weren't we able

To see the signs that we missed?

Try and turn the tables

Now the story's played out like this

Just like a paperback novel

Let's rewrite an ending that fits

Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow

I'm gonna make it alright but not right now

I know you're wondering when

(You're the only one who knows that)

Someday, somehow

I'm gonna make it alright but not right now

I know you're wondering when

(You're the only one who knows that)

I know you're wondering when

(You're the only one who knows that)

I know you're wondering when

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Chad Kroeger / Michael Kroeger / Ryan Peake / Ryan Vikedal

Someday lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc